Parenting God’s Way

Scriptures: Psalms 127:3, Galatians 2:20

Putting Your Family on the Right Course

All of us, when we become mothers or fathers, have an indescribable, powerful love for our children and naturally want the best for them. God, too, is deeply concerned about the well-being of our families. Scripture tells us that children are “a gift of the LORD” (Ps. 127:3), a reward from Him, and precious in His sight. It also teaches us that we’re stewards of His precious gifts, and as stewards, we’re accountable to God for how we raise and care for our children.

Since you’ve subscribed to this reading plan, you most likely consider raising children in godliness a central focus of your life. If your own parents modeled godly child-rearing practices, you can probably see the fruit of such an upbringing in your own life and surely want to take a similar approach with your children.

But perhaps you were raised in a home where commitment to biblical principles was lacking. A Christian lifestyle may have been completely absent. If that’s the case, you may have concerns about being able to raise children in godliness. Thankfully, God wants you to be a successful parent and a wise steward of your children even more than you do. That’s why He sent the Holy Spirit to live within you when you became a believer. This is the awesome power that will enable you—and your children, when they trust in Christ—to live by God’s principles (Gal. 2:20).

If you’ve never trusted Christ as your personal Savior, no amount of time, money, or education will help your children out of spiritual poverty. When it comes to things of eternal value, the only thing that will matter is their personal relationship with God through His Son.

Whether you’ve been walking with the Lord for many years or only a short time, He’s standing by faithfully, ready to help you with every challenge of life, including the many challenges of raising a child. Be encouraged as you begin to read His Word and discover His instructions for raising godly children. Implementing the principles and instructions that follow will help you navigate the many twists and turns in the journey of life and will better equip your entire family to live in ways that are pleasing to God. Over time, Christ Himself will build a legacy of godliness that nothing can completely erase. Ask the Holy Spirit to offer guidance as you work through this plan. Take time to reflect on what you’re learning as you develop a biblical approach to parenting that will meet your children’s needs and put your family on the right course. 

Scriptures: Deuteronomy 6:6-7, Philippians 4:13

Your Commitment to God’s Word

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 tells us, as God’s people and as parents, to have an unwavering commitment to His commands:

These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.

We can be sure that whenever God tell us to do things in a certain way, it’s because He knows His way is best. God’s very aware of the distractions offered by the world. He knows the ease with which we can be pulled away from the path of righteousness if we don’t keep His instructions at the forefront of our minds and our conversations. Of course, God doesn’t expect us to speak exclusively about spiritual matters. Note that the above verses refer primarily to times of leisure: resting at home, taking a walk, spending time with family. We all have jobs to do and business to transact. But Deuteronomy 6:6-7 implies that if God’s Word is a regular part of our private conversations, it will infuse all of our conduct when we—and our children—are “out in the world.”

If you’ve not yet arrived at this place in your faith journey, don’t be discouraged. Commitment to God’s Word at such a level is part of a lifelong process of growing closer to Him and submitting to His will. Your desire to be a successful parent is wonderful motivation for furthering that process in your own life. The more you fill your heart with His words and guidance, the more those words will flow from you to others. It may sound impossible to be so immersed in God’s instructions that you speak of them when sitting, when walking, when lying down, and when getting up, but remember that God has promised to empower you to do whatever He commands (Phil. 4:13). Trust the Lord to honor your desire to follow Him, and watch over time as He increases your hunger for His words and writes them on your heart. 

As you work through the material that follows, ask God each day to strengthen your ability to abide in Him, live by His commands, and live out His Word. Ask Him to plant His truth deep within your heart so that it becomes a natural part of your conversation with your children and others. If you do so, in time you will see you and your family blessed immeasurably by God’s response to these prayers.

Scriptures: Romans 3:23, Romans 8:13, Hebrews 12:11

Courage Under Conviction

As you commit yourself to the honest study of God’s Word, one thing you can expect to receive is the conviction of the Holy Spirit. 

