Many of us are walking around, nursing wounds from the things people have said or done. We continuously struggle under the weight of that baggage because we’re unwilling or unsure how to forgive. This plan isn’t about letting someone off the hook or making others feel better. It’s for you. It’s about learning how to forgive so that you can heal, find freedom from your past, and begin living changed.Changed Women’s Ministries
Day 1
Scriptures: Ephesians 4:31-32, Matthew 6:14-15, Matthew 18:21-22
Forgiveness
Many of us carry around the weight of unforgiveness. Some because we don’t know how to forgive. Others because we are unwilling to let go of what has been said and done to us. Forgiveness doesn’t mean what was done was ok, but unforgiveness only offers us bitterness, anger, hate, and pride. If we’re not careful, our past hurts can shape our lives and destroy us from the inside out.
To live in the freedom that Christ has for us, we have to learn how to forgive and shed the heaviness that comes from holding onto our pain. While our natural tendency is to push away the discomfort and challenge of forgiving, as Christ followers, we’re called to lean into it. Working through the things in our past with God is what enables us to move forward.
Unfortunately, it’s not a one-time process. Forgiveness is a constant part of our lives. It’s something we have to work on every day as new offenses happen. Business relationships require grace, so we’re not working in a toxic environment. Marriage is a constant ebb and flow of humility. And sometimes, we need to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we’ve made, realizing we don’t have to hold onto something God has already forgiven.
The reality is everyone is wounded. We all have hurts that color the way we see the world and cause us to respond the way we do. But we can’t use our hurts as an excuse for bad behavior. Not when God is waiting patiently for us to give him our pain, so He can heal us.
Dealing with old wounds, on our own, can be overwhelming. Hurtful words and actions, both big and small, can pile up into something seemingly insurmountable. But the truth is, nothing is impossible with our God!
As you read through this plan, choose just one thing you’ve struggled to forgive and keep it in mind. You may need to follow this process several times to work through all your wounds—piece by piece and layer by layer. You don’t have to take it on all at once. Start with something small, and work toward your biggest hurts.
Day 2
Scriptures: Genesis 50:17-20, Colossians 3:13-15
Surrender
For us to truly forgive those who have hurt us, we have to learn to surrender.
Now, “surrender” can be one of those words that makes people squeamish. We tend to equate it with losing a battle—waving a white flag and allowing the enemy to overtake us. But when we surrender to God, we can view it differently.
With God, surrender means being open handed with our hurt and pain so that He can take it from us. He is full of love, mercy, and compassion for each of us. We don’t have to be afraid to give our pain to God because we can trust Him to be tender, and handle our hearts with care.
Surrender also means giving up our desire for revenge. It’s natural for us to want to see someone pay the consequences for their actions. Even God has a righteous anger toward sin and injustice. But we have to accept that only God can judge a person’s heart. We don’t get to decide whether someone receives punishment or grace, and holding on to our need for vengeance will only leave us with bitterness.
If we want to find peace, we have to give our anger and pride over to God and focus on our own hearts. Surrender is a conscious choice to lay our pain and desire for control at His feet and ask God to do a work in us. It’s saying we can’t forgive on our own and we need His help.
As Christ followers, surrender is something we do daily—even when we don’t want to do it. Sometimes when we’re working through forgiveness, we have to surrender the same pain to God multiple times. When old feelings stir up, we forgive again and again until it no longer upsets us. With God’s grace, all things are forgivable.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean what happened is ok. It doesn’t mean we let that person back into our lives or allow them to hurt us again. And it doesn’t necessarily mean having a face-to-face conversation—the person doesn’t even have to still be alive for us to forgive them because it’s not about them. It’s an acknowledgement in a moment that is just between us and God. It’s about inviting Him in so He can heal our hearts.
Take a moment to pray and give the one hurt you’re focusing on, for this plan, and surrender it to God. Tell Him you need His help and that you trust Him with the results.
