Anger can be all-consuming. It robs us of joy, can destroy relationships, contributes to health problems, and even addiction. But it is possible to gain victory over anger. This 3-day devotional plan will show you how. You don’t have to stay grumpy or lose your temper. With God’s help, you can learn how to overcome anger.Plan provided by Ben Bennett and Resolution Movement.
Day 1
Scriptures: Genesis 1:27, Psalms 139:13-16, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Let’s Talk About Anger
What is anger? It is a strong or subtle feeling of displeasure or annoyance. There are many synonyms for anger: rage, fury, indignation, wrath, outrage, exasperation, and more. When we feel anger, our heart rate can increase, our body may feel tense, we may clench our fists, and our thinking becomes irrational.
In my life, anger mostly shows up internally through irritability or bitterness that rises towards somebody I feel has rejected me. Like, that time in high school the girl I had a crush on came to the biggest dance of the year with me and then disappeared for the rest of the night. Then, I found her dancing with one of my best friends (#not bitter, at least, not anymore . . . I think!).
Is anger wrong? No. Anger is an emotion. God created us with all kinds of emotions: love, joy, peace, sadness, amusement, awe, fear, disgust, surprise, boredom, and much more. We are complex beings. God made us this way intentionally, with wisdom and love. He made us in His image. And the truth is, God displays many different emotions in Scripture. He feels compassion (Psalm 103:13). He feels grief (Psalm 78:40). He feels joy (Zephaniah 3:17). He even feels anger (Numbers 32:13).
Our emotions cannot be bad. There are no good emotions or negative emotions. All are good and God-given. But what we do with them matters. God is holy. He is righteous even when He is angry (Psalm 7:11). Like Him, we should have righteous anger about the injustice we see. We should allow ourselves to feel angry about the hurt, grief, and pain we or those we love have experienced. There is “a time for everything” (Ecclesiastes 3:1) and a proper place for anger.
Ephesians 4:26 says, “In your anger, do not sin.” As humans, we often end up lashing out at others or we have negative thoughts towards them when we are angry. At other times, we withhold love and we don’t treat people the way they deserve to be treated. Sometimes, we hold on to our anger and become bitter. When that happens, we are not free. We are held captive by our own anger. The good news is we can learn to feel and process our anger without sinning and hurting others.
God, sometimes I burn with anger. I feel I can’t control my temper. I think, say, and do hurtful things. Please help me. I need to know how to handle my emotions.
Day 2
Scriptures: James 1:19-21, Psalms 34:1-7
Behind the Anger
Early in life, I was riddled with anger, feelings of worthlessness, depression, and anxiety. My friends made fun of my weight, rooting in me a deep sense of rejection. My father’s frequent emotional and physical abuse toward me led me not only to feel inadequate but also to fear for my safety. Because I did not understand God’s love for me or feel secure in Him, I was very afraid of what might happen if I died. My father worked long hours at the office and traveled for weeks at a time. I felt his physical distance, but things were not much better when he was home. He was quick to get angry and yell at me when I misbehaved. His anger was explosive. I felt I couldn’t measure up to his expectations. I wasn’t told why things were wrong; I just had to obey. I could never explain myself because doing so was seen as “talking back.”
At the age of eight, I began reacting to those painful realities. I would respond angrily to my dad, lashing out in an attempt to protect myself from hurt. I developed anxiety and was always on alert, anticipating the next time I would experience rejection. I turned inward, accepting the lies that others were communicating about my value and experiencing depression because of it.
For decades, anger was a way for me to deal with fear and rejection. Because I did not feel safe and was repeatedly hurt by those around me, I lashed out at them. Fear and anger are two sides of the same coin. Much of the time, anger is a way to try to protect ourselves when we’re afraid. Anger had been my way of trying to control and keep others at a distance for years.
As I learned more about God’s love and found help through supportive friendships, I started to heal. One of the things that helped the most was that I learned to ask myself what fear was behind my anger. Once I identified that fear, I then identified and told myself the truth. I would take deep breaths, ask God for help, and relentlessly tell myself the truth about the situation.
For example, if a friend disagreed with me, rather than obsessing about it and staying angry, I’d remember I was fearing something. I was fearing rejection and anger was a way to try to protect myself. I’d remember that they are free to disagree with me because their opinions are valid and they are uniquely made in God’s image and different from me. I’d remember they are not rejecting me, but even if they were, I am loved, accepted, and valued by God. He created me and He’s the only one who can determine my value. As I pressed into this process, I became less reactive, less irritable, less angry, and much more at peace in life.
God, help me discover what’s behind my anger. I want to dismantle the lies and fears that bind me.
Day 3
Scriptures: Romans 12:19, 1 Corinthians 10:13, James 4:7, 1 Timothy 6:11-13
Freedom from Anger
Anger. It can become the background noise of your life, turning into bitterness, irritability, or resentment. How do you let go and find peace? Anger in and of itself isn’t wrong. But it can lead us to lash out toward others, hold on to negative thoughts, or treat people in ways they don’t deserve to be treated.
We can be set free from feeling controlled by our anger and its negative effects. We can learn to process our anger with Jesus and others and find healing as we get the help we need. How do we start?
First, name it. If you have been used to hiding your anger from others, you might need to take a hard look at the words you use to express it. Maybe you tend to say “I’m not angry; I’m annoyed.” Or, “I’m not angry; I’m frustrated.” Or, “I’m not angry; the truth is you can’t take a joke.” Or, “I’m not angry; just leave me alone.” Acknowledging anger is the first step, and if you’re reading this devotional, you’ve already begun.
Second, allow yourself to feel your anger. This is a hard step because many of us have been told that anger is sin and we have learned to shove it down. But feeling anger is a part of being a healthy human who feels other emotions like grief and sadness. We have to process our anger. This requires that we examine what we are angry about. Recalling the injustice, abuse, or neglect that sparked our anger is painful. We might wish for revenge, but God’s Word warns against this temptation. We can forgive by surrendering the wrongs done to us to God, the just Judge. This is not letting people off the hook; it’s letting God sort things out.
Third, determine what’s behind your anger so that you can address it. What fear has driven you to rely on anger? What lies have you believed? Perhaps you feel rejected, not safe, not affirmed, or invalidated. The devil is the father of lies, and you do not have to listen to him.
Fourth, process your feelings with God and others. Allow God to comfort you. Make your concerns and hurt known to Him. Safe people can help you to think about the past and the ways you grew used to employing anger as a defense. They can help you process your pain, affirm your feelings, and give you new experiences of feeling safe and accepted.
Finally, fight to believe the truth rather than lies. Instead of pouring energy into holding grudges, coming up with comebacks, and plotting revenge, seek God’s help and His Word, which is “able to build you up” (Acts 20:32). Remember that He loves you, values you, and is your Protector. You can leave unhealthy anger behind. It’s possible. You don’t have to stay angry. You can be free.
God, I believe that You can bring healing to this area of my life. Help me overcome my anger. I want to be free.