Receiving a phone call that shared a breast cancer diagnosis after already 20+ years as a cancer survivor was a devastating blow I’d never expected to encounter. Join me in this 4-day devotional as we explore God’s redemptive grace during a season that, though difficult, truly demonstrates our Father’s unfailing love for His children.Nikkia Hines
Day 1
Scriptures: Psalms 23:4, Psalms 30:5
The Valley Of The Shadow Of Death
It was February 1, 2021. I was in my living room with my family and received the phone call that changed my life. After begrudgingly yielding to my mother’s urges to restart my annual Survivor’s Care regimen and get a routine mammogram, which led to an unexpected biopsy…the breast surgeon delivered the shocking news that there was a 1.7cm finding of breast cancer in my right breast. “Utter disbelief” would be an understated way to describe how I felt after that gut-punch of information.
Sure, I had survived Hodgkins’ Lymphoma two decades prior and knew that the part of my treatment that required radiation in my chest area put me at risk for this. BUT, it was 20 years ago, no one in my family has had breast cancer, and I followed all of my doctor’s orders. I didn’t eat fast food or other junk. I wasn’t doing drugs or drinking alcohol. I even nursed my daughter for almost three years to prevent this from occurring! Why is this happening to ME? Why do I deserve this?? I’m a faithful daughter in Christ, Lord! You know my life is submitted to spreading your glory….hadn’t I survived through enough in my life??
This is exactly what I was thinking for at least the first four days after receiving that call. It was DARK. My heart was completely broken and I was catapulted to such a low place both spiritually and mentally. Simply put, I was hurt. Me, the person who published a faith-based devotional centered in motivating others, the person completely devoted to healing and cycle-breaking and living whole, free lives. The plummet was real. It was through this dark season of feeling let down and disappointment in the response to my prayers and faith surrounding the recent biopsy that actually became the launching pad to a deeper level of relationship with Jesus. This was definitely the “valley of the shadow of death” described in Psalm 23:4. And…as also mentioned in that scripture, His rod and His staff truly did comfort me.
If you’re reading this and have recently received a diagnosis, or have been in the trenches for some time now, I want you to know that the Lord sees you. He acknowledged in His Word that weeping may endure for a night, but joy will come in the morning. Morning is on its way. Put your faith in that, no matter how deep it seems right now. Morning will come. In Jesus’ Name!
Day 2
Scriptures: Hebrews 10:25, Romans 8:28, Psalms 23:6, Deuteronomy 31:6
Don’t Walk Alone
After I accepted that this was indeed, not a bad dream that I just needed to wake up from, I knew that I had to share the news and allow myself to rest in the support of my community. One person who was pivotal in helping me lift my head again was one of my sorority sisters and a fellow sister in Christ. She also was a survivor of breast cancer and I had just met her briefly through a mutual friend the year prior.
We hopped on a phone call and I don’t recall exactly what she said or asked that broke down any introverted barriers I had, but I shared it all with her. As a woman of faith, I think I was carrying shame about how weak my faith felt in this situation and I was carrying that burden alone. I didn’t know what my prayers meant to God anymore. I was questioning everything. But after baring my heart to her, she gently helped me to pick up the shattered pieces of my heart and to surrender them back to God…just as they were. I didn’t need to be perfect or be anyone else’s cheerleader at that moment; my conversation with her was the reminder I needed that God’s love was still present in my life and that even the things that aren’t sent by God can be used by Him. Her charge to me as we ended our call was to dig down deep and make sure that I understood those principles in order to fully receive my healing.
That moment of gentle and loving admonition is such a testament to the power of community in our lives. God created us as relational beings! To the person going through this journey of healing (or preparing to start), do not underestimate the power of the village. It is critical that you have at least one person in your corner that can be a pillar of faith in your moments of weakness. It’s ok if you feel yourself faltering and in need of strength, but it’s not ok for you to try to weather this storm alone. Your village can be made up of family, friends, and/or an online community. You deserve to rest in the power, love, prayers, and grace of others. Gift yourself the blessing of a tribe that will help to carry you through this journey.
