Death Does Not Own Me

Scripture: 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

LEARNING TO PRACTICE GOD’S WILL 

It was a Sunday morning about dawn at 6:18 a.m. when I took my husband’s hand, raised it in the air, and told him it was okay to take the hand of the Lord and go home.  He had been diagnosed 10 years prior with bone cancer.  In 2009, doctors discovered his cancer had left the bone, and to spare his life, they would need to amputate both his arm and his shoulder.  

Wow, I was numb when the doctor announced this to me with a room full of my family and a friend.  How would he receive this news?  How was I receiving it?  I asked the doctor if she could close him back up and allow my husband to make the decision; it was too much for me to decide.   

The next morning, his surgeon came into his room and pulled a chair up to talk to him face to face.  She was caring; yet matter of fact when she gave my husband the news.  His only question was, “Can it wait until after Thanksgiving?”  She agreed and scheduled it for December 1st, 2009.

I don’t remember much about Thanksgiving that year, other than we were with our kids and their spouses.  I don’t remember the dinner or much of the event, but I remember the scripture that told us to give thanks in everything.  

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” I Thessalonians 5:16-18

CAN YOU RELATE?

How could my husband and I give thanks in all circumstances? He was about to lose his arm and shoulder. I began to realize how much we take for granted; how much our limbs and joints do to help us in life. Dan didn’t talk much about it, but I just remember his positive attitude. It was like he was trying to comfort everyone around him, instead of allowing us to feel sorry for him.   

“HOW IS YOUR MINDSET DURING YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES?”

At night in bed, my mind went rampant.  He needed his two arms for his line of work.  Would we be able to make our bills if he couldn’t work?  He won’t be able to wash his other arm!  He won’t be able to tie his shoes or put on his socks or button his shirt or tie his tie.  He won’t be able to open a jar or …or…or…or!  All of this, while he was peacefully sleeping, as if not a care in the world.

Well, if I was going to be the wife he needed, then I had to get my act together.  Of course, I didn’t think he would be able to do all the above, but God was about to prove me wrong!  

If God’s will in all of this is to rejoice, to pray, to give thanks, regardless, then that was what we knew we had to do.

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM TODAY’S STUDY:

• What the will of God is for us

• Rejoice always

• Pray always

• Be thankful in all things

Scriptures: Deuteronomy 30:19, Joshua 1:9

DON’T LET LOSS CONSUME YOU

The first day of December 2009, will forever be etched in my mind.  I remember the night before as we lay in bed my husband grieving over his left arm that would be amputated the next morning.  He didn’t say much, but he did cry that night and wondered if he made the right decision.  

Scripture tells us to always choose life over death, and that came to mind.  “Of course, you made the right choice Dan!”  I assured him we would tackle the unknowns together.

“I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you, life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore, choose life, that both you and your descendants may live.” Deuteronomy 30:19

In this verse, God wanted to restore His chosen people to His chosen land, and they would have to cross over the Jordan River to get there.  Before entering, He gave them a choice, choose life, or choose death, choose good, or choose evil. 

Throughout life, you and I will face many Jordan Rivers to cross.  Remember once the Israelites get through the river, there is a promised land of plenty on the other side!

There are so many broad areas known as loss.  Loss of jobs, loss of relationships, loss of health, loss of friendships, and loss of life; all can be devastating and can cause a person to go into a form of grieving and or depression.

Loss can cause fear, worry, anxiety, and even make one lose self-esteem.  This Bible plan is to help each of us who are going through, or who have gone through loss realize that we are overcomers!  We are victors and that is why I titled this plan, Death Does Not Own Me.  You are a victor and death does not own you!

CAN YOU RELATE?

Loss is the death of something; it is something you no longer have but wish you did. When we experience any kind of loss, fear tends to visit us.  There are over 365 mentions in the Bible on the topic of fear or do not be afraid. Joshua 1:9 is a perfect example of just one of those scriptures. 

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”  Joshua 1:9

Worry is some form of fear that something is going to happen that you don’t want to happen.  Claiming God’s promises, we can boldly declare that worry does not own me, fear does not own me, and anxiety does not own me.  Do not let loss consume you.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY FROM THE STUDY:

• We all will face some kind of Jordan River to cross in our lifetime.

• Whatever our loss, we need to choose life.  If we allow our losses to consume us, we are not truly living.

• If you suffer fear, worry, anxiety, or low self-esteem, you are about to learn how to be an overcomer!  Being in the midst of the Jordan, may not be fun, but think about what is awaiting us when we trust God to help us through!

Scripture: Philippians 4:13

REGARDLESS OF CIRCUMSTANCE, YOU ARE AN OVERCOMER!

In yesterday’s study, I shared that my husband endured a forequarter amputation.  That afternoon when they brought him back up to his room from recovery, some of our family and a couple of friends lined the hallways to welcome him back.  The moment he saw us, he took his only hand and gave us a thumbs up, with a big smile.  I share this because at that moment Dan wasn’t thinking of what he lost, but rather the years he was gaining.  He chose life!

