5 Keys to Move Beyond Your Loneliness

Scriptures: John 13:34, Exodus 33:11

Slow Down 

Have you ever been on a Facetime call and the connection dropped? Yup. Me too. 

Feeling disconnected is frustrating yet, many of us are feeling disconnected. Many times the culprit is our busyness. 

The healing of our loneliness begins first with feeling deeply connected to God. Once we feel secure in His love, we are more free to give and enjoy the love of others. 

The problem is that often our busyness gets in the way. As a result, we travel through life at breakneck speed but we’re left feeling alone. At this current time in history, people are feeling more alone than ever. We may be connected on the internet but in real life, we’re feeling isolated. How do move beyond our loneliness and live the life of deep connection God has designed us to live? 

It begins with connecting purposefully with God every day. I like to think of my time with God as Facetime. Moses was a man who enjoyed time with God and scripture tells us that, “The LORD would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend” (Exodus 33:11). 

During a particular season in my life where I was traveling almost nonstop, I felt lonely. I wondered, how on earth could I feel lonely when I had just spent countless hours with people?! As I analyzed my feelings, I realized I felt lonely for deep connection. I needed to change my schedule to create more space for God. 

What do you do if you feel disconnected from God? Great question. Slow down. 

Create space to pray. Tell God your thoughts and feelings. Praise Him that He listens. Read His word. He is the God who promises, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). You are never alone. His love is constant and from that secure place of being deeply loved, we can take initiative to connect with and love others. 

Pause and reflect: How might you create the space for longer Facetime with God? 

Pray: Lord God, thank You for loving me so completely. Thank You that You promised You would never leave me. Help me to slow down and create the space in my life to connect more deeply with You. In the times when I feel lonely, prompt me to talk with You. Remind me, dear Lord, that I am never alone because You are always with me.

Scriptures: Romans 12:10, Ruth 1:16

Cultivate Loyalty 

Loyalty seems to be a forgotten value in our culture. When problems arise in marriage, spouses opt out. When the job gets tough, people quit and look for something better. When sermons get boring or the music too loud, parishioners start looking for a different church. When friends get hurt, they ditch the friendship. 

Here’s the thing, God values loyalty. He Himself is a loyal and faithful God. He values commitment and faithfulness. Loyalty is faithfully, steadfastly and devotedly loving another person. 

One of my favorite stories tucked in the Old Testament is about Ruth and Naomi. Two widows. Both grieving. One a daughter-in-law and one a mother-in-law. An unlikely pair of friends for so many reasons. Yet, when Naomi, the mother-in-law decided to make the trek back to Bethlehem, Ruth committed to going with her. Naomi tried to talk Ruth out of her decision, but scripture tells us that Ruth was determined. Ruth chose to be faithful and loyal to her mother-in-law leaving her own culture and family. She declared, “Don’t urge me to leave you or turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God” (Ruth 1:16). 

If you’re going to move beyond your loneliness, develop loyalty. People will fail you. They make mistakes. You’ll be disappointed at times. However, by cultivating loyalty you will gain the richness of long term friendships. In the end, those friends are more precious than gold. 

Pause and reflect: Who are the friends who have been in your life for longer than ten years? Spend a few minutes reflecting on the beauty of those friendships. 

Pray: Lord Jesus, thank You for Your amazing faithfulness in my life. Thank You that Your love is steadfast and loyal. I pray now that You would cultivate loyalty in my life. I ask that You would strengthen me to be the loyal friend that others need. Help me to be willing to make sacrifices in order to remain faithful in my friendships.

Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 13:4, James 3:16, Galatians 5:26

Become a Cheerleader 

My granddaughter runs in track meets for her school. She’s a fast runner, but that’s not what impresses me most. What’s most extraordinary is the way she cheers for all the other runners in the race. She cheers loudly, at times while running, “Come on, you can finish!” It’s actually a great lesson in cultivating deeper friendships. If we’re going to move beyond our loneliness and enjoy closer relationships, we must stop competing and start cheering. 

The Apostle Paul wrote that true love, doesn’t envy. (I Corinthians 13:4). James the brother of Jesus wrote some very harsh words to believers teaching them that envy points to our selfish ambition and crates division in the church. (James 3:16). The truth is, envy creates division in every relationship. Left unchecked, jealousy will ruin your friendships. If we’re going to move beyond our loneliness, we must stop competing and comparing. 

