Whether you have just started out in a new relationship or have been married for a while, it is important to know what will make your relationship work. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says that a threefold cord is not quickly broken. This Bible reading plan touches on 13 practical keys to help you put and keep God at the center of your relationship.
Jericho Walls International Prayer Network
Day 1
Scriptures: Psalms 31:24, Psalms 73:28, Proverbs 3:5, 1 Peter 5:7
First things first…
When starting out in a new relationship or in marriage, the hopes are very high. The expectations of each other are high. However, one of the first keys to a successful relationship is to understand that our own happiness does not depend on what the other person does or does not do. Every person has some good traits and some not so good ones. Something in you will disappoint others, and something in others will eventually disappoint you.
Key 1: Strengthen your own walk with God
Establishing any healthy relationship starts with establishing a healthy personal connection with God. The more you allow God to work in your own heart, the more He can work in your relationship. The modern-day thought is that religion should make up about ten percent of our lives. God does not require you to be religious, He wants a father-child relationship with you where you can share anything with Him and where He comforts your heart in everything.
QUESTIONS TO ASK
>> What priority does spending time with God and in the Word take in your life? Is the Holy Spirit perhaps putting His finger on your devotional times with Him today?
>> Do you feel safe in sharing anything and everything with the Lord in prayer?
>> Take some time in prayer now to speak to the Lord about the things in your heart.
Day 2
Scriptures: James 5:16, 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Key 2: Pray for each other
When things are going well, it is easy to pray for each other. The moment, however, when there are differences in opinion, or contentions regarding conduct, and “not so gracious words” are shared, it becomes more challenging to pray for the other person. It is easy to fall into the trap of complaining about them to God in prayer. It is easy to start accusing their conduct, words, or behavior before God in prayer. It is easy to see yourself as the “victim” in a given situation.
The opposite is also true. It is said that if you pray for someone, you become spiritually attached to each other. As you choose to bless the other person spiritually, it influences not only their spiritual well-being, but also their emotional well-being.
QUESTIONS TO ASK
>> How easy do you find it to pray for your partner?
>> Honestly speaking, do your prayers currently include accusations or complaints before God about your partner?
>> Ask the Holy Spirit to show you anything displeasing to the Lord in your attitude towards your partner. Admit it to Him and ask for His forgiveness.
>> Ask the Lord to give you His words and thoughts to pray for your partner.
Day 3
Scriptures: Matthew 18:18-20, Hebrews 10:24-25
Key 3: Pray together
Surely, you are familiar with the saying: “A family that prays together stays together.” If you plan to be a family someday or are a family already and have not yet done so, then starting a prayer habit now is very valuable. Discuss and agree on keeping a time of prayer together as a couple, at least once a day if possible. Make it a habit to bring all your concerns, struggles, and also joys before the Lord. As you hear the other person pray, you come to know their burden, their struggle, and also their joys. It brings a tenderness in your own heart when you hear someone else pray with compassion.
Praying together also builds an expectation for what God is going to do! Every time He answers a prayer our faith grows and becomes stronger.
Key 4: Go to church
Scripture encourages us not to stay away from the meetings of the church. It really honors the Lord when a couple goes to church together. If you are not currently part of a congregation, ask the Lord where you can become part of a community of believers. This is an example to other couples and will one day be for your children.
QUESTIONS TO ASK
>> It can feel very awkward to pray together the first time. Discuss it with each other and decide why you want to pray together. What are your expectations for when you pray together. Discuss practical things like, who is going to pray first, what are we going to pray about, what would you like me to pray for you, etc.
Day 4
Scriptures: Psalms 119:9, Hebrews 4:12-16
Key 5: Read the Bible together
Every morning, I bring my hubby coffee in bed. Then he reads us a verse of his choice, just one. Or he might share something he read from the Bible, e.g. a parable. Then we discuss it—what it means—how it applies to our lives, etc. Throughout the day we will recall this verse or passage and keep on talking about it. It is a wonderful way to engage Scripture in a spontaneous way throughout the day without it becoming a religious ritual. Ask the Lord what will work best for your relationship, and enjoy reading, thinking, and discussing passages from Scripture together.
Key 6: Check your attitude
A healthy relationship does not require you to change your personality, but it motivates you to change bad attitudes. Statistics on Broken relationships list “pride” as one of the top reasons. This is where one or both individuals find it hard to admit mistakes and apologize first. Beware that the enemy wants you to view each other as an “enemy.” Ask the Lord to help both of you to be humble and respectful towards one another as a rule.
QUESTIONS TO ASK
>> What way will work best for you as a couple to engage Scripture in a meaningful way?
>> Discuss with your partner how you can or want to handle possible future conflicts. Build in some things you agree on to help you always treat each other with respect and honor when having disagreements.