After a few days in the hospital, we headed home to a new beginning.  A new way to learn how to do things. Dan looked at his loss as a challenge to learn how to be creative and discover ways to do things for himself.  I had some people act annoyed with me because I didn’t do everything for him, but that wasn’t what he wanted.  He wanted to be the very same Dan with or without an arm.  

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

Do we truly believe this scripture and apply it to ourselves today?  This plan is to learn how to use God’s Word to help us live life to the fullest, even during loss.  If you lost your job it kicks the wind out of you.  If someone you loved and thought would be your life mate serves you divorce papers, you experience rejection and betrayal.  If the doctor gives you less than a favorable diagnosis, fear and anxiety rise.  If your spouse dies, you feel like part of you has died with them.  

I do not want to give the wrong impression or take the meaning of this verse out of context.  Bad things still happen to good people.  When the Apostle Paul made this statement, it was because he had endured many hardships in his life, yet through them all, he trusted Christ.  Christ empowers us through our spirit, but the verse does not imply that just because we are saved that we can bend iron with our hands, so to speak.  It means that if we trust God, He will give us the strength we need to get through our loss.

“Regardless of your circumstance, you are an overcomer!”

CAN YOU RELATE?

Grasp the meaning of what scriptures say and claim them for the cross you feel you are bearing.  Change your perspective of how you look at what you are going through.  Grab on and soak up the great blessings you have and ponder on that which uplifts you, rather than dwelling on what wants to pull you down.  

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY FROM THE STUDY:

• Life happens to everyone, and we all will face unwanted things to deal with.

• We can dwell on the bad and pull ourselves down deeper or, we can dwell on the blessings we have to encourage ourselves during tough times.

• Above all, we should trust that the Word of God is true and depend on Him to give us adequate strength for our time of need.

• You are far more than your circumstance; you are an overcomer! 

Scripture: Romans 5:3-5

RATHER THAN ALLOWING CIRCUMSTANCES TO CONQUER YOU, YOU HAVE TO CONQUER YOUR CIRCUMSTANCE!

There were many follow-up appointments, strong pain meds, & big challenges ahead.

Dan’s first thought was work.  His first goal was to go back.  In his line of business, he had to write, type, hold a clipboard, and use a tape measure.  Seems impossible to think he would consider going back to his job with only one arm, but he was determined and just 6 weeks after the amputation he decided to go back.  

I drove him the first two weeks and watched as he would lay his tape measure along a wall and lock it, pull the tape recorder out of his pocket and record each measurement.  It was a very slow process, but once back in his office he would play back what he taped and type with one finger and pause and play and hunt and peck.  

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.  And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” Romans 5:3-5

At his 6-week checkup, his surgeon asked if he needed a refill on his very addictive pain medicine, and Dan said, “I am choosing to not take them because I don’t want to get addicted and have a double problem.”  Yes, his pain was not good in the beginning, and phantom pain is very real.  Unfortunately to date, there is no medicine to relieve it.  

I shared all of this to encourage you that whatever you are encountering, you can be a conqueror!  Dan worked another 6 years before he retired.  During those 6 years, he lost a big contract, because he wasn’t able to keep up, but he kept his smaller contract and was very successful.  God planted within man a grain of faith and if you use that faith to the fullest potential and trust God during your circumstance, you too will rise above it!

CAN YOU RELATE?

We learn through our valley times; we grow through our circumstances and in my case as a wife of an amputee, I learned and grew watching a man with great perseverance. None of us want to have trouble.   No one wants hardships.  No one wants to face loss, but we live real lives in a real world, where bad things happen to good people. The key is learning to live knowing we don’t have to be on the losing end!

WHAT WE LEARNED IN TODAY’S STUDY:

• Endurance and perseverance are powerful forces!

• The inner will of man is more powerful than medicine!

• When faith is used, even if you fail at one thing, you can be successful at another!

• We learn and grow through our trials!

• We are in control of what we allow!

Scripture: Matthew 5:15-16

WHEN THE NEWS IS BAD; TURN UP YOUR LIGHT!

Dan had many hiccups along the way with several surgeries.  He also had many celebrations, as with each clean checkup, we would celebrate!  He retired in 2015, not because of his amputation, but because he received another unwanted loss; the diagnosis of early stages of dementia.  He gave up driving shortly thereafter, another loss and a tough loss for anyone.  Driving represents freedom in a way.  Yet, he remained positive for the most part.

We noticed he had dropped a significant amount of weight in a short time.  I made a doctor’s appointment and they set up a cat scan which revealed cancer had returned.  We got the call that the doctor wanted to see us in his office.  When you get a call like that, you know something is very wrong. 

