What do we do when our dreams seem out of reach or even shattered? Having overcome abuse and trauma, as well as the heartbreak of a divorce, I have been faced with this question again and again. Whether you’re experiencing the devastation of tragedy or loss, or the frustration of a long season of waiting, the God-dream for your life is still alive! Friend, it’s time to dream again.
Harmony Grillo (I Am A Treasure)
Day 1
Scriptures: Proverbs 13:12, Hebrews 6:19-20
I never thought I’d live to see twenty-one. After a long history of sexual abuse, rape, and living in a chaotic environment, my mother left me alone in our gang-ridden neighborhood, at the age of thirteen, with my eight-year-old brother, to fend for ourselves for three months. During that summer, I became involved with an older boy who offered us food and protection. The relationship became abusive and exploitative, and ultimately led me to working in the sex industry as a stripper. Essentially, my boyfriend became my pimp and my life was spiraling out of control.
Enter Jesus.
In Him, I found grace, healing, and a path to freedom. I began to dream again. I dreamed of a day that I would have a home with a white picket fence, and a green lawn with children’s toys scattered about. I dreamed of an intact family where we would all have the same last name. My dream represented safety and stability—something I didn’t experience much of throughout my childhood.
I mistakenly believed that if I went to church on Sunday, read the right books, and did the right things, all of my dreams would be realized and I would have a certain Jesus-immunity to the troubles of life.
Within a few years, everything was going according to my plan. I was married with a beautiful baby, and had a home with a yard. Life was so good that I was jealous of my own self!
When I found out my husband had been having affairs, and ultimately wasn’t willing to fight for restoration in our marriage, I felt like every hope I ever had for my life was crushed. The life I dreamed of was completely falling apart.
In his poem, “Harlem”, Langston Hughes poses a question. “What happens to a dream deferred?”
“Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?”
I believe that what happens to our dreams when they are deferred, out of reach, or even shattered, depends on the dreamer. How we respond will determine whether we are propelled closer to the God-dream for our life or further from it.
In the wake of my husband’s confession, I was faced with a decision…
Where was I going to place my hope? Was I going place my hope in the dream I had for my life? Or was I going to place hope in God?
According to the Bible, hope deferred makes the heart sick, but hope in Jesus is an anchor for our soul. I couldn’t change my circumstances, as much as I wanted to, but I could decide how I was going to respond to them.
I invite you to reflect on the following questions: Where is your hope today? Is your hope in the dream for your life? Or is your hope in The Giver of Dreams?
Day 2
Scripture: Isaiah 42:16-17
My very first Mother’s Day – A day I imagined would be filled with flowers and gushing sentiments. Instead, I found myself listening to a confession that would lead to the end of my marriage. Traumatized and grieving, I was in no condition to parent my baby girl for the first 24 hours. My dear friends were kind enough to take her for the night.
When I arrived to pick her up the next day, I sat in a puddle of tears on their living room carpet, lamenting. “I was his bride. We made vows. We were supposed to raise children and have grandchildren together. We were going to break the cycle of divorce in our families. We were supposed to grow old together.”
She listened compassionately before offering an observation. “Harmony, it sounds like you have painted a picture of what you wanted your life to look like. I know it’s hard, but it might be time to surrender the canvas and trust God to paint a new one”.
She was right. I was not only grieving the life I knew, but the one I had imagined we would have. Grief on top of grief. Most of us have spent time picturing what our lives will look like. We paint a canvas in our heads of our marriages, children, careers, friendships, and sometimes even timelines for all of these things.
Vision is a good thing, but what happens when our dreams and expectations are shattered by life’s disappointment? By the death of a loved one, the breakdown of a marriage, or the loss of a career? How do we respond? Do we get angry towards God and respond in bitterness? Do we vow to never dream again, because it hurts too much to hope? Or, are we willing to pry our hands open and surrender the canvas of our lives to Him.