Day 3
Scriptures: Mark 4:35-40, Psalms 46:10, Mark 5:36, Matthew 9:28
Be Still
My diagnosis happened on February 1st and my mastectomy was scheduled on February 19th. Talk about a fast turnaround!! Looking back, I’m amazed at how fast, yet powerful those 2.5 weeks were! Once I finally picked my face up from the ground from the initial shock and put on my armor of faith through declaring and truly believing for my healing without a doubt, it was like I encountered God’s reassurance at every turn. On the radio, during praise & worship at church, at the fitting for my post-surgery garments, it was so clear that the Holy Spirit was speaking to me and letting me know that I was covered. I remember reaching out to my sister in Christ again because I needed to make some important decisions as it related to which route I’d take for treatment and she told me point-blank: “Whatever God says, listen and DO IT.”
In expectancy, I prayed for guidance to help me clearly identify which path to take, basically looking for some sort of sign and was humbled by God’s sense of humor. Do you know what His response was to my plea?? “Be still, and know that I am God.” If I didn’t hear His whisper so clearly, I would have gone back to my prayer closet for a do-over, but by that point, I was out in the desert surrendered to wherever He was leading me. Isn’t that just like our Father, though?
This makes me think of the story when Jesus and His disciples were on the boat during an intense storm. The disciples, much like me in this moment…and us all in human frailty, were frantic. Panicking, they woke our precious Jesus out of His precious slumber and I just imagine Him giving them that stare of death that we give when people mess with our sleep. “Where is your faith?” is the question He asked…it’s like He says to us in storms, “don’t you even know who I am?” Psalms 46:10 is a scripture forever etched in my heart. Storms can’t outlast Jesus. Storms don’t even stand a chance of waking Jesus up from a nap. Stormy moments don’t require me to fret and panic and pace; they’re an opportunity for me to demonstrate my faith in Him and His mighty power to calm the storm with two words: “Be. Still.”
Day 4
Scriptures: John 10:10, Isaiah 53:5, Ephesians 6:10-11, James 1:12, Ephesians 3:20-21
Live NOW.
By the time February 19, 2021 arrived, my faith had been rebuilt bigger and better than ever! I was back in the Holy Ghost ring and was fully anticipating a miracle. Reminder, this was also smack-dab in the middle of the pandemic caused by COVID-19 and at that time, visitors were not allowed to wait with patients before surgery. My Mom, husband, and daughter dropped me off at the hospital and my sweet hubby walked me to the breast center (as far as he was allowed to go). My favorite realization that occurred (way) after surgery was that even though I was technically alone from that moment until it was time for me to go home, I never FELT alone.
I was COVERED. There was absolutely no fear in my spirit. I remember being in my pre-surgery room (in true fashion) sharing encouragement with my medical team and assuring them that I believed in them and that I knew they’d take good care of me. I also was walking in expectation of Ephesians 3:20 manifestations all throughout the day, which I’d coined “Miracle Day.” God proved His Word to be true! The tumor that was once 1.7cm shrank to 1.2 cm in less than 3 weeks….REVERSING itself. The lymph nodes had no signs of cancer in them. The needle didn’t even hurt going in my arm AND I went home in less than 12 hours after my arrival.
None of that is “normal” protocol for what could happen in a situation like this and I share this with deep sensitivity because I know it is not the story of every person diagnosed with cancer. It was certainly not my story the first time around when I experienced surgery and chemotherapy and radiation and pills and extreme nausea and blood transfusions and bone marrow transplants. Please know I FULLYunderstand the miracle that occurred. My hope is that as you read my story today, you are reminded of just how beautifully God can turn any situation around when we accept our healing as ours, put full trust in Him to be in control of our situation, and walk with expectancy.
Christ died so that we can have life ABUNDANTLY. Fellow Survivors, I don’t know where you are in your journey, but I deeply hope you take your power back from the enemy. What he meant for evil, God can certainly use for our good. By His stripes you ARE healed. It’s time for you to LIVE. Be intentional with every morning granted to you by His grace. Share the good news; be walking billboards of God’s healing powers. And if you’ve lost someone to this disease, LIVE in honor of them. Make healthy choices and decisions that would make them proud. Don’t wait until tomorrow to live. Live *abundantly* today.