None of us comes blameless to Scripture. Indeed, “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:23) and are in need of grace and forgiveness through Christ. However, receiving redemption through His atoning blood doesn’t free us from the requirement of walking in righteousness. Quite the opposite is true. Upon receiving salvation, every Christian is called to “put to death the deeds of [his or her] sinful nature” (Rom. 8:13, NLT). While we have the power of God’s Spirit within to strengthen us against temptation, the flesh (our sinful nature) is always seeking to reassert itself in our lives. This is why we’re exhorted to be vigilant against falling back into sinful behavior. Prayer, faithful reading of Scripture, and reliance on the power of the Holy Spirit will keep us on the right path, but conviction is a natural and necessary part of the process. As you look into the mirror of Scripture, rejoice when you feel this conviction, because it’s God’s means of sanctifying you. When a particular passage brings discomfort to your conscience, don’t look away or resist. Instead, be encouraged that your eyes have been opened to an opportunity to become more like Christ and, in turn, to become a better parent and role model for your children. Confess and repent of any shortcomings, and ask God to help you improve in those areas.

Parenting can be a very humbling experience. Like any great challenge, it’ll bring to light your areas of weakness, stretch you to your limits, and drive you to your knees. However, the right response will bring strength to your weak areas, expand your limits, and cause your reliance on God to grow. Let His grace carry you through your trials. God promises that submission to His training will yield “the peaceful fruit of righteousness” (Heb. 12:11). 

Stay positive, be thankful for His forgiveness and always look to the blessings that follow obedience. Trust in God’s guidance and His commitment to your growth in Christ and joyfully receive His correction. He will be faithful to keep you in perfect peace as you grow in wisdom—a priceless gift for any parent.

Scriptures: Galatians 5:22-23, Hebrews 12:6, James 1:5

Love and Authority 

The foundation of successful parenting can be summed up in these two qualities: 

· Unconditional Love

· Fair, honest authority

While you won’t express these qualities perfectly at all times, if you make them your goal each day, you can expect that God will help you work toward them. He’s promised that as you grow in your Christian walk, the fruit of the Holy Spirit will become more and more evident in your life (Gal. 5:22-23). Be encouraged that in God’s power, divine qualities such as love, patience, gentleness, and self-control are within your reach. Invite the Holy Spirit to invade your heart, mature you in Him, and give you the power to express these traits toward your family—especially in those times when you find it most difficult. 

For example, when your children exhibit unwanted behavior, try to separate their actions from who they are—treasured gifts from the Lord. Seek to lovingly accept them, even when making clear their behavior is unacceptable. If you remind yourself your children are entrusted to you by God, then their behavior will be less able to sway you from expressing unconditional love for them. When you find yourself struggling, spend a few moments dwelling on your own flaws, weaknesses, and mistakes. Then, recall how God has always forgiven, accepted, and supported you throughout your life. This line of thought will bring humility to your heart and enable you to be more loving and accepting of your children in every circumstance.

It may seem impossible to reconcile expressions of unconditional love with the exercise of authority, but keep in mind that fair, honest authority is an important aspect of God’s own love for all of His children: “The Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastises every son whom he receives” (Heb. 12:6, ESV). 

In His authority, God has steered you with a hand that may have felt painful and unfair in the moment, just as your discipline of your children will at times feel painful and unfair to them. In these situations, try to be compassionate with your children in their hurt and anger without relenting in the discipline that you know is best for them. Ask God to help you express your authority fairly and honestly. Fair authority is wise and provides justice for everyone involved—not just one’s own children. Honest authority is transparent; it makes clear which rules have been transgressed and why the discipline is needed.

Unconditional love and fair, honest authority on your part will help your children to feel safe, cared for, and cherished. With constant encouragement, despite their failures, anger under discipline will diminish, and their love and respect for you will grow. As you support and nurture them in all their efforts at life, they will gain confidence and advance steadily. Unconditional love will allow an irreplaceable peace to take root in their hearts and stay with them throughout life. And when you provide them with fair and clear authority, informed by godly wisdom (James 1:5) and expressed in love, they will learn to embrace the paths of righteousness, avoid the pitfalls, and grow strong in the ways of the Lord. 

