7 Biblical Principles for Resolving Conflict at Work

Scriptures: Psalms 34:14, Hebrews 12:14, Matthew 18:21-35, Colossians 1:19-20, Psalms 103:8, Ephesians 2:14-16, Isaiah 53:5, John 14:27, Matthew 5:9, Matthew 5:21-48, Matthew 6:14, Matthew 7:1-5, 1 Peter 3:11, Romans 5:10, Romans 5:1

In his excellent book The Peacemaker (which was hugely influential in my writing of this devotional plan), author Ken Sande defines conflict as “a difference in opinion or purpose that frustrates someone’s goals or desires.” 

With that definition as our guide, it’s easy to see that “conflict” is everywhere in our work. But the command to make peace is everywhere in God’s Word. 

After declaring “Blessed are the peacemakers,” Jesus went on to dedicate hugeportions of the Sermon on the Mount to the art of resolving conflict (see Matthew 5:21-26, 38-41, 43-48, 6:14, and 7:1-5). Commenting on that sermon, pastor Tony Merida says, “Clearly being a peacemaker is a big deal to Jesus!” 

It was also a big deal to Jesus’s followers. As Ken Sande points out, “every Epistle in the New Testament contains a command to live at peace with one another.” Take 1 Peter 3:11 as just one example. Peter says believers “must seek peace and pursue it.” 

I am not a natural peacemaker. And I’m willing to bet that you’d admit the same. So, what will compel us to pursue peace per Christ’s command? That brings me to the first biblical principle for resolving conflict at work… 

Principle #1: Praise the Prince of Peace for the grace and mercy he has shown you. 

You and I were once God’s enemies (see Romans 5:10). But “since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ” (see Romans 5:1). And staring at the peace Christ has secured for us is the key to sharing peace with others (see Matthew 18:21-35). 

What does it look like practically to stare at the peace we’ve been given? Here are three ideas. 

First, get on your knees and remember what God has saved you from. One of my closest friends starts every day this way as a means of praising the Prince of Peace. 

Second, add a time of confession to your quiet time routine. Why? Because as Paul David Tripp points out, “No one gives grace better than [the one] who humbly admits that he desperately needs it himself.” 

Finally, breathe in grace and mercy. Sande says that Christians ought to be people who “breathe grace” in conflict. But “we cannot breathe out what we have not breathed in.” So, try this physical practice. Literally exhale slowly as you confess your sins. Then breathe in slowly as a means of physically representing the life-giving peace that Christ secured on your behalf at Calvary.

Scriptures: Matthew 5:21-26, 2 Corinthians 2:12-13, Romans 12:18, Hebrews 12:14

I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve been waiting eight years for someone to make the first move in pursuing peace with me. 

From my perspective, this person is the “more guilty” party in our conflict (whatever that means). But Romans 12:18 has convicted me to take the first step toward peace. This verse is also the source of the second of seven biblical principles I’m sharing for resolving conflict at work…. 

Principle #2: Make the First Move to resolve any conflict. 

This principle is directly connected to the first one we explored yesterday to “Praise the Prince of Peace for the grace and mercy he has shown you.” If Jesus waited for the guilty party to make the first move in resolving conflict, you and I would be eternally dead in our sin. 

But Christ did move first. He pursued peace with us while we rejected him. And so, to follow Jesus fully includes following his example to blaze trails of peace with others. This is why Paul said, “As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (see Romans 12:18). Hebrews 12:14 says the same thing: “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy.” The call here is proactive rather than reactive in the image of Christ. 

What conflict is nagging at your attention most today? Is it a team member you’re frustrated with for missing a deadline? Is it a boss whose stubborn opinion on a policy infuriates you? Is it a client who you’ve heard has been speaking poorly about you behind your back? Whatever it is, resolve to make the first move to pursue peace. To make this more practical, allow me to suggest you take a couple of minutes to complete these four actions. 

First, create a note in a place that will be easily accessible throughout this plan. It could be a note on your phone, desktop, journal—wherever. 

Second, write down the name of the person you’ve been thinking of during this devotional. The one you have the most unresolved conflict with. Can’t think of anyone? Think about who you don’t want to see on Zoom, in the breakroom, or at the grocery store today. That’s the name! 

