Building Character in Your Child

Scriptures: Proverbs 20:7, Hebrews 13:8, 1 John 1:9

Integrity 

By Scott Williams

I remember as a boy accidentally breaking a small mirror. No problem, I thought. I’ll just glue the pieces back together and nobody will know the difference.

To my surprise, the finished product was not at all like the original. Instead, I was looking at six separate smaller, jagged versions of myself.

That image has stuck with me as I’ve raised my seven children to adulthood. As I’ve tried to model character to them, I’ve been cautious of any words or actions that might break my reflection into jagged pieces of myself—one at church and one at home; one when I think I’m being watched, another when I don’t. When they see me, I want them to see the whole reflection of Christ, in all His fullness.

The true meaning of the word integrity combines the characteristics of wholeness, simplicity, and purity—completeness. Biblical integrity means we must live in such a way as to model Christ, who is the same, yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8).

As parents, we must encourage our children to let their words be their bond, to treat others equally, no matter their actions, social standing, or outward appearance. They need to know what we’ve learned by trial and error—that it’s much easier in the long run to be unified in our words and actions up front than to try to piece back together a half-dozen different deceitful versions of ourselves.

Of course, our children (and we) will fail. Every one of us is broken. We’ll say one thing and do another. We’ll fudge on the truth. We’ll make promises and fail to keep them. Thankfully, returning to integrity is easier than trying to restoring the pieces of a broken mirror. The Apostle John reminds us, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9).

Those of us who are in Christ have the promise of the indwelling Holy Spirit, who convicts us of sin and leads us into all truth. The more we (and our children) respond to His leading, the more we find that our lives are integrated with the plans and purposes of God and reflect His glorious image.

Scripture: Psalms 27:1

Courage

By Carlos Santiago

Fear is debilitating. It can come without warning, seizing the heart, and paralyzing the soul. Rational or irrational, fear can make even the bravest of us cower like babies. Knowing this, I should have been more understanding when my little son began to demonstrate an intense fear of the toilet. 

Unfortunately, my first reaction was annoyance. It didn’t matter what time of day it was, or if every light in the house was on, our son wanted a personal escort to the bathroom.  

To make matters worse, he wanted one of us to stand guard at the door and wait until he finished. No amount of yelling or threatening was enough to motivate him to go alone. I think he was convinced there were gremlins there waiting to eat him.

After many long fruitless battles, I began to realize that his desire to have me with him, although inconvenient, was actually a good thing. It meant he trusted me to keep him safe. My presence gave him courage. So, I became his escort. I’d sit on the floor on the other side of the door and wait. For longer guard duty assignments, I made sure to have my kindle with me.

It eventually dawned on me that this is precisely what God does for us. When we put our trust in Him, He walks with us through the darkest moments of our lives. He offers us strength, comfort, and peace. Our situations may not change, but with Him at our side we can agree with the Psalmist who said, “[O]f whom shall I be afraid?” 

When fear strikes your child, the solution is not to try to convince them not to be afraid, but rather to give them something bigger and stronger to trust in. One of the best ways that you can do this is simply let them see where your courage comes from. 

When we moved across country our kids were scared. I wanted to promise that everything would be ok, but the truth was, I was scared too. I didn’t know what the future would hold. But I did know that God loved us and that He was calling us to move. 

So, in an age appropriate way, my wife and I were transparent about our own fears. We let them see us searching the scriptures for comfort. When we found passages that helped, we shared them, and prayed together. 

Over time, our family’s courage to face the unknown grew, but not out of positive thinking or self-confidence. It grew out of trust in the love of the unshakable God we serve. 

Scriptures: Psalms 103:13, Luke 5:12-13

Compassion

By Lisa Lakey

In biblical times, lepers had an incurable disease that caused them to be forced to live on the fringes of society, deemed “unclean.” There were no hugs when they had a bad day. No one was wrapping their arm around their shoulders when life was just too much. But then there was Jesus. 

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is one where a leper falls on his face in front of Jesus and says, “Lord, if you will, you can make me clean.” Then Jesus, the most compassionate man in history, reaches out to touch the man and says, “I will; be clean” (Luke 5:12-13). 

Jesus reached out and touched the man society had banished. He showed great compassion and was attuned to the suffering of those around him—not just the physical, but the emotional and even social suffering.

