Overcoming Church Hurt

Scriptures: 1 Peter 5:7, Psalms 145:18, Psalms 147:3, Psalms 71:20

Acknowledge The Hurt.

In one of our sessions, my therapist said to me, “Nancy, what doesn’t get healed gets passed on and you are not responsible for the world that shaped your beliefs, but you are very responsible for the world you create through your beliefs.” This hit me hard and got me thinking about my future. What beliefs have I developed about the church that I may potentially pass on to others, especially my children? How do my thoughts and beliefs shape the world around me? 

I’ll explain why he said what he said. I was angry and speaking at 100 miles per minute about being so badly hurt by the church I was involved in. My last day at the church was extremely painful. I felt fearful, manipulated, defeated, silenced, used, betrayed, and disappointed. I joined another church the following week without processing what had happened or acknowledging my hurt and pain. My spiritual leader replaced God in my life because I placed him on a pedestal. It’s dangerous and unhealthy for anyone to do that. 

If you’re reading this devotional, I know you have a story too and your voice matters. Perhaps you’re ready to acknowledge the hurt and heal. Maybe you have children or relatives who have given up on God because of the church. Maybe you’ve not given up on God, but you’ve stopped attending church altogether because you don’t trust church people. Perhaps you’re a professional church hopper who’s afraid to commit to one church due to past hurts. 

Whatever situation you find yourself in today, throw all your cares, anxieties, hurt, pain, disappointment, and abuse on God as He commands us to do in 1 Peter 5:7 because He cares for you. Healing church hurt begins with acknowledging that you’ve been hurt, desiring to be healed by God, and desiring to forgive others. I thank you for reading this devotional. I pray you allow God to speak to you, heal you and show you great and mighty things you did not know (Jeremiah 33:3) about Him or the man or woman He’s called you to be. You can change your belief system and create a world where God is a priority in your life, and you see people through His eyes. 

Read, internalize, and pray each scripture to deepen your faith.

Scriptures: John 10:10, Hebrews 11:6, 2 Corinthians 2:11

The Enemy’s Plan For Your Life

In John 10:10 (NRSV), Jesus tells us, “The thief comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it more abundantly.” We see here that God has a plan for your life but so does the enemy. If you are not careful, the enemy can use church hurt to steal from you, kill and destroy you. You may not notice the attack coming. It could catch you off guard. 

His primary goal is to make you focus on yourself and the hurt, lose your faith, and lose your fellowship with God and His people. Let’s break this down. 

Shift the focus to you: He tells you that you have every right to be angry, bitter, and offended. He tells you that you can let go when those who hurt you acknowledge and apologize. He tells you to protect your heart by staying far from God and church people, so you do not get hurt again. He tells you, the only person that won’t hurt you is you, so focus on you. 

Faith: With all these thoughts going on, you will lose faith in God and people. Hebrews 11:6 says you can’t please God without faith. Imagine living a life like this. This can throw you into spiritual depression and pull you farther from God. You place your faith in your abilities instead of God. 

Fellowship: When you hold on to the hurt and focus on yourself and the pain, your faith dwindles, and you lose fellowship, intimacy, and a relationship with God and people. Isolated, the enemy moves in to destroy you. You may not see it coming. Destruction comes in many forms but in all ways, it robs you of so much more than you’re willing to give. 

2 Corinthians 2:11 NLT says, “so that Satan will not outsmart us. For we are familiar with his evil schemes.” The hurt is real, and I believe in placing healthy boundaries in your life to guard against toxic people but do not let the devil deceive you by making you feel that it is your absolute right to carry the hurt and remain offended, unwilling to forgive and move on. You can outsmart him! 

The dangers of such a shift in these three areas are: 

1. A shift to self makes you selfish and self-reliant to resolve the issue. This does not work. 

2. By losing faith in God, you place your faith in yourself and your limited abilities. This will eventually wear you out and make you frustrated. 

3. Isolation is the motive of the enemy in order to attack you. Remember the prodigal son. 

Read, internalize, and pray each scripture to deepen your faith.

Scriptures: 2 Corinthians 2:11, Hebrews 10:25, Romans 12:17-21, Ephesians 4:29

No Perfect Church Or People

There are no perfect churches or perfect people. We live in a fallen world where pain exists. and because of this, people, even church leaders are prone to hurt others intentionally or unintentionally. As mentioned on day 2, let’s not forget who influences evil in this world. 

