Father Like the Father

Scriptures: Genesis 1:28, Hebrews 1:1-2

Communicate

What comes to mind when you think of the word father?

I recently attended a discussion on fatherhood where the speaker asked this very question. The answers were as varied as the people in attendance. As the microphone was passed around, some gave glowing, tear-filled tributes to their fathers. Others were not as kind. But whether the answers were positive or not, one thing was clear: fathers have a tremendous impact on their children.

It has been said that children grow up with the desire to either be like, or be nothing like, their father.

With so much at stake, how can we ensure that we become good fathers?

Thankfully the Bible has a lot to say on the matter. God calls himself father. Some of our best lessons on how to be a good father come from observing God interact with His children throughout Scripture.

We will examine some of these qualities over the next seven days.

Today’s passages reveal that God is a communicator. The Genesis account of creation begins with God speaking the universe into existence. It then goes on to chronicle His conversations with mankind, starting with Adam and continuing on through angels, dreams, and prophets. In later Scriptures we learn that God also spoke through his Son, Jesus, and through the Holy Spirit.

If we are to father like the Father, then we must learn to communicate—frequently.

This can be difficult for many men. The pressures of work and our various responsibilities often leave us drained. By the time we get home we often don’t want to talk. We may say little to our wives and even less to our children. We just want to find a quiet place to unwind.

While this is understandable, we dare not stay silent too long. Our children need our input. A father’s words are powerful and can often define the course of a child’s entire life. A lack of words can leave our children lost and without direction. We must take care not to give our best words to our employers and leave our wives and children with our leftovers.

What was the last thing that you said to your children? Was it a command, an expression of disapproval, or a proclamation of your love and admiration? What if those words were the last that they ever heard you speak?

Pray that God gives you the wisdom to know which words your child needs to hear from you, and the courage to speak them.

Scriptures: Genesis 1:29, Luke 11:11-13

Provide

There are few responsibilities of fatherhood as universally accepted as that of provider. Even in a world where wives are often able to bring home more money than their husbands, the idea that fathers are responsible to provide for the needs of their families is deeply ingrained. In fact, many fathers organize their lives around fulfilling this one responsibility, sometimes to the exclusion of all others.

When we consider the role that God the Father has taken with mankind, we can understand why provision and fatherhood are so closely associated. God is the ultimate provider. The very act of creation was one of provision. Through creation, God established the environment that His children would live in.  He created a place of safety and provided His children’s physical needs. 

Many earthly fathers understand this. They work tirelessly to put a roof over their children’s heads, to provide safety and food. They work long hours to ensure that their children have what they need. While this effort is certainly commendable, Luke 11:11-13 reveals another aspect of provision that is often overlooked.

This passage starts off talking about the type of provision that we normally think of—food. It compares our efforts to provide with God’s provision.  By the end of verse 12 we expect to read an ultimate example of God’s provision, yet the Scripture takes an interesting turn. Instead of giving us examples of food or shelter it says, “how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit.”  God’s ultimate provision came when He gave us Himself.

Fathering like the Father requires that we do the same—give ourselves to our children.

A good father will not only provide for their children’s physical needs but also their emotional and spiritual needs. This is difficult, but we cannot allow ourselves to be so consumed by our efforts to be a good provider that we forget to provide what is most important.

This may require some drastic changes. In order to have time with our children, we might have to lay aside a favorite hobby or sport for a time. We might need to negotiate a different schedule at work, accept a pay cut, or give up our dream of a bigger house. But if we can accept that our role as provider is larger than simply providing “things,” it becomes possible.

Pray that God show you how you rearrange your schedule so that you can provide your children with more of yourself.

Scriptures: Genesis 1:4-5, Genesis 2:16-17

Set Boundaries

I knew I had to install a baby gate, but I didn’t realize how badly.

We were still adjusting to the idea of having a child who could walk.  Then one day a faint sound in the hallway filled my heart with dread. I turned the corner just in time to see my daughter standing at the edge of the staircase.

Time slowed.

As I began to sprint, I could see her body slowly pivoting forward. When I realized there was no way I could stop her from falling, I did the only thing I could … I dove.

Just before her head hit the step, I managed to scoop her into my arms and cradle her into my body as the two of us tumbled down the stairs, end over end. With each roll I feared that the weight of my body might crush her. When the motion stopped, I was in a crumpled heap on the floor.  My daughter walked away as if nothing had happened.

I learned a painful lesson that day. Fathers need to set boundaries.