We all want to raise kids who are overflowing with compassion for the weak, the lowly, the suffering. Some kids seem to have it naturally. But even if compassion isn’t a natural gift, it is something that can be developed by learning to identify someone’s emotional or physical needs and how to appropriately meet them.

Here are a few ways to develop compassion in your children:

Serve each other. Family should be our first ministry. The compassion we have for others should be practiced in the home, as well. When my kids are testing the limits of sibling strife, I try to redirect their rivalry into service opportunities. I make them think of ways they can serve one another, either by doing a chore or making something special for that person.

Serve outside the home. Remember, you are setting the standard by which your children are learning compassion, so you must get involved in service, as well. Gather blankets for the homeless when cooler temperatures hit, spend a Saturday each month volunteering at a local food pantry, or even rake the leaves for an elderly neighbor. 

Practice compassion as a daily habit. What does compassion look like in the day to day? Sometimes it looks like forgiveness. It might look like kindness when someone is being unlovable. Or maybe it is inviting a new family at church over to dinner. Whatever it is, when our kids are seeing compassion as a daily habit within the home, they’ll quickly learn to apply it elsewhere. 

Scriptures: Luke 6:38, 2 Corinthians 9:7, 1 Timothy 6:17-19

Generosity

By Sabrina McDonald

Anna grew up with very little. Luxuries that others enjoyed, like vacations and new clothes, were impossible. But Anna always felt that those experiences helped her appreciate what she did have. So when Anna’s husband was handsomely promoted, she worried her children’s character would suffer. Would they grow up with a sense of entitlement? Anna said, “I needed them to know that wealth has purpose.”

Most Americans wouldn’t consider themselves “wealthy.” But even the poorest person in the U.S. is wealthier than 99 percent of the world. When God sees “the poor” in America, He sees rich people, and He has given us responsibilities. 

First Timothy 6:17-19 says, “As for the rich in this present age … they are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life.” 

Here are some things parents can do to foster generosity.

Be a model of generosity. Give to the homeless. Contribute to natural disaster funds. Put extra in the offering plate. Your example is the best tool you have.

Encourage your children to be generous with each other. Teach them, for example, to share their toys—that’s a lesson you’ll need to emphasize over and over. 

Encourage kids to give away their own toys and clothing. Each year, go through their toys and say, “Let’s give away five toys that you don’t use anymore and are not broken.” (And maybe it’s more than five.) Remove all clothing that is too small. Then brainstorm organizations that need your items.

Encourage Sunday school offering. Have them tithe their allowance, or provide money. It makes a big impression that you would offer your hard-earned money to give away.

Praise generosity when you see or experience it. Write thank you notes for money given by grandparents and gifts from friends. Point out times when friends gave clothes and other household items to you. And be sure to praise your kids when they are generous. 

Make sure children understand that generosity is not a rule. Second Corinthians 9:7 says, “Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” Because of gratitude for God’s generous love and mercy, we extend the same generosity to others. 

As you live out these principles with your kids, remember to pray that God would work in their hearts to be a cheerful giver. See the prayers and scriptures provided on this page. 

Scriptures: Romans 5:3-5, Psalms 119:71

Resourcefulness

By Carlos Santiago

As a boy, I loved to take things apart. My mother’s declaration that a toy or household item was broken was like a cavalry bugle charge to my ears. Within moments, I would swoop in with screwdriver in hand and a bold proclamation that I could fix it.

Truth be told, most items ended up in dismembered heaps in my room. Yet occasionally, between removal of the first screw, and the realization that I had parts left over, the broken item would find new life. When it did, a wave of pride would ride over me and last for days. 

The joy I experienced fixing things as a young boy, taught me to reject “it’s broken” as a final answer and look for creative ways to overcome difficulties. 

Today, when one of my kids’ toy breaks, I am still quick to play the role of “the fixer.” The problem is that in my enthusiasm to save the day, I inadvertently rob them of a critical ingredient in developing their own resourcefulness—the opportunity to fail. I’m ashamed to admit how many times I have taken tools away from my kids and declared, “You’re going to break that!”

What I frequently forget is that those piles of parts in my room represented more than failures; they represented lessons learned. Each disassembled carcass taught me how things worked and how they did not. Each failure opened my mind to learn a new lesson, and without them I would never have had the opportunity for success.

Psalm 119:71 says, “It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.” 