Third, jot down Romans 12:18 underneath their name to remind yourself of the biblical call for you to make the first move in pursuing peace. 

Fourth, pray for the name on your list and ask the Lord for wisdom as you pursue peace with them. Tomorrow, we’ll get even more practical about what God’s Word says about how to do exactly that!

Scriptures: Ephesians 4:1-3, Colossians 3:12-14, James 1:19, Proverbs 14:29, Proverbs 15:1, Proverbs 19:11, Matthew 19:16-22, proverbs 27:5, James 1:5

We’re in a devotional plan exploring seven biblical principles for resolving conflict at work. Here’s the third… 

Principle #3: Resolve to Overlook or Address the offense that has caused a lack of peace between you and someone else. 

You may be surprised to learn that Scripture commends overlooking certain offenses, but it’s there in black and white (see Proverbs 19:11). And I think we see evidence of this in the life of Christ. 

Take Jesus’s exchange with the “rich young ruler.” After Jesus pointed to God’s commands such as the ones to “not murder,” and “not commit adultery,” the young man said, “All these things I have kept from my youth” (see Matthew 19:16-22). To which Jesus must have thought, “Really?” 

While this man may not have technically murdered or cheated on his wife, Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount made clear that no human (save Christ himself) is capable of keeping those commandments perfectly. Jesus undoubtedly saw pride and spiritual blindness in this young man’s heart. But he chose “to overlook [the] offense” in this particular interaction. 

So yes, sometimes we’d be wise to overlook an offense. But other times, we’d be wise to address an offense that is leading to a lack of peace (see Proverbs 27:5). How can we discern when to overlook and when to address an offense that is causing conflict? Here are three steps. 

#1: Write down the offense as clearly as you can. Because as Charles Kettering once said, “A problem well stated is a problem half solved.” Go back to the note I encouraged you to start yesterday and complete this sentence: “I feel a lack of peace with [Name] because…” And be as detailed as you can about why you feel a lack of peace towards this person. 

#2: Pray for wisdom on whether to address or overlook the offense. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” 

#3: Ask yourself these diagnostic questions.

• Does the offense dishonor God? 
• Has the offense damaged my relationship with the person? 
• Has this person’s actions hurt themselves or others? 
• Was the offending action done intentionally? 
• Is the offending action a recurring issue? 
• If I overlook the offense, will I continue to dwell on it? 

If the answer to all of these questions is “no,” then it’s probably wise to overlook the issue which, according to Ken Sande, “involves a deliberate decision not to talk about it, dwell on it, or let it grow into pent-up bitterness or anger.” 

If you can do that, praise God! If not, we’ve got some more work to do together tomorrow.

Scriptures: James 4:1-2, Luke 6:41-42, Romans 2:1, Matthew 7:3-5

Out of nowhere, my colleague blindsided me with a super offensive comment—the kind of remark that could have easily destroyed our relationship. 

I was furious and wanted nothing more than to retaliate. But by God’s grace, I took some time to see “the plank” in my own eye and realized that I had contributed greatly to the conflict. 

I went to my friend and apologized for my part in the disagreement. And before I could even address how he had offended me, my friend offered up a sincere apology of his own. Today, our personal and professional relationship is stronger than ever. 

This is an example of what Ken Sande calls the “Golden Result,” which is a corollary to the “Golden Rule.” As the expert peacemaker explains in his book, The Peacemaker, “If we blame others for a problem, they will usually blame in return. But if we say, ‘I was wrong,’ it is amazing how often the response will be, ‘It was my fault too.’” 

How does God often bring about the Golden Result in conflict? By his people following this biblical principle… 

Principle #4: Pluck the Plank from your own eye before you address the offense of another. 

Commenting on Jesus’s words about “planks” and “specks” in Matthew 7:3-5, pastor Tony Merida says this: “Our assessment of the other person [in a conflict] is wrong…because something is blurring or blocking our vision. And it’s not a speck—it’s a 2 x 4! Jesus is saying our vision…in the midst of conflict is totally compromised when we fail to assess ourselves first.” 