How do we tame the monster of envy? We cultivate an attitude of gratitude. We worship the Giver of the gifts rather than the gifts themselves. We cheer for the victories of others. As you learn to give thanks in all things, your attitude will align more with Christ’s. As you worship the Giver of the gifts, your heart will be more enthralled with Him than the gifts themselves. As you begin to cheer for others, celebrating what God is doing for them, the temptation to compete will diminish. Instead, you’ll cultivate the deeper connections your heart craves. 

Friend, the world has enough division. Rather than competing, why not start cheering? Praise God when He blesses your friends. Celebrate their victories and accomplishments. Competition divides even the dearest of friends. Conversely, when you start cheering, your family and friends will feel encouraged, and they’ll want to connect with you more. 

Pause and reflect: What most often stirs up in you the tendency to compare? What tangible step could you take today to start cheering for another? 

Pray: Holy One, I confess to you my tendency to compare and compete. I realize when I feel insecure, I look at the accomplishments of others and feel inadequate. Forgive me, Lord. Help me to worship You today, and teach me to be thankful. Holy Spirit, uproot my inclination to compare and cleanse my heart from envy. Show me specifically which friends today need to feel celebrated.

Scripture: 1 Peter 4:9

Invite Someone to Your Home 

When I was a little girl and visited my grandmother in the summer, I noticed that she had a friend over every afternoon at 3 pm for coffee and coffee cake. My, how times have changed! Few, if any of us, have time for coffee with a friend every afternoon. And even if we do have the time, we meet at a coffee shop. Don’t get me wrong. I love coffee shops! But, here’s what I know. Relationships go deeper when we welcome others into our homes. 

Peter, one of Jesus’ friends, wrote, “Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling” (I Peter 4:9). When you think of hospitality, what comes to mind? Perfect house? Gourmet meal? Beautiful flower arrangements? Breathe. The idea of hospitality in the New Testament was simply to welcome others into your home. 

In the early church, hospitality was the norm. Friends gathered around dinner tables for simple meals to talk about Jesus. It was normal to welcome strangers and neighbors alike into your home to share a meal. What a beautiful concept! The table is the perfect place for deeper connections. When we welcome others to our table, we mirror Christ, who welcomes us to His table, where we celebrate communion and remember his death and resurrection. 

If you’re intimidated by hospitality, start small. Invite a friend over for coffee or tea. Or, put a grill on your front lawn, and invite your neighbors over for a hamburger. Beyond your home, welcome others into your friend circles. By following Peter’s instructions to practice hospitality, I’m guaranteeing you’re going to feel less lonely! 

Pause and reflect: What most often keeps you from inviting others over to your home? What would need to change in order for you to feel more comfortable? 

Pray: Lord Jesus, I confess, at times I have not wanted to open my home to others. Forgive me Lord. Thank You that I am able to live with a roof over my head while so many others struggle to find safe shelter. Soften my heart, I pray. I now dedicate my home to You, Lord Jesus, to be used in whatever way you deem best. May I welcome all who enter, and may you use my home to bring peace and blessing to many.

Scriptures: Mark 2:1-12, Galatians 6:2

Find Your Prayer People 

My friend Judy and I met years ago. Each of us had kids, and we began having coffee together as our little girls played together. As we began to share our hearts authentically, we started praying together. We prayed for our husbands, our kids, and over our own fears. Through the years, even during the seasons when we lived in different geographic locations, we continued praying together. In addition to the protection our prayers placed around our kids, praying together cemented our friendship in ways I can’t even describe. Judy has been a stretcher-bearer for me through the years. 

The gospel of Mark records for us the story of friends who brought their paralyzed friend to Jesus on a stretcher. The house where Jesus was teaching was so packed that there was no room to bring in their friend. These friends were determined – I love that! They dug a hole in the roof and lowered their friend on his stretcher right in front of Jesus. After Jesus healed the man who was paralyzed, I’m guessing these friends had a huge party celebrating. (Mark 2:1-12). The four friends give us a tangible picture of how carrying our friends before the Lord in prayer not only brings powerful results but also strengthens our friendships. 

If you long to deepen some of your friendships, I suggest you begin by finding people you can pray with and for. It is one of the best ways I know to become deeply bonded to another. 

Pause and reflect: Who in your friend circle would make a great prayer partner? How might you open the conversation to become prayer partners? 

Pray: Lord Jesus, I thank You that You invited us to carry each other’s burdens. I praise You that You always bend down to listen to our hearts. I pray that You would show me who to approach to be a prayer partner. Go before me, I pray. Give wisdom and discernment, a compassionate and understanding heart as I pursue someone with whom I can pray regularly. Thank You for the gift of prayer.