The Power of a Praying Couple

Scriptures: Proverbs 28:26, Philippians 2:1-4

When you are first married, you have soft and loving hearts toward each other. (Otherwise, why get married?) So what can happen to change that? How do soft, loving hearts become separate or distant? How do they grow cold, hard, or indifferent? Where do things start to go wrong, and how can you prevent that from happening? I believe it’s because we start to care less instead of caring more about each other. We neglect to care fully for our husband or wife. Instead, we appear to care less. Perhaps we don’t notice how distracted we have become with our busy lives until we stop making our spouse a priority. Then unity of purpose is lost, and we grow apart and not together.

If you or your husband or wife ever find yourself with a heart growing cold toward the other, remember that it starts with a heart that has already grown cold toward God. You can keep that from happening by praying together often and specifically asking God to keep your hearts soft toward Him as well as toward each other. The Bible says, “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely will be delivered” (Proverbs 28:26). God never sees the hardness of our heart as being okay. And if we allow it to become that way, it’s our fault. We always have a choice. When we deliberately stay close to God in prayer, praise, and in His Word, His Holy Spirit in us keeps our heart soft toward Him and toward each other—if that is what we wholeheartedly desire.

Some of the other words the Bible uses to describe this unity are “being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord,” not being selfish or conceited, not thinking of ourselves more highly than the other, and not only looking out for our own interests. We must be looking out for our spouse’s interests as well (see Philippians 2:1-4).

Pray that each of you will have a heart that is entirely open to God’s truth and never open to the lies and enticements of the enemy of your marriage. Ask God to take away all pride in either of you if any arises because that always leads to a hardened heart. Remember that unity is always worth the effort it takes to work toward it. The two of you praying together in one accord will cause your prayers to be more powerful in their effect than you ever thought possible.

Scriptures: Hebrews 11:6, 1 Corinthians 15:13-17

God is the great unifier. With His help, He wants you to communicate so well together that you understand each other. And rather than having an unhappy disagreement, you join together in prayer to ask God to enable you find a place of agreement no matter what the subject is. The power of two is great, but it’s never more powerful than when you and your spouse pray together. Because God sees you two as one, your unity in prayer has special impact. As you agree together— especially about His Word—you become a great force in resisting the enemy’s plans for you and your family. Don’t ever doubt that. 

By seeking that oneness in your relationship, you glorify God in your marriage. That does not mean you automatically agree on everything. It takes effort from both of you to pray that God will help you to become more like Him. And in order to find out what He is like, ask Him to show you. That not only takes prayer but also reading His Word—the Bible—separately and together. The more each of you read it, the more His likeness becomes etched in your heart and mind. When you read the Word of God, it strengthens your faith because “without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him” (Hebrews 11:6). 

Who doesn’t want to please God? 

The first thing to agree on is whom you are praying to. Decide if it is Mother Earth, your better self, a self-proclaimed god who did not lay down his life for you, or a god who is not always with you. If you are not praying to any of them, then you are better off agreeing to pray to your heavenly Father God, King of the universe, who created all things and gave His Son, Jesus, our Messiah, to be crucified on a cross. He was raised up on the third day and ascended into heaven to sit at the right hand of God to save, deliver, and transform anyone who believes in Him; to give them purpose; and receive them to spend eternity in heaven with Him. The Bible says, “If there is no resurrection of the dead, then Christ is not risen. And if Christ is not risen . . . your faith is futile; you are still in your sins!” (1 Corinthians 15:13-14, 17). If you don’t agree on these things, your faith in Jesus and the power of two is futile until you come to unity of heart and mind about it. Work on that first. That is where your powerful oneness will be established. 

If God wants you to be one with other believers in the body of Christ, why wouldn’t He want you to be one with your husband or wife? He created you to be united together as one when you were married. Don’t let anything separate you in mind, soul, or body and cause you to forget the power of two.

Scriptures: Isaiah 59:2, Proverbs 21:21

When you decide to get married, you also must make a decision to be a forgiving person. That’s because you will never be tested more on this than when you are married. Choosing to forgive frees us. Not forgiving the other person makes us miserable. That’s because there is always a price to pay for unforgiveness. In fact, we can never get rid of the negative thoughts we have toward a person we have not forgiven. And when we have unforgiveness toward anyone, that affects our relationship with God. The Bible says, “Your iniquities have separated you from your God; and your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He will not hear” (Isaiah 59:2). Until you get rid of your lack of forgiveness, God is not going to listen to your prayers. That doesn’t mean He can’t hear your prayers. It means that He won’t until you humbly confess sin before Him and invite Him to set you free of it. That instruction is too clear to even think about ignoring it.

Not forgiving your husband or wife is an iniquity. It is a sin against God. He feels that strongly about it. Jesus was crucified in order to bring His forgiveness to those who receive Him. So the least we can do for Him is forgive others—especially our husband or wife.

Most of the time we know when we have not forgiven someone. We feel it in our heart. But sometimes we can have unforgiveness in our heart and don’t even realize it. That’s why we must ask God to show us whether we have it or not. If we do, we must confess it to Him and ask Him to help us release it and be free of it. We have to be willing to forgive, but the good news is He will help us. There will be times when you must confess your unforgiveness to your spouse. Say that you don’t want to feel that way, so would he or she pray with you about it?

