Mastering The Art Of Forgiveness

Scriptures: Romans 10:9-10, 1 John 1:9, 1 John 3:20

Forgiveness Personified 

The Bible tells the story of how our relationship with God was broken by sin, and how He implemented His wonderful plan of salvation to restore that relationship. It is the story of forgiveness through Jesus Christ. 

God’s Word promises that, when we confess that Jesus is Lord, and believe that God raised Him from the dead, we will be saved from the consequences of our sin! Even believers who have strayed from God’s path can have a renewed relationship with Him. When we confess our sins, He is faithful to cleanse us. Take a moment today to admit where you’ve wandered from Him, and ask Him for forgiveness.

It’s possible to be forgiven and yet still feel unforgiven! When this happens, we should doubt our feelings, not our God. If you’ve trusted Christ as Savior, live boldly and robustly. The love God gives us is unconditional, bought at a great cost; and only a response of love can satisfy Him. As the classic hymn says, “Love so amazing, so divine/ demands my soul, my life, my all!” 

As God’s child, you now have the opportunity to practice the same kind of love your Heavenly Father extended to you! When you ask God to bless those who’ve hurt you, you put into practice the words of Jesus: “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 5:44-45). 

True forgiveness is the medicine that heals the deepest emotional wounds. It closes the door on the past, and gives you grace and motivation to move forward and enjoy the life God wants you to live. 

Scriptures: Matthew 7:3-5, Hebrews 12:11, Matthew 5:23-25

When You’re the One in Need of Forgiveness 

There are two perspectives to every disagreement. It’s essential that we honestly evaluate our own role in the relationship before we try to “fix” the other person. When God shows you that you are wrong, repent! This word “repent” means to acknowledge your sin, renounce it, seek His forgiveness, and endeavor to live differently. 

God is more than willing to forgive you; however, He may allow you to experience painful consequences in order to motivate you toward obedience. When your actions hurt others, you need to admit that what you did was wrong and say you’re sorry. Not only is it the right thing to do; it can actually shorten the agony and help you put the incident behind you!

There are two sides to forgiveness—giving and receiving. Although at first sight, giving seems harder, often we are not able to offer forgiveness because we haven’t fully received it ourselves. Only as people who have tasted the joy of forgiveness can we find the inner motivation to give it. 

Everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone learns from them. Don’t let yours go to waste! When you pur­pose to put others first, God will help you to become more compassionate and sensitive to the feelings of others, as well as more discerning of how you’ve gotten off track in the past. Guard your words and actions by thinking about how they affect the people in your life.

Regardless of how badly or how often you have failed, God won’t give up on you. So don’t give up on yourself! Nothing you’ve done is beyond the scope of His grace. Others may give up on you, but not God. Like a child learning to walk, when you fall, get back up again. Remember this: the moment that brings the awareness of sin should also bring the acknowledgement of sin and the assurance of forgiveness! 

Scriptures: Matthew 18:15-17, 1 Peter 3:7, John 20:23

When You’re the One Hurting 

Before you talk to the person who has hurt you, talk to God; then arrange to talk to the person one-on-one. God expects you to make the first move, even when you are the one who has been offended. Taking control of the situation reduces the damage, and keeps you from becoming bitter.

Sometimes, the only way to get over your hurt feelings is to seek reconciliation. If you are willing to do this, God will help you. In Matthew, Jesus lays out a strategy for restoring relationship, beginning with a personal talk, and slowly bringing in more witnesses as necessary. This gives us a blueprint to work from as we seek to restore our relationships.

Even if the other person is wrong, let God use you as a “paramedic” of His mercy. Tell them you want to see the relationship healed. You don’t get to choose who you’ll forgive. Love is a command; forgiveness is an act of obedience. “He has given us this command: whoever loves God must also love his brother” (1 John 4:21). 

When we’re suffering, God seems distant and inaccessible. But He’s not. The Holy Spirit who forever abides in you is closer to you than the air you breathe. He’s equipped, willing, and able to comfort you. He will sometimes do it by reminding you of a Scripture verse, a hymn, a sermon you heard, and so on. When He does, believe what He says. Say to yourself repeatedly, “The God of all comfort lives permanently in me!” 

Scriptures: 1 Peter 4:8, Ephesians 5:2, Colossians 3:12-13

After an Apology Has Been Given and Accepted 

When in the wake of an apology, there are a few important things to remember. Always thank the other party for even the smallest effort to improve things. Not only will you be honoring them, you’ll be inviting more of the same, and making interest-bearing deposits in your relationship account. Work to preserve the dignity and self-worth of others—that’s what God does with us! When you truly forgive, there’s no place for self-righteousness.

Work hard to not bring up the offense again. Keeping score only works in competitive sports; it’s disastrous in relationships. Practicing true, unconditional forgiveness requires us to focus on a person’s worth, not their weaknesses. You must turn your heart away from what was, to what can be. 