Scriptures: 2 Chronicles 17:3, Matthew 5:23-24, Luke 22:32, Ephesians 4:26

Leading by Example

You are your children’s most important example of godliness. How you live out a growing Christlikeness before them will have an enormous impact on their spiritual journey. That’s why it’s so important to make your own Christian growth a primary component of your efforts at successful parenting. When your children see you seeking out and following God’s instructions in your own life, they’ll naturally want to do the same. And as you continue to strengthen godly character traits through prayer and perseverance, your children will pick up and develop those same traits.

God’s Word teaches this foundational truth about parenting. Throughout the books of Kings and Chronicles, for example, we read many times in the descriptions of the kings of Israel that “he walked in the … ways of his father” (2 Chron. 17:3)—sometimes for good, sometimes for evil, depending on what the example had been. A parent’s character and conduct will mold and shape much of the character and conduct of his or her children. If you live in accordance with biblical principles and let the Holy Spirit work in you continually to increase Christian character in all your ways, your children will benefit immensely. While they may be quite different from you in many aspects, they’ll develop a foundation of godliness simply from observing it in you. The Holy Spirit will also act to impress your godly example on your children’s hearts. Such an impression may at times seem to wane in its effect, but it will never completely disappear.

Need an additional truth to meditate upon? Take heart: God’s Word does not indicate that perfection is required in the Christian life. In fact, it provides us with the means of handling failures in our walk. Along with confession, repentance, and the blood of Christ to atone for our sins, Scripture tells us how to make amends for wrongdoing in many specific situations (Matt. 5:23-24; Luke 22:32; Eph. 4:26). Therefore, let your children see you making use of these principles when you slip up—it’s as necessary as the example you give when your behavior is more like Christ’s.

Scriptures: Ephesians 6:4, 2 Timothy 3:16, Hebrews 4:12, James 1:5

Leading by Instruction

Your instruction is as vital as your example when it comes to raising children in godliness. One of the best-known scriptures on parenting is, “Bring [your children] up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). Thankfully, your Bible is an unbeatable resource in this task.

The Bible is full of God’s principles for behavior in virtually every area of life. As you guide your children through the questions, dilemmas, and situations they face, make Scripture your infallible source of practical wisdom. The book of Proverbs and the teachings of Jesus in the Gospels are obvious places to turn for instruction in godly living. But from Genesis to Revelation, you’ll find God’s principles illustrated through example, storytelling, admonition, and exhortation. Be open to instruction from unlikely verses. The Word itself states that “all Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness” (2 Tim. 3:16). Ask the Holy Spirit to lead you to Bible passages that address what your children need to hear, then share those passages with them.

Remember God’s Word is not only infallible but also alive (Heb. 4:12). Even before your children can understand the meaning, you can read or pray Scripture over them with powerful effect. As they grow, they’ll be able to understand the meaning of Bible passages you share for their instruction. Listen carefully to the issues going on in your children’s lives, and let your response and conversation be informed by related Bible passages, stories, and principles.

When old enough, encourage your children to consult God’s Word themselves for answers to the issues they face. Show them how to use a concordance and how to research Bible topics such as friendship and helping others. They’ll quickly discover that God has indeed provided answers for every situation of life, and the instinct to consult Him in all things will serve them well as they grow. Also, find a trustworthy, Bible-believing church and attend regularly. This will be crucial to ensuring that both you and your children remain under solid biblical teaching to aid you in your Christian growth. Being part of a local church will also draw you into fellowship with other believers. And that, in turn, will provide reinforcement for putting godly principles into practice and helping you stay on a godly path.

Don’t forget that as a believer, you—and your children, once they’ve trusted Christ as their Savior—have the Holy Spirit living within to provide guidance in applying God’s principles. You also have God’s promise to give you wisdom whenever you ask for it (James 1:5). Teach your children to ask for God’s help when they’re troubled or confused about anything. His Word promises He’ll surely provide.

