Each of us is sure to suffer at some point in our lives. As a counselor, I’ve seen sufferers transformed. I’ve seen those once debilitated by trauma learn to suffer well. In this brief devotional, I pray that you will realize that your story is not over. You may experience suffering, but you can suffer well. You can ask, What’s next? instead of getting stuck asking, Why? You can become resilient.
Donna Gibbs and Baker Publishing
Day 1
Making Sense of Suffering
Scripture: Romans 8:17
Some popular preachers say that if you have enough faith, you will be protected from difficulty, and you will live a wealthy and prosperous life. This theology is simply not true. Here’s what Scripture says about suffering.
Paul writes in Romans 8:17 that suffering is a part of the Christian life. For the early believers, and Paul himself, this sharing of suffering involved persecutions of all kinds—social, economic, and physical. The Christian life does not promise prosperity; it actually promises struggle.
Some of our anguish is the result of our choices. Suffering that results from our sin is often the most difficult to endure because it involves personal regret over once controllable and avoidable circumstances. Maybe you can identify because you are currently in misery due to the natural consequences of some of your choices.
Other suffering comes at the hands of others, through their selfishness, negligence, or, even more severely, their evil and criminal behavior. The most obvious biblical example of this form of suffering is Jesus—an innocent man who took on the sins of the world and suffered a horrific death.
We’re especially reminded of our human fragility when we experience pain that is not caused by ourselves or anyone else. Sometimes we face a devastating diagnosis or a natural disaster and are humbled by our weakness as we suffer with the consequences of something that is completely out of our control.
It’s difficult to make sense of suffering that can’t be blamed on someone or something else. This makes coping more challenging and sometimes causes us to become stuck in our anguish.
Wherever it comes from, suffering is a normal part of the human experience. Our world has seen evidence of pain since shortly after the beginning of creation. Brokenness is normal. Affliction is part of the human condition. If that were the end of the story, it would have a depressing and discouraging conclusion. Thanks be to God, it is not the end of the eternal story, and it is not the end of your story! As you become aware of the destructive thoughts and habits that keep you stuck, you can begin the process of suffering well.
What are some of your personal experiences of suffering?
Day 2
“Why?”
Scripture: James 1:2-3
“Why?”
I hear this short but powerful question from my clients every day. They have experienced a depth of loss that cannot be calculated. They feel they are living outside themselves, looking at the unthinkable. On the good days, they go through the motions. On the bad days, they cannot function at all.
If you are suffering, you know what I am talking about. Perhaps you are asking this question right now. Perhaps you are facing the biggest mountain of your life. You have been given a hardship you don’t think you can survive. You want to bounce back, but sometimes just getting out of bed is a task.
If you are suffering today, all too aware of your weakness, you can learn to suffer well. You don’t have to be a slave to struggles. In fact, you can learn healthy coping skills that will propel you to bounce back and even help you thrive. Asking “Why?” creates an empty cycle of frustration. “Why?” is the wrong question altogether and has possibly even lured you deeper into this pit you are screaming to exit.
So rather than wasting time exploring why we are suffering, we need to discover how to survive—and how to survive well. Sometimes our struggles, our victimization, and our suffering become the most familiar components of our lives. Depression, shame, anxiety, bitterness, grief, sickness, and addiction become weirdly comfortable and predictable after a period of time. So much so that we have a hard time imagining life without pain. We even become afraid of life without struggle.
Maybe pain has become a part of your routine, your explanation for inadequacies. It consumes your time and attention, even your identity. You may be afraid of resilience. You may be afraid of bouncing back. You may wonder, Who will I be without the struggle? What will others expect of me? What is my purpose, apart from pain?
But you can bounce back. It starts with changing the way you think and adopting healthy skills that will transform the way you suffer.
What does the word resilience mean to you? In what ways might you be keeping yourself “stuck” in your suffering?
Day 3
A Change in Perspective
Scripture: Psalm 19:14
To build resilience, we must clean up repetitive, destructive thoughts about ourselves, about God, about others, and about our situations. You may find that when you are struggling most, you fixate on thoughts such as:
God isn’t helping me.
I can’t take another day of this.
I will never be able to experience anything good in life again.
No one understands.
This is awful. I’ll never get through this. I can’t handle this.
I am a horrible person.
