Do rough patches in relationships ever catch you by surprise? Despite our best intentions, we all have blind spots—bad relational habits that are keeping us from enjoying our relationships fully. Whether you struggle to overcome past wounds, insecurity, blame, or envy, it’s time to reflect on your relational habits and reset them, especially your relationship with God. That’s what this 7 day devotional Bible plan is designed to do.
Moody Publishers
Day 1
Scriptures: Romans 8:31, Psalms 139:14, 1 Corinthians 15:10, Hebrews 10:10, 1 John 3:1
Silence Insecurity
It’s easy to fall into the trap of doing what others desire of us rather than what God demands. This is particularly true when we are insecure in our relationships. In Galatians 1:10, Paul writes, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people?” Notice how he emphasizes the question by asking it twice. Who am I trying to please? Maybe I want my boss to notice me so I get the promotion (or at least keep my job), so I agree to doing something I know is unethical. Perhaps I don’t want to lose a friend, so I verbally agree with her on everything, even when I don’t agree in my heart. To be concerned about careers, friendships, or anything more than God is to replace God with an idol. And it does nothing for relationships, because people- pleasing simply can’t ease insecurity.
Why do we care more about what other people think than what God thinks? Why would we want their praise over the praise of the Creator of the universe? Insecurity.
I want to be in the business of pleasing God, and the only way to do that is to place my security in Him alone. By doing so, I can be in a right relationship with Him as I work on resetting relationships with others so that they become more like what He created them to be.
Learn to be a better spouse, neighbor, and friend tomorrow when you start your Relational Reset today.
Day 2
Scriptures: Proverbs 16:9, Isaiah 61:3, Luke 6:31
Deal with Disappointment
When it comes to having realistic expectations of others, I can think of no better role model than Jesus. He was no stranger to disappointment. Even His closest circle of friends, His disciples— family, really—did not always demonstrate belief or faith in Him.
The disciples fell asleep numerous times while Jesus prayed in the garden of Gethsemane despite being asked by Jesus to watch and pray. Three times Jesus asked, and three times His disciples failed Him.
Judas betrayed Him. Oh, how Judas betrayed Him.
Peter denied Him. Not once. Not twice. But three times. And this was after Jesus had told Peter that he would, and Peter said, “No way. Not me. Not ever.” But he did.
Thomas doubted Him. He saw the resurrected Jesus face to face, yet refused to believe He was really the Christ until he saw the nail marks in His hands and the wound in His side where He had been speared.
Jesus knew exactly what His disciples would do. He understood that they were human and therefore, sinners. He knew that because of sin, they would disappoint others, including Him. Not only did He know that the disciples would disappoint Him, He even knew what their actions would be long before they did. But Jesus never pulled back or tried to retaliate. He loved and accepted the disciples despite their hurtful actions toward Him. He accepted that they were merely human, and that they couldn’t be perfect.
All of us can benefit from having this expectation: people will disappoint us. Friends will disappoint us. Family will disappoint us. Fellow church members, neighbors, employers, colleagues . . . they will all disappoint us. We’ll disappoint others too. If we’re not careful, we’ll expect perfection from others. If so, when disappointment comes, it can crush us and our relationships. The Lord knows we don’t want anyone expecting us to be perfect, so we shouldn’t expect that from others either.
Day 3
Scriptures: Ecclesiastes 7:21-22, 1 Peter 4:8, Romans 12:2
Overcome Offenses
Much like forgiveness is a choice, not being easily offended is also a choice. Ecclesiastes 7:21–22 says: “Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you—for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others.”
Don’t look to be offended or else you’ll find it. If you are constantly listening in on what others are saying, then you are likely to hear them say things about you that you don’t like—or you may just think they’re talking about you. In other words, if you are looking to be offended, you’ll take offense. If you think your friend has intentionally left you out when she thanked all her “besties” on Facebook, guess what? You are going to be offended! As you scroll through your Facebook or Twitter feed, you just know your friend is talking about your posts when she says she is “sick and tired of seeing x, y, z on Facebook,” and you get offended.
Or maybe you’re walking past your coworker’s closed door, and you hear her talking to someone else in hushed whispers. You decide she must be talking about you. You start to feel really annoyed with her and find yourself giving her the cold shoulder when you run into her at church or the community pool. In these scenarios, you have no good reason to be offended because you don’t know what your Facebook friends are talking about or what your coworker was saying. If you aren’t looking for hidden meanings in people’s words and actions, you’ll be far less likely to find things that hurt you.