God loved Adam and gave him everything that he could ever possibly need. He gave him a wonderful environment, an intimate relationship with his Father, a good job, good food, safety, and of course, Eve.

God was lavish with Adam, yet in the midst of all of that giving, God set boundaries.

God separated light from darkness, established the laws of nature, and told Adam not to eat from the fruit of one specific tree. This boundary was designed to protect Adam, but Adam chose to cross it.

Crossing boundaries results in consequences. Adam lost the comfort of life in the garden. He was forced to spend the rest of his days in “painful toil” working the land for food. Through his sin, pain and death entered the world and are still here today.

To father like the Father, we must be willing to set clear boundaries for our children, with clear penalties. 

We must also learn to live within God’s boundaries ourselves. When we do, we become better equipped to guide our families to follow our example, even when the boundary appears to be a killjoy.

When I installed the baby gate at the top of the stairs my daughter thought it was there to keep her from having fun. She was not happy, but that was okay. One day she would come to understand.

Pray that God give you the wisdom to know which boundaries to set and the courage to enforce them. 

Scriptures: Genesis 3:8-9, Genesis 2:16-17, 1 John 4:10

Pursue

Adam and Eve knew they had blown it. God had given them one simple rule. He told them what would happen if they ate from one particular tree (Genesis 2:16-17). They knew they should have listened. They knew that they had plenty of other foods to choose from, but they chose to disobey God anyway.

As the reality of what they had done sank in, they did what most children would have done in that situation … they hid.

If you’ve been a father for any length of time, you’ve seen this pattern play out before.

Perhaps you’ve heard your children proclaim, “I didn’t eat the cookie”—while sitting in a pile of crumbs and wiping chocolate from their lips. Or perhaps you’ve found them hiding under a blanket in their room moments after a basketball mysteriously crashed into your favorite mug.

When children break the rules, their first instinct is to hide, or attempt to shift the blame, or change the subject … anything to avoid having to face the consequences for their behavior. Like Adam and Eve, our children often hide just when they need us the most.

God knew what they had done. He knew they needed His forgiveness and He knew exactly where they were hiding. He could have taken that opportunity to remind them of His power or the futility of trying to hide from the all-knowing, omnipresent, almighty God, but He didn’t. Instead, He pursued them—gently. And His pursuit communicated more to them than any lecture could have.

His pursuit demonstrated His desire to restore the relationship. It also taught them that they could come to Him if they ever got in trouble again.

To father like the Father, we must pursue our children. We can’t always wait for our children to come to us in a spirit of repentance. Sometimes they will hide because they know they have done wrong, or they may withdraw simply because they are getting older.  

As our children grow, their independence and ability slowly begin to mask their need for parental involvement. Left on their own, older children will often retreat into their music, video games, and cellphones.

After years of hands-on parenting and crisis management, this quiet period can feel like a welcome relief.  But even if there are no overt issues, we cannot let our guards down. Whether they realize it or not, they still need your guidance.

It’s up to you to make the first move.

Pray that God fill you with perseverance and humility as you purse the hearts of your children. 

Scriptures: Genesis 3:23-24, Ephesians 6:4, Hebrews 12:11

Discipline

Few things exemplify discipline like a team from the United States Marines Corps performing a silent rifle drill.

Polished patent leather shoes, crisp white gloves, and stoic expressions proclaim their readiness. Even while motionless, their discipline is evident. Once the marching begins, the soldiers work in perfect unison. Bayonet-tipped rifles flip within inches of their faces, yet no one flinches. Everyone on the team is precisely where they need to be, when they need to be there.

Their performance is the culmination of countless hours of training and strict adherence to the instructions and corrections of their squad leader. This leader is their model, not just someone who yells at them when they mess up. He is there every step of the way, taking the same risks, and helping them achieve their best.

The English word for “discipline” comes from the Latin word discipulus, or disciple. A disciple is a student.

Effective discipline is not just about punishment and stopping bad behavior, but also about developing good behavior. And disciples need teachers.

When God disciplines His children, His goal is to train us to perfection. He wants to strip away everything within us that misses the mark, every sin that keeps us from the life that He intended for us. He walks alongside of us, holding up a standard of perfection for us to strive towards. When He sees something out of step, He offers correction. Sometimes His correction is gentle and sometimes it hurts, but it is always done for our betterment in the context of relationship.

When God disciplined Adam and Eve, there was pain, but the pain had a purpose. It reminded them of their need to rely on God and trust His word. God’s discipline enhanced their relationship.