Building resilience requires replacing false thoughts with truthful ones. When we wage this war, we consciously direct our thinking, and with hard work, we replace our automatic, destructive thoughts with thoughts of hope, truth, gratitude, and sometimes even mindful gratitude. Transforming our thinking is how we bounce back from life’s hurts and build resilience. Notice that we are doing nothing with our circumstances themselves. We are addressing our perspectives and our thoughts regarding the circumstances.
When I hear the word resilience, I immediately think of a bouncy ball. When you throw a bouncy ball onto the floor, it bounces back higher than its starting point. The harder you throw it down, the higher it bounces in reaction. The resilience of the ball defies gravity.
Can it be so with our hurts in life as well? Is it possible for our tragedies to propel us to bounce back? Could we ultimately spring back in better shape than we were before we were slammed to the ground? Absolutely! Friend, you too can bounce back. I know you can, because I know the God Who can lead you to resilience!
Of course, God works according to His timeline, not ours. He is a process-oriented healer, walking us through our hurts and our healing rather than around them or away from them. Will you trust Him to begin taking you through your pain? It’s time to bounce back. Give yourself the privilege of that opportunity. Just because you’ve been stuck doesn’t mean you have to stay there. God will bring blessings out of your curses. He wants you to bounce back.
What destructive thoughts tend to come to your mind often? What do they suggest about how you think about yourself? What positive thoughts could you replace them with?
Day 4
Leaning Into God
Scripture: Psalm 5:1-3
If you are stuck, then you are also probably feeling disconnected from God. You may feel He has abandoned you. Or maybe you’ve chosen to abandon Him because you no longer believe He has the power to intervene in your life. You may feel He doesn’t care or that He is against you instead of for you. You may go to church and find it stale and routine. You may read Scripture and feel it is dry. You may be really angry. God, who promised His ways are not intended to be harmful, has allowed something horrendous to enter your life. You may feel betrayed by Him. You may be disappointed in His protection.
A season of spiritual struggle following a tragedy or disappointment is normal. We have a relationship with God, and that relationship naturally will be stronger at certain times than others. However, when we become stuck due to destructive theology or thinking, we are vulnerable to a chronic disconnect. You see, God is a gentleman, so He is not forceful. When we want our space, He allows it. Unfortunately, our struggle can become our primary focus. We don’t intend to worship our suffering, but when we become stuck, we unintentionally become excessively devoted to it. This excessive devotion may develop into a form of unintentional idolatry that has prolonged a normal period of spiritual struggle into a long-term disconnection from God.
One thing is for sure—God desires you, whether or not you feel He does. He is the greatest source of your resilience, and this disconnect must be addressed for you to bounce back from the hurts that have kept you stuck. Bridging the disconnect will require risk. You may feel you can’t trust God anymore. You may be afraid of what He will do with your faith in Him or your pursuit of that relationship. I encourage you to lean in to that unknown.
I am reminded of Psalms in which David cried out to God in anguish and desperation. Let’s follow his lead and cry out to God today. Lay out your mess before Him. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and transparent. Invite God into a discussion about the areas of your life that you may have previously prohibited Him from entering. What do you have to lose?
Spend some time crying out to God about what you are suffering today.
Day 5
The Gift of Anger
Scripture: Ephesians 4:26
Your life may sometimes seem similar to a stagnant creek. You may feel as if you have lost the joy and zeal for life you once had. You desperately need something that can come in and clean up the creek that is your life, and anger may be part of the solution.
You may initially think of anger as a sinful emotion and feel guilty about feeling angry. But let’s look at anger from another perspective. Scripture doesn’t identify anger as sin. Ephesians 4:26 tells us that anger is something that can lead to sin if we allow it to control us. Anger is actually the most productive emotion we feel, which is also why it can be challenging to manage. When used inappropriately, anger will destroy our relationships.
But when used righteously, anger can be the perfect fuel for our resilience. That’s right! God, who made us in His image, created us with the capacity to feel anger. God created within us an emotion that can lead us out of our oppression. So let’s appropriately direct this powerful emotion toward whatever is keeping us stuck, whether it is destructive theology, destructive thinking, or a destructive coping skill.
Think about it: Are you carrying not only the weight of your initial suffering but also the suffering that comes from being stuck? It is dangerous to be stuck. It is not as simple as prolonging pain. Being stuck is a direct invitation to additional pain. Being stuck costs you. Being stuck robs you. Being stuck should make you angry!
