Written by a self-proclaimed former “gunslinger” of painful words, learn to speak words not of recklessness but of restoration to God, yourself, and those you love. Taken from Brady Boyd’s new book “Speak Life.”
Brady Boyd and David C Cook
Day 1
Scriptures: Ephesians 4:29, Philippians 4:6, 1 Thessalonians 5:17
The Four Conversations
God is eager to equip every one of us to use our words to bring not selfishness or haphazardness but rather encouragement and strength to life. This is a radical shift from how most people communicate. As it relates to the words we say to one another, we think the “thing” can be summed up in terms of extroversion or timing or winsomeness or quickness of wit, but there is so much more going on in our verbal exchanges.
Every time I open my mouth to speak to you, I’m revealing how I’ve been doing in three other “conversations”: what I’m saying to myself (self-talk), how well I’m refuting the lies of the Enemy, and how closely—if at all—I’m walking with God.
To the extent these three conversations—between me and God, between me and myself, and between me and Satan—are being managed poorly, I face a correspondingly higher risk of saying something idiotic and/or hurtful to the people I love. But to the extent these conversations are managed in the manner God intends, I will speak words that are relevant, authentic, life-giving, and wise, and I will rarely—if ever—stick my foot in my mouth. I will be someone who blesses, not curses, with the words I speak in the fourth conversation: the one between you and me.
So how do we leverage the opportunity for good that exists each time we open our mouths to speak? One simple conversation will get that ball rolling, and it’s the most important of the four: the one between you and God.
Conversation 1: Between You and God
Getting good at communicating well begins, interestingly enough, with prayer.
Prayer?
Yes. Right. Prayer.
It’s important to steal away in the quiet of a given day to communicate with your heavenly Father, but equally important is the practice of speaking to him and hearing from him while in conversation with others. As words are flowing from your mouth, seek input in real-time:
How can I serve your purposes in this person’s life, God?
What words are fitting for this situation?
What are you after here, Lord?
Where are you working here?
How can I be of help?
When you and I seek God’s wisdom—when we lean in to hear his voice and pursue divine insights before we open our mouths—we stand a 100 percent better chance of doing good instead of harm. Any conversation you have with another human being ought first to be a conversation between you and God: What are you saying to me, Lord? What are you up to in my life? Why are you having me communicate with this person? And what do you want me to say?
Day 2
Scriptures: Colossians 4:6, 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, Luke 6:37
The Four Conversations: Part 2
Conversation 2: Between You and Yourself
Come on, admit it. You talk to yourself too. The real question here is whether that self-talk is false or true.
Once you’ve checked in with God, it’s wise to run some quick diagnostics on yourself. Is your self-talk helpful or harmful as you approach this exchange with someone else? Are you believing the best about God, about yourself, and about the person you’re talking with? Or are you falling prey to lies?
This second conversation—the one that happens in your heart and head—is crucial. If your self-talk is laced with disparagement and denigration, then you’re better off heading back to conversation number one and giving God an opportunity to recast that inner dialogue.
Conversation 3: Between You and the Enemy
Third, it’s absolutely critical to acknowledge that you have a very real enemy, and he is very interested in how you use your words. He loves it when you use them to hurt people rather than heal them, to promote yourself instead of God.
After checking in with God and getting your self-talk truthfully reset, you’ll do well to get into the habit of assessing the Enemy’s level of access in a given situation. Are you about to communicate from a place of anger, hunger, exhaustion, exasperation, desperation, resignation, or fear? These postures are ripe for Satan’s picking, so you might be better off keeping your mouth closed—at least until you’ve chilled out, settled down, eaten a snack, taken a nap, and moved in your attitude to a place of peace.
Conversation 4: Between You and Me
The fourth and final conversation is the one between you and me. Even after researching this book and practicing its tenets for more than two decades, I still find it astounding how kind, timely, and wise the words I speak to others can be when I’m faithful to steward the other three conversations well. Of course, that’s probably because those words aren’t completely my own but carry the weight of a higher influence—the One through whom all true healing and wisdom really come.
