Scripture: Psalms 46:1

Why God?

You likely have many questions surrounding your loved one’s death. God loves you and He wants you to bring your questions to Him.

Many times, we feel like the LORD is not someone we can talk to, someone we can seek answers from, and someone very far away. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Scripture tells us that “God is our very present help in times of trouble” (Psalms 46:1).

When tragedy hits, HE should be the first One we go to for direction, help and answers! Why?

Because God wants us to share our feelings and be open and honest with Him.

Being honest with God about your feelings is a deeper expression of your faith in Him. God can handle our questions, our pain, our hurt, our anger, and He wants us to seek Him. But we also need to remember He is sovereign and He doesn’t always answer our questions the way we expect Him to. We need to learn to trust in Him no matter if He gives us the answer or not. 

In the midst of His suffering on the cross, even Jesus asked why . . .

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”—Mark 15:34

We see that even Jesus asked God why and GOD chose not to answer Him. But Jesus also said, “May it not be My will, but Yours be done.”

Sometimes HE allows things that hurt to produce things HE loves! Asking why is not wrong. HE wants us to ask, seek, and look for HIS sovereignty. 

“Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be open for you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it and the door shall be opened”—Matthew 7:7-8

Wrong assumptions about God can intensify our pain.

When I have wrong assumptions about God and His plans such as, “Good people shouldn’t suffer” or “My plan is God’s plan,” we can often experience greater pain and frustration as we wait for God to do things the way we want them done. And this sometimes leads to us closing ourselves off to the path of healing that God has for us.

Jesus said; “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).

God wants to be our source of strength.

God is sovereign, God is good, and He understands our pain. We can be assured that whether God answers or not, He knows what is best for us. In Isaiah 40:31, it says, “But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” In Matthew 5:4, we’re told, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” And in Psalm 46:1-2, we find that “God is our refuge and our strength, a very present help in time of trouble.”

Pause/Pray

Get alone and pray everyday. It will help you understand that even if God doesn’t give you all the answers you seek in the way you want them, He will walk with you through your journey from mourning to joy, and beyond. 

Practice

Read your Bible. God, through His Word, will speak comfort, encouragement, love and strength to you in this incredibly difficult time. 

• In what ways have you shared your feelings with God? Is it through your prayer time, writing your thoughts in a devotional, or sharing with friends? What way has brought you the most comfort? 
• Be mindful that He sometimes chooses not to give us the answers we’re asking for. Answers always direct our thoughts to the past and that can’t heal our hearts. However, putting our faith and trust in HIM always point us to the future, which will heal our hearts.

Scripture: Psalms 139:16

Guilt and Anger

Are you struggling with guilt and/or anger? If you are struggling with either or both of these very powerful emotional responses to the death of your loved one, you’re not alone. And while it may seem odd, it’s important to bring these feelings to the Lord. Pray and take your guilt and anger to the foot of the Cross and leave them with Jesus.

Regret, guilt, and anger are three emotions that can create barriers that hinder you from experiencing the peace and healing God has for you. If you’re facing these obstacles or others, it’s to recognize them as tools the enemy wants to use to separate you from the healing hands of Jesus!

What is false guilt? 

False guilt is assuming responsibility for something over which you have no control. If you’re constantly thinking, “If only I had . . .” please remember three things:

1. God knows it all.

In Psalm 139:16, it says, “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”  God knows exactly when we will take our first breath and when we will take our last. He is the author is life. Job, after he lost everything he had (including his family) says, “The Lord gives and takes away.” The Lord knows everything that will happen in our life before we’re even born. He knows the day we’re going to die before we we’re born. Therefore, there isn’t anything we can do to extend our life if the Lord wants to call us home. 

2. We can’t live in a WHAT IF world. 

We must live in the what is world. May we not walk through life looking down but up . . . not looking behind but ahead. Hebrews 11:1 tells us, “Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.”

3. It’s okay to heal and experience joy again. 

Grieve conflicted relationships. Grieving conflicted relationships can be very difficult. Whether you need to forgive or seek forgiveness, let God guide you through the process. Forgiveness is an event and a process, and it is only by the grace of God that we can forgive and be forgiven. Remember Jesus’ words in Matthew 6:15, “But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Are you angry with God? Take your heartfelt anger to God, let Him show you how to deal with your anger and find the peace and healing that only He can provide. Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath.”