Now that we’ve explored some foundational aspects of godly parenting, we’ll use the remainder of our time together to look at 7 specific areas of life where these truths can be applied. We’ll also offer questions to help you dig deeper as you begin to carry out the principles of godly parenting in your family. We’ll see you tomorrow!

Scriptures: 2 Corinthians 7:10, Ephesians 4:3, Galatians 6:10, Hebrews 10:25

Areas for Successful Parenting: Spiritual Life

Your most important task as a parent is to teach your children the way of salvation through Christ. There’s no more critical issue for any person alive, and nothing in life can be addressed effectively without first settling this one issue. Do everything you can to clearly explain God’s plan of salvation to your children, and remember that even small children can be called by God to understand and choose redemption. Gently and simply, explain the concepts of sin and separation, atonement and restoration through Christ, making sure you stress that salvation through the atoning blood of Jesus is a personal choice. You cannot resolve this issue for your children, nor are they automatically saved because you’ve accepted Christ’s offer of salvation. But be alert to their questions and signs of curiosity … and pray that no matter what their age, God will open their eyes to the truth of the gospel and grant them “repentance that leads to salvation” (2 Cor. 7:10). 

In addition to the question of salvation, you’re responsible for teaching your children the importance of the Word of God and a deepening relationship with Christ throughout life. Here are four essential ways you can do this: 

1. Read — Teach your children the trustworthiness of God’s Word, the importance of reading it regularly, and the value of consulting it on issues great and small. Let God speak to your heart and to your children’s hearts as you read together. Pray He will open your ears to His voice and your spirits to His presence. 

2. Pray — The power of praying with, over, and for your children should never be underestimated. Your children will learn to pray from you. When they hear you speaking to the Father on behalf of themselves and others, they’ll gradually learn to speak to him in the same way and will likely develop an understanding of God that’s similar to yours. Allow times of prayer to build “the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:3) within your family. 

3. Serve and Fellowship — Finally, make sure you and your children are part of a local church where you can serve and fellowship together. Teach your children to help others in the body of Christ as well as those in the world, just as Scripture commands (Gal. 6:10). Serve actively yourself, and seek opportunities for your children to participate in service. Lead them to fellowship with other Christians who will strengthen them in their faith, provide accountability for their Christian walk, and share testimonies, needs, and blessings with them (Heb. 10:25). 

Teach your children the importance of reading the Word of God, praying to the Father, and staying active in service and fellowship within the church. All are critical in putting your children on the right path and will build a spiritual foundation that will support godliness in everything they do. 

Digging Deeper

1. When was the last time my children and I consulted God’s Word together for guidance on some issue they were facing? How can I help them develop the habit of turning to God when they need counsel?

2. If my children were to pray as I pray, would their prayers be cursory and impatient, or full of depth, confidence, and love for God? 

3. Do my children see me serving in the church and reaching out regularly to other Christians for mutual support and strength? What are some steps I can take to reinforce my family’s sense of belonging in the body of Christ?

Scriptures: Proverbs 12:22, Ephesians 4:25, Romans 9:1, Psalms 15:4

Areas for Successful Parenting: Ethics

Your responsibility as a godly parent includes teaching your children basic ethical guidelines for living, such as honesty, reliability, and obedience. Keep your children attuned to the words of Scripture on these traits, and they’ll develop a clear and correct ethical foundation for their conduct. 

For example, all children will fall into dishonesty at some time or another. To address this destructive inclination, turn to God’s Word (Prov. 12:22; Eph. 4:25). Stress the rewards for honesty, including the blessing of a clear conscience (Rom. 9:1). Encourage your children to understand that even if their dishonesty isn’t discovered, their own conscience will trouble them. Because God wants them to have peace in their hearts, He’s provided His instructions for right and honest living. 