It was June of 2017.  I remember as we both sat in his doctor’s office awaiting the doctor to open the door, we made small talk.  I’m sure many thoughts were going through his head, as they sure were in mine.  The door opened and the doctor reached out to shake hands with Dan, and as he shook hands, he said, “When you get a call to come in, the news is never good.”  He went on to explain that his cancer had left the bone and formed a mass the size of a baseball behind Dan’s heart and another walnut-sized growth was attached to his esophagus and both were located in areas that were too dangerous to operate.  

I felt numb and just remember getting up and going over to the table that Dan was sitting on and slipped my arm in his. Dan said, “Are you sure there is nothing; chemo, radiation?”  The Doctor replied that he would refer us to his bone cancer specialist.  We met with the specialist who met with a tumor board and they all individually talked with us. All concluded that at the most, Dan had a few weeks or months left.

“How does one deal with such news; the news that you are about to lose your life?”

I retired from my job immediately to take care of Dan and to spend all my remaining time with him.  He loved the water, and we took many walks by the river in our community and went to the harbor often.  We had a place we loved to go to called Hidden Lake Gardens and so we took a few picnics, but the other thing he kept asking to do, was to visit those who were shut-in, those in their home, and those in nursing homes.  

“Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a basket. Instead, they set it on a stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”  Matthew 5: 15-16 

When a death sentence is given to you, there is no time for a pity party.  It is time to live as much as you can.  There is no time to deal with loss, you just have to live!  Every day that he was able, we would take day trips, go for a river walk, or be visiting a shut-in.  Dan loved to sing and so we would sing old gospel hymns to many of the ones we visited.  It was never about him; in fact, all of those he visited died not even knowing Dan was dying too.  He just went to encourage and bring them cheer and smiles.

CAN YOU RELATE?

The only thing that can defeat you, is you!  If you dwell on your loss whatever it is, you will lose.  Yet if you use all that you have that is within you to reach out beyond your circumstance, you win!  Today’s verse was Dan’s favorite and I believe he knew he had little time left to turn up his light in this world, so while he could, that became his desire.

WHAT WE LEARNED IN TODAY’S STUDY:

• Sometimes life throws more than one loss at us!

• If the news is bad, it is time to turn the bad into something good!

• When things are tough, it is time to reach out beyond the circumstance to help another!

• If the news is bad, it’s time to turn your light up!

Scriptures: Psalms 68:4-5, Matthew 16:25-26

REACH OUT BEYOND YOURSELF AND THRIVE!

Just shy of two weeks, Dan went on his last visitation to a woman who was dying of cancer.  We had gone on a day outing and on the way to our destination, we passed the house of an old friend who we knew was dying.  Dan said, “On our way home, I want to stop and see Pat,” and we did.

Dan’s time was progressing rapidly. He lost another battle; the ability to eat or drink.  He could no longer swallow.  Church family, family, and friends visited non-stop. One Pastor drove from another state to see him. 

His birthday was on a Tuesday, so we decided to have immediate family into our home the Saturday before to celebrate with him.  He was so weak, yet still joked, smiled, and even tried to sing along with his sisters at one point.  He desperately wanted to taste his cake, so we gave him a smidgen, but it didn’t do well at all. 

On his actual birthday, he wanted to sit out on our deck, and we helped him descend the steps.  

“For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul, or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?” Matthew 16:25-26

Every human being on earth will face their death one day.  Some die young, some die old, but how they live their life, their losses, their circumstances in between, will matter. Only when we live our life for Christ, not for self, will we become eternal victors!

Dan died 5 days later.  It was a Sunday morning at dawn.  He fought strong till the end and was only incoherent for one day.  During that time, he called out my name twice and the last call was at 6:00 a.m.  Our family gathered around him and sang and prayed, and at 6:18, I lifted his hand and told him to take the hand of Jesus.  He took his last breath on earth and his next breathed in heaven!

I walked out of the room where he lay and went into our foyer by myself, and as my foot hit the last step, this verse came to me.

“Sing to God! Sing praises to His name. Exalt Him who rides on the clouds—His name is the LORD—and rejoice before Him.  A father of the fatherless, and a defender of the widows, is God in His holy habitation.”  Psalm 68:4-5

In my grief from my loss, I knew the Lord would defend me, just as I know that whatever you are facing if you trust and believe in Him, He will carry you through.

CAN YOU RELATE?

I shared a very personal story with you, to walk you through a man’s many losses in life and to show you that we can take two paths.  We can wallow in ourselves and cause our demise or reach out beyond ourselves and thrive. Somehow when we reach out, the loss we are experiencing seems easier to deal with. One may think, well he died! Dying in Christ is not losing, it is gaining and that is why I can honestly say, “Death does not own me!”

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY IN THE STUDY:

• We may lose some battles before we win.

• How we live daily, especially during circumstances will matter.

• Learn to trust the Lord and He will see you through.

“Whatever you are facing, it does not own you!”