Some lessons can only be learned the hard way. If our kids are going to learn how to be resourceful, we can’t always fix their problems. We need to allow them to experience a little affliction every now and then. 

The next time your child comes to you with a broken toy or a broken relationship, resist the urge to fix it for them. Instead, lead them with questions that will help them troubleshoot and fix the problem themselves. Sometimes you might think that the solutions your kids come up with won’t work, but as long as they aren’t harmful, let them try. That’s all part of the process.

Scripture: Hebrews 12:11

Personal Responsibility

By Carlos Santiago

Sometimes being a parent can feel like your job is to plug holes in a failing dam with your fingers. As soon as one leak is addressed, another pops up to take its place.

When our son was in the fourth grade, we had all but run out of fingers. Every day was a battle. He would forget to bring home his textbooks, forget to complete homework assignments, and even forget his lunch. It seemed no matter how many times we attempted to remind him, if it was important, he would forget. 

At first, I saw his behavior as a blatant challenge to my authority. It made my blood boil. He just didn’t seem to care. 

Eventually, his mother and I realized that his ambivalence made sense. He didn’t have a problem. We did. His life was easy. If he forgot a book, I would go online and try to find the reading material another way. If he forgot lunch or homework, his mother would drop what she was doing, drive to the school, and deliver it to him. With every act of irresponsible behavior, we would rescue him. He faced consequences of our anger, but not the actual effects of his behavior. 

One day we sat him down and explained that we were going to stop shielding him. 

The next week, he called from school to tell us that he had left his homework in the kitchen, and he wanted us to bring it to him. We knew his grades couldn’t afford the hit, but we refused anyway. The next day when he brought in his homework, his grade was reduced by 50 percent. 

In the year that followed his grades were littered with missed assignments and partial credits. There were moments when he was in real danger of not moving to the next grade. It was hard to watch, but we understood that critical character development was at stake. 

When my son finally realized that we weren’t bluffing, his behavior began to change. Today, the epic battles over schoolwork are gone. He still misses an assignment every now and then, but when he does, he knows it is his responsibility to have the uncomfortable conversation with his teachers to make up the work. 

It was difficult for us to help him learn that lesson, but it would have been far more difficult had he not. The next time you are tempted to rescue your child from a bad decision, ask yourself, “What kind of consequences might this type of behavior generate in 15 years?” In real life, bosses don’t tolerate excuses, and police don’t give exceptions. Refusing to rescue may make life more difficult in the short term, but it will be worth it in the end.

Scriptures: 1 Thessalonians 5:12-13, Galatians 6:9

Respect

By Lisa Lakey

It wasn’t long after my sweet little boy’s speech took off that disrespect parted from his toddler lips. No was his new favorite word, and he used it for nearly every response to my requests or orders. “Please sit down in the cart, Max.” No. “Please don’t spit out your food.” No. It quickly became my least favorite word. 

Teaching my son to not respond with “no” all the time took a commitment to teaching him respect. It’s not easy, and, quite frankly, it will be an ongoing battle until he leaves our home. But I believe teaching respect is one of the best things we can do for our children’s future. It will help them in their relationships, home, career, and even their faith. When children are taught to respect the authority of their parents from an early age, they are simultaneously being taught to respect the authority of God. 

While it may seem like such a basic concept to address, it takes plenty of patience and perseverance. Maybe that is why Galatians 6:9 is one of my favorite verses right now. “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” 

Don’t give up on teaching your children to be respectful. Here are a few of the ways we try to reinforce it in our home. 

Teach manners. Being born and raised in the South, referring to adults as “ma’am” and “sir” are fundamentals of good manners, and they were most likely two of my first words. What we say and how we say it are as important to manners as what we do. Saying please and thank you and looking someone in the eye when speaking are simple ways to let the others know we respect them and their time. 

Don’t tolerate rudeness. Rude behavior or speech is a sign of disrespect and needs to be dealt with promptly. Give your kids clear expectations for their behavior, and let them know the consequences for rudeness. Remember, children who are allowed to disrespect their parents will disrespect others. It starts in the home. 

Be respectful yourself. Children will mirror the speech and mannerisms of their parents. The more sharply I speak, the more I hear it come out of the mouths of my kids. Nothing puts my heart in check as quickly as seeing my attitude reflected back through my children. You should speak respectfully to your children while maintaining authority. And when you slip, offer a lesson in repentance and forgiveness. 