Reliability is another character trait to stress in your desire to cultivate ethically sound conduct. Encourage your children to be people who “keep their promises even when it hurts” (Ps. 15:4 NLT). An obedient attitude will contribute positively to their ethical development. Children who’ve been taught there are negative consequences to violating the rules will know the value of obedience throughout life and will have a firm foundation for moral behavior as they grow.

All of Scripture will aid you as you seek to instill sound ethical principles in your children. Be diligent in addressing unethical behavior, such as dishonesty, before it becomes a pattern. Share relevant Bible verses together and express thanks when your family experiences days free of such temptations. Read aloud passages that describe the blessings of making ethically correct choices (Deut. 28; the book of Proverbs), and rejoice that God promises to reward us for acting in righteousness. When instances of unwanted behavior do occur, address them quickly but lovingly so that they don’t become habits. You may discover that God’s truth will often convict your children about wrongdoing more effectively than you can. Always deliver the Word in love; it has its own power to act.

Digging Deeper

1. Do my children observe honesty in me? Can they view me as a person who tells the truth, doesn’t lie to get ahead, and keeps promises made to others?

2. Are there examples I can share with my children to illustrate how God has blessed me, or them, for acting honestly or obeying His other commands that relate to ethical behavior?

3. How can I show my children where recent unwanted behavior has had negative results in their lives and encourage them to seek improvement in this area?

Scriptures: Proverbs 13:20, Proverbs 22:24-25, Proverbs 23:20-21, Colossians 4:6

Areas for Successful Parenting: Relationships

Relationships are an area of life where many aspects of character development are played out, and the Bible has much to teach us about choosing companions. Choosing the right friends in the first place is vital to a healthy and godly life. Proverbs 13:20 says, “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” As your children go out into the world and begin to build friendships, talk to them about the importance of choosing friends wisely. Children young and old will benefit from following God’s Word when deciding with whom to spend their time (Prov. 22:24-25; Prov. 23:20-21).

Scripture is a reliable source of guidance in this area. Urge your children to make sincere efforts to follow its advice, and monitor their friendships as best you can while they’re young. Doing so will help them to avoid the pitfalls and heartaches as well as preserve them for God’s blessings both now and down the road.

Teach your children to build relationships carefully, not only with peers, but also with teachers, parents of friends, and other adults. Respect, loyalty, and helpfulness are important to all relationships. Encourage your children, through example and correction, always to speak kindly of others and not to join in gossip. Try not to let your children hear you speaking cruelly or critically of anyone, but explain to them that God is the judge of all people and that their speech should always be gracious (Col. 4:6). Talk to them about making investments of love in the lives of others through acts of kindness, encouragement, humility, and acceptance. Even small children will enjoy showing love to others when they sense in their spirit the joy that such acts engender, both in themselves and in the recipients of their kindness. Support their efforts in this area, and their motivation for expressing love to others will grow along with the number of positive relationships in their lives.

Digging Deeper

1. As I monitor my children’s choice of friends, how can I identify influences for good or bad at an early stage? How can I help my children take an active part in seeking out positive, healthy friendships?

2. Does my speech reflect to my children a loving and compassionate, non-judgmental character toward others, or have they heard me being unnecessarily critical at times? How can my family and I work on this aspect of relationships together?

3. What are some things I can encourage my children to do today that will support strong, loyal relationships and build habits of selflessness for the long-term?

Scriptures: Isaiah 43:1-7, Luke 1:38, Colossians 3:23

Areas for Successful Parenting: Vocation

God has a plan for each person’s life, and He endows everyone with gifts and talents that will enable that plan to be fulfilled. Your children may exhibit their gifts from a very early age, or they may discover them gradually over time. Either way, as a parent, you can and should help your children find and develop these gifts. While God’s plan doesn’t necessarily limit your child to a single career path, it’s important they make good use of their God-given talents for His glory, whatever work they do. 

God’s gifts are specifically designed for each individual, and He expects us to make wise use of whatever He gives us, investing our resources so that they bear fruit and bring increase for His kingdom. Help your children to discover the gifts and talents God’s entrusted to them. Encourage them to seek His guidance in investing those talents to fulfill His plan for their lives. No financial success or worldly prestige can equal the joy they will feel when they’re using their gifts well and serving God as He intends.