I want to speak words that gladden the heart of God. If you do too, then I invite you to read on.
Day 3
Scriptures: Romans 5:8, 1 Corinthians 5:6-8, 1 Peter 1:15
Connection
When I was stepping down from the platform that Sunday morning, and that man laid into me before so much as saying hello, my first inclination was to power up over him, telling him he had no right to speak to me that way. My second was to patronize him, refreshing his understanding of the counseling services our church offers people—like him—with anger issues.
What I rarely feel like being in the face of someone’s rage is a person of peace, a person connected to God and therefore hitched to nonaggression and steadiness and joy. And yet that’s exactly what God drew out of me that day when I turned to him instead of giving in to my own inclinations.
Then I remember the thief turned toward Jesus with humility and placed his life in the Savior’s hands. “[And] Jesus answered him, ‘Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise’” (Luke 23:43).
Over and over again we have to do this if we plan to walk humbly with God.
Over and over again we need to tell God, “I’m the sheep, and you’re the shepherd. I’m listening for your input. I’ll do what you say.”
When you and I choose to stay intimately connected to Christ—determined to hear from him, ready to serve his purposes whenever he calls—we get handed opportunities to convey truth to the people God loves. Yes, there are times when God shows up directly and communicates firsthand to his followers—in various places in the Bible his words came in a whisper, in a shout, in a burning bush, in a storm—but more often than not, God looks to ordinary people (and even an occasional donkey, as in Numbers 22:28) to deliver extraordinary truth.
He looks to you and to me, even as he overlooks our inadequacies, and says, You be the one to speak on my behalf. You go say what I’m asking you to say.
This is the whole enchilada right here. What I’m about to tell you will change your life. When you press into the presence of your heavenly Father, you’ll speak with pertinence, passion, and power. What you say will matter. What you say will stick. And what you say will call upon others to live well.
When we walk through our days with a Speak, Lord on our lips, leaning in to hear the whispers of heaven, longing to fulfill the wishes of God, God looks at us and says, You’ll never go hungry from this moment forward. You’ll always be satisfied in me.
Day 4
Scriptures: Philippians 4:8-9, Proverbs 3:5-6, Romans 12:1-2
Self-Talk That Is Tuned Into God
I want to return to the scenario of the negative self-talk morning, the one where you find yourself waking after a restless night saying, It’s going to be a long day. What if instead of indulging gloom-and-doom tendencies, you were to say to yourself, I’ve had better nights of sleep, but it’s a new day, and I’m grateful for it. I have everything I need for life and godliness this day. Let’s see what unfolds?
I’m guessing things would go better for you.
I know they go better for me when I do that.
When we communicate with God, we start believing that what he says about us is true. When we don’t, we allow the other, louder voices to capture our attention and frame the course of our days.
I distinctly recall when my kids were twelve and ten, parents of teenagers would eye me pityingly and say, “Hope you’re ready for what’s coming, Brady. The teen years are tough.” Once Abram and Callie were bona-fide teenagers, new acquaintances— also parents of teens—would discover the ages of my kids and the naysaying would escalate: “It’s like aliens come down and inhabit them, right? Like, what happened to my sweet, loving kids? All of a sudden they’re selfish, entitled brats who just want money! I bet you know just what I mean!”
I never really understood this tendency to declare awfulness over a seven-year-long period of time. That’s a long time to eat the bitter fruit of negative self-talk, don’t you think?
Instead, as my children entered their teenage years, I meditated on thoughts like these:
This is going to be our best era yet. Pam and I are going to love parenting teenagers. Abram and Callie are smart and funny, and our family is going to have an awesome time while they’re teens. Whatever challenges we face as we parent teens, we will overcome together, and with love on our side.
Today Abram and Callie are seventeen and fifteen, respectively, and proof positive that experience flows from expectation. If we expect awfulness from life and loved ones, awfulness shows up every time, but if we expect greatness, then greatness tends to emerge instead.
So far the teen years have been great.