Forgiving someone frees you from the torture that not forgiving brings. Sometimes forgiving doesn’t come easy because the offense is great. When that happens, ask God to help you. He understands when an offense is so grievous that you don’t want to let someone off the hook. But forgiveness doesn’t make the other person right, it makes you free. I have said this in my other books about marriage because I had to learn this as a nonnegotiable truth if I wanted to move on in my life. God is not looking for you to get even. He wants you to get free so you won’t get stuck in unforgiveness hell. “He who follows righteousness and mercy finds life, righteousness, and honor” (Proverbs 21:21).

Because many opportunities for unforgiveness are in a marriage, you must keep the communication lines open. This is too important to not pray about it. Keep asking God to show you when you need to forgive anyone, but especially your husband or wife. Unforgiveness shows on everyone’s face who has it. People will sense that in you even if they don’t know exactly what it is. And it will definitely be evident to your spouse because it will come out in your attitude.

It’s not worth it to let unforgiveness grow and fester. The more it exists, the more destruction it will do—in your relationship and in your body.

Scripture: John 9:31

When you need to feel a sense of God’s presence with you, the quickest, most powerful, and most effective way to have that is to stop everything you are doing and give praise and thanks to God for who He is and all He has done for you. Whenever you feel the need for something to change—in your attitude, mind, circumstances, or communication—this is exactly what you need to do.

The reason praise and worship make such an enormous difference when a husband and wife praise and worship God together is because when you are in the presence of God, things change. Always! Your mind can change. Your situation can change. Your attitude can change. Even your heart can change. When you know that something needs to change but you are not certain how to make that happen yourself, just know you will not be able to do it alone. At least not to the degree that God can work that in you. You need the presence of God—plus your unity, oneness of mind, and purpose together as a couple—in order to move powerfully into that kind of holy breakthrough.

If you ever come to an impasse between the two of you and can’t seem to make a change, deliberately worship God together and invite Him to inhabit your praises. You will sense a stronghold breaking that cannot withstand the power of His powerful presence. You will feel it—if not at that very moment, then soon. You were born to worship God, and the quicker you do it as your greatest privilege and joy, the clearer you will sense His deeper purpose for your lives—individually and together.

One of the most amazing things about God is that He shares Himself with us. When we lift up our hearts to Him in worship, we are closer to Him than at any other time. And He pours into us His love, joy, peace, and all the other fruits of His Spirit. He even shares His power with us. It’s not that we become as powerful as He is. It’s that we can move more powerfully in our faith and prayers than we could ever begin to do without Him being poured into us.

Remember, when you can’t see a way to change anything, He can. And He can impart that change to you at that moment or perhaps later when you are least expecting it.

God always hears a worshipper (see John 9:31). That’s a good thing when you know you need something to change. It could be because of something you or your husband or wife has done wrong. Or it could be because of something you both have done right. Sometimes the hard things you are going through are because of the work of the enemy trying to thwart the plans of God in your life. Whatever it is, God will show you as you lift your heart to Him in worship. The quickest way to break through something that needs to change is to praise God as long as it takes to sense the breakthrough you need. Never underestimate the power of heartfelt praise and worship to God from a husband and wife together.

Scriptures: Philippians 4:18-19, Proverbs 10:22, Psalms 34:10, Psalms 90:17

One of the most important things to agree on in your marriage is how you handle your money. How is your money earned? How is it spent? How much do you give to God? How much do you save? What is the plan for your future? It’s better to have a plan than winging it and hoping things work out. It’s important that all these things be prayed about and agreed upon. This can be complicated if one spouse is a saver and the one is a spender in the extreme. But God will always help you figure your finances out as you both seek Him about these things. And it can be done. No one needs to be a dictator, but you do have to come to some kind of agreement.

God promises to “supply all our needs” according to His riches (see Philippians 4:18-19). He has riches in abundance, and when we seek Him about how we are to gain our money, how to spend it, and how to give to others, He will give us specific guidance.

It’s important to regularly pray about this as a couple. Ask God to help you both be of one mind regarding your finances. Having a strong sense of unity about this keeps you from fearing the worst. If one of you works hard to bring in money, and the other spends more than is being made, that will give you both a feeling of hopelessness. It causes doubt about the future of your relationship if you can’t figure out how to agree.

The Bible says, “The blessing of the LORD makes one rich, and He adds no sorrow with it” (Proverbs 10:22). When you put the Lord in charge of your finances—together with your spouse—God will guide you and bless them. The Bible also says, “Those who seek the LORD shall not lack any good thing” (Psalm 34:10). This is a major truth to agree on and remember.

Another thing we need to pray about is this: “Let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands for us; yes, establish the work of our hands” (Psalm 90:17). Asking God to establish you in your work is powerful— especially so when you pray together about that. Everyone has work to do. If both of you are working, but only one of you is working for money, the one who is not getting paid is still working. Whether it’s raising children, taking care of a home, taking care of animals or a garden or a farm, or creating something, it’s still important work and definitely worth praying for and seeking God’s blessings.