None of us are here to please ourselves. We were created to bring glory to God (Isa. 43:1-7). It’s vital that you teach this simple but critical truth to your children from as early an age as possible. The sooner this principle is woven into their hearts and their thinking, the easier it’ll be for them to discern God’s plan and be open to it. If self-will is allowed to become a habit, resistance to God and the desire to pursue one’s own goals will grow stronger and stronger and be increasingly difficult to overcome. Let the words of Mary be of special guidance to your children: “I am the Lord’s servant […] May your word to me be fulfilled” (Luke 1:38, NIV). Though God’s plan for her life must’ve been somewhat distressing when it was revealed to her, Christ’s mother willingly presented herself as God’s servant and accepted His plan. Your children will learn humility, grace, obedience, and the joy of submission if you help them to live by this principle in every area of their lives. Even more importantly, they’ll bring glory to God by allowing Him to work through them as He wishes—fulfilling His purpose for their lives.

Finally, no matter what occupation they pursue, teach your children to approach work with an attitude of godliness (Col. 3:23). Make sure they understand the importance of having a correct mindset at work. Whether bagging groceries at a local market or drafting state legislation, they’re accountable to God for their daily performance. Working for the Lord, who sees all things, means their work should be characterized by diligence, responsibility, and honesty. If you’ve given your children this biblical instruction, you’ll have provided them with the foundation for success in every professional task they face.

Digging Deeper

1. Have I spent time observing my children’s strengths and provided them with opportunities to develop their God-given talents? Regardless of the state of our resources, what are some creative ways I can help them discover how God has uniquely wired them?

2. Is my child struggling to find his or her path in life? How can we pray and seek God together so that my child will be encouraged about His plan and be built up in hope for the future?

3. Are my children exhibiting the desire to please God in their choice of education and vocation? Or are there signs they may have drifted into self-seeking for mere financial gain or prestige? How can I address this issue and help them to avoid disappointment down the road?

Scriptures: 1 Timothy 6:10, Luke 16:13, Matthew 6:19-21, Leviticus 27:30

Areas for Successful Parenting: Finances

God’s Word has much to say about how we’re to handle money. One of the best things you can do for your children is to instill in them a healthy, godly view of financial resources. 

Most people are familiar with 1 Timothy 6:10: “The love of money is the root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” A covetous attitude toward money is disastrous. Verse 9 teaches that those who seek to become rich will “plunge […] into ruin and destruction.” Jesus warned that “you cannot serve both God and money,” because “you will hate the one and love the other” (Luke 16:13 NIV). An uncontrolled desire for wealth is simply incompatible with love for God, and Scripture provides no means of softening this stark truth. The division of mind described by Jesus is not sustainable. As wealth competes with God for our devotion, one of them will triumph, and the other will be despised. While God may choose to bestow blessings of financial success, such gifts are to be received with gratitude and great caution so that they don’t draw our hearts away from God.

As you teach your children about finances, always lead them to transfer their attention away from material objects and focus on “things above”—spiritual principles and godly fruit. When they appear overly-dazzled by the things of this world, gently remind them of the words of Jesus: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth … but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven … for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matt. 6:19-21). Make this transfer of attention an ongoing practice for you and your children so that your family’s attitude toward money won’t become corrupted by the desire to accumulate things. Hearts fixed on things of the Spirit—devotion to God, obedience, charity, brotherly love—are hearts that have their treasure in heaven, and will seek to utilize material wealth in pursuit of those things.

We’re also commanded in Scripture to return 10 percent of our increase to God (Lev. 27:30), and doing so is important not only to Him but also to us. Tithing requires faith and obedience. Done consistently, it increases our ability to let go of our finances and preserves us from developing an ungodly attachment to material things. Introduce your children to this practice by teaching them to tithe when they receive their allowance or monetary gifts from family. Tithing in this way will teach your children to give back when they’ve received. It’ll teach them that God always comes first. And a heart turned toward the Lord in love, and not toward money or material objects, will give joyfully, please God, and reap many blessings.