Scripture: 1 Timothy 4:16

Tenacity

By Lisa Lakey

Thomas Edison once said, “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”

Edison knew a thing or two about discouragement. Although the genius inventor had more than 1,000 successful U.S. patents, he also had between 500-600 patent attempts that could be called failures. Yet, he also said, “I haven’t failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” 

I want my kids to develop that kind of tenacity—the determination and perseverance to overcome life’s obstacles. Thankfully, this is something we can start to teach our children from an early age. Life will give them plenty of opportunities to give up—from learning to walk to riding a bike. But with a little guidance and encouragement from their loving parents, our kids can develop the tenacity to keep going, even when the going gets tough.

Here are a few tips to develop tenacity in your kids: 

Don’t take over when things get hard. Sometimes it’s easier, for our kids and for us, to take over tasks they struggle with. For me, this has been especially true when it comes to proper cleaning habits. But they will only learn and get better through practice. Give them room to make their own mistakes, especially while they are still under your roof. 

Remember the power of words. My kids aren’t allowed to say “I can’t” when attempting something new. “I’ll try again” helps to keep the discouragement at bay. It’s a true statement that kids who think they can’t, won’t. In the same way, kids who feel their parents don’t think they can, will rarely try. 

Offer plenty of encouragement. Praise their efforts when they practice, try again, or show even the slightest improvement. Whether my daughter hits an amazing backhand on the tennis court, or my son kicks the soccer ball for the first (and only) time during the season, I am their biggest (and loudest) fan. Encourage your kids through both your words and unwavering support.

Scriptures: Philippians 1:9-10, 1 Corinthians 2:14, 2 Peter 1:2-4, Hebrews 4:12

Discernment

By Scott Williams

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been interested in birds. In our current house, I’ve set up several feeders outside our dining area so we can enjoy the many different species that come throughout the year. (I’ve identified at least 60!)

When I was young and first learning to identify birds, I could differentiate between a woodpecker and a robin. As I learned more about bird markings and features, I was able to tell one type of woodpecker from another. Now that I’ve been watching for decades, I can readily discern different races within a species of woodpeckers.

Discernment is the ability to judge well. It is the life application of knowledge and wisdom that grows keener with maturity. All children first gain an awareness of the world outside themselves, and as they comprehend it, they begin to apply it to their own life situation. 

It’s the same in our spiritual lives. Author and pastor Tim Challies describes discernment as “the skill of understanding and applying God’s Word with the purpose of separating truth from error and right from wrong … Our goal in discernment is to do just this: to see things through God’s eyes through the Bible and thus to see things as they really are.”

While you can’t discern for your child, there are some vital things that you can do to help them learn proper discernment.

Lead them to Christ. Let them see and know what God has done for you through Christ’s redemption and how they can receive the free gift for themselves. Without the Holy Spirit in their lives, they can’t understand the foundational truths of God’s word (1 Corinthians 2:14).

Teach them to know and love the Word. Knowing God, as we read in 2 Peter 1:2-4, is sufficient for all things pertaining to life and godliness. Regularly reading God’s Word, which is living and active (Hebrews 4:12), will give them the tools for discernment as they encounter new ideas and experiences.

Engage on real-life issues. Let them know that the reality of God’s love and grace affects how we understand the world. As events come in their lives or in the daily current events, share your wisdom and ask them questions that will help them sharpen their discernment and begin to better process on their own.

Scripture: Psalms 119:9

Purity

By Sabrina McDonald

Many of my friends are lamenting the ability to raise a child of purity in this culture. One mom moaned, “That’s just the way things are now. Kids move in together and they get married. That’s the norm.”

It may be the norm, but Jesus didn’t call us to be like the rest of the world. He called us to be different—light in darkness. We can teach our kids to live at a higher standard, even if everyone else doesn’t. Just because kids are expected to behave a certain way doesn’t mean we should stop encouraging them to live in purity. 

Those who culturally accept premarital sex haven’t considered the risks—pregnancy, diseases, and intangible effects like heartbreak, depression, and insecurity. These can be life-altering, even life-threatening, situations. 

Many of us were brought up in a time when talking about sex was taboo. Perhaps your parents made you feel ashamed of your sexuality or fearful of God’s wrath. Perhaps you lost your virginity and felt you were never forgiven. 