Day 3
Scriptures: 2 Corinthians 1:3-5, Psalms 147:3-5
Healing
I remember when I was little and I’d fall down and scrape my knee. I knew it meant the dreaded hydrogen peroxide treatment wasn’t far behind, but I would put it off as long as possible because it stung like crazy! No matter how much I reasoned, I could never get away with pouring it over the wound just once. It always took multiple times until it was clean, and blowing on it only brought so much relief. It wasn’t a pleasant experience, but a necessary one for healing.
Just like healing from a scraped knee, we know healing from past offenses isn’t instantaneous. Typically, the bigger and deeper the wound means the longer and more painful the healing process. For us to fully heal and be able to freely forgive, we need help that only comes from Jesus.
Surrendering our pain to God allows Him to begin cleaning out the bitterness and anger that could otherwise fester inside us and spread infection throughout our lives. It can be incredibly difficult for us to revisit past hurts. But when we let God into those spaces that ache, He will help us release our grip on resentment and give us the strength to forgive.
As we work through the pain, we can show our real feelings to God. He can handle our emotions, whether we’re full of rage or full of sorrow. He wants to hear about our lives from us, even when it’s ugly and imperfect. We can shout at Him or cry out to Him. We can think the words we don’t dare to say or moan the ones we don’t know how to say. We can write out our prayers or sing them at the top of our lungs. Whatever communication method we choose, God just wants us to choose to include Him.
Like a scraped knee that toughens up as it scars over, God makes us stronger as He heals us. He builds our perseverance and gives purpose to our pain. Though our wounds may leave scars that become a part of our story, we don’t have to own them as part of our identity. We can let go of our pain, ask God to heal us, and choose to forgive.
Pause now to revisit one hurt you’re struggling to forgive. Think about how it made you feel, what you believe about yourself as a result, and how it has impacted your relationships. Then prayerfully declare it no longer has power over you. Say it’s forgiven, even if you don’t feel it, and ask God to help you mean it in your heart.
Day 4
Scriptures: Romans 12:2, 1 Peter 5:8-10, Matthew 7:24-27
Restoration
If we let the pain echo through us, it’ll overtake our lives. Instead, God offers us restoration. It’s through our surrender and by His healing power that God is able to put us back together better than we ever were.
Too often, we believe lies about ourselves as a result of the hurtful things said and done to us. But when we surrender the lies that come with the hurts, God replaces them with truth. He reshapes our identity based on what He says about us and not based on how we were treated. He restores us back to the masterpiece He created before we were torn down by storms, demolition, and destruction.
Restoration is where we begin to walk in the truth that we’re not what happened to us or what was said about us—we are children of God. Though others may reject us, He never will. We’re not victims. We’re victorious in Christ! It’s a shift in mentality and focus to recognize we are overcomers by the blood of Jesus.
Restoration is the business He’s in. He raised Lazarus from the dead. He made the lame to walk and the blind to see. It’s what He does—repairs, heals, and gives life. When we trust Him with our pain and trust Him with our future, He is faithful to bring hardened hearts back to life.
It makes me think of a house. When age and weather have worn it down over time, houses need to be repaired by someone with experience. To restore a house, builders don’t just repaint the walls and install new carpet. They build a new foundation and reinforce the structure so it can stand against future wear and tear.
Just like a house, we need to repair our foundation before any external beautification is made. True restoration means taking the time to go through deep healing with God, so we can not only forgive others, but be vulnerable with them again. Restoration means loving those who hurt us out of obedience to Christ, and because we want to be more like Him.
With a well-built home, strong winds can come and it won’t be knocked down. In our lives, God’s presence is enough to renew our minds, guide us toward peace that surpasses all understanding, and help us love others well—despite the storm blowing around us.
As you continue through the healing process, declare your faith in God’s power of restoration and ask Him to restore the broken pieces of your life. Ask Him to reveal His truth about who you are and let that, not your pain, reign over you. Finally, ask God to soften your heart so you can fully love the people around you.
Day 5
Scriptures: 2 Corinthians 10:5, Proverbs 12:26, Proverbs 13:20, Ephesians 2:10
Boundaries
With the restoring power of God living inside us, we can learn to trust and be vulnerable with people again after we’ve been hurt. But that doesn’t always mean things should return to the way they once were. Setting boundaries is both healthy and necessary in this broken world.
