Joy & the Single Mom: By Jennifer Maggio

Scripture: Mark 8:29

“I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

Have you recently found yourself saying or thinking that? What mother hasn’t been there? The endless demands of changing diapers, working two jobs, and juggling parenthood, while piles of dirty clothes and bills mount in the air can leave us feeling unseen, under-valued, and identity-less. If we aren’t careful, we find ourselves moving from duty to duty, demand to demand, activity to activity, and often lose our joy in the season we are in. Think about it. When the babies are nursing, you can’t wait for them to spoon-feed. When they are toddling, you can’t wait for them to potty-train. When they are playing sports, you can’t wait until they can drive themselves to practice. And through the process, we somehow feel we’ve lost who we are, constantly waiting on the next season – because surely it will be easier! I get it! When I was a young single mom with two kids and two jobs and taking college classes at night, there were times when I quite literally thought I would lose my mind. I was tired. I was mad. I was disappointed. I was hurt. Joy was nowhere in sight. It was time for a self-assessment. I didn’t even know who I was anymore! 

Step 1 to restoring your joy as a single mom: Learn where you are anchored!

As moms, we are chauffeurs, counselors, dishwashers, consultants, chefs, fixers, clothes washers, and kissers of skinned knees. All those things are wonderful, but the danger lies when our “doing” becomes our defining. If we aren’t careful, our doing becomes a pursuit of doing more, becoming more, and being more. Many of our days are consumed with putting out one fire after another. Your value doesn’t come from your checklist of activities, the grades your kids are earning, your marital status, the size of your waistline, or the money in your checking account! You are anchored to Christ and find your value in Him alone. 

I love what Jesus asked the disciples in Mark 8, “Who do you say I am?” Jesus had just fed 4,000 and healed a blind man. He spent his days busy doing his Father’s business. But Jesus knew it was important his disciples understood who he was and not simply what he was doing. His defining was rooted in the love of the Father. 

Our joy is restored when we realize we cannot anchor ourselves to our activities. Our identity comes through Christ, and He is the lifter of our heads and restorer of our joy. As we go deeper into Him, we learn that our stability, strength, and peace are found in the eternal source of all peace. We can experience joy, despite our circumstances. Our situations are never our path to joy. Our doing is never our path to joy. When our hope and identity are anchored to Christ, there is joy there. 

Points to Ponder:

• Other than a mom, who am I? Have I spent too much time pursuing value in my doing? 

Scripture: Galatians 5:22-23

What does your fruit look like?

Would your kids say that you are happy? Would they say you are fun? When you spend time with them, are you fostering an environment where they can laugh, dance, sing, and be silly, enjoying life? What is the climate that you created in your home? 

We know joy is a fruit of the spirit, but what are we doing to grow joy in our lives? How are we positioning ourselves to see the fruit of joy in our day-to-day lives? Fruit grows over time. If our immediate response to life’s challenges is to complain, we’ll fail to walk in joy, producing a harvest of complaints; but if we learn to respond in joy (even when we don’t feel joyful), it will become a habit. What fruit are you growing? 

Step 2 to restoring your joy as a single mom: Grow your fruit!

Are you creating an environment of rich soil with plenty of water and sunshine? In other words, what are you doing emotionally, spiritually, and physically so the seed of joy will take root and grow in your life? If you create ground rich with complaining, bitterness, and anger, that is what will grow! Position joy, gratitude, and hope as the fruit that grows from your life. Position yourself for the right kind of growth. This devotional is a great start. Be intentional about reading God’s word daily and consume it like living water. Joy will sustain you when life gets hard, but it requires some intention. The joy of the Lord is our strength. I don’t know about you, but I need strength to get through the demands of my day-to-day duties. I need some joy in the middle of the daily grind. I want to learn to laugh without fear of my future. I want my children to think I’m fun and not always an angry, militant, nagging mom. 

What is joy in the Lord? It’s eternal hope that what we walk through today is temporary. It teaches us that we always have something to look forward to. The joy of the Lord knows the temporary pain will end. There have been many seasons of my life where the challenges were unspeakable. I thought they would take me out. The tears were many. The nights were long, but those situations one day ended, and in each of those temporary pains, God restored beauty where ashes once were. Our God is a restorer, healer, redeemer, and miracle-maker. There is confident joy in knowing that. 

Points to Ponder:

• What can you do this week to create some fun in your home? 
• Tonight, take some time to reflect on every time you complained today. Were there times when you could have responded differently, choosing to operate in joy instead? 

Scripture: Philippians 4:19

God is always enough.

Mom, because I know your road well. I’m going to say the hard things that must be said. I have lived on food stamps and welfare, homeless, then in government housing, with no rich uncle to rescue me. I’ve had two babies pulling at my pants leg with no help and no end in sight. I have been unspeakably abused to the degree that may make some nauseous to even read about. I know the hard place of single motherhood – when you don’t feel like you can go on and are certain no one even cares. I know the loneliness, the pain, and the weight. And through it all, unequivocally, undoubtedly, and with everything in me, I say, “God is always enough.” 

