Finding Freedom: Through Grief

Scriptures: Matthew 5:4, John 11:1-44, Psalms 34:18

Feeling Stuck

Do you ever feel like no one understands what you’re going through? Like they don’t know how to comfort you and somehow you end up trying to make them feel better? Or maybe worse, it feels like everyone else has moved on with life and left you behind.

If you’re feeling stuck in your grief, we’re glad you’re here. You’re doing the best thing you can do by turning to God’s Word for hope and healing.

We know from experience how isolating it can feel to lose a loved one, but we promise you’re not alone. Many people have been where you are, including Jesus. He knows what heartbreaking loss feels like too.

The book of John tells the story of when Jesus’ close friend Lazarus died. When Jesus first learns that Lazarus is sick, He doesn’t rush off to save His friend. He waits a couple days to make the trip, and by the time Jesus gets there, Lazarus is already dead. If you’re familiar with the story, you know Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. But before He does, Jesus weeps.

Lazarus’ death wasn’t a surprise to Jesus. We know this because before He left to see Lazarus, Jesus told His disciples that their friend’s sickness would not end in death. He explained that what they were about to go through would be “for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” Even though He knew Lazarus would be okay, Jesus still paused to weep.

God doesn’t diminish your grief. He joins you in it. He sits with you and weeps with you, just like Jesus grieved with Mary and Martha when they lost their brother. It’s not a sin to be sad when you lose someone close to you. It’s a natural, necessary emotion that our God has personal experience with.

When you feel like no one understands you, remember that God does. He is constant and consistent. He will never leave your side. Your grief will never make Him uncomfortable. He will never forget about your pain. He will never move on or leave you behind. He is close, so lean into Him for comfort.

Father, thank you for being near to me when I’m hurting. Thank you for always knowing exactly what I need and for generously covering me in your mercy, especially in the middle of hard times. Please remind me that I’m never alone and that you’re always with me. Help me to reach for you in my lowest moments. You are my comfort and my peace. Amen.

Scriptures: Lamentations 3:19-24, 2 Corinthians 1:3

No Right Path

It’s hard to know how we’ll react to the loss of someone close to us. Maybe you thought you’d cry more. Maybe you expected to move on more quickly. No matter where you are in the grieving process or what pressures you feel to return to normal, you’re right where you need to be. There is no right way to grieve.

I have lost both my dad and my mom. With my dad, it was a sudden unexpected loss. I miss him dearly and always wish I’d had more time with him. My mom died years later after a long season of sickness. Even though I knew her death was coming, it didn’t make it any easier.

The reality is you can never truly prepare yourself to lose someone. You will always wish for more time. One more day, one more week, one more year. Even though you know no amount of time could ever be enough, you will still want more.

Grief is strange like that. It isn’t logical. It doesn’t follow a step-by-step instruction manual, it doesn’t look the same from one person to the next, and it doesn’t progress in a straight line. Sometimes it’s quiet and doesn’t disrupt your heart too much. Other times, its intensity can surprise you by how much it hurts.

Those unexpected moments can be triggered by the smallest of events, like pulling up to their house and no one peeks out from behind the curtains. Or by the big events like wishing they were here to see the graduations and weddings. The truth is, there will always be a piece that’s missing because they’re no longer here. But if we go to God with our heartache, He will help us regain our balance so that we can endure another day.

In the book of Lamentation–which means passionate expression of grief or sorrow–the author, Jeremiah, is mourning the terrible things happening in Jerusalem at the hands of the Babylonians. For several lines, he describes their suffering, even saying his soul is downcast. But then he shifts his perspective, saying:

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

I know you’re hurting. There may even be days when your heartache feels unbearable and overwhelming, but you are not consumed. The same God who loved and cared for the Israelites, loves and cares for you. Just as He carried them through their grief and sorrow, He will be faithful to carry you too. Today may be hard, but I promise not every day will be hard. He will give you enough strength for today, and His mercies are new every morning.

