When looking for a spouse, people often focus on superficial factors like physical appearance, wealth, or social status. But those are not the most important qualities to look for. As a Christian what are the things you need to be looking for in a future spouse? This five-day plan will examine five key things to look for in a future wife.
Awesome Marriage
Day 1
Scriptures: Ephesians 2:8-9, 2 Corinthians 6:14
The Bible clearly defines what it means to have a relationship with Jesus. Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.” So, look for a woman whose faith is the foundation of her life. She should have a deep, personal relationship with God that guides her decisions and actions.
The Bible warns us against being “unequally yoked” with our spouse. What does that mean? Unequally yoked means that there is a serious mismatch between the two people. Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness.” Paul is very direct and very clear. A marriage between a believer and an unbeliever starts on shaky ground at best. They will not have a oneness of core beliefs and values.
You may think you have a lot in common, but without the foundation of shared faith, there will be a growing distance between you and your spouse. So, in choosing your wife, she should have a strong personal relationship with God and be committed to following Christ. It is not a suggestion, it is essential.
Nancy and I had some really difficult times early in our marriage. Looking back, I know that our shared faith and commitment to the covenant of marriage is what got us through. I firmly believe that if you are in an unequally yoked marriage, you will never have the marriage that God designed for you.
Prayer:
Father, give me your wisdom and discernment in choosing a spouse. Let her love for you be abundantly evident. In Jesus name, Amen.
Day 2
Scriptures: 1 Peter 3:3-4, Proverbs 31:30
The first time I saw Nancy, I was overwhelmed by her physical beauty. Yet, I knew from some of my past relationships that if her beauty was only skin deep, she was not what I was looking for.
Over the next 18 months, I began to see her inner beauty. I saw someone who wanted to continue learning more about Jesus and what it means to follow Him every day. We both wanted that. We did not know how to do that but that was our goal. We were on the same path. There were times when one of us was running faster after Jesus than the other. There were also times when one of us got stuck or took a detour…but we were both running after the same thing.
Over the years of our marriage, I’ve seen Nancy’s beauty grow as she faithfully spends time with the Lord. Her “inner self” (1 Peter 3) has been shaped by her relationship with Jesus. Who she is in Christ has impacted our family in many ways: her love for me and our children has deepened, her kindness and wisdom have grown, and many other things have truly improved our relationship.
As men, we are visual and a woman’s outer beauty is usually what first catches our eye. If it didn’t, we probably wouldn’t pursue getting to know her. It’s that outer beauty that drives us to learn more, but Proverbs 31:30 says that outer beauty is “fleeting.” So if outer beauty is not matched by inner beauty, we need to walk away. A friend told me something that really made a difference for me. He said, “Why would you ever go on a first date with someone that is not a Christian? Every marriage begins with a first date.” There was so much wisdom in those words. As you look for your future wife, why not take those words to heart?
Prayer:
Father, in my dating, help me to see the unfading beauty of the gentle and quiet spirit of a woman who sees herself through your eyes. Amen.
Day 3
Scriptures: Genesis 2:18, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Marriage is a partnership, and you need someone who will stand by your side through thick and thin. A supportive wife is not just a cheerleader, but also a “helper” who can offer constructive feedback and encourage you to grow. The original Hebrew for the word “helper” means, “to be strong where the other is weak.” I love this!
Your wife should be willing to share in your dreams and work alongside you to achieve them. Look for someone who complements your strengths and weaknesses, creating a balanced team.
In 1983, I faced a crossroads. I had been running from God for years and now I had to make a decision. Since I was 12, I knew God wanted me in ministry. At first, I was excited, but over the years, I began to bargain with God. I didn’t feel qualified in any way to take that step. I finally realized that I could not outrun God! Nancy knew my struggle over the years. I told her that I had to stop running from God and submit to His will for my life, but that would mean our life would change: finances, going to seminary, all those things. She looked at me and said the words that made all the difference: “I’m all in. Wherever God leads you, I am right by your side.”
You may never be faced with a crossroads like this, but you want a wife who will support and stand beside you in whatever God asks you to do.
Prayer:
Father, I ask you to lead me to the woman you have for me who will support me in everything you may call me to do. In Jesus’ name. Amen
Day 4
Scriptures: Proverbs 31:25, Proverbs 12:4
A woman of integrity is honest, reliable, and principled. She stands firm in her beliefs, even when it’s difficult. This quality ensures trust and respect in your relationship. Look for someone whose words and actions align, who takes responsibility for her mistakes, and who treats others with respect regardless of who they are. The Proverbs speak strongly about the importance of a wife’s character and integrity, which we see in today’s Scripture from Proverbs 12:4 and 31:25.
Nancy has never lied to me. Seriously, she has never lied to me. She is a woman of integrity. The fact that she has always been honest with me has built an unshakable trust in our marriage. Nancy has always been ahead of me in our faith. God has used her in so many ways to refine me. I know she expects the same qualities out of me that I see in her. She has made me a better man. It’s like a picture of the “transformation” that Proverbs 12 talks about.
As a counselor, I see the difference in a marriage where the husband and wife both have integrity. They still have problems to deal with but they are dealing with them on a whole different level than couples where there is no integrity. Here is a great example in this quote from Andy Stanley, “Are you the person the person you’re looking for is looking for?” Don’t compromise on integrity.
Prayer:
Father, I pray that my future wife will love you dearly and be a woman of integrity. In Jesus’ name. Amen
Day 5
Scriptures: Proverbs 31:20, Ephesians 4:32
Compassion is the ability to understand another person’s emotional state and to walk beside them in whatever they are dealing with. A compassionate wife will empathize with your struggles and those of others around her. Proverbs 31:20 shows the beauty of compassion towards others. This quality reflects God’s love and can significantly impact you, your family life, and your community. Look for someone who shows kindness to strangers, cares for those in need, and is quick to forgive. We see compassion right next to forgiveness as one of the Christlike qualities Paul lists in Ephesians 4:32. If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who cannot forgive, I only have one piece of advice…run. You cannot survive in a marriage where your spouse will not forgive you. You will never be perfect. You will need her forgiveness.
You will also need her compassion. When my dad died, Nancy and I were married for 29 years. My dad and I were very close. We had worked together for 13 years before I went to seminary. He supported me in everything I did. The pain of his death was something I could not even describe. Dad died on a Sunday and on Monday, we met with the church and funeral home to make all the arrangements. Late that afternoon, we came home and I laid down on our bed. As waves of grief rolled over me, Nancy came and laid down beside me. She did not say anything. She was just there and that was exactly what I needed. Her empathy and compassion were invaluable. That is just one of many examples of how I have seen her compassionate heart make a difference in our marriage. Look for that in a future wife.
Prayer:
Father, please bring me a wife with a compassionate heart. In Jesus’ name. Amen.