Digging Deeper

1. Where is my own heart when it comes to the words of Matthew 6:19-21? Have I been slipping into the habit of storing up for myself treasures on earth? If so, what are some practical steps I can take today to correct this inclination in myself and my children.

2. Have I been tithing my family’s income diligently? What are some examples I can share with my children to show them how God’s faithfully poured out His blessings for us because of our obedience?

3. How can I help my children practice wise financial stewardship? For example, what can I do to help them spend carefully today so that they don’t allow debt to become their lifestyle later?

Scriptures: Psalms 103:19, Romans 14:12, 2 Corinthians 5:10, Psalms 11:4, Matthew 6:4, Ephesians 6:1-4, Romans 13:1, Colossians 3:20

Areas for Successful Parenting: Authority

Submission to authority is an area of life that many find difficult. But peace with God is impossible without submission to His authority. Therefore, as you teach your children the importance of submitting to authority, the overarching truth they must learn is that God is the primary authority over everyone and everything (Ps. 103:19).

Romans 14:12 reminds us that “each one of us will give an account of himself to God.” And the words of 2 Corinthians 5:10 are another helpful reminder of our accountability to God’s authority—and the immense value of right choices: “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.”

Remind your children that God sees all things (Ps. 11:4). This awareness should have a sobering as well as motivating effect, so be careful to stress the positive side. Children who understand they can’t escape their accountability to God will be more likely to do what’s right, even when no other authority figure is present (for example, when alone with friends, when they begin dating, or when they go away to college). And if making godly choices becomes a lifestyle, your children can develop a wonderful relationship of love, rather than fear, with a heavenly Father who delights to reward the good they do in secret (Matt. 6:4).

Accountability to God is followed by accountability to parents. God’s Word tells children to “obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Eph. 6:1). Your children should be aware that God requires them to be obedient to you. At the same time, you’re required to give them godly instruction and not to be overly harsh with them (Eph. 6:4). Scripture also requires submission to the authority figures God places over us. These include church leaders and schoolteachers, as well as police officers, civil authorities, and employers. Teach your children that submission to these authorities is required by God (Rom. 13:1). Be sure to model a respectful attitude toward authority, for example when expressing political opinions or discussing workplace situations. As your children learn this attitude from you, they’ll be less inclined toward rebellion in their own lives and better equipped to submit to authority graciously, even as adults. 

A child who accepts the authority of God and others will develop humility, personal responsibility, and integrity, and will be “well-pleasing to the Lord” (Col. 3:20). Therefore, make this principle essential as you seek to teach your children godly ways. The peace with God that can be theirs only through obedience in this area is priceless.

Digging Deeper

1. As I observe my children’s behavior, can I identify a general willingness to submit to authority? Or must I build their sense of accountability to God and other authority figures (while maintaining the assurance of unconditional love that they so need)?

2. Does our family practice daily submission to authority, such as observing traffic laws, willingly paying taxes, and showing honor to church leadership?

3. Have I been careful to impress on my children that they will one day stand before God’s throne to account for their lives? How can I help them stay mindful of this fact in a way that brings joy and excitement, rather than fear and resentment?

Scriptures: Psalms 139:13, Psalms 68:6, Galatians 6:2, Philippians 4:13

Areas for Successful Parenting: Personal Value

A sense of personal value is vital for every child. Only when this area is carefully tended can a child grow to be confident and sure-footed through the many trials and circumstances of life. You can help your children have a feeling of personal value by providing them with three things: a sense of worth, a sense of belonging, and a sense of competence. 

A sense of worth develops when you let your children know they’re treasured and important. When you express your enthusiasm that they’re part of your life—and treat them as priceless gifts from God—they’ll understand their great worth and will be insulated against voices to the contrary. Tell your children how much you cherish them. Show them by making time for them, listening and being observant to care for all their needs. Teach them how much they’re worth in the eyes of their heavenly Father, who “knit [them] together in [their] mother’s womb” (Ps. 139:13, NIV). When children understand how much God loves them and feel that love mirrored in the unconditional love they receive from you, they’ll develop a healthy and crucial sense of worth.

