Take Heart, Military Wife: The Journey to a Heart That Reflects God’s Character

Scriptures: John 16:33, Colossians 1:15-20, Psalms 145:1-21, Romans 8:1-11

The Transformed Heart

I remember the exact moment I knew I needed a new heart. It was day 167 of a 290-day deployment at a brand-new duty station. 

I sat on the couch nursing my youngest daughter while my four-year-old and two-year-old played on the floor in front of me. It was early in the day, but I was already tired. It was a tiredness that surpassed my physical body and penetrated my heart and mind. 

I was overwhelmed at the sight of the deployment countdown hanging on the wall across the room. It was covered in tiny heart-shaped stickers that little fingers had placed with pride, but there were so many empty spaces left to fill, and I wasn’t sure I had the strength to endure 123 more days like this one. 

My racing thoughts were interrupted by the sound of fighting between my older girls. It was a typical fight between sisters, but it was my breaking point. 

I was still nursing the baby and couldn’t get up to intervene. 

I couldn’t call for another adult in the house to help. 

And that’s when everything that had consumed me for the last 167 days poured out of me. I yelled so loud I didn’t recognize the sound of my voice. I had no idea I could feel anger and desperation so powerfully at once. 

My girls looked up at me in shock, tears pouring down their cheeks, and began to scurry off to their rooms. It was the first time their sweet little faces had ever looked at me with fear. I instantly broke down in tears, scooped them into my arms, and wondered why God ever thought I was cut out to be a mother. 

There, on the floor, I committed to being the best mom I could be. I was going to be a good Mom and make better choices, so I would never find myself here again. 

What happened next changed the course of my life forever. The Lord spoke so powerfully at that moment, His grace and love for me heavier than ever before: “Daughter, it’s not about choosing to do good things tomorrow. It’s about becoming like the One who is good.” 

Military wife, we cannot transform our own heart. We will exhaust ourselves in pursuit of an endless race if we seek only to change our actions without ever surrendering our heart. 

If you desire more joy, patience, and peace as you endure the trials of this military life, the answer is found in knowing the source of everything good. 

Take Heart, military wife, Jesus is above all. In Him, all things are found. As we spend time in His word and His presence, He transforms our hearts, and the fruit of His spirit pours out of us. It’s not a work we can do for ourselves, but it is a promise of transformation He will be faithful to keep.

Scriptures: Exodus 4:21, Exodus 8:15, Exodus 10:1-2, Romans 9:15-18, Hebrews 3:7-11

The Hardened Heart

“Do you have to go again?” 

The question itself didn’t reveal the status of my heart, but my tone sure did. I couldn’t hide the anger, frustration, and bitterness in my voice when we learned my husband would be deploying again. 

I wasn’t angry at him for obeying orders he didn’t choose, but I couldn’t stop the words. He was leaving our family for the second time in a year, and I felt abandoned and alone. 

I tried to be positive, but another deployment so soon was asking too much of me. Our marriage would suffer. His relationship with our kids would suffer. I felt lost, and rather than seeking God in my heartache, I sat in my frustration and settled in. In a desperate attempt to protect myself from the pain, I hardened my heart. 

We are groomed to be resilient when life throws a curve ball. But curve ball after curve ball wears us down. It all becomes too much. 

When I consider my own hardened heart, I think of the story in Exodus: God hardened the heart of the pharaoh who refused to release the Israelites from captivity. Deeper into the story, the interaction between Moses and the pharaoh displays something significant. While God initially hardened pharaoh’s heart to set His freedom plan into motion, it was pharaoh himself who continued to harden his own heart toward God and the Israelites. 

I have tearfully realized that I was the pharaoh in my own story. God had a purpose for this second deployment, and I was crossing my arms in bold defiance instead of trusting Him, and my heart had suffered. 

The process of becoming calloused happens slowly and stealthily and is an open invitation for bitterness and anger to take root, causing a shift in character. Suddenly, we respond in hurtful ways, creating walls between us and those we love. 

Take heart, military wife, God promises to protect and defend your heart. His grace and mercy can soften even a heart of stone; you only need to invite Him in. 

Pray

Invite the Lord to reveal the hurt that has hardened your heart. As you sit in the pain, remember that God is able and faithful to redeem and restore any circumstance. Ask the Lord to help you soften your heart as you endure the trials of military life. You belong to the Lord, and He loves you.

Scriptures: 1 Kings 17:21-22, 1 Kings 19:3-5, 1 Kings 19:12-15, Psalms 23:1-6

The Anxious Heart

As soon as we got orders to PCS to our next duty station, worry overwhelmed my soul. What started out feeling like a mountaintop of excitement over a new adventure catapulted me into a valley of anxiety. Alone and isolated, I now felt like a prisoner of the constant unknown. 