Our tendency is to wonder, “Why should I forgive and forget?” Several reasons! Firstly, because God’s Word tells you to do so. Secondly, because you yourself will continue to need forgiveness. Thirdly, because you weren’t built to carry the stress that goes with resentment. You may have heard it said that resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Our souls weren’t made to thrive under those conditions!

If you try to cheat the forgiveness process, your unfinished business will keep you undermining your hopes for a whole and happy relationship. Restoration work isn’t for the cowardly or lazy. But the rewards are well worth it. People working on relationships need the healing power that comes from regular doses of courtesy.

Scriptures: Hebrews 12:15, Ephesians 4:32, Philippians 4:19

How to Overcome Bitterness and Resentment 

We must be careful not to let our grudges fester and turn into self-victimization, bitterness, isolation, negative role-modeling, or sabotaged repentance. Negative energy only drains your resources and robs you of the chance to fulfill your God-given potential. The hurt you harbor pollutes the stream of your daily experience, including your experience with God! Genuine repentance and forgiveness aren’t possible until you’re willing to face up to the things you’re still holding onto. 

Bitterness is fatal; it kills your soul. So how can you stop yourself from becoming bitter when you’ve been hurt? Releasing bitterness requires that you choose to forgive. Whether or not the person who hurt you is around, or apologizes, forgiveness sets you free to enjoy life. By releasing the wrongdoer from all expectations, you reclaim your peace of mind. 

We must remember that God is the source of all of our needs and expectations. When we draw from Him, we are free to release others from the burden of being enough for us. If we’re able to step further, and ask God to bless our offender, that’s even better! This kind of prayer puts you in the driver’s seat of your life. 

You are the owner of your heart. Each day, you must monitor, direct, and correct what goes on there. You can’t blame your bad attitude, resentment, and unforgiveness on others—you are responsible! When somebody offends you, it’s up to you whether you let bitterness take root. You can’t control what others do, but it’s the “inside” part—the part you can control—that God holds us accountable for. Forgiveness allows us to take back our power and not let the events embitter, limit, or destroy us.

Scriptures: Job 11:16, Romans 12:19, 1 Peter 2:23

When Resolution Doesn’t Come 

Forgiveness doesn’t make what happened to you right; it means you’ve made a decision to not let it control your life. It doesn’t depend on the other person; it depends on you. Forgiveness also doesn’t mean the relationship always stays the same. It takes time to rebuild trust and make sure repentance is genuine. In fact, if the offense is abusive or puts you in danger, forgive, but maintain a safe distance. 

Long after you think you’ve forgiven somebody, you can still be harboring hard feelings. Here are some clues that you’ve still got work to do: you get angry thinking about what happened; you give the offender the cold shoulder; you rehearse the incident mentally and in conversation; you seize every opportunity to remind the offender of what they did. 

The Lord says that vengeance belongs to Him. Don’t usurp His authority by trying to get even; take your hands off the situation and let Him work it out. He doesn’t want a grudge to shackle you to the offender. He doesn’t want your nights filled with misery and turmoil. Why give somebody that kind of control over your life? What’s important is what happens in you, not to you. So forgive, forget, and move on! 

True forgiveness, the kind that’s taught in Scripture, is a commitment you must practice every day of your life. People need loving the most when they deserve it the least.

Scripture: Matthew 5:44-45, Psalms 23:5, Luke 5:11-32

Moving Forward in Forgiveness 

Author R.T. Kendall writes, “Understand this: relationships don’t thrive because the guilty are punished, but because the innocent are merciful. The mercy of Christ preceded His disciples’ mistakes, and our mercy must precede the mistakes of others too. Because Christ has forgiven us, we can forgive others. Because He has a forgiving heart, we can have a forgiving heart. When Christ truly lives within us, we have no better alternative. There is incredible power in the words, ‘I forgive you; I love you; let’s move on.”

As we have come to understand, forgiveness is not free. It cost God the lifeblood of His Son, Jesus Christ, to extend forgiveness to you. It will cost you, too, as you choose to walk its path. You will lose bit­terness in exchange for peace; you will lay down pride in exchange for grace and humility; you will lose your hurt and bondage and receive healing and deliverance in their place. In short, the way of forgiveness is the way of true and lasting freedom!

From the Parable of the Prodigal Son, we learn that God is a God of restoration. Whatever life has taken from you, God can restore. He is also a God of revelation—once you know Who your Father is, and who you are, you go back home and take your rightful place at the table. Lastly, He is a God of recommissioning. Just as he restored the prodigal son and gave him a new mission, God recommissions you and gives you back full authority to do business in His name. 

Understand this: you can read the Bible, go to church, keep all the rules—and not really know God’s faithfulness, His love, and His plan for you. Until you really know God, you’ll have no anchor in life: you’ll be tossed to and fro by every circumstance, emotion, and temptation. But when you know Whose you are, you’ll begin to understand who you are, what you’re supposed to do, and where you’re supposed to be. 

Ask for His help, forgive, and move forward in freedom and victory!