A husband and wife have to agree on the best way to manage their finances. It’s such an important part of your marriage that you must keep it covered in prayer. Even when things are going well, everything can change in an instant. Decide together—with the guidance of God—how to save, spend, give, and invest. If you are in a difficult place right now regarding your finances, stop immediately and praise God because He promises to give you everything you need and bless all you have if you submit all You have to Him.

The key here is asking God to be in charge of your finances and then asking Him to bless the work that you do. Make this an ongoing prayer for you together, and it will keep you away from financial trouble. God will bless you with provision as you submit your finances to Him.

Scriptures: Genesis 1:26, Mark 12:28-31

Can we promise to always love one another like God loves us without God’s love being in us? I don’t think we can. We need His love to be renewed in us every day. It’s not that His love dissipates in us. It’s we who fail to renew it from our end. The way we do that is by praying to our God of love and inviting Him to fill us afresh with His love every day. It happens also by reading His Word and allowing it to strengthen our faith as God promises it will do. 

It’s all about developing your personal relationship with God. If your relationship with Him is weak, your marriage relationship will be weakened as well. When you are open to receiving more of God’s love in you, you will grow in love for your mate. It is an automatic blessing that your love for God—and God’s love in you—will always overflow from your heart to your husband or wife. 

You can have a great marriage if you and your spouse pray for each other. That’s because prayer can change everything. The more you seek God in your individual relationship with Him—as well as together as a couple—the more you will sense God’s presence when you agree together in prayer. 

Keep in mind that your husband or wife cannot fulfill your every need. That’s why God wants you to come to Him alone, to be certain you have faith that He can and will meet the needs you have. 

We are all selfish enough to want what we want from our marriage, and those expectations can seem overwhelming to the spouse who is trying to meet all the hopes of the other. However, it will never be acceptable for a husband or wife to be rude, uncaring, disrespectful, or abusive while demanding to get his or her needs met. God does not look kindly on that. Of course, certain expectations need to be met, such as basic kindness and physical intimacy. Ask God to help you and your mate to be on the same page regarding this important part of your life together. 

The Bible says you are made in God’s image. God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness” (Genesis 1:26). Isn’t it amazing that you and your spouse are made in the image of God? You need to always value that in yourself and with each other. 

When someone asked Jesus, “Which is the first commandment of all?” Jesus answered him, saying, “‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:28, 30-31). Keep in mind that your closest neighbor is your husband or wife. It doesn’t get any clearer— or closer. How can we live in unity if we don’t have love for each other in our marriage? 

Unity doesn’t mean you agree on everything. It means you agree on the most important things—God’s Word and His ways. You agree on the truth. You agree on what is right. Ask God to help you to truly love your husband or wife the way He loves you. We all definitely need His help in order to do that.

Scriptures: John 17:20-23, 1 Corinthians 10:10, Romans 15:5-7, Matthew 12:34

The Bible talks a great deal about unity in the way we speak. This is extremely important to God, especially for a married couple. Jesus said He wants us to be unified just as God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are one because if we do that, we will be perfect (see John 17:20-23). And surely we realize there is no way we can be perfect on our own. We can only pray that God will work His perfection in us. Initially, we have to believe it is possible. Then we have to want it enough to pray consistently about it.

The first thing we must do is limit our complaints. The Bible says we shouldn’t “complain, as some of them also complained, and were destroyed by the destroyer” (1 Corinthians 10:10). Obviously, the consequences can be very steep when we complain.

In a marriage, complaining not only destroys the complainer, but it also destroys the other person and possibly the marriage. That’s because it is a heavy burden to carry every day. No matter who the complainer is, it is exhausting. It’s good to share your complaint with your spouse for the purpose of praying about it, but not to be finger-pointing and blaming one another. After you have prayed about it, at some point you must believe God has heard your request and you leave the matter in His hands. So cease complaining and thank God that He has the ability to change things.

Being married gives you the perfect practice ground of opportunities for watching what you say. This is the best place to cultivate that attitude of oneness and unity. That doesn’t mean you always have to agree on everything, but you have to want to find that important common ground of what you do agree on. Search for the most important issues, such as who God is and what He requires of you. Also, what Jesus has done for you and all He has given to you. Agree that the Bible is the inspired Word of God, and it can change your heart and mind for the better every time you read it or hear it.

The Bible says, “May the God of patience and comfort, grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus, that you may with one mind and one mouth glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore receive one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God” (Romans 15:5-7). “To receive one another” is a way of life that glorifies God. It pleases God, and that is always good for a marriage.

These words in Romans 15 are for the entire Christian community, but this passage of Scripture is often used as a wedding text because it describes what a marriage should be like—the way a marriage should operate. We are to mercifully receive our spouse the way Jesus receives us. Jesus is our role model. And the words in these verses above describe how a husband and wife should be toward one another. When Jesus received us, He accepted us. We should ask God to help us accept each other. We are on the same team. We are not in competition with each other. We don’t have to fight with one another.

What you have in your heart will come out of your mouth (see Matthew 12:34). That is why it is important to make sure your heart is filled with God’s love, peace, and joy before you speak.