I too have painted a canvas of what my life would look like, but I have discovered that my canvas may not be consistent with the ultimate canvas that God is painting for me.
Fantasy can be idolatry. This happens when we put our trust in an image carved out by our minds. It can be much easier to place our trust in something we can see and control, than to place it in a God we cannot see and cannot control.
True relationship and intimacy can be scary. Healing can be scary. These things require trust and courage to walk with God along unfamiliar paths by ways we have not imagined. But God, our God, wants to take us on this journey. He will make our rough places smooth and bring light where there is none.
If we allow God’s floodlight to penetrate our hearts, He can expose the true source of our pain, so that healing can take place. Only then will we be able to see clearly what has propelled us to escape in fantasy. Only then will we be able to surrender the canvas of our lives to a good God, knowing that He can do exceedingly, abundantly above all we can ask think or imagine!
Day 3
Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 2:9, Isaiah 55:9
Faith does not make us immune to the hardships of life. There are moments when jobs are lost, hearts are broken, or loved ones are taken before their time.
There are other times when we are left waiting (and waiting and waiting) for our dreams to come to fruition. The dream for a child, a spouse, or for a relationship to be restored. For a loved one to overcome an illness or addiction. For a break in our career. Our hearts are left aching with longing for what we don’t yet have. Sometimes, we ache for so long that our hope dwindles and we may even stop dreaming, so it doesn’t hurt so bad anymore.
God cares about our dreams. In fact, He places “God dreams” in each of our hearts. But, if I desire the dream more than God, The Giver of Dreams, I make the dream an idol.
From the time I was two-years-old, I wanted to be a famous actress. As a child, I spent hours in the mirror developing characters. Abuse and exploitation derailed me from all of my dreams, including that one. When I began walking with Jesus, I decided to pursue acting again.
I was booking work and having a great time building a career but, I soon realized that God had a different dream for my life than the one I had been pursuing.
If I am honest, my desire to be an actress was partly about wanting to feel a sense of significance. God wanted me to find my worth in Him, not in the recognition and attention I could receive as an actress. I also began to understand that He wanted to use the pain from my past to bring hope and freedom to others.
I decided to follow the God Dream for my life and in 2003, I founded Treasures, an outreach and support group to victims of sexual exploitation and trafficking. Every day, I get to see lives impacted as a result of my decision to follow the God-dream for my life! If I had continued to hold on to my dream of being an actress, or worse, let it become an idol in my life, I would have missed the dream that God had in mind for me!
God cares about us, and He cares about our dreams. He cares enough that He is willing to redirect us away from what we think we want, so that He can lead us into what He has for us.
There is a God dream for your life. It might be something you are already walking towards, or it could be something completely unexpected. I believe that as you hold your plans and dreams with open hands, and trust Him with the process, He will lead you into the fullness of what He has in store for you.
Day 4
Scriptures: James 1:2-4, 1 Corinthians 10:13, Genesis 25:29-34
Disappointment and pain have a way of fueling temptation. They leave us more susceptible to our areas of weakness. Whether it be isolating, over-eating, having casual sex, or having a few too many glasses of wine, our desire to anesthetize or escape pain drives us to compromise. We tell ourselves we deserve to feel better.
When we are hurting, we are more inclined to sacrifice the dream for what is temporary. The comfort our vices bring are fleeting and shallow at best, viciously destructive at worst.
There is a scene in the famous opera, La Boehme in which two men are suffering through a brutal winter in Paris. One of them, a writer, has poured countless hours into a body of work. He is so cold he can barely focus on his writing anymore.
Having no money for coal or wood to burn on the fire, in a moment of sheer desperation, the writer thrusts the entire manuscript into the furnace. In seconds, the stack of paper with all of his writing is burned to ashes.
This writer sacrificed his dream, everything he had worked for, for a fleeting moment of comfort. He gave in.