When we forgive someone, it doesn’t mean we have to accept their future bad behavior or willingly put ourselves in harm’s way again. In fact, by not having boundaries in place, we’re essentially saying we don’t believe we deserve to be treated well. But when we put healthy boundaries in place, we’re declaring we are worthy of love and respect.
Now, there’s a difference between boundaries and walls. Boundaries give others the rules for interacting with us, while walls keep everyone at a distance. As Christ followers, it’s important we learn to strike the right balance between assertiveness and vulnerability.
Boundaries are necessary to protect what is sacred to us. If we don’t like who we become around someone, we should limit the amount of time we spend with them. If someone makes us feel less than who God made us to be, we should stand up for ourselves and put boundaries in place. We’re supposed to love our enemies, but that doesn’t mean we have to have lunch with them.
Healthy boundaries means making changes if there are people who are unsafe or unwise to be around. We sometimes put ourselves in dangerous or hurtful situations because we want so badly for others to know Jesus. But we need to understand that, though He might choose to use us, God doesn’t need us to save them. He is already pursuing their hearts, and He will not stop. If it’s unwise to be around someone, love them from afar by praying for them.
Sometimes the boundaries we need aren’t external but internal. We say terrible things about ourselves that we would never say about someone else. Even off-hand remarks like “I’m such an idiot” or “I look awful today” can impact our feelings of self-worth over time. When we’re tempted to speak or think negatively about ourselves, we need to speak biblical truth over our lives instead. We must remember that God sees us as His masterpiece and combat every lie with truth.
Think about the hurt you’re working to forgive, and consider what boundaries you need to put in place to protect yourself from future harm. Whether it’s spending less time with someone, telling them it’s not ok for them to speak harshly to you, or changing your own vocabulary about yourself, ask God to help you strike a healthy balance with your boundaries.
Day 6
Scriptures: Philippians 3:12-14, Proverbs 3:21-26, John 10:10
Moving Forward
Sometimes we feel like others don’t deserve our forgiveness for what they’ve said or done. We feel justified in withholding forgiveness from them, but in reality, we’re only storing up more anger, bitterness, and sadness. Forgiving others actually gives us the freedom to move forward from our pain.
Just because we’ve been hurt in the past doesn’t mean we should shut others out or shut down our hearts. We shouldn’t put the sins of people from our past on those we meet in the future. That limited life is not what God wants for us.
When we choose to surrender to God’s will for our lives and forgive daily, we can walk through every day as a restored child of God. We can be available, engaged, and transparent with the people in our lives, knowing that God is our unfailing protector. We can live from an identity that comes from who Christ says we are, not from what others say about us.
In my experience, wounded people wound people. When we’re able to see that those around us are wounded too, they don’t become our enemy just because they’re hateful to us. We begin to recognize that something in their past causes them to act out of their pain. It should ignite our compassion, not our anger. Like us, they are walking wounded in need of forgiveness, healing, and restoration.
We have a very real enemy, but it’s not the people who hurt us. It’s a spiritual enemy who wants to destroy our joy, peace, and relationships. Even after we forgive, we have to stay vigilant. Our enemy will do whatever he can to drag us back into our pain and cause destruction in our lives. We must put on the full armor of God every day and combat the enemy’s schemes by forgiving others as Christ first forgave us.
With God’s help, we can get to a place where we trust Him completely with our past and our future. He uses what’s happened in our lives to draw us closer to Him. He builds our faith up until we know He will heal us again because He healed us before. He gives our pain purpose by using us to encourage someone else through their struggle.
When we surrender our pain and allow God to heal us, we can freely forgive others and be grateful for whatever happens because we know He will use our story for His glory. We’re called to love more and forgive more as we become more like Jesus.
As we wrap up this plan, commit to continuing the hard work of forgiving others. Consider rereading this plan as you trust God to heal your hurts, one layer at a time.
We pray God used this plan to minister to your heart.