5 Days to a Fresh Start: Rebuilding After Divorce or Separation

Scriptures: Genesis 16:7-8, John 8:12, Isaiah 40:29-31, Philippians 4:6-7

Day 1

Running From the Mess

The angel of the Lord found Hagar beside a spring of water in the wilderness, along the road to Shur. The angel said to her, ‘Hagar, Sarai’s servant, where have you come from, and where are you going?’ ‘I’m running away from my mistress, Sarai,’ she replied. (Genesis 16:7-8)

Sometimes, the most attractive solution to a problem or uncomfortable situation is to escape. For example, when walking through my divorce, I frequently said, “I just want to run away.” Unfortunately, when reality set in and I realized the many responsibilities and people depending on me—children, car and mortgage payments, and other commitments—the dream of my great escape became a fleeting thought.

Navigating through separation and a divorce can feel like an endless nightmare. A significant part of my healing journey was to acknowledge and embrace the intense feelings and challenges that come with separation and divorce rather than try to flee from them.

Ignoring those legal documents, pretending the betrayal didn’t happen, or minimizing the pain didn’t make my heartache and despair disappear. While pretending could be a short-term way to deal with the suffering, it’s not the long-term healing strategy God has in mind. He has a way of derailing our plans to escape.

In Genesis 16, Hagar, Sarah’s servant, decides to run away because her situation takes an unexpected detour when she becomes the solution to Abraham and Sarah’s infertility problem. Hagar became Abraham’s second wife and got pregnant, and her relationship with her mistress became complicated. The tension caused her tremendous emotional pain, including rejection, betrayal, abandonment, and fear. Even though the mess Hagar endured was not all her fault, God was still faithful to Hagar and blessed her despite it all.

In verses 9-13, Hagar receives a powerful promise from God through an angel. He saw the messy situation and had a better escape plan than her plan of not facing the mess. Hagar learned to trust God to receive His promised blessing. But before trust came, she needed to face her fears, learn how to navigate uncomfortable situations, and swallow her pride.

Like He did with Hagar, God will empower you to face the mess your separation or divorce is causing, even as you process and walk through it. He has a beautiful restorative plan designed just for you. Hagar’s courage and the blessings God provided for her throughout her life can encourage us to trust Him as we face our messy moments.

Promises During Messy Times

•Promise of Guidance. John 8:12: “Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, ‘I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.’”

•Promise of Power and Strength. Isaiah 40:29-31: “He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.”

•Promise of Peace. Philippians 4:6-7: “Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”

Scriptures: 1 Samuel 16:7, Isaiah 40:31, Isaiah 41:10, Isaiah 61:3

Day 2

You’re More Valuable Than You Think

But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’ (1 Samuel 16:7)

After neglecting my BBQ smoker for more than eight years, it had become a sorry sight. Faded, rusted, and weighing a hefty 300 pounds, the smoker had seen better days. The inside was coated with baked-on grime, mold, and other unsavory substances.

I tried to find a new home for my outdoor oven, but no one was interested in taking this ugly piece of junk off my hands. With no takers, I decided to dispose of the smoker at the dump. I made plans for the smoker to be hauled away, but on the scheduled day, I received a text message canceling the pickup. Frustration washed over me when I realized I couldn’t get rid of this eyesore.

A week later, during a visit from my professional BBQ enthusiast friend, I mentioned my plan to get rid of my neglected smoker. To my surprise, he advised me not to give it away. He educated me about the value of my equipment by explaining that despite its cosmetic flaws, this was a relic with a solid foundation and could be easily restored at a minimal cost. He even generously offered to help me fix the unit.

Inspired by my friend’s expertise and guidance, we dove into the two-week restoration project with enthusiasm. We rolled up our sleeves and worked tirelessly, repairing the smoker, and giving it a fresh makeover. Bit by bit, the smoker began to regain its former glory until, finally, looking almost as good as new.

While I admired the beautifully restored BBQ project, I couldn’t help but draw parallels to my life. Like the smoker, I had experienced my fair share of wear and tear over the years, and my value may not have been apparent to others and myself at times. However, through this restoration process, I learned a valuable lesson about God’s restorative plan for my life.

Just as my friend saw the hidden potential in the worn-out smoker and helped restore it to its former greatness, I realized God sees the same in me. Despite my imperfections and past mistakes, He plans to restore and renew me, to bring out my true value and potential. This experience was a powerful reminder not to judge a book by its cover but to trust in the restorative power of God’s love and grace in my life.