To father like the Father, our discipline must be about discipleship. We must take a long-term view of our children’s development and work to bring out their best. Our punishments must inflict enough pain to be effective, but not so much that we encourage hiding. If we are too harsh, we may succeed in forcing compliance in the short term, yet lose the ability to speak into our children’s lives long term.

We must also keep in mind that while a father can be a friend to his children, he is a father first. If we are too passive, we might lose the respect necessary to have any positive influence.

A good father will walk with his children as an example, and apply discipline as needed to help them grow to be all they were made to be.

Pray that God help you to walk in a manner worthy of your child’s emulation, and for wisdom as you disciple them.

Scriptures: Genesis 2:16-17, Psalms 147:3, Genesis 3:21

Show Compassion

When God spoke to Adam in the Garden of Eden, He was very clear. Everything in the garden was fair game, except for one tree that was off limits. Eating from that fruit carried the death penalty. With all the lavish abundance present in the garden, the choice should have been simple, yet that is precisely what Adam did.

By all accounts, the human story should have been a very short one. God should have confronted Adam and Eve in the garden and killed them on the spot, but He didn’t.

This seems like an odd way to start the human story. It’s usually not a good idea for parents to make threats that they don’t carry out. Good parents know that once you declare a penalty, you need to stick to it. You must be true to your word. You must “take the toy away”, “ground them for a week”, or literally “turn the car around and go home.” If you don’t follow through, your kids learn to ignore you.

So what happened? Why are we still here? Why didn’t the God of justice; the God who cannot lie, immediately wipe out the human race?

God is also a God of mercy.

Had He killed them on the spot, there would have been justice, but no mercy. Had He simply erased their sentence, there would have been mercy, with no justice. Instead He delayed its execution long enough for the relationship to be reconciled. By choosing to delay, He found a way for mercy and justice to coexist.

The balance between justice and mercy can be difficult for us to follow. Lean too heavily on the side of justice and we parent with a cold, iron fist. Our children may obey us, but they do so out of compulsion. As soon as they break free from our control, they rebel.

But if you lean too far on the side of mercy, and our kids grow wild and unruly. We must have both.

One of the most tender examples of this is found in Genesis 3:21. God had just finished kicking Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden and giving them their sentences of hard labor and pain when He did the unexpected. He made clothes for them.

You can almost imagine God dressing His weepy children saying, “It’ll be okay … It won’t be easy, but I’m not giving up on you. I’ll be here for you. Look, I made these for you.”

To father like the Father, we must show compassion.

Pray that God give you the wisdom to be able to parent with both justice and mercy.

Scripture: Deuteronomy 4:31

Keep Promises

It felt good to be able to hit “send.”

I told my boss that I would get the report done by Friday. I’ve always taken pride in my ability to hit a deadline, no matter how difficult. My employers know they can trust my word. That reputation has served me well. At 10 p.m., it was much later than I had hoped, but it was finished.

I shut my laptop and took a moment to enjoy the rare silence. After hours of nonstop work, I could finally rest. As I looked around the house, a faint memory began to take shape and I soon realized I made another commitment that I had completely forgotten about.

I had been working from home that day, and at several points my son had asked me to take a break and play ball with him in the back yard. “In a minute,” I kept telling him.

But the day had run out of minutes. I had been so caught up in keeping my word at work that I forgot to keep it at home.

Deuteronomy 4:31 teaches that as a Father, God makes promises too. Yet He doesn’t forget. His word can be counted on. He is trustworthy to the core.

To father like the Father, we, too, must be promise keepers at work and at home. This is not an easy task, but men are not called to do what is easy. We are called to do whatever is necessary to get the job done.

Most of us instinctively understand this responsibility when it comes to our careers. The challenge is applying that same level of commitment to our job as husband and father.

When I tell my wife that I will be home by a certain time, I need to be home by that time. When I tell my son that I will play ball with him, I must play ball with him. My family must come to learn that my word can be trusted.

Later that night I entered my son’s room and found him fast asleep, but I knew what I needed to do. I turned on the lights and shouted, “Are you ready?”

Without a word he sprang out of his bed, grabbed his glove, and ran downstairs. For the next 20 minutes we played catch as bugs swirled around the backyard floodlights. When we were done, I tucked him in and apologized for making him wait so long.

“It’s okay dad”, he said “you came.”

Pray that God help you to be a father who keeps his word.