Grief is the proof that we have loved and an undeniable process that we will all face at some point in our lives. This plan will walk through the Five Stages of Grief. The process of grief is circular so there is no definitive end or time frame that can be placed on it, but undoubtedly, He will be there through every second of it.
Project Identity, Inc
Day 1
Scriptures: John 11:35, Proverbs 3:5-6
Denial: refusal to admit the truth or reality of something (such as a statement or charge)
When we experience loss, sometimes our initial reaction is shock. We will often tell ourselves that this can’t be real. We sometimes even feel like we are dreaming. A mental numbness soon sweeps over us, and we find it hard to comprehend the information that was just given to us. We may cry, scream, or even sit quietly as our bodies try to process what our minds may refuse to accept.
It’s interesting that in this phase all the scripture that we have learned and even quoted oftentimes is overtaken by the wave of pain that hits the shores of our hearts. I recently experienced multiple back to back losses and I was searching for just the right scripture to calm the disruption of my heart, but it seemed as it was lost somewhere in the sea of disbelief and pain.
If I’m honest it made me feel a little guilty because I felt that I should find some solace from the Word but then I was reminded of the response that Jesus had to seeing where they laid Lazarus. The shortest scripture in the Bible popped into my mind “Jesus wept”. Even with Jesus knowing that He would raise Lazarus from the dead, his humanity still felt the sting of his death.
God made us both a human and spiritual being and we must learn that honoring one portion of us does not dishonor the other. You can believe in God and all his power while simultaneously giving yourself permission to feel the pain that accompanies loss. The two are not mutually exclusive. Be free and feel.
Day 2
Scriptures: 1 Samuel 16:7, 1 Peter 5:7, Matthew 11:28-30
Anger: a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism
In the past month after the loss of my friend I have asked the following questions: “Why did this happen?”, “How could this happen?”, “Why would this happen right now?” and I even asked God “How could you do this?”. I was rushed with what I call hot emotions. I’ve been mad, angry, upset and furious. If I’m honest with you these are emotions that I was feeling towards God. You may have gasped when you just read that last sentence, but I know this an unspoken truth of myself and many others. I felt as Martha had when she went to meet Jesus and she told him had he been there that Lazarus would not have died.
We may find ourselves trying to find a to place the blame to try to make some sort of sense of what has happened. The emotions produced in this phase often lead to feelings of guilt because some of the thoughts or even words that may have been spoken. You see, anger is a secondary emotion, and it is a protector. Anger often acts as guardian to or hurt and fear. God can see beyond that barrier. He is not taken back by our declaration or questions. In fact, He wants you to bring it all to Him. He is big enough to hold every bit of pain that flows from the reservoirs of our hearts. You can trust Him.
Day 3
Scriptures: Romans 8:28, Colossians 1:16-17, Proverbs 16:33
Bargaining: to try to bring to a desired level
“Please God don’t let this be reality”. “Ok God, you can make this a huge miracle and show everyone how great you are.” These are two prayers that I repeated for at least 15 mins straight after the notification of the death of my best friend. I recounted every story in the bible where a death ended in a miraculous resurrection. I mean, I know he had the power to do it. I had just read a book not even a month prior called, 90 Minutes in Heaven. Surely, He was the same God that reached back and grabbed others from the hands of death so He could do it again. I hoped He would. I hoped that my plans trumped His because He clearly had gotten this wrong.
Sometimes you will hear people ask God to allow them to switch places. This is often a time when survivors remorse surfaces. We are trying in or finite minds to comprehend an infinite plan. We are not thinking that His sovereignty had this loss woven perfectly in the tapestry of His will. I know it may not feel like, but He does have a plan and we may be shocked, but He is not.
Day 4
Scriptures: Deuteronomy 31:8, Ecclesiastes 3:4, Matthew 11:28-30
Depression: a state of feeling sad: low spirits
“How do I live after this loss?”. The heaviness that comes with the loss of a loved one is not easily explainable. It covers you like an oversized cloak, that covers you from head to toe. Your senses become distorted, and the loneliness and pain can feel overwhelming. One word can sum up this part of the process and that is EMPTINESS. There is a hole that has burrowed through a once whole soul. An otherwise viable heart is now struggling to beat. This is not a part of the process that should be done alone. Having community is important and more importantly leaning into the arms of the father is even more imperative. We were not placed here to do life alone.
I would like to say that the felling of emptiness would pass quickly but I can’t say that in good conscience. Truth is that this emptiness that is felt is one left from a custom made fit and there will always be a deficit. His love however has the capacity to cover and His joy the ability to fill the empty space that will allow you to live. Don’t try to rush through the process because we must allow ourselves to sit in and feel what this stage is bringing to the surface. It is an important part of our healing. We have indeed made an entrance into the valley, but we can rest assured that He is with us. Again, He is wants us to lay every ounce of the heaviness, anxiety, sadness, hopelessness at his feet. This is not something He wants us to try to carry alone.
Day 5
Scriptures: Jeremiah 29:11, Isaiah 61:3, 1 Peter 5:10
Acceptance: to endure without protest or reaction
Let me start out by saying, no matter how long it has been since someone we love passes, we will never forget. Things have changed, we have changed, and we learn how to adapt to the new version of life that has been laid before us. Day by day we find peace and the strength to move forward.
We never replace, but we work to recover the pieces of our lives and hearts that allow us to continue to live. When I say live, I don’t mean simply existing but intentionally walking out the days that we are still graced to see. We start to view time differently and reassess the value of those around us. We become able to acknowledge that although life will never be the same, it can still be good. Our hearts will always long for their presence, but our souls will rest in the knowing that our reunion is inevitable. We will indeed see them again and that all due to the resurrection of His son, Jesus Christ.
Prayer:
God, I ask right now that you cover every heart that is reading this plan. God, you see the hurt, the pain, the anxiety, hopelessness and brokenness. You are the only one that can bring comfort in this time. Bring joy to the mourning heart, faith to the hopeless, peace to anxiety, and be a healing balm for the pain. For those who are having trouble sleeping we ask right now that you give them rest. For those who are deep in throes of depression I stand and agree that their hearts will be lifted and with renewed meaning and purpose begin to illuminate their hearts and minds. Even in the down time I ask that you set their focus on your blessed hope and that they find solace in the hope of that great day when they will reunite with those who have gone before them. I pray all this is the name of Jesus. Amen