This plan is designed to help couples identify and address issues like indifference, pride, criticism, and avoidance in marriage. Each day focuses on a specific area where the hardness of the heart can form and on biblical principles to rekindle love and the connection within your marriage. Learn how to protect your marriage and become stronger together with this 5-day reading plan.
Vladimir Savchuk
Day 1
Scriptures: Ephesians 4:29, Proverbs 15:1
Marriage thrives on open, heartfelt communication.
When one or both partners begin to withhold their thoughts and emotions, they risk their hearts growing cold, which often allows the enemy to sow different forms of trouble and temptation within that marriage.
When we begin to neglect our marriage, one of the first and early signs is seen in communication. Conversations begin to be surface level and are often reduced to “Hi, bye, how are you doing?” with no real connection. As a result, vulnerability fades, and emotions are left unspoken.
Many spouses may even be reluctant to share their hearts because one spouse makes the other feel like an idiot for sharing, cuts them off, always offers a solution instead of listening, or criticizes them for feeling a certain way. It’s dangerous to allow this attitude to fester, but it can quickly happen when we are not intentional about the health of our marriage.
Ephesians 4:29 reminds us to speak, “What is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace,” meaning that we can choose to season our words to edify our spouse and strengthen our marriage. Withholding and choosing to harbor emotions only leads to bitterness and resentment.
Encouragement: Begin each day with a few words of appreciation for each other, rekindling the habit of sharing your heart openly.
Let’s pray: Lord, help us to open our hearts to each other and communicate honestly and openly. Soften our hearts and guide our words with love and understanding.
Day 2
Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 13:7, Revelation 2:4-5
Indifference and coldness are other aspects that can attack the health of a marriage, and thus, their efficiency for the Lord as a unit.
Emotional detachment, however, often sneaks into a marriage unnoticed. While the couple may still be loyal to each other, the warmth, affection, and concern slowly fade and become replaced by a lukewarm “partnership.”
When the church of Ephesus had forsaken the passion and fire of the first love, the Bible outlines what they were called to do to return to it: remember the first works, repent, and repeat the first works (Revelation 2:4-5). I find that this principle also applies to the fire and passion within our marriage. Signs of this coldness within marriage are evidence of a hardened heart that we must be on alert against.
To rekindle the fire and first love within your marriage, remember how you served and loved your spouse and the initial way you shared your hearts. Repent for any emotional detachment you have felt and expressed, and commit to being intentional.
Sometimes, it’s little acts that keep hearts soft and warm.
Encouragement: Intentionally show small acts of kindness each day, like leaving a note, giving a compliment, or simply holding hands.
Let’s pray: Lord, restore warmth and affection in our marriage. Help us to reconnect emotionally and deepen our love for one another.
Day 3
Scriptures: Philippians 2:3-4, Galatians 6:2, Proverbs 16:18
Stubbornness in marriage creates walls, not bridges.
When we’re too proud to compromise or admit wrongdoing, we shut down the intimacy and connection within our marriage because pride makes it impossible to see our spouse’s needs. At this point, the heart then hardens further each time we refuse to back down or insist on being “right.”
Pride is the enemy of harmony, creating an environment where humility has no room. The Bible tells us that pride comes before destruction (Proverbs 16:18), or in this case, the one trait that can lead to the destruction of intimacy and love within a marriage.
To protect our marriage, we must be willing to address stubbornness that can creep into our hearts. Instead of seeing compromise as a defeat, we should view it as a victory for our relationship. Acknowledging and owning up to our wrongs, no matter how minor, is a huge step toward a softer heart and a stronger marriage.
Encouragement: Practice saying “I’m sorry” and “I appreciate you” more often.
Let’s pray: Father, remove any pride or stubbornness in our hearts. Teach us to admit our faults and approach each other with humility and grace.
Day 4
Scriptures: Proverbs 15:4, Proverbs 16:24
Criticism and contempt will create a toxic environment that can poison any relationship.
The Bible tells us in Ephesians 5 that we should love sacrificially, but when we criticize, we are choosing to attack our spouse instead of building them up.
While many may think, “I don’t say bad things about them outright,” criticism is usually blanketed by broad statements like “you never” or “you always.” These statements can be deeply damaging and create strong resentment within a marriage.
It’s also important to note that while sarcasm and an unkind tone may not be labeled as “criticism,” they can ignite contempt and erode trust and peace within a relationship.
To change this, I encourage you to intentionally replace the criticizing words spoken within the marriage. Instead of saying words like, “You never help,” try, “It would mean a lot if you could help with this.” Aim to share feelings without attacking. Speak words that build up, not tear down. Kind words will help bring healing and show that your heart is open to reconciliation.
Encouragement: Make it a goal to highlight one positive thing about each other daily to keep love and respect strong.
Let’s pray: Lord, help us to approach each other with kindness and understanding. Let our words build each other up instead of tearing each other down. Amen.
Day 5
Scriptures: Ephesians 4:26-27, Colossians 3:13
Avoidance, emotionally and physically, often begins subtly and is a quiet response to discomfort or disappointment. Yet, when left unaddressed, it can become a barrier that creates an emotional and physical distance, weakening any marriage’s intimate life.
Sexual, emotional, and physical withdrawal can happen for many reasons—hurt feelings, unmet expectations, or unresolved conflict. However, while withdrawing may feel like the best initial step to take, it is one of the most damaging behaviors to the marriage as it deprives both partners of the connection that marriage is meant to foster.
To counteract this, I would encourage you to address issues as they come respectfully and often gently.Practice staying present by setting aside distractions during conversations or commit to sharing one meaningful thought or feeling daily. Simple acts like these show that your heart is open and willing to reconnect.
A healthy marriage is important to God because it mirrors His commitment to us—a steadfast, unbreakable covenant that reflects His love, unity, and faithfulness to the world. When we allow our hearts to be so contaminated by hurt and resentment that we rely on avoidance and withdrawal, we are not allowing God to heal the institution that is made to reflect his love.
May you take these steps towards protecting your marriage and find the Lord’s strength to rekindle the love and burn for him together.
Encouragement: Schedule uninterrupted time together each week, whether over coffee, a walk, or a shared activity, to reconnect and discuss what’s on your hearts.
Let’s pray: Lord, help us face our challenges together rather than avoid or withdraw. May we grow closer and embrace intimacy in every part of our relationship.