You and I are also prone to hurt others especially if we’ve been hurt. Don’t get me wrong, this does not excuse the hurt, pain, disappointment, abuse, or anything you experienced in a church, but I say this to help shift your perspective, so the devil doesn’t use the hurt and the particular incident to create ungodly strongholds (lies and a belief system that the devil has told you for so long, you believe it’s the absolute truth) in your mind and heart. As hard as it may be, pray for the people who hurt you. 

It is easy to find a group of people who have also been hurt and chat about what happened, who did what, and why each of those people hates the church. The enemy loves this kind of pity party because the angrier you are, the more he tells you that Christians are bad, the church is bad, all they want is your money, and pastors are horrible people. Do these thoughts sound familiar? His ultimate goal is to destroy your fellowship with God and God’s people. Hebrews 10:25 tells us “not to neglect our meeting together…” Once you begin healing, participating in conversations that sow seeds of discord, slander, demean, gossip, or spread hurtful words about the people that hurt you, will only delay your healing. 

COVID heightened the shift to online church, and I thank God for technology but even after the world reopened, many people still believe the lie that staying home and attending church online only, is safer and better, so they do not have to deal with church people. Does that sound like you? Isolation is one of the devil’s tactics to destroy a person. It is time to release and forgive everyone who’s ever hurt you spiritually. Allow God to handle the situation so you can find true freedom to enjoy God’s blessings and promises in Christ. 

Read, internalize, and pray each scripture to deepen your faith.

Scriptures: Isaiah 53:5, 1 Peter 2:24, Matthew 17:[21]

Jesus Is Your Healer.

Church hurt is real and no matter how you define it or view it, hurt is hurt. Everyone who’s been hurt spiritually knows the toll it can take on the mind and heart. It can destroy your mindset about church, Christians, and may damage how you view God. As we mentioned on day 2, this is exactly what the enemy wants. If he can cause you to walk in hurt, bitterness, unforgiveness and anger towards God, he’s won. I want to remind you that Jesus is still a healer. He knew what was going to happen to you before it happened. He loves you so much, He died for you to be healed of past, present, and future hurt but you must trust Him enough to cast all your cares on Him. Give God your hurt today, talk to Him as you would a loving Father. 

No matter what role someone played, or you played, God is ready to heal you today if you’ll let Him. You and I, pastors, church members and everyone are God’s children. Do not allow what one of His children did to you to change how you view Him. As we said on day 1, we live in a fallen world, but God is almighty and infinite. 

It took me a while to allow God to heal me because I refused to acknowledge that I had been hurt by people I trusted. I even convinced myself that I was too spiritually mature to be hurt so it must not be real. Eventually, I dealt with my church hurt and pain with much prayer, fasting, community of true believers and a wonderful Christian therapist. 

There are no perfect churches or people but there are wonderful churches out there and I encourage you to sincerely pray to God and ask the Holy Spirit to lead you to a church home where you can feel His presence, learn, be ministered to, heal, serve, and grow. Read, internalize, and pray each scripture to deepen your faith.

Scriptures: Ephesians 4:32, Hebrews 12:15, John 8:36, Matthew 6:14-15

Get Rid Of Offense, Bitterness, And Unforgiveness

The enemy loves an offended Christian whose love and passion for the things of God have died or are slowly dying. Hurt brings offense toward the person or organization that hurt you. While you may feel you have every right to be and stay offended, God calls you to forgive and let go. If you’re waiting for someone to apologize or admit that they hurt you, you are falling for the schemes of the enemy. 

Please do not allow the enemy to deceive you into living your life in the prison of offense. While in that prison, you’ll develop bitterness and unforgiveness. Jesus died to set you free from all these and you cannot carry that weight through life. Trust me, I tried! It is very heavy and will cause you to let go of and lose things that truly matter to you. 

I encourage you to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any offense, bitterness, and unforgiveness in your heart that’s hurting you, keeping you bound, and hindering your spiritual walk with a loving God who knows exactly what to do with your pain. Forgive everyone who has hurt you in any way. Do not give them the power to continue to hurt you by holding on to offense. Have a set of godly principles you follow and set healthy boundaries in life. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation with someone that could hurt you again. It means you love God, and you love yourself too much to be bound to toxic people and places. 