For some of us, we wait anxiously for orders or for our husbands to return from deployment. We wait for “one day” filled with forever homes and consistent schedules, and worry invades us, making a home in our hearts. 

The rollercoaster of emotions that came with our orders reminds me of Elijah, a prophet in the Old Testament. He had just defeated his enemies and followers of a false God. He even witnessed a boy come back from the dead in answer to his prayers! Talk about a mountaintop experience! Yet, immediately following his excitement, Elijah entered his own valley where those in authority threatened his life. His first response was to run in fear. 

I’ve also sought to run in fear and worry. I have wanted to hide behind the walls of my own home, cry all the tears, and just be done with it all. But God, in his grace and kindness, has pulled me up and strengthened me to keep going. 

When Elijah ran away, he prayed to die. Instead, the Lord allowed him to fall into a deep sleep and rest while the Lord worked. Twice, he was awoken by an angel to eat bread and drink water the Lord had miraculously provided. Strengthened by the Lord’s provision, Elijah traveled 40 days and nights to Horeb, the mountain of God, where the Lord met with Him in a gentle whisper and instructed him to continue his mission. Elijah only needed to be concerned with the day set before him and rest while the Lord cared for what he was not equipped to carry. 

The truth is, so much of our anxiety isn’t due to the unknown but rather to a heart that tries to pick up what it’s not equipped to carry. What worries us most can be put to rest in who God is. The future is God’s to hold, and he holds it well. 

Take heart, military wife! God provides rest for our hearts that only He can give. Through all the fear and anxiety, you can stay in the fight, one day at a time. Whether you are on the highest of highs or lowest of lows, Jesus will be faithful to meet you with a gentle whisper even in the darkest of nights. 

Pray

Your good and gracious God is waiting to meet with you. Open His word and let the peace of His presence be a steady anchor for your anxious heart. As you quiet yourself before him, He will be found.

Scriptures: Psalms 51:1-19, 2 Corinthians 5:17-21, Lamentations 3:22-23, 1 Peter 5:6-11

The Clean Heart

Another day of navigating a deployment means another opportunity to recount my many failures. As I sat on the stairs, playing back scenarios in my head, I reflected on how quickly I had become someone I didn’t like. In the art of trying to be everything to everyone, I failed on all accounts. 

The growing pressure weighed heavy on my soul, and I was at a breaking point. Shame and guilt sat alongside me at this pity party, and I continued in my downward spiral. I questioned every little thing. I began comparing myself to other wives navigating deployment and started feeling envy towards them. I was frustrated at my husband, who was thousands of miles away, blaming him for how I felt. 

Why is this all so hard for me? Why am I the only one struggling? 

Amid my sadness and solitude, the Lord graciously reminded me that He has forgiven me, and He was with me. In an instant, something shifted within me. My “woe is me” moment turned into a time of prayer. I began laying it all at my Father’s feet rather than holding it all in. I realized I didn’t have to pretend with him. He welcomed my brutal honesty. There was something so freeing about relinquishing control and accepting His help. 

In Psalms, David had a moment like this. He was riddled with guilt and felt the heaviness of his sin. Rather than continuing to hold on to it, he cried out to the Lord. God freed David from the weight he was carrying. David could rest in God’s forgiveness. His heart was made clean. 

Sometimes, it’s too easy to rely on our own strength and try to carry the burdens of this military life on our own. Something beautiful happens when we lay our pride aside and cry out to the Lord for help. 

Take heart, military wife. He forgives us of our sins and purifies us from the inside out. His presence tenderly comforts us and gently reminds us that we are made new in Him. 

Pray

Today, ask the Lord to forgive the sin that has been revealed by the pressure of military life. Remember, it is good and kind of the Lord to allow us to go through trials. The extra pressure exposes our heart condition and requires us to turn to God. You are forgiven, military wife. His love and mercy for you are made new every morning.

Scriptures: Ezekiel 36:24-30, Colossians 3:12-16, Ephesians 4:31-32, Philippians 4:6-7

The Tender Heart

We were minutes away from reuniting with my husband after a long deployment at sea. 

Military homecomings are joyous times. However, hiding behind the smiles are bruises and abrasions on our hearts from months of loneliness, fear from proximity to war, exhaustion, and intense decision fatigue. 

I struggled with fear. This wasn’t our first homecoming, and I knew too well the challenges and transitions that lay ahead of this happy day. Maybe you know that fear as well. What if this time we didn’t make it? What if this was one deployment too many? 