Show grace to those who offend you, knowing you have also been shown grace in the past. The reality is that we have all said things about others that we shouldn’t have said. We have all put other people down. It’s important to remember this lest we become self- righteous—too big for our britches, as we say in the South. For example, it’s likely you’ve posted something on Facebook that has offended someone. I can practically guarantee it. Instead of being offended by someone’s words or actions, choose to extend grace.
Day 4
Scriptures: James 3:14-15, 1 Corinthians 13:4
Eradicate Envy
Oftentimes, we believe that an event triggers a feeling, but the reality is that what we think about the event leads to the feeling. For example, if another couple in our circle of friends had a baby while my husband and I continued to wait years to adopt, I might have felt jealous of them. But, there is a missing component in that sentence. Something happens between the event of a couple having a baby and my feeling of envy—my thoughts. In this case, I might think, Why does this couple who have barely been married a minute get to have children while my husband of fourteen years and I continue to wait? If I change my thoughts, I can change my feeling. A replacement thought might be, I am thankful that this couple does not have to experience what we have been through. I am thankful they gave birth to a healthy baby. I am thankful they are a godly couple who will raise their child in a Christian home. Plus, I bet I’ll get some baby snuggles! When I change my thinking, my jealousy eases and I can celebrate with these new parents. When we replace a jealous, harmful thought with a realistic, helpful thought, we feel better and our relationships are less likely to suffer.
Day 5
Scriptures: Deuteronomy 31:6, Psalms 56:3, Isaiah 41:10, 2 Timothy 1:7, 1 John 4:18
Forget Fear
When we think we are not enough for another person, when we feel we are lacking something the other person needs or wants, we often try to prove ourselves—to prove we’re worthy of being that person’s spouse or friend. Ironically, even constant reassurance from the other party rarely satisfies the deep-seated fear that you will never measure up. It can be exhausting and frustrating for the other person to repeat what he or she has said to you a million times, like a song on repeat. Not to mention the pressure it places on the people in your life to constantly make sure you’re okay. Don’t get me wrong: relationships should be cultivated so that we see and hear one another. We should feel free to express our fears. But this doesn’t mean that the other person is responsible for how we think or feel.
The only person responsible for your thoughts and feelings is you—and recognizing this is the first step in fighting this fear. Here’s the thing: while others can trigger your defenses—like your self-defeating thoughts and upsetting feelings—no one else chooses what you think or how you feel. That’s on you. And since you can’t control anyone else, it makes sense that the way to reduce your fear is to learn to control your thoughts.
Day 6
Scriptures: Matthew 7:1, James 2:12-13, Romans 6:23, Romans 5:8, Romans 10:9
Surrender Judgment
As I often do, I decided one evening to take a peek at social media. Of course, that energy vampire took more time and attention than I intended, and I found myself experiencing a wide array of emotions as I scrolled through my newsfeeds. I became disappointed and frustrated with friends who held a different view than I did on the hot-button issue of the day.
Naturally, I began to type out Facebook replies and tweets. I needed to question some folks and set others straight. Typing, editing, and deleting many times. Then the Lord spoke to me and reminded me of James 2:13: “Mercy triumphs over judgment.” To give some context, James writes, “Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful” (2:12–13). To be sure, there will be a judgment day. But today is not that day, and I am not the judge. I do not have to take on every person I disagree with. Rather, I can be merciful, speaking truth in love as the Holy Spirit leads and not just because I want to or because I think I’m right. I can show mercy rather than judgment. My judgment would not change the positions of the people I love and would only serve to further divide us.
Day 7
Scriptures: Proverbs 20:22, Genesis 24:29, Romans 12:19, 1 Thessalonians 5:15, 1 Peter 3:9
Let God
It’s okay to desire justice. It’s even okay to expect and demand justice. In fact, Isaiah 1:17 tells us to seek justice. However, the reality is that justice in a fallen world will never be perfect. But God’s justice is. Isaiah 30:18 tells us that the Lord is a God of justice, and Isaiah 61:8 says that God loves justice.
In a world filled with so much injustice, it’s important to remember that God promises to right the wrongs of this world.
He can certainly use us if we allow ourselves to be used by Him, including for the sake of His justice. But we have to be careful not to take justice into our own hands. It’s not our job to do God’s job.
I truly believe that if we all “let God” more—striving not to get even, seek revenge, or set other people straight—we’ll be happier and our relationships will be healthier.