Thank you, God for staying close to me and helping me endure this pain that sometimes feels overwhelming. I need you. I need your grace and your mercy to get through today. I’m choosing to trust in you. Thank you for your loving patience as I process my grief. Help me to release any expectations I’m holding on to and lean on you for strength. Amen.

Scriptures: Psalms 23:1-6, 2 Thessalonians 3:16

In the Valley

Grief is exhausting. It doesn’t matter if we’re angry at the world, crying nonstop, or using every ounce of strength we have just to keep it together. Grief takes so much energy that even the simplest tasks can feel impossible. In these moments when we feel most depleted, we can trust that God is still with us and wants to bring us rest.

We were on a family vacation when my dad passed away. In the United States, when you’re out of state, and someone dies, there’s a process you have to go through before you can take them home, so we were stuck on vacation for a few days longer. My husband and brother-in-law came back from fishing one day and wanted to show us the beautiful spot they had found.

I can still remember walking out to the edge of that scenic overlook and seeing the most beautiful valley. There was a stream winding through lush greenery for as far as I could see. I felt God’s presence with me in that place. He gave me peace and comfort as I mourned the loss of my dad.

It reminds me of Psalm 23 that says, “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me.”

When I think about what I saw from that scenic overlook, the green meadow and peaceful stream weren’t on the mountaintop. They were in the valley. In the very same place this Psalm tells us not to fear.

No one wants to walk through the valley. No one wants to go through loss. No one wants to experience crushing and overwhelming grief. But when we do, we don’t have to be afraid to face our pain because God promises to be right there with us.

When we feel deflated and withered by our grief, God meets us in the valley and offers us refreshment. He helps us find rest and revives our weary souls. He refills our cup until it’s overflowing. He is faithful to bring us through even the darkest valley.

If you’re feeling worn out by your grief, turn to God. He has never left your side. He’s walking with you through this dark valley, and He’s ready to give you rest whenever you need it.

That doesn’t mean you’ll be done with your grief in an instant. It will continue to come and go, but when you rest in Jesus, He will give you the strength for today. And He’ll do the same for you tomorrow and every day until you realize you’ve made it through the valley. Until then, be willing to sit with Jesus in your pain and lean into Him for the peace that only He can offer.

Jesus, thank you for walking beside me through this heartbreaking loss. Thank you for giving me rest when I’m tired and don’t know how to keep going. Give me your peace. Renew my soul. Help me to sit in your presence and find comfort. Amen.

Scriptures: Psalms 55:22, Jeremiah 31:13, John 10:10, John 16:33, John 14:2-3, Revelation 21:4, 1 Peter 5:10

Sorrow and Joy

People usually gather together when a loved one is lost to share memories, tell funny stories, and enjoy each other’s company. When we catch ourselves smiling, sometimes we feel guilty for momentarily setting aside our grief, but we shouldn’t feel bad. There’s nothing wrong with experiencing joy in the middle of sadness. In fact, we can often feel both at the same time.

The day my niece had her baby was the same day that we lost her mom. It was awful and it was wonderful. Our family celebrated life and grieved death at the same moment, in the very same hospital.

After my dad passed away, we baptized my daughter on the way to his funeral. Her baptism had been scheduled for weeks and he was supposed to be there to celebrate with us. We felt joy and sorrow at the same time.

Even all these years later, my heart still aches when I think about how much my dad would have loved to see my daughter graduate high school or to cheer for my son at the state championship football game. It never gets easier.

People say time heals all wounds, but that’s not true. You never fully get used to missing someone you’ve lost. The weight doesn’t disappear. With God’s help, you just get better at carrying it. You get better at mixing laughter and tears. Your heartache changes from a sharp pain to a dull pain, like it should. It’s not a betrayal of your loved one for you to smile. They would want you to live a vibrant life–the life Jesus came to give you.