After restoring the smoker, I gleaned some truths about God’s restorative plan for my life:

• God sees beyond my flaws and faults and recognizes my true potential. I need to surround myself with people who also see my value and encourage my potential, lift me, and support me.

• Because something looks worn down doesn’t mean it’s not worth restoring. I must continue to believe in God’s ability to restore the areas of my life that feel lost or stolen.

It’s crucial not to lose hope prematurely, even when the storms of life have left me feeling beaten up, and my dreams and goals may seem rusty and faded.

• The restoration process takes time, effort, and hard work. I need to invest the time and energy to sand off the rust and clean up the ugliness in my life. Restoration may require using high-powered tools to tackle deeper issues beyond the surface level, but with perseverance and determination, I can make progress.

Just like restoring an old, rusty smoker, the process of your restoration may also come with challenges. Don’t give up. Be willing to put in the hard work, use the right tools, and take the time needed to bring out the true beauty and potential of your life. When God steps into our circumstances, He gives us spiritual eyes to see ourselves in a new light. We begin to see our true worth and value, and we realize that our past experiences or failures do not define our identity.

With God’s guidance and grace, we can emerge from the restoration process stronger, wiser, and with a renewed sense of purpose.

Promises for Renewal and Restoration

• Promise of Soaring. Isaiah 40:31: “But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”

• Promise of Comfort. Isaiah 41:10: “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”

• Promise of Blessings. Isaiah 61:3: “To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.”

Scriptures: Matthew 6:6, 1 Corinthians 2:9, Psalms 91:1-2, Psalms 27:5, Psalms 31:19-20

Day 3

Shutting Off the Noise

But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you. (Matthew 6:6)

You know, amidst all the noise surrounding us, the accusations, and the attacks, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. We want to hit the mute button on life but are sometimes unsure how. Well, here’s the thing: God’s got a secret place just for us. This spot is for us and Him, away from all the noise and distractions. In this place, we can take a break from all the chaos, find rest, and rediscover the rhythm of our lives.

God reminds us of our true worth and value in this sacred place. It’s also where we can find peace, healing, and a fresh sense of purpose. We can be still, listen to God’s voice, and remember that we are cherished children of God, deserving of love and grace. So, let’s take refuge in His presence, silence the noise, and let Him restore and guide us toward a brighter future. Just imagine God saying this to you:

“Let’s create a secret place for us if you haven’t already. I’ll meet you there, offering rest, peace, and everything you need. You can make it special and choose the place—a room, a closet, your car, the park, or even the floor. I’ll be waiting, ready to hear you out. I love being invited into your secret place! You don’t need fancy words; a simple request for my presence works. I only ask two things:

1. Don’t hesitate to come to me, even if you feel unworthy or unsure.

2. Turn off all distractions before we chat. Our secret place is where we’ll connect deeply. I want to share some amazing things with you. 1 Corinthians 2:9 says, ’No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and mind has imagined what I have prepared for those who love me.’ When you pray to me in secret, I will see and hear only you. The rewards you’ll obtain won’t be hidden, but you and others will witness you becoming a strong rock connected to me, empowering you to overcome anything.”

Promises in the Secret Place

•Promise of Safety and Rest. Psalm 91:1-2: “Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him.”

•Promise of Concealment and Protection. Psalm 27:5: “For he will conceal me there when troubles come; he will hide me in his sanctuary. He will place me out of reach on a high rock.”

•Promise of Goodness. Psalm 31:19-20: “How great is the goodness you have stored up for those who fear you. You lavish it on those who come to you for protection, blessing them before the watching world. You hide them in the shelter of your presence, safe from those who conspire against them. You shelter them in your presence, far from accusing tongues.”

Scriptures: Proverbs 8:13, Psalms 51:17, 2 Chronicles 7:14, Psalms 147:6

Day 4

How Did This Happen?

All who fear the LORD will hate evil. Therefore, I hate pride and arrogance, corruption, and perverse speech. (Proverbs 8:13)

Reflecting on my divorce, I often find myself pondering over how the marriage all came apart; how a bond I believed was unbreakable could simply crumble into nothingness. At the core of this shattered relationship was our pride —stubborn desires to always be right, to control, to come out on top. In the end, it was selfishness that stood at the heart of our broken relationship.

According to the Bible, Satan, once described as the model of perfection, ultimately embraced evil. His character shifted from perfect to evil due to his pride and desire for power. This led God to cast him out of heaven and impose a death sentence on him.