We see this same pattern in the story of Esau told in Genesis. Exhausted and famished, he returns home to the smell of piping hot lentil stew. Desperate for sustenance, Esau gives up his birthright, all of the privileges, authority and inheritance that came with being firstborn, for some soup. He sacrificed his future for the momentary satisfaction of a full belly.
Listen, I get it.
I am tempted to eat my feelings when I am grieving (Many times I give in!). After my divorce, loneliness left me tempted to lower the bar and compromise in dating. Thankfully, I did not give into this temptation, but it was certainly there.
When I was losing my home, and on the verge of bankruptcy, a neighbor offered me a job paying 6-figures working in pharmaceutical sales. I was tempted to take the job. But doing so would have meant putting the work of Treasures on the backburner. The temporary comfort of greater financial stability was not worth giving up the purpose God had called me to.
Sometimes the God dream requires sacrifice. As it turns out, God is more concerned with our character than our comfort level.
We can let the hard things build our character or break it. We can sacrifice the dream for what is temporary, or we can persevere and allow perseverance to strengthen our character and build maturity in us.
Don’t give up the dream for what is temporary. Don’t let the pain or disappointment cause you to forfeit your dreams for quick fixes and momentary pleasures. Don’t give in. There is too much at stake.
There is freedom on the other end of your faithfulness. Both for you personally, and for all of the people who will be impacted by you fully living out your purpose!
Day 5
Scriptures: Proverbs 3:5-6, Psalms 18:2
One beautiful Saturday morning, I watched my sweet 3-year old daughter as she slept peacefully. I had been eagerly waiting for her to wake up, because I planned to surprise her with her favorite breakfast and take her out on a movie and ice cream date.
I gently swept the hair away from her forehead and began caressing her cheek. “Wake up little sleepy head,” I whispered in her ear.
Suddenly, her arms and legs flailed about as she flew into a raging tantrum. “Noooooo! I don’t want to wake up,” she screamed ferociously. Her little, angelic face twisted into a scowl and turned the color of a turnip.
My heart sank. Besides being flustered by her outburst, I was thoroughly disappointed that we wouldn’t be able to have the fun day I had dreamed up for her.
My daughter wanted to stay in bed, right where she was. She was comfortable in her dreamy slumber. Her wild protest caused her to miss out on something really great. No way I was going to take her on our special date and reward the tantrum. If she knew what I had in store for her, would she have behaved differently? If she trusted my plan, if she trusted me, would she have had a different response?
I wonder if I have ever missed out on what God has in store for me, because I was too consumed with staying comfortable where I was. Too focused on what I wanted.
Sometimes, we want what we want, and we think it’s what we need. But if we really trust that God is good and His plan is good, we will listen. We will follow—even when it disrupts our own plans and moves us out of our comfort zone. Even when it means that it’s time to let go of relationships, habits, or pain that has been holding us back.
Trust is at the very foundation of faith—to have faith in God is to trust His plan, even when we don’t understand it. It is also the foundation of the God dream for our life. In the times when it felt as if life as I knew it was completely falling apart, trust in God gave me a firm place to stand.
“Wake up, darling. Open your eyes. Come with me. I have something wonderful planned for you. In order for you to experience what I have in store for you, you can’t stay where you are. It’s time to move forward, my love.”
I believe God is inviting you and I into a plan that is more amazing than our imaginations can fathom. One that will include restoration and redemption of all that has been lost and stolen. The question is, will we trust Him enough to follow?
Day 6
Scriptures: Psalms 37:4, Matthew 20:29-33
“What do you want?” My ex-husband asked me this question as our marriage was falling apart. “I want you to do what no man has ever done… I want you to fight for me.” my voice trembled through sobs.
Later, as I navigated the challenging and often lonely path of single motherhood, I sensed God was asking me the same question, again and again. “What do you want?” For several years, I didn’t have it in me to answer him. Does it really matter what I want? I wondered.
I hid all of my longing and desire behind a heavily recited mantra, that sounded really good, “Your will, not mine”.
