No mom wants to yell at her kids. Some of us feel guilty for raising our voices in frustration and we want to stop. This 7-day devotional offers help and hope for moms who are stuck in a cycle of yelling. We will replace angry reactions with specific things to do and say, rooted in Scripture, that will breathe life into the hearts of our children! Amber Lia
Day 1
Scripture: Ephesians 4:29
CHALLENGE 1: Only speak what will build up your child and give grace to those who hear.
I used to be a yelling angry mom. I hate to admit that, and if you relate, I bet it breaks your heart too.
Today, let’s confess it. Now, we begin to turn from it.
We don’t want to just say, stop yelling. We need to REPLACE the yelling with something NEW. Today, we begin by speaking life where we have since been stealing joy and peace.
This verse in Ephesians was one of the verses I put on my phone as a reminder of the NEW HABIT of speaking words of life and affirmation that I was asking the Holy Spirit to help me with when I first began to become a gentle mom. This doesn’t mean we ignore our child’s behavior today. It just means that when we speak to them, we are going to breathe, become calm before speaking, and only talk when we can be sure that the correction we give or the words we say will not be “corrupt” (like screaming) but instead will be for our child’s good. We want our words to “give grace to those who hear” today!
ONE LAST THOUGHT:
In my book TRIGGERS: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses, co-authored with Wendy Speake, I write that I don’t respond well when I am being yelled at. How can we expect our kids to respond well when we yell at them?
Yelling does NO good. None. Today, we get to do better!
LET’S PRAY:
“Father God, I don’t want to be a yelling angry mom. I am sorry for the way I speak to my children. Please forgive me. Help me today to stop this habit. Help me to be calm and kind when I speak to my kids. I know that when they do wrong, I can still do right! Give me self-control and create in me a new heart–and tongue–that breathes life into my children. Stop me from yelling when I feel myself getting frustrated, and remind me of your grace toward me so I can then extend that grace to them. In Jesus’ name, Amen!
Consider: Fill in the blank: Today, I will breathe life by saying ________ to my child.
Day 2
Scripture: Proverbs 15:1
CHALLENGE 2:
Trade one harsh or unkind phrase you often use with your child (old habit), for a “gentle answer” in the heat of the moment (new habit). Write it out.
Example:
Old phrase that stirs up anger (angry accusatory tone):
“Why do you never listen to me?!”
New parenting script (calm and gentle tone):
“Son, I love you, but it feels like you aren’t hearing me. I know you are focused on your game, but it would be best if you looked at my face and repeated my request so we don’t misunderstand each other. Thank you.”How do we feel when someone speaks harshly to us? If you are like me, I don’t feel very open to learning from you. I’m not teachable because I become emotional or defensive–even angry! Our kids are immature so we can’t expect them to respond well when we yell at them. Today, we get to focus on speaking kindly to them, even when they are not being kind, themselves. Mom sets the tone and models right responses!
ONE LAST THOUGHT:
Sometimes we think our kids will never change. We get exasperated by the many instances of triggers each day. It takes a CHILDHOOD to raise a child. And it takes a childhood to mature.That’s 18 years! Parenting is a marathon, but we are not running alone. Exasperated moments are the perfect times to stop and say a quick prayer, asking God to fill us up with His strength, patience, and love for our kids. Let’s not feel helpless. Instead, let’s go to our loving Father who longs to help us in every challenging moment!
LET’S PRAY:
“Lord, I don’t want to yell at my kids. I don’t want to shame them with my harsh words. I can see it stirs up anger in them–and me! God, guard my mouth. Help me to use gentle, soft words, even when they are pushing my buttons. Let my gentle words have a positive impact on my child’s heart and remove any bitterness or anger from them. Thank You, Lord, for helping me today! In Jesus’ Name, Amen!
CONSIDER: What is the kindest thing you have said to your child recently?
Day 3
Scripture: Proverbs 21:23
CHALLENGE 3:
What image comes to your mind when you think of guarding your mouth?
I remember sitting in my living room as a young mom, thinking about what this verse would look like for me. Lots of images sprang to mind. I pictured a shield, a mask, a soldier before my mouth, warding off any yelling or angry words. Practically speaking, I resorted to literally “biting my tongue” until God formed that new habit of self-control in my life.
Each time I stopped—even mid rant—to close my mouth, breathe, and then begin again with a gentle tone, I saved myself and my kids from a lot of extra trouble. My words served to either create peace or create trouble. Every day, I get to decide to guard my mouth, or not. These days, my default reaction is to speak slowly and calmly. I hope that gives YOU hope. Nothing is impossible with God!
ONE LAST THOUGHT:
No one is making us yell at our kids. We either choose to do it, or we don’t. And actually, if others were around–like a neighbor or a friend from church, we can keep our cool and speak more kindly. God sees us all the time, even when nobody else does. We need not feel shame or guilt over this. God is full of grace and forgiveness. But it SHOULD convict us that we can stop yelling if we really want to. Let’s not make excuses or blame our kids. Today, we get to guard our mouths and tongues–and save everyone a lot of trouble!
LET’S PRAY:
“Dear God, please give me self-control. I believe You will help me with Your supernatural power to do what is right. I don’t want to create more trouble in my family by my words and actions. Keep me calm. Settle my nerves. Guard my mouth. Thank You for being an ever present help in trouble, and for never condemning me when I fail. I love You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!
CONSIDER: What can you do practically to guard your mouth today?
Day 4
Scripture: James 1:19
CHALLENGE 4:
Practice the “Start & Stop” with grace and patience.