Day 5
Scriptures: Psalms 27:4, Psalms 31:24, 1 Peter 5:10
Key 7: Help each other grow in your relationship with God.
If only one of you gives importance to the spiritual condition of your relationship, then it will not be balanced, and the “boat” will sink on the side of the unbelieving. Make it a goal as a couple to help each other grow in faith especially when one of you is weak. Do not just remind each other to pray, read the Bible, or go to church—but do them together.
Key 8: Be reminded that your partner is fearfully and wonderfully made by God.
At times when you are tempted to compare your partner to someone you think to be better, or you wish they were someone else, please remember that the same God who created you as a unique person is the same God who created him/her as well. Appreciate your partner for who they are, because like you, they are loved and special to the Lord.
QUESTIONS TO ASK
>> Be honest before the Lord—do you wish your partner to be like someone else? Or do you constantly compare them with someone else? Speak to Him about these thoughts and ask the Holy Spirit to show you your partner from His perspective.
Day 6
Scripture: 1 Corinthians 1:31
Key 9: Apply 1 Corinthians 13
A wonderful idea is to decide on some time out together as a couple, say about 2-3 hours at least. Take along your Bibles and a notebook. Start reading 1 Corinthians 13 together. Slowly read one verse at a time, then discuss it, and see how you can apply it in your relationship. Make some notes of what stands out to both of you. Then move on to the next verse. Pray together at the end, asking the Holy Spirit to help you walk in LOVE towards one another. You can repeat this exercise from time to time to refresh your memory, but also to add more ideas that will help you grow together as a couple.
Key 10: Build in some safeguards
When we started out in ministry, our ministry leader sat us down and said: “I want to tell you something very important today. My door always stands open to the two of you. Whenever either one of you struggles with something with regards to the other and it seems impossible to solve, you are welcome to come to me. I will not judge you. I will pray with you until God gives you the breakthrough.” I cannot begin to tell what that meant to us as a young couple. Throughout the years we were able to offer that same support to many others. It helps to have someone you can trust with a difficult matter, when the world feels upside down.
QUESTIONS TO ASK
>> Do you have trusted people you can invite to speak into your relationship from a godly perspective? Someone who will not take “one side,” but will guide you both to walk in God’s will for your relationship?
>> Do you have someone who will pray for your relationship or marriage when you go through a difficult patch until you are out on the other side?
>> If there is no one you feel comfortable asking to speak into your lives, ask the Lord for such a couple to come alongside you.
Day 7
Scriptures: Hebrews 13:4, Ephesians 5:5, 1 Corinthians 6:2, 1 Corinthians 7:2
Key 11: Wait until marriage
Moving in together and trying out life together to see if we are compatible has become common practice, even sometimes among believers. No one can stop you from living together like a married couple. However, having sex outside of marriage does something to a relationship that is difficult to explain. It will spark unnecessary vulnerabilities such as trust and security that can lead to many conflicts and contentions. If we choose to honor God’s intention with marriage, that it is sacred and special and holy; it also does something to a relationship. It brings stability, security, safety, and a feeling of being shielded from the attacks of this world. It is a fact that children conceived within marriage respond differently to life than those conceived outside of marriage. You and your partner have the opportunity to do what is honoring God, honoring one another, and preparing a safe home emotionally, spiritually, and physically for any future children.
If you are sure that the Lord has put you together as a couple and that you want to spend the rest of your lives together, then get married! It does not have to be expensive. Honor the Lord.
QUESTIONS TO ASK
>> If you and your partner are still unmarried, but are already living together like husband and wife, have an open discussion on this from a Biblical point of view.
>> Ask the Lord to guide you in what to do about it. Repent before the Lord of anything in your relationship that is not pleasing to Him.
>> Decide together what changes you want to make in your relationship and regarding your future.
Day 8
Scripture: Matthew 6:1-4
Key 12: Make a difference together
People’s skills can differ quite a bit, but that does not make it impossible for you as a couple to serve the Lord together. You do not have to do the same thing, but you can do it together! Some of the times you can join, serve, and enjoy your partner as they thrive in their gifts and calling. At other times your partner can do the same for you, or you can become involved in the same outreach. This can be at church, in your city, cross-culturally, or taking a missions trip together. Take time to discuss what would work best in your relationship to fulfil the call of God on both your lives.
Key 13: Treat each other with respect
Putting God first and at the center of your relationship does not make any one of the two of you perfect! It does, however, help you to view one another with grace (for the shortcomings), and respect (for the special gifts). When your relationship hurts, do not give up. Take it to the Lord in prayer as a couple and ask for His help.
QUESTIONS TO ASK
>> Write down all 13 these keys in your journal.
>> In six months’ time, revisit these 13 keys to put God at the center of your relationship. Keep returning to that which works in your relationship and work on the ones that can add more glory to the Lord through you as a couple.