Although surrendering to God’s will is a good thing, it took me a long time to realize that God is not after my passive compliance- He is after my heart. He is not looking for slaves who respond to commands out of obligation and oppressed will, but daughters and sons who respond to Him out of intimacy and relationship.
I have heard it said, “Longing is good for you. It’s the echo of miracles to come.”
God cares about our dreams. He cares about the longing in our hearts. If we let Him, He uses seasons of waiting to build our faith and draw us closer to Him as we share our longings. Sharing our dreams with God doesn’t mean we get everything we want. He isn’t our personal genie. But the very process of sharing our dreams with God draws us closer to Him.
Can you imagine having a best friend or a spouse that never told you about their dreams and desires? I think we would feel pretty disconnected from them and the relationship would seem shallow. The vulnerable practice of sharing our wants and desires deepens our capacity for intimacy with God and with others.
As for me, after years of trying to deny the dream of sitting at a dinner table with a family of my own, I finally told God what I wanted. I wanted to be married again. I wanted someone I could share dreams and vision, responsibilities and challenges, laughter, and tears with.
The season of waiting continued. In it, God continued a deep healing work in me. He used the waiting to teach me about reciprocal friendships and what true emotional intimacy looks like with safe people. I also grew in my faith that God is, in fact, good. That His character can be trusted. His plans are good. He taught me that the circumstances in my life do not change these facts. He taught me to stand on these truths, even when I didn’t think I saw evidence of them.
What do you want?
Throughout scripture, Jesus asks variations of this question of the people he encounters. And I believe he is asking it of you. I encourage you to explore the answer to this question and share it with Him. He can be trusted with the longings of your heart.
Day 7
Scriptures: Romans 8:28, Genesis 50:20-21
There is a line in the serenity prayer commonly prayed in 12-step meetings that asks God to help us to accept “hardship as a pathway to peace; taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it”.
That line always stuck out to me because so much of my energy was spent trying to fix and control circumstances and the people around me in order to create a life as I would have it… striving to make my dreams come true. Clearly this didn’t work.
In the aftermath of my divorce, I lost my home, my credit was ruined, and it felt like, one by one, all of the safety nets I set up for myself, and the life I was trying to build were completely dismantled. Life was not as I would have it.
At one point, I found myself truly grieving this and cried to God, “It didn’t turn out how I thought it would”. God listened. And then, He spoke to my heart.
I rescued you.
The absurdity of this statement was almost laughable. There was nothing about what I was going through that even remotely resembled rescuing.
Harmony, I rescued you from your version of the dream… I will redeem the dream.
This promise, that God would redeem the dream, that He would restore family to me, gave me hope that the season I was in wouldn’t last forever.
I know God to be a redeemer. First, he redeemed my story of pain and exploitation and is using it to reach others through Treasures. Today, several years after the divorce, I can tell you that he has redeemed my dream for family to be restored. In March of 2014, I was married to an incredible man who is a wonderful, loving, second father to my beautiful daughter! In January of 2018, we had a sweet baby boy who has brought so much joy to our home.
I love the story of Joseph, because it’s an example of a dreamer who trusted God, even when it appeared that all of his dreams were shattered. He was betrayed by family, abandoned, enslaved, imprisoned, and forgotten. Through it all, God was with Joseph. Ultimately, His truth in God enabled him to rise above his circumstances and save his family and all of Egypt from famine. God used every single bit of Joseph’s life and story for good! God redeemed the dream.
I wonder if Joseph was ever tempted to give up the dream? Instead, he stayed faithful throughout all of his seasons and circumstances, allowed God to use him, and kept dreaming. A nation was saved because of his faithfulness.
I don’t know what you are going through. I don’t know what kind of trials or attacks the God dreams for your life have suffered. But I do know this—God is a redeemer. He is faithful. As you keep dreaming, keep trusting, keep persevering…
God will redeem the dream.