So, how practically do we go about plucking the plank from our own eye? Here are three ideas. 

First, accept Jesus’s premise that you are the primary contributor to the problem. Again, here’s Merida: “While we most often think the other person has the log and we have the speck (‘Sure, I can own up to about 10 percent of this conflict, but they are most certainly creating 90 percent of it!’), Jesus flips this assumption around!” 

Second, ask God for supernatural humility to see how you’ve contributed to the conflict. 

Finally, journal about how you may have contributed to the conflict in the note I’ve been encouraging you to build throughout this plan. Need some help? Journal through these questions: 

• What underlying desire do I have that this person is allegedly blocking? Is that desire God-honoring? 
• What habitual sins, fears, insecurities, or past wounds might be fueling my reaction to this conflict? 
• If a wise, Christ-like mentor observed this conflict, what planks might they see in my own eye? 
• In what ways can I demonstrate Christ’s work in me by owning my part in this conflict? 

I’m praying those practices put you on a path to pursuing peace with those you work with today!

Scriptures: Matthew 5:38-48, Luke 6:27-28, Romans 12:14-21, Romans 12:17-21, 1 Peter 3:9, Proverbs 25:21-22, Galatians 6:10, Ezekiel 36:26-27, Psalms 51:10, Philippians 2:1-4, James 5:20

We’re in a devotional plan exploring 7 biblical principles for resolving conflict at work. And let me tell you, this is as much for me as it is for you as I am not naturally good at pursuing peace. 

For example, years ago, I worked with someone (let’s call him Ryan) whose poor management caused me significant financial pain. Did I address the conflict? Not really. Because I knew I wouldn’t have to work with Ryan again, so I found it easier to just “write him off.” 

I’m ashamed to admit how I handled that situation because Luke 6:27-28 convicts me of how incredibly unChristlike my response was. Jesus said, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” 

Jesus calls us not only to avoid retaliation but to love, bless, and do good to those we have conflict with. If I had sought to bless Ryan, I would have addressed the conflict graciously to serve him and his future clients. 

But that requires a heart transformed by God’s love, which is one of the reasons why I believe the psalmist prayed, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10). Before addressing conflict, we need to embrace the 5th principle for resolving conflict at work… 

Principle #5: Prepare Your Heart to bless the person you are in conflict with. 

How can you do that for a person you feel a lack of peace with at work today? Here are three practices. 

First, ask God for a heart that longs more to bless than to blame the person you’re confronting. Pray for Christ-like love that leads you to look primarily to their interests rather than your own (see Philippians 2:1-4). 

Second, pray for the person you’re in conflict with. Right now, right where you’re at, obey Jesus’s command to “pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:28). 

Finally, write down one practical thing you can do to bless this person. Is your conflict with a team member who’s missing deadlines? Bless them by gifting a time management resource you’ve found helpful. Did a co-worker take credit for your work? “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21) by publicly praising their contribution to the team. 

And don’t forget: Simply addressing conflict is a way to bless the person you have conflict with (see James 5:20). How can we graciously do that? That’s the question we’ll answer tomorrow!

Scriptures: Ephesians 4:15, 1 Peter 3:9, Luke 6:27-28, Romans 12:14, 1 Corinthians 4:12-13, James 5:20, Luke 17:3, 1 Thessalonians 5:14, 2 Timothy 2:24, 2 Timothy 4:2, Colossians 4:5-6, Titus 1:13, 1 Timothy 5:1, 2 Corinthians 2:12-13, 2 John 1:12, Matthew 18:15-17

Colossians 4:5-6 points us to the 6th biblical principle for resolving conflict at work… 

Principle #6: Address the Conflict with Grace that flows out of the grace you’ve been shown by Christ. 

As we saw a few days ago, sometimes we’re called to overlook an offense. But when we sense God prompting us to address it, we must do so graciously. This includes grace in our motives, methods, and mediums of communication. 

First, motives. Our motive in addressing conflict is primarily to bless rather than blame, help rather than hurt, and serve rather than shame. 