Step 3 to restoring your joy as a single mom: Avoid complaining.

There is enough for us all. Our provider supplies all our needs. God owns cattle on a thousand hills. There is enough joy, blessing, and provision for us. We can genuinely celebrate when others succeed, even when we are struggling, because their success doesn’t hinder God’s plan and provision for us! We must learn to move from a scarcity mentality that believes there’s only so much provision to go around, only so much blessing to be had, or only a limited supply of joy. God’s supply is plentiful and abundant. 

To truly walk in joy, we must stop complaining about what we don’t have. His provision is always enough. We must choose to focus on what we do have. Complaining kept the Israelites from the Promised Land for 400 years. What promise has complaining kept you from? The writings of Paul to the church at Philippi give us the key that unveils the truth to finding joy. 

“Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach, or empty one, plenty or little. For I can do everything, through Christ who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:19) 

The secret to finding joy is in the day-to-day details of life. It is in being fully present in every moment, not secretly longing for the next. As a mom of twenty-somethings, I can tell you that the days of carpooling, teething, and teenagers are fleeting. Choose to enjoy today. Our God is always providing just enough for today. 

Points to Ponder:

• Create a gratitude jar or journal to focus weekly on what God provides for your family. Take the time to read over it each month with your children. 

Scripture: Philippians 4:8

Stinkin’ thinking is suffocating your joy.

It’s not fair. The kids never help. The kids never obey. The church always focuses on married couples. I’ll always be single. No one cares. I’ll always be alone. I’ll always be broke. This thinking is completely contradictory to what the Word of God teaches us. Our thought-life can rob us of our joy. The secret to joy is meditating on what is true, honorable, pure, and right. You are a new creation in Christ Jesus, according to 2 Corinthians 5:17. We are redeemed, free, hopeful, and anointed by God. We must choose to live like it in our thoughts, too. 

Step 4 to restoring your joy as a single mom: Retrain your thinking!

Our thought life is habitual. If we are meditating on the lies of others, lies of the enemy, or lies from ourselves, then we’ll become bitter. Of course, we cannot control every thought that enters our minds, but we can choose what we do with them. We must choose to respond in love, despite their words. We must choose to speak life despite our current hardships. We must focus on whatever is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. This is our focus. Ask yourself: Is what I’m thinking about worthy of praise? Is it true? 

When a thought enters our minds, we must evaluate its merit. Does this thought line up with God’s word? Does it line up with what God has said about me? Does this thought add value to my life and my children’s lives?

For example, is it true that you will never find someone, that your kids will never obey, or that you will always struggle financially? God’s word is full of promises. It is full of stories of unlikely souls that he has redeemed. We can choose to take control of our thought life and focus on those examples. We must choose to live free. Walk in authority you have been given through Christ Jesus, casting down every enemy’s lie. Tear down every stronghold. God intends you to live a wide open, spacious, abundant life in Him. We can’t meditate on lies and expect joy. 

Points to Ponder:

• Are you spending time with people and in an environment that fosters a positive thought life? 

Scripture: 1 Corinthians 2:2

Mom, it is hard, but you will make it.

Can we stop and acknowledge that parenting is hard and single parenting is even harder? When life is hard, it is much harder to find joy! For some, your single parenting experience may not even be your fault. Maybe you were cheated on, abandoned, abused, or widowed. Maybe you tried to follow God’s word and live a life surrendered and submitted to Him, yet you still wound up parenting alone. That can seem unfair, but if you want to live a life of restored joy, you will have to get good at forgetting. 

Step 5 to restoring your joy as a single mom: Practice forgetting!

Paul teaches us in 1 Corinthians 2:2 that we must get good at forgetting everything except Christ Jesus. As we focus on him, the things of this world grow dim. Forget about the offense. It doesn’t matter what they say. Forget the details and how it stung and how it wasn’t fair. Forget about past mistakes – whether yours or someone else’s. Forget about what they did to you. Forget about how the church, friends, or family weren’t there for you during a difficult time in your life. It’s time to let it go. Your offense will keep you bound in misery and despair. 

Repent where you’ve fallen short of God’s commands. Ask forgiveness when you have hurt others. Forgive those who have hurt you. And choose to move on. Focus on the future. Focus on Jesus – growing your relationship with Him – choosing to forget all else. In Him, there is fullness of joy. Push towards the prize. Run your race well. Raise those babies in the way they should go. Use your gifts and talents to serve your family, community, and church. When we are in our lane, working as unto the Lord and operating in obedience to His word, there is joy and satisfaction in every season – even seasons we didn’t expect to be in. 

People are counting on your joy to be restored – not the least of which is your children. They depend on your indescribable joy. They rely on your laughter. They are counting on you learning (or re-learning) to embrace the moment, enjoy the little things, and learn the art of truly living again. 

Points to Ponder:

• Are there sins in your life of which you have not repented?