A sense of belonging is also essential to your children’s development. God’s Word tells us how important it is for each person to belong to a healthy group—one that’s beneficial and life-giving. He “places the lonely in families” (Ps. 68:6 NLT) and commands us to “bear one another’s burdens” (Gal. 6:2). Be attentive in providing each child with a place and role in the family. Meals, outings, and conversation are simple but important opportunities to strengthen everyone’s sense of belonging in your family group. When your children know they’re accepted and serve a purpose in your family, they’ll feel secure and supported. This sense of belonging will also enable them to relate positively to more wide-ranging groups, such as church fellowships, classmates, and workplace colleagues.

Finally, your children need a sense of competence in order to build their understanding of personal value. They must know others believe in them and trust them to accomplish their goals, both great and small. Always be an encourager to your children. Remind them of the many passages in Scripture that tell them God is their helper, and with Christ Jesus as their Savior, they “can do all things through Him who strengthens [them]” (Phil. 4:13). As they step out with courage, relying on God’s help and your support, their successes will give them confidence to go even further, while their setbacks will not hinder them from trying again. A sense of competence is a great motivator in life, as well as a great defense against discouragement. 

As you instill a sense of worth, belonging, and competence in your children, you’ll be providing them with a foundation for emotional stability and success in life. Build them up continually in the knowledge that they are of great worth, have a place in life, and can accomplish whatever God calls them to do.

Digging Deeper

1. Do I always treat my children as cherished treasures with great value? Or are there times when my own frustrations in life may be causing my words or behavior to subtly undermine my children’s sense of worth? How can I address those frustrations today and repair any damage going forward?

2. Does our family provide a strong sense of belonging for all of its members? What are some steps I can take to positively reinforce the importance of each child and the joy that his or her presence brings?

3. As I guide my children’s efforts at tasks from walking to building a career, are there signs they’re propelled forward by a healthy sense of competence? Or do they seem easily discouraged? Is it time to help them build new confidence by defining some reasonable goals and celebrating their successes? How can I use Paul’s words in Philippians 3:13-14, or other verses of Scripture, to encourage them to push through failure to victory?

Scriptures: Deuteronomy 6:5-7, Proverbs 13:22, Psalms 78:4

Leaving a Lasting Legacy

God’s primary desire for every believer is the same—that we each discover and fulfill His will for the life He has given us. While God has specific purposes for every person, this is only one part of His will for us. His overarching will for each of His children is that they live by His guiding principles in every area of life. We seek out these principles by searching the scriptures and tuning in to the guidance of the Holy Spirit on the many matters that confront us each day. As we then put those principles into practice by living in obedience to what we discover, we fulfill God’s complete will for our lives and walk in His peace, joy, and blessings. 

Successful parents, therefore, help their children to learn and obey God’s principles for living, knowing that this is how they fulfill God’s will in every aspect of life. This is why immersion in God’s Word is so essential to your parenting. The more you read your Bible, the more you’ll learn about God’s principles, and the more you can help your children learn them. 

It’s that simple.

As you read through this plan on learning to parent God’s way, there were, no doubt, moments of challenge and discovery for you. The topics discussed here are meant to serve as guideposts for your parenting journey. Use them to address whatever you may face in your parenting, in your own Christian growth, and in the lives of your children. While none of us will be perfect this side of heaven, following these principles over time will help you build a solid Christian foundation for your children. This foundation, however, can only be completed by the life of Jesus in them when they place their trust in Him. By carefully attending to Scripture’s instructions and the indwelling Holy Spirit’s guidance, you’ll have done all you can as a parent to be a faithful steward of His precious treasures as you raise them in godliness. May God richly bless your efforts and reward your family with an ever-increasing measure of His peace and joy.