In the book of John, Jesus tells us “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”

When He rose from the grave, Jesus didn’t just save us from our sins. He conquered depression, guilt, hopelessness, and everything else that could keep us stuck in our grief. He promised to go set up a place for us so we can spend eternity with Him. A place where there will be no more death, no more sorrow, and no more tears.

Because our eternity is secure in Christ, we have joy that isn’t based on our current circumstances. It doesn’t mean we aren’t still heartbroken, but happiness isn’t the same as joy. Happiness is a surface-level emotion while joy is much deeper. Even when we’re not happy, even when we’re mourning the loss of a loved one, we still have joy in the promise of eternity with Jesus.

As you continue to grieve, you may find yourself laughing one minute and crying the next. Take heart. Through every up and down, God will be with you. He is constant. He is never changing, and you can trust Him to keep His promises. When you feel unsteady, cling to God and the joy of your salvation.

Father God, thank you for wanting to spend eternity with me and for sending your Son, Jesus, to make a way. Thank you for always being with me and for carrying my heavy burdens. Take the weight of my sadness and lend me your strength. Cover me with your peace and remind me of the joy I have in you. Amen.

Scriptures: 2 Corinthians 4:7-9, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, Psalms 61:1-4, Isaiah 41:10

Keep Pressing

If you’re wondering where we go from here, there is no easy answer. There is no overnight solution that can end your heartache. Unfortunately, the pain of this loss may come and go until you reach Heaven, but it won’t always feel unmanageable like it does right now, especially if you keep pressing into the grieving process.

The day my dad died, I was the one who performed CPR until the ambulance arrived. For several years after that, every time I thought about my dad, my mind would land back in that terrible moment. It was such a hard memory for me to deal with that I did everything I could to avoid thinking about it–which only kept me stuck in my grief.

Then one day, I went on a trip with my small group to the same small town where my dad died. We stopped at the same grocery store. We visited the same rest stop where we had taken our last family photo. We even found the valley where God met me and brought me peace. My friends were so patient and kind to listen as I processed everything I felt about revisiting the place where I experienced such tragedy.

After that trip, I could finally remember the good memories of my dad without reliving the trauma of that day. I needed distance from the event and space to process what happened. I needed friends to stand with me and love me through my grief. Only when I was willing to press into my grief was I able to break through to the other side.

Sometimes we need other people to help us process our grief. No one quite understands what it’s like to lose a loved one like someone who has lost a loved one. If you don’t have people around you who have experienced a similar kind of loss, I encourage you to find a support group to walk with you through your grief. But also remember that the One who understands you best will never leave your side.

At the end of the day, we have to be willing to share our grief with God. Processing with people who support you is helpful, but they aren’t there in the midnight hours when your grief feels unbearable. God will always be with you, and He’ll always be ready to hear the cries of your heart. Whether you need to cry out to Him in sadness or in anger, the beauty of our relationship with God is that no matter how we react to our heartache, we can’t push Him away. He will always be close to the brokenhearted, and He will be faithful to sustain us.

In a letter to the Corinthians, the Apostle Paul writes, “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair.” This means that as followers of Jesus, we have unrestricted access to His strength so that we can endure even the hardest times of our lives.

When you feel pressed on every side, remind yourself that you are not crushed. You have the power of Christ living in you, and He makes you strong. When you start to doubt, remember who God is and everything He has done for you. You are precious to Him, and He won’t leave you stuck in your grief. Let the truth of His kindness and mercy wash over you and renew your strength to keep pressing forward.

Jesus, thank you for everything you’ve done for me and for everything you continue to do. Remind me that when I feel weak, you are my strength. Help me to remember even when I feel pressed, I’m not crushed. Help me to continue to rely on you and to keep pressing into my grief. I know you will be with me every step through this dark valley, and I trust you to carry me safely to the other side. Help me to keep my eyes on you. Lord, give me an eternal perspective. Renew the joy of my salvation and let it fill me with hope for the future. In Jesus’ mighty and holy name, Amen.