God can use anger to clear the stagnant creeks of our lives. I challenge you, then, to allow appropriately directed anger to build some momentum that can be used to help you begin bouncing back from the hurts that have kept you stuck.
Anger can help you replace that all-too-common “Why?” with a new and refreshing “What now?” Ask yourself, What do I need to do to make sure I survive this storm? What do I need to learn to ensure that I thrive in this struggle? How will I build resilience?
If you are feeling anger today, use it as momentum to get unstuck!
How has anger been a part of your journey of suffering? In what ways has it helped you to make changes in your life? What changes might it help you make now?
Day 6
Honest to God
Scripture: Psalm 51
Once we understand the connections between our suffering, our thoughts, our emotions, and our behaviors, we are in a position to make intentional changes toward growth. This beautiful transformation begins with our first step: acknowledging our suffering. This step facilitates an amazing journey in gaining freedom and resilience.
You may be thinking, That sounds great, but how do I acknowledge my suffering? What does that look like? Acknowledging your pain just means you call it what it is. Don’t back away from using the words that best identify your experience. If it was rape, call it rape. If it is cancer, call it cancer. If it was suicide, call it suicide. If it is infertility, call it infertility. If it was an affair, call it an affair. Acknowledge your suffering now, and acknowledge it accurately. Don’t sugarcoat it. Don’t excuse it. Don’t minimize it. Don’t exaggerate it. Be honest. Speak of the emotional impact. If you’re discouraged, say it. If you’re sad, admit it. If you’re heartbroken, acknowledge it. If you’re scared, verbalize it. No, this doesn’t mean you have to rehash every graphic detail. This is not designed to be punishment. Quite the contrary.
Everyone is different, so naturally some people prefer certain methods of acknowledgment over others. Some may literally speak out loud and acknowledge their suffering in the privacy of their homes or on the top of a secluded mountain. Some may prefer to process their acknowledgment with a trusted friend, pastor, or counselor. Others may journal.
For an acknowledgment to be effective, you must speak it to yourself and speak it to God. God may or may not lead you to also confidentially acknowledge your suffering to another person. If He does, then trust that He will help you and obey His urging.
Similar to when you take off a Band-Aid, you’re going to feel the sting. But the sting will diminish. The grief of the acknowledgment will subside, and when it does, it will open the door for you to begin to bounce back. Once the pain is acknowledged, you will find some relief, some hope. You need this step to begin building resilience, so prepare now to take this risk.
How would you honestly describe your suffering? Why do you think it makes a difference to acknowledge the pain you are in?
Day 7
Come to Me
Scripture: Matthew 11:28
Jesus’s call to rest in Matthew 11:28 is one of my favorite Bible verses. If you have faced an uninvited tragedy, disappointment, diagnosis, or loss, then you have been burdened. You are tired. You might be downright exhausted. “Come to me” are the sincere words of a gentle Savior, inviting you to seek safety and rest in Him. Your weariness qualifies you for this invitation. He desires that you acknowledge whatever it is that oppresses you. And in return, He offers rest and peace and relief.
I call this the Great Exchange. Meditate on this Scripture passage. Close your eyes and imagine the scene. Jesus is standing with arms open wide. He is pursuing you. He invites you to express your burden. And then to lay it down at his feet. Imagine Jesus taking your burden and handing it to the Father, then returning to you as His arms become a bed of rest for your exhausted soul. He knows your struggle, and He offers help and hope for the pains that are crippling you. Acknowledge your pain to Him. Respond to His invitation. This step frees you to begin the work of building resilience and prevents you from being stuck in your suffering.
Your hurts do not have to define you or dictate your future. Maybe your hurt occurred years ago, but you’ve lived with the residual effects for much of your life. You don’t have to wait for eternity to find healing. Restoration can begin today, starting now. When you are stuck in your suffering, you cannot move beyond survival mode. You don’t have the chance to fully live your life. But it is time now to live! To thrive! To heal! It is time to take your life back. God desires for you to bounce back from the hurt that has been robbing you and shrinking your world. Indeed, He has good plans for you. He desires to use your suffering to create something amazing. To benefit you. To propel you to even greater heights. Because He loves you, he wants to strengthen your resilience. He desires to use your hurt to create something beautiful in you.
Do you ever feel that your suffering defines you? What would it look like to receive God’s healing? How might your pain lead to something beautiful in you?