Will you let go of the hurt today? Will you forgive today and let go of bitterness and offense? Will you mention the names of the people who hurt you and verbally forgive them? Will you forgive yourself? Will you pray for God to help you navigate life because hurt people hurt people? Don’t rush through this process. Forgiveness takes time. Show yourself grace as you show others grace. 

Read, internalize, and pray each scripture to deepen your faith.

Scriptures: 1 Peter 5:8-9, 1 Peter 2:1-2, John 16:13, Psalms 42:1-2, Psalms 119:105, Ephesians 6:13-17

Build A Personal, Spiritual Intimacy With God.

Jesus tells us in John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” While this scripture encourages us on how to view troubles in life, it also assures us that we will have troubles. Trouble comes in many forms and in this case, the church hurt. Being a Christian does not exclude you from being hurt. This is why it is crucial to develop an intimate relationship with God who is your source of hope, peace, freedom, victory, healing and so much more. 

As a believer, you are in the Lord’s army, and He is your commander. He has all the instructions to direct you on an unknown path, an unfamiliar territory called life. He sees ahead, He knows everything before it happens. He even knows your enemy’s every move. He has great plans and promises for you, and He promises to never leave you or forsake you. Wouldn’t you want to know Him deeply? Wouldn’t you want to spend as much time with Him as possible? Wouldn’t you make Him a priority because your life depends on it? 

This is what having intimacy with Him looks like. I love how in Genesis 18:17, God asks Himself, “Shall I hide from Abraham what I’m about to do?” God did not need Abraham’s permission to do anything but because of the intimacy between them God told Abraham His plans and even permitted Him to change God’s plans if possible. What a relationship! This is why James 2:23 tells us that Abraham was called a friend of God. This is what intimacy looks like. God desires to have such intimacy with you and even greater if you will surrender and let Him. If you will pursue Him with all your heart, mind, and soul. 

Develop the spiritual disciplines of prayer, worship, meditation, and fasting to build intimacy with God every day of the week. Ask God to bring accountability partners; destiny relationships to help you. Your greatest Helper is also the Holy Spirit. He is with you even as you read this devotional. If your devotional time with God is only during church service on Sundays, you are missing it. I read somewhere that, “a part-time Christian cannot defeat a full-time devil.” As churchy as this may sound, it is very true. 

Read, internalize, and pray each scripture to deepen your faith.

Scriptures: Proverbs 4:23, Matthew 10:16, Proverbs 3:13, Romans 8:14, Isaiah 41:10

Do Not Fall Again Into Bondage

As we bring this devotional to an end, I would like to encourage you to guard your heart with all diligence (Proverbs 4:23). What you allow into your life, your mind, and your heart is exactly what will flow out of you. In another session with my therapist, I pointed all fingers at the people who hurt me, and it wasn’t just my previous pastor. The therapist listened to me quietly and when I was done, he told me that I couldn’t blame them without looking at myself, my background, and my experiences. 

I knew him to be very honest, but I wasn’t expecting that. He went on to explain that due to my traumatic childhood and abusive past, I ignored red flags when it came to building relationships with people, especially people in positions and power. At that time, my desperate need for a fatherly figure because I was raised by a single mother; my constant yearning to please people so I could be accepted due to years of rejection and abandonment; along with my desperate need to escape an abusive home caused me to abandon all wisdom, ignore red flags and plunge into more abuse. 

Matthew 10:16 comes to mind where Jesus warned the disciples that He is sending them out as sheep amid wolves. Spiritual manipulation and abuse may happen to people who have a passion to serve, to give, and to pour their all into a ministry. There is a blessing in serving so do not allow the enemy to poison and harden your heart and love for being a servant. As you pray for God to lead you into your next church home, pray that the Holy Spirit will also give you wisdom and discernment. Jesus is ready to heal you from your past hurts, so you do not make choices moving forward based on those traumas. Unfortunately, there are many wolves out there and if you do not heal, build an intimate relationship with God, and allow the Holy Spirit to lead you and order your steps, you may fall into another cycle of abuse. 

I will be praying for you sincerely. God loves you immensely and He’s ready to mend all the broken pieces of your life. I pray you will go through this devotional more than once and pray those scriptures provided so you can arm yourself with power against the enemy of your faith. I pray you will plug into a wonderful church home and discover authentic leaders with a fear of God; true, God-fearing believers to come alongside you, and much more. I thank you for reading this devotional. 

Read, internalize, and pray each scripture to deepen your faith.