Pause/Pray

Find a quiet place to pray—somewhere with no distractions and no one around. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to yell, yell. GOD wants this with Him to be real, authentic, and intimate. Find your prayer closet, prayer park, or prayer spot so you can be alone with Him.

Practice

Keep a journal and write your feelings down. You’ll be incredibly surprised after some time goes by and you look back to see where the LORD has brought your in your grief.

Scripture: Psalms 147:3

Stuck

We need to be mindful of some misconceptions about grief because three-to-five years from now your grief can be as intense and raw as it is right now if it’s not walked through.

This devotional time will help you determine if you’re stuck. And if so, it will help you get unstuck. If your grief is fresh, our desire is to prevent you from getting stuck. This will help you identify several common misconceptions that hinder healing. 

1. Time Heals

Time alone can’t heal. Only God, in the person of Jesus, by the power of the Holy Spirit can provide true healing.

2. Stay Busy

Staying busy just postpones your healing. It is important for you to take time to work through your grief with the Lord. 

3. But I’m the Caregiver

Right now you need to be cared for. Allow God, through others, to care for you in this season of grief. Remember, He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3).

4. God Took My Loved One

Our loved ones belong to God; they are just on loan to us. God blesses us with some wonderfully loving people in our lives, but we all belong to Him.

5. Healing=Forgetting

True healing means remembering the good and letting go of the bad. Though you may never forget how much pain you’ve endured, as you work through your grief, the pain should decrease to a point where you can remember the good times with your loved one and smile. 

6. Progress is steady

Grief is messy, and complicated; and your progress will, most likely, not be steady.

Now, here are some important points to remember as you work through your grief.

1. Get and stay connected with a support group. Don’t isolate yourself!!! 

This will help you process the feelings you’re experiencing. We aren’t meant to do life (or walk through loss and grief) alone; we are always better together!

2. Take care of yourself, remember the acronym DEER.

• Drink enough fluids
• Eat a proper diet
• Exercise
• Rest

In Psalm 23, King David writes beautifully about how God took care of him in his time of need. We encourage you to read Psalm 23 and discover other passages in the Bible that describe how God has provided for someone in need.

3. Don’t obey your feelings

Dr. Joseph Stowell said, “We can’t let our emotions drive the train during our time of grief.” Just because you feel something intensely, that doesn’t make it right, true, or helpful. Ask the Lord to search your heart and help you process your feelings 

4. Worship God

Brad Hambrick tells us, “In the midst of grief, worship looks different. The rawness of worship in the midst of grief will feel awkward.” Job stood up and tore his robe in grief, then he shaved his head and fell to the ground to worship. He said, “I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be naked when I leave.The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord” (Job 1:20-21 NLT).

 5. Be grateful

In your time of grief it may be difficult to be grateful, but it’s not only vital, it’s also good for your mental and physical health to practice thankfulness. Take some time to write down the things that were special about your loved one. Thank God for those attributes, memories, and the legacy left behind. Isaiah 61:3 reminds us that God gives us beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.

6. Put God on display

Praising and trusting God in the midst of your grief may be difficult, but choosing to do so will be beneficial in your healing.

Here are a few verses to reflect on and aid you in your praise of the Lord . . .

“Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise You. Thus I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.”—Psalm 63:3–4

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope.”—1Thessalonians 4:13

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”—Proverbs 3:5–6

In our grief, God is our hope. When we trust in Him with all our heart, He will not disappoint us.

Pause/Pray

Ask the Lord the reveal His promises to you through His Word. Get on your knees and worship Him. Be thankful for what your loved one left behind—the memories. Ask the Lord to help you get up, and walk in victory over your grief! 

Practice 

Read God’s Word every day. Meditate on His promises, and don’t let yourself get stuck listening to the enemy’s lies. Don’t be controlled by your emotions, but by your devotion to the Lord and His perfect will. Remember to follow the D.E.E.R acronym.