Can You Just Sit With Me? Sitting With God in Grief

Scriptures: Psalms 42:6, John 16:33, Lamentations 3:33

Remembering God 

When my sister Angie died at age thirty-two, I became so furious with God. I felt as if I’d been sucked into a tornado. Thoughts, memories, what I knew, and what I thought I knew about myself, God, my family, and my life whirled all around me. There I was reaching with hands outstretched unable to grasp a concrete truth because of the pain of loss thrown at me. 

I was at the impressionable age of nineteen and a newbie Christ follower, and the foundation I established in my faith by then came to a screeching halt. I’d prayed for God to heal my sister, and I thought he would because he is God. But he didn’t. Not in the way I’d hoped, on this side of heaven. 

Who is God anyway? And can he do what he says he can do? These questions raced in my head and maybe they race in yours too. The shock of loss can shake our faith. It can cause us to question our faith even. Have you ever felt this way? If so, you’re not alone. 

When we experience loss, most often we experience what I call “spiritual amnesia” or a crisis of faith. This is due to the brunt force of the loss, the hurt, the pain, and the suffering we are encountering. The grief becomes so loud, we forget who we know and believe God to be. It jars our truth and pixelates our faith. However, it does not mean we lose our faith because we are grieving. The grief may cloud our thinking and the way we see God. But God is still God and we are still his children. 

Thus, as Christ followers, it’s important when we experience these times to remind ourselves of who God is and how he is unchanging, never failing, and faithful to his Word. He does not bring grief upon us. Instead, he promises to be with us in it. And if you’re reading this, I believe you know this to be so.

Scriptures: Hebrews 4:15, John 11:33, John 11:35

Sitting with the God Who Understands 

Grief is part of the human experience. At some point in our lives, we will grieve over someone or something. We grieve many things in our lifetime. Grief is the natural response to loss. Yet, no two people will grieve the same or respond to the same loss in the same way, and it may feel as if no one understands. 

I remember feeling this way as a sophomore in college when my sister Angie died. The fact that no one in my peer group had experienced the loss of an immediate family member left me feeling misunderstood and alone. At this point in my grief journey, I had already experienced multiple losses that compounded with this one. 

Let me pause to ask, What are you grieving? What is the loss that brings you here today? Know that you are not alone in your grief. I am sitting with you and God is sitting with us. 

God understands what we are going through, have been through, or will ever face. Think of the very vastness of God: he is the God who is, was, and who is to come (Revelation 1:8). He experienced everything we could ever experience literally from A to Z. 

The apostle Paul wrote, “For we have not a high priest which cannot be touched with the feelings of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15 KJV). 

Jesus knows and understands our grief. He is a man of sorrows and he is acquainted with grief. In his humanity, Jesus wept. A dear friend of Jesus, Lazarus, was sick. Jesus heard this news, and instead of going to see him, he remained where he was for a few more days. And Lazarus died. As described by John, Jesus was “deeply moved in spirit and troubled” (John 11:33 NIV). Then the story goes on to say, “Jesus wept” (John 11:35 NIV). 

When Jesus heard about the death of John the Baptist, he grieved. Then in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus grieved over his purpose. He was the lamb slain from the foundations of the earth. He knew his purpose, and it still grieved him. 

Just as Jesus grieved, he understands that all people grieve, and he understands your grief.

Scriptures: Hebrews 4:15, John 14:1-3, Isaiah 53:3, 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Sitting with the God Who Comforts 

I remember sitting in the ICU with my dad. He almost didn’t make it that night. The doctors informed me that I should call the family in as they anticipated Dad would soon die. My mom, sister, and I had to decide whether to allow medical staff to administer an extremely high-risk treatment or not try treatment at all. There was a fifty-fifty chance Dad would die either way. 

No one prepares you for this stuff because no one can. But Dad didn’t die that night, and in nothing short of a miracle, he came to himself, fully coherent, and he recited John 14:1-3. I called the family in, and as we were all gathered around his bed praying, he recited those verses with strength. 

Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. (John 14:1-3 KJV) 

One of our greatest needs as a griever is the need to be comforted. And God knew that we would one day grieve, so he made provision for us by sending us a Comforter: his name is Jesus. 

Those words brought comfort to Dad that night. They brought comfort to us that night, and they still bring me comfort. And that is one thing the Word of God does as we sit with it. God’s Word brings comfort. 

The prophet Isaiah prophesied this of Jesus: “He is despised and rejected by men, a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3 NKJV). God, in the bodily form of Jesus, bore our sorrow, our grief, and our pain on the cross. Not so that we wouldn’t experience them, but instead so he would know how to comfort us. Knowing someone knows what you are going through provides a sense of comfort all by itself. 

The apostle Paul wrote, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those who are in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-5 NIV). 

May the God of all comfort, comfort your heart.

Scriptures: Matthew 10:29-31, Colossians 1:17, Genesis 6:13

Sitting with the God Who Sees

I remember getting the call from my only living sister, Charlotte, of another death in our family. My heart immediately wanted to turn to stone, to not feel the impact it would have on me and my family. My jaw was clenched, my lips pursed, my fists tight, and my gaze narrowed. I was so frustrated and shattered.

Again? Why, God? It was a rhetorical question. More of a heart’s cry of, Fix it, Lord!Have you been there? Wondering if anyone sees the pain that you are experiencing or have experienced due to your loss? Then your questions turn into, Does anyone even care?

During times of pain, hurt, suffering, and grief, it is easy to allow questions and thoughts to run free in our minds, especially with our self-talk. The questions are valid. As we grieve, we may feel as if God is a million miles away.

It may feel as if God is too big to be concerned about you. You may feel that you have been dealt a bad hand by God. But rest assured the Maker of the heavens and the earth cares for you and loves you with an everlasting love. The God who goes before all things and who holds all things together knows you by name and sees you. He not only sees you, but he also cares for you.

Matthew writes, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows” (Matthew 10:29-31 NIV).

God sees and cares about every single detail of our life. He is concerned with the things that concern us, including our grief.

We can be reminded of the God who sees when we read the story of Hagar. Genesis 16 introduces us to Hagar, a slave girl who thought she was forgotten. She thought she would be left for dead in the desert along with the son she bore to Abraham. She thought herself to be an afterthought, unworthy of love, and she most likely thought her problems and her grief were too unimportant to bother God with.

Yet, God saw her. He saw her when no one else did. And he sees you and me in our grief.

Scriptures: John 6:68, Job 13:15

Trusting God in Grief 

I remember days, weeks, months, and years of darkness and sadness. Experiencing loss after gut-wrenching loss. Witnessing the world around me spinning and life moving along as if nothing had happened. 

There were days that felt like a blur and times when I felt so numb that even the warmest of gestures couldn’t shake it. I remember the painted smile hiding behind deep grief and sorrow. 

There have been many things that I didn’t understand about grief. Over the past thirty years, there have been many times I’ve asked God why. And it was reassuring to know that I wasn’t the only one who had questions. In the book of Job, we find Job, in all he went through, had questions too. 

Job, as the Bible says, was an upright man, and he lost his family, his possessions, his status, all in one day. And Job had questions, rightfully so. Often when we hear of this story, Job’s questions are left out, but I believe they are an important part. They help us to see that we can bring all that we are experiencing in our grief to God. 

Job’s grief looked like questions, shouts, more questions on top of questions. And from the outside looking in, these questions could look like a slight against God, but they weren’t. Instead, the bottom line is that Job took it all to God. Job teaches us many things, and bringing all of our hurt, pain, and grief to God is one of those things. Another thing Job teaches us is to trust God. 

Job says, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him” (Job 13:15 NKJV). Though Job had been through so much, I believe God showed himself mighty, strong, and faithful on Job’s behalf. And Job found he could trust God and bring it all to him. And so it is with us. We can trust God and take it all to him. To sit with him, to process, and to heal. 

God bids us to come and to sit with him when he says, “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10 NIV). I believe that God is asking, Can you just sit with me? Sit with me in this grief, trust me in this grief. Let me be your comforter, your peace giver, your strength, your joy, everything you need.