In a message sent to the Prince of Tyre (interpreted as Satan) in Ezekiel 28:11-19 (MSG), God provides insight into the reasons behind Satan’s fall from grace:

Satan was adorned with splendor and positioned as an anointed cherub in Eden. He embodied perfection. However, pride led to his downfall. His misuse of wisdom for personal gain and corrupt actions resulted in violence and sin, prompting his expulsion from God’s presence. Ultimately, Satan’s once magnificent form was reduced to ashes, a stark testament to the consequences of pride and corruption.

Pride led to Satan’s expulsion from heaven and often sits at the heart of marital breakdowns. Recognizing pride can be discerned through phrases such as “I need,” “I deserve,” or “I desire.” Given pride’s ability to dethrone an anointed cherub, it’s crucial for us to be vigilant in not harboring pride within ourselves.

Pride manifests itself when we think we are above obedience to God’s Word, we assume we can live independently from Him, or we become unsatisfied with His blessings. Satan took his position in heaven for granted and lost everything. The antidote to pride is humility.

Humility prioritizes not what I need and deserve but what God thinks and deserves. The difference between pride and humility becomes clear when facing challenging situations. Pride tends to resist and blame others, while humility seeks unity and values the opinions of others. Despite the difficulties arising when a relationship fractures, it is crucial to strive for humility.

Consider trying a more humble approach when faced with situations tempting a prideful response. This might involve pausing to view the situation objectively, demonstrating empathy and understanding, and considering the needs and feelings of all involved. This way, you might find solutions that work for everyone rather than just pushing for your way. Instead of rushing to get what you want, take the time to listen to the other person’s point of view and aim for a win-win solution. Listening and pursuing peace always leads to a much better outcome.

Promises When We Embrace Humility

•Promise of Acceptance. Psalm 51:17: “The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.”

•Promise of Healing. 2 Chronicles 7:14: “Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.”

•Promise of Support. Psalm 147:6: “The Lord supports the humble, but he brings the wicked down into the dust.”

Scriptures: Psalms 56:3-4, John 14:27, 1 John 4:18, Proverbs 29:25

Day 5

Cover All Access Points

But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. I praise God for what he has promised. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me? (Psalm 56:3-4)

I used to harbor a fear that I was too embarrassed to talk about openly. But I’ve decided to share it now because I’ve worked through it, and I hope my story can encourage others.

One morning, a mouse scurried out from under my bed. Encountering a mouse has always been one of my biggest fears and seeing one in my bedroom worsened matters. The tiny rodent disrupted my life, forcing me to move out of my bedroom, spend money on traps, and even hire a pest control company. I found myself tiptoeing around my house, holding my breath, being constantly on edge, and fearing the mouse would appear at any moment, surprising me with a “Boo!”

Eventually, the little mouse got caught, and my house was cleared of him and all evidence of his visit, but I was still mortified. Weeks later, the Lord asked me a simple question: “When will you move back into your room?” I said, “I’m not sure.” But He assured me I didn’t have to worry about the mouse. Reflecting on my reaction to the mouse, I realized some important things about fear:

•True Freedom Comes Through Facing Fear: I confronted my fear head-on when I came face-to-face with the mouse. I caught it on a sticky trap by the tail, but my attempt to use bug spray to drown it only made it struggle harder. The mouse broke free from the trap and ran into an opening in my cabinet. I discovered his hiding place.

•Uncover the Entry Points of Fear: Seeing the mouse escape into the cabinet upset me, so I turned to the Lord for guidance. He told me to cover all access points. I sealed off garage doors, cracks, and cabinets to prevent further entry.

•Overcoming Fear Is Possible: I realized my fear was based on false assumptions. There had been no evidence of a mouse in my home for weeks. With renewed trust in the Lord’s protection, I finally moved back into my room, taking a step of faith despite my lingering fear.

Have faith because God cares about every aspect of your life, including the things you may be hesitant to discuss, such as your broken relationship. You can approach God, your loving Father, who will provide you the courage to confront and overcome your greatest fear. Trust in his unwavering support and guidance as you navigate through this challenging time in your life.

Promises When We Face Fear

•Promise of Peace. John 14:27: “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.”

•Promise of Love. 1 John 4:18: “Such love has no fear because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.”

•Promise of Assurance. Proverbs 29:25: “Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the LORD means safety.”