Sex shouldn’t be treated like a terrible forbidden act. It’s a beautiful expression of the covenantal love between a man and a woman. Rather, encourage your children to protect their purity. Teach them that their sexuality is beautiful and special, and it should only be shared with the one who is willing to care for it in the way God intended. 

FamilyLife has developed the resource Passport to Purity® to help you talk to your preadolescent children about sex in a way they can understand. And even if your teens and preteens already have a basic understanding, there may be more questions that you don’t want Google to answer for you. 

Even young children can be prepared for their growing sexuality. I have taught my two elementary-aged children that private parts are special, and that’s why we keep them to ourselves. Like treasure, they should be kept hidden away from everyone. The kids also understand that no one can touch them in these special places, not even close family or friends.

I explained that married people can see each other naked, like when their dad and I are in the bathroom together, and how marriage is a sacred relationship. Adam and Eve were naked together in the garden, and the Bible says, “They were not ashamed.” 

Purity is certainly a difficult characteristic to build into your children. Both their natural human tendencies and our culture are working against you. It will be a battle. But with a lot of prayer and clear brave communication, it is possible for your children to be pure the day they walk down the aisle to the one they love. 

Scriptures: Matthew 23:12, Proverbs 16:18, 2 Timothy 4:7

Humility

By Lisa Lakey

In the 2016 Summer Olympics, those watching the women’s qualifying track trials witnessed something shocking in today’s world.

During the 5,000-meter race, New Zealand runner Nikki Hamblin fell, taking American Abbey D’Agostino down with her. D’Agostino got up, saw Hamblin still lying on the ground, and then reached out to her. Putting her hand on Hamblin’s shoulder, she encouraged her to get up and finish the race. 

D’Agostino didn’t consider herself, or her goals, as more important than Hamblin. Due to her act of humility, both women finished the race.

Humility can be a hard trait to instill in our children. After all, we are all born with a selfish, sinful nature. Someone once said humility isn’t thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking about yourself less. So how do we teach our naturally self-inclined children to think less about themselves? Here are some ideas.

Help them get to know a shining example of humility—Jesus. From His birth to His death, Jesus’s life modeled humility. Dive into Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John with your kids and learn about their ultimate role model, one who put others first in everything He did. One thing they will learn is this—at the heart of humility is a dependence upon and recognition of who God is.

Model humility. Humility is a hard concept for young kids to comprehend, especially in words. Your children will learn so much more through seeing your own selfless sacrifices. Are you putting your family in front of your own wants and needs? 

Point their natural gifts back to God. It’s okay for kids to admit having an amazing talent. God’s gifts weren’t made to be hidden. Some make the mistake of thinking that in order to foster humility, we should berate our children. Not only does that fail in fostering humility, it’s also harmful to a child’s understanding of his value in God’s eyes. Instead, redirect your child’s thinking by point them to the one who gave them their gifts: “God made you an amazing artist!” 

Teach them to be servants. It’s a lot harder to think about yourself when you focus on the needs of others. There are many ways to serve as a family, such as, organizing a food pantry, cleaning the church, doing behind-the-scenes work for the good of others. This is how they learn to “think about themselves less.”

Scripture tells us, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18). None of us wants to knowingly lead our children into destruction. We want kids that finish the race as Paul spoke of when he said, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7).

Scripture: Matthew 23:11

Servanthood

By Lisa Lakey

One morning during prayer time with the kids, our list of requests morphed into a discussion about how our lives would be different if we lived on the other side of the world. I expressed how my prayers would sound if I lived in an area where food and medicine for my children were scarce. In the safety of our little corner of the world, we discussed the loss and suffering we would likely never face. 

I could see my oldest was deep in thought. When she spoke, the frustration in her voice was apparent. “Then why doesn’t He do something about it?” she said.

I took a deep breath as I gathered my thoughts on what to say to my tenderhearted girl. She knows the world is broken from sin and evil and that Mom doesn’t have all the answers. So instead of the standard response, I asked, “What if that’s where God is calling us, His children, to step in?” 

If we raise our children to be servants of God, this world won’t struggle to find people who have a heart to reach out and serve the hurting and the lost. 

So how do we develop servanthood? Here are some ideas to consider. 