Second, methods. Sometimes Jesus addressed sin via methods that were sharp, direct, and public, like the time he overturned tables in the temple. Other times, he opted for methods that were gentle, indirect, and private, like the conversation he had with the Samaritan woman at the well. Similarly, Scripture calls us to adjust our methods based on what will bless and restore the person we’re in conflict with (see Titus 1:13 and 1 Timothy 5:1). 

Finally, medium. When Paul “had no peace of mind” because of an unresolved conflict, he didn’t send a letter but went to resolve the issue in person (2 Corinthians 2:12-13). Similarly, John said he “would rather not use paper and ink” to share certain things (see 2 John 1:12). 

Our motives, methods, and medium of communication all play a part in addressing conflict graciously. Now, let’s put those insights into practice. Throughout this devotional plan, I’ve been encouraging you to journal about how you will address conflict with a specific person at work. Pull open that note right now and work through these 5 steps. 

#1: Review the plank in your eye you journaled a couple of days ago. And remember the grace and mercy Christ has shown you so that you can extend grace and mercy to the person you’re in conflict with. 

#2: Write down the method of communication this situation calls for. Sharp or gentle? Direct or indirect? Private or public? Read Matthew 18:15-17 and pray for wisdom. 

#3: Write down the medium you will use to address the conflict. Spoiler alert: I doubt God’s calling you to address it via email. In-person is ideal. But if you work remotely, Zoom is a great alternative. 

#4: Write down what you want to say (and don’t want to say) as clearly as you can.Sometimes writing down what I don’t plan to say is what best allows me to communicate with grace. 

#5: Write down when you will address the other person. The sooner the better for God’s glory, their good, and your peace!

Scriptures: Ephesians 4:31-32, Colossians 3:13, Matthew 18:21-22, Matthew 6:14, Matthew 18:33, 2 Corinthians 2:10, Mark 11:25, Psalms 103:10-14, Luke 17:3-4, Matthew 5:9, Romans 12:18, Proverbs 19:11, Proverbs 27:5, Psalms 51:10, Colossians 4:5-6, Mark 9:50

If you’ve been following the biblical principles in this devotional plan, your efforts to make peace with those you’re in conflict with will likely go well. But they very well might not. 

How are we to respond to those who are unrepentant and unmoving? Depending on the situation, you may be called to pursue mediation, arbitration, or public accountability (all three of which are addressed biblically and helpfully in Ken Sande’s excellent book, The Peacemaker). 

But regardless of whether your situation calls for one of those more escalated responses, I can tell you one response we are all called to in every situation: “Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13). 

Commenting on this verse, Dr. N. T. Wright says: “It is utterly inappropriate for one who knows the joy and release of being forgiven to refuse to share that blessing with another. [Furthermore] it is highly presumptuous to refuse to forgive one whom Christ himself has already forgiven.” 

Amen. But hey: I know how impossible it can feel to forgive someone who has wronged you at work. If that’s you today, hear these words from pastor Tony Merida: “When your tank is empty, remember the tomb is empty!” The price Christ paid to forgive you was cosmically greater than the price you must pay to forgive your neighbor. Go and forgive likewise. 

Ephesians 4:32 brings us to the 7th and final principle we’ll explore in this plan. Here it is in the context of the full list of 7 biblical principles for resolving conflict at work: 

1. Praise the Prince of Peace for the grace and mercy he has shown you (Matthew 5:9) 
2. Make the First Move to resolve any conflict (Romans 12:18) 
3. Resolve to Overlook or Address the offense that has caused a lack of peace between you and someone else (Proverbs 19:11, 27:5) 
4. Pluck the Plank from your own eye before you address the offense of another (Matthew 7:3-5) 
5. Prepare Your Heart to bless the person you are in conflict with (Psalm 51:10) 
6. Address the Conflict with Grace that flows out of the grace you’ve been shown by Christ (Colossians 4:5-6) 
7. Forgive Freely as Christ has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32) 

Believer, you and I are called to be “salt and light” in our workplaces. How did Jesus say people will taste our proverbial saltiness? Check out Mark 9:50: “Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again? Have salt among yourselves, and be at peace with each other.” Pursue peace as a means of preserving your saltiness for God’s glory this and every day!