My heart was naturally sunny and hopeful when I was younger, but years of military life had been hard on my heart. My husband had missed over three years of our family’s life, and I was exhausted. I felt anxious about always starting over and having little choice in the most important details of our lives. I began drifting towards cynicism, anger, and fear. At the root of my bitter heart was a lack of trust in God’s goodness. 

One desperate night, God showed me the damage my heart was causing. I begged Him to rescue me from the sea of fear and doubt because my heart of stone was causing me to sink. At that moment, He invited me to trust Him with not only the circumstances of my life but also with my heart, which was precious to Him. He immediately covered me with peace, and the fear left like the flip of a light switch. 

We had some challenging days ahead, and we still do. Military life is exceptionally hard, but God is good! Jesus came to give us abundant life, and I’m looking to Him expectantly! 

God is the softener of hearts, and He guides us in keeping them tender. Practicing gratitude helps us to recognize His presence and goodness. Serving others trains our hearts to love people the way He does. Seeking to know God more through His Word and prayer gives us discernment and strengthens our faith. God has changed my course to peace, hopefulness, forgiveness, and healing. What gifts! 

Take heart, military wife. It’s safe to keep your heart tender and vulnerable because God is so good and loves you with a love that never fails. 

Pray

If you are struggling with a bitter heart, there is hope ahead. Ask God to give you a tender heart that trusts Him. Ask for help to surrender your fear, anger, and bitterness over to Him. Be gracious with yourself in knowing that the work of the Holy Spirit transforms your heart in His perfect time. He is trustworthy and good!

Scriptures: Psalms 31:24,Romans 15:13, Psalms 62:5, Romans 12:12

The Hopeful Heart

Military wife, are you on the mountaintop or desperately crawling through the trenches? Wherever you are, I can tell you with unwavering certainty that there is hope. 

Not just hope for a different duty station, a better community, or perfectly executed plans. But a hope that extends to you beyond your circumstances and settles your heart. Jesus is the only one who can provide hope that reaches beyond what is seen and penetrate the unseen. The hope found in Him will sustain you with true and tangible joy, not fleeting happiness that fades with heartache. 

The Holy Spirit lives within the heart of every person who confesses and believes that Jesus Christ is Lord. God, the all-powerful, all-knowing, and loving Creator, dwells within us. He enables us, not only to endure hardship but to persevere and thrive despite it. He sits with us through suffering and challenges and transforms our hearts to become more like Him. 

Hope in God isn’t a quick fix for the problems we endure. Instead, it offers a shift in perspective that allows us to set our hearts on an eternal perspective no matter what we face. 

Take heart, military wife. God is good, and He is for you. A heart that spends time in His presence and in His Word, is a heart that overflows with hope. 

Pray

Ask the Lord to help you surrender your desire for control. Thank God for His faithfulness in your circumstances and invite Him to transform your perspective. Remember that He is a good Father, actively working all things together for your good.

Scriptures: Psalms 13:1-6, 2 Corinthians 3:4-6, Hebrews 4:16

The Confident Heart

In the darkness of night, when the house is silent, and it’s just me with my thoughts, I find myself wrestling with hard questions. 

Am I doing enough? 

Am I loving and supporting my husband and family enough? 

Is this military life too much? Will we make it? Are we going to be okay? 

I call out to God in prayer, desperate for peace and desperate for His presence. 

Where are you, God? Are you here with me? Do you hear my desperate cries? How long, Lord, until you answer my prayers? How long, Lord? 

As a military wife, I’ve spent many lonely nights crying out to God, hopeful that He hears me, believing that God is good and has a plan even though the realities of life feel hard and not so good. 

I’m reminded of the Psalmist, David, who also cried out to God, how long, Lord? 

In Psalm 13, his words could be my own as I wait on the goodness of God. 

How long do we have to be here at this duty station? 

How long until our marriage is restored? 

How long until I find my community and circle of friends? 

How Long, Lord? 

As I read the words of scripture, there is a word that stands out the most, and we see it in verse 5. 

But. 

The Psalmist says, “But I trust in your unfailing love.” 

But despite it all. 

Despite the struggles, the long wait, and the pain, I will trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because He is good to me. 

I know the heartache can weigh heavy, but can I encourage you to rest in the goodness of God? Hold firm to the promises of God that tell us He loves us and is faithful to meet us in the trenches of this military life. The word of God tells us that we can be confident in God. When all else fails, when we are at the end of our own strength, God is there. 

Always. Forever. 

Take heart, military wife, because Jesus has walked the hard path. He suffered and grew weary. He felt the weight of life and was tempted in every way, yet he didn’t sin. Because of this, we can approach God with confidence, knowing that He not only understands our pain but loves us enough to bring comfort in the deepest trenches of this military life. 

We can be confident that no matter what, we are truly never alone.