Serve daily. We are presented with service opportunities multiple times a day. My daughter can choose to help her brother pick up his toys or practice a letter he is having trouble writing. My five year old opens the doors for others, and he offers to carry something when my hands are full. The difference is made when we do it joyfully, as if it is truly our pleasure to serve the other.

Serve together. A friend of mine has kept extra snacks in her car ever since her oldest daughter saw someone on the street asking for food. She saw her daughter’s compassion for this man, and together they thought of a way to help others who struggle like him. Another family I know consistently visits with and cares for an elderly widow they know. You don’t need a lot of organization and money to fill a need together. 

Listen to their hearts. That prayer time with my daughter led to discussions on what we could do to help the people in that area of the world. I can see the deep compassion God has placed on her heart for this region. What areas can your children serve? Talk to them. Even young kids can come up with mighty ways to help. 

Scripture: Matthew 18:21-22

Forgiveness

By Lisa Lakey

My daughter came home from school one day, brokenhearted. She had been betrayed by a friend, and she was angry and confused. The other girl showed no repentance for her actions, and forgiveness was the furthest thing from my daughter’s mind. How could she forgive, she wondered, when the friend never even apologized! 

Thankfully, forgiveness doesn’t depend on the offender’s repentance, but it’s a choice we make for ourselves. And it doesn’t take away the hurt of an offense, but it does allow for healing. 

As I gently explained this to my daughter, I reminded her that we are all sinners in need of forgiveness. It’s why God sent Jesus. Instead of telling her about all the times I forgave others, I told her about the times I received forgiveness I didn’t deserve. And there are plenty. 

When hurt is deep, we need to pray for God to work in our hearts to forgive and trust Him with the offense more than our own feelings. Here are some ways to practice forgiveness in your family.

Teach how to forgive at home. At our house, when the kids hurt one another, even if by accident, they have to offer a real apology to their sibling, along with what they are sorry for. And then the one who was hurt looks their sibling in the eye and accepts their apology. Forgiving is as important as expressing sorrow. It’s the next step toward resolution. 

Give kids a physical outlet for forgiveness. When forgiving is hard, and sometimes it will be, let them write out the offense on a piece of paper. Then have them say, “I forgive Susie.” Then they should wad the paper up and throw it away. This is a visual reminder that they have chosen to make the first step to allow healing to start. 

Model forgiveness. While I wish my family always saw my best attitude and actions, unfortunately, they see the ugliness in my heart more than anyone outside of God himself. And when I show that side of me, I humble myself before my family and ask for forgiveness. I look them in the eyes and say, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I hope you forgive me.” 

Scripture: Psalms 95:2

Gratitude 

By Lauren Miller

Gratitude is expected in American culture. How many times have we heard parents with a scolding tone ask their children, “What do you say?” expecting them to respond with a half-hearted “thank you”? The phrase is demanded as if the words themselves were important. But grateful people are marked by more than the occasional expression of thanks. They are marked by their hearts. 

In her popular book One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are, Ann Voskamp shares her personal discovery of the power of thankfulness to dissolve discontentment and worry in her life. She captures a simple yet profound truth about thankfulness: “As long as thanks is possible, then joy is always possible.” With thankfulness comes a repositioning of your focus from dissatisfaction to adoration of God’s goodness, and therefore the gratefulness changes your heart, from one of discontent to fullness of joy. 

Part of training gratefulness in a child involves encouraging it when they least feel grateful. It’s when the family must eat chicken soup for the fifth day in a row, the air conditioning stops working, or when they have homework coming out of their ears—those are the opportunities for shaping thankfulness. Saying the words “thank you” will grant zero joy unless they flow from a genuine heart. 

I remember sitting on the stairs with my mom and sister when I was young and verbally “popcorning” all of the qualities of God we could think of for which to thank Him. Setting aside time and creating projects like this can go a long way. This single exercise has stuck with me my whole life. 

Another helpful exercise is memorizing scripture and singing songs that remind us: “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever” (Psalm 136:1). Use those truths to teach your children the wonderful characteristics of God that they can depend on—they will never run out of reasons to be thankful.

Finally, share with them what you yourself thanked God for today. Tell them how grateful you are that God placed the blessings and the struggles in your life. Be an example of true gratitude to your children by taking off a heart of complaint and putting on a heart of praise. Your children will see that Christian thanksgiving isn’t just a bunch of words. It’s a condition of the heart.