Early on in my parenting, I had to realize that kids are much needier than I imagined. They are constantly asking for help or wanting to talk to me–which is a blessing, I know. But when I’m focused on tasks or working from home, I would easily get annoyed by the interruptions. It took me too long to embrace the “Start & Stop” of parenting. I had to learn that most of my tasks would start and have to stop to meet the needs of my kids and home, and then start again.
Slowly, I learned that this wasn’t the end of the world. I also knew that I needed to stop yelling or getting exasperated by my child’s natural tendency to need me. I’m his mom! To bless my child is to stop and be quick to listen as our verse reminds us. I had to teach my kids when it was okay–and how–to politely get my attention, but I also learned to stop and look at my child to truly listen to them.
When your child comes to you, practice stopping activities to listen and repeat back what your child is saying to you or ask them a question. Usually, our kids just want to be heard. Being quick to listen is a loving and godly attitude that goes a long way to remove the temptation of yelling and frustration in our mothering.
ONE LAST THOUGHT:
Picture Jesus, at the ready to listen to YOU, today. He is never too busy to hear your heart. Why not do just that with the prayer below.
LET’S PRAY:
Dear Lord, I thank You for being quick to listen to me. I want my kids to come to me because they know I care and will take time for them instead of being quick to anger or quick to rattle off orders or scolding. Help me to change, God. Help me to stop what I am doing and focus on them when they are talking to me or need me. Allow my heart to be compassionate and not irritated. Thank You, Lord, for doing a new work in me! In Jesus’ Name, Amen!
CONSIDER: Being quick to listen is a relationship-builder!
Day 5
Scripture: James 1:26
CHALLENGE 5:
Name two reasons why it’s important for you to be an example of Jesus Christ as a mom.
This verse in James is sobering to me. How can I call myself a Christ-follower and make excuses for my unkind words or yelling in anger? It pains me to think my religion would be worthless all because I don’t bridle my tongue!
One of my chief desires as a mother is that my kids would be attracted to Jesus because they see so much of Him in me. I sure wouldn’t want them to think Jesus would yell at them every day!
Still, let’s not let Satan condemn us, or wallow in useless guilt. Jesus came to give us life and freedom from guilt. In Triggers, I write that we should allow godly conviction to “catapult [us] toward spiritual growth and freedom”! That’s what this challenge is all about–making a commitment to becoming a more gentle mom and putting yelling behind us, for good.
ONE LAST THOUGHT:
If our kids only respond to us when we yell, it’s because we have trained them to do so. Let’s consider a new plan and be patient as our kids learn to respond to our gentle mothering.
LET’S PRAY:
Lord, of course I want to be an example of You to my kids. I need You to continue to bridle my tongue and change me from the inside out. I want to feel Your love for me, even though I have been an angry yelling mom. Please wash me and make me clean–I want my kids to see You reflected in how I parent them. In Jesus Name’ amen!
CONSIDER: God will help you to put off yelling and put on gentleness–so trust Him to do it!
Day 6
Scriptures: Proverbs 16:24, Romans 2:4
CHALLENGE 6:
Speak one “gracious word” to each child today.
Grace means giving someone something they DO NOT deserve. What we deserved for our sins was death and punishment, but God graced us by sacrificing Jesus on the cross for our sins.
Maybe your child “deserves” a consequence today. That does not mean we have to yell and be angry. We can offer, even discipline, with gracious words.
How might you be gracious in your words today?
ONE LAST THOUGHT:
We err when we think that being gracious means our kids will take advantage of us. Jesus tells us that He draws us to repentance with loving-kindness, not harsh punishments at every turn. It’s the act of grace that reaches our hearts.
LET’S PRAY:
“Dear Father, I want my words to be sweet and kind, even if my kids do wrong. Help me to look on them with love and compassion instead of taking our kids’ sin personally. It’s You they sin against. Not me. Help me to show them Your grace and loving-kindness. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!CONSIDER: How does it feel when someone offers you grace? Do you feel like taking advantage of them, or simply grateful?
Day 7
Scripture: Proverbs 10:19
CHALLENGE 7:
Think, before you speak!
Sometimes, pausing for a few minutes to consider the words we are about to say is all it takes to get control of our tongues.
We can even say to our child, “Son, I need a minute to respond. I’ll come to you when I’m ready to talk.” This allows us time to think through an answer and gives to think wisely–not just on the fly when we might say things we regret or make promises we can’t keep.
This simple act of thinking before speaking is a discipline for us as moms, but it is useful in other relationships too. Sometimes, I am on the verge of saying the wrong thing and the Holy Spirit nudges me. If I push past that nudge, I regret it. Better to stop and reconsider my words!
ONE LAST THOUGHT:
It’s my hope and prayer that as we finish this final 7th day of the No More Yelling Moms Challenge, we have seen the value of slowing down, developing self-control, and breathing life into our children with gracious words. Persevere moms! Yelling habits formed over time. Gentle habits will take time too. Time will pass, regardless, so let’s step into the future with a renewed commitment to stop yelling, that we may indeed, be no more yelling moms!
LET’S PRAY:
“Dear God, You have helped me begin to change into a more calm and gracious mom. Thank You! Continue this new work in my heart and help me to never raise my voice in anger to my kids. I love them and I thank You for giving them to me. Lord, I commit to allowing Your Holy Spirit to continue to cleanse my heart and my mouth. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!
CONSIDER: How has your home been impacted this week as you have put these biblical truths into practice?