Scriptures: Ephesians 4:1, Genesis 1:28, Matthew 1:18-25

Am I convinced of the purpose?

It may sound like a silly question but have you ever sat down to think about why you actually want to be in a relationship?

I mean, everything around us, since the days of being read fairy tales as bedtime stories, has pushed the narrative that you should be in a relationship – but why? Why do we value and esteem relationships that make it to marriage?

If you don’t know the purpose of a thing, it’s really easy to misuse and mismanage it when it falls into your lap.

Friend, you need to know your ‘why’ and you need to know God’s ‘why’. Now, I’m not a mind reader so I can’t tell you what your why is but I can tell you that your why shouldn’t be because:

• I’m ‘__’ years old
• My parents want grandchildren
• All my friends are in relationships
• I’ve reached where I want to be in my career
• I’m bored

Just because these things are common in conversation and even get vigorous nods of approval when shared with your inner circle, they cannot be the only reasons why you’re willing to commit to the search for a spouse.

So if we can’t look to the media, or to popular opinion, where can we find the purpose of marriage? Well, we can start in Genesis 1:28 where God said, “be fruitful and multiply”.

When you think about being in a relationship have you thought about how it will make you a more fruitful Christian?

Paul says to the Ephesians, “I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received”. Take some time to think about how you can be fruitful now and how you might be fruitful in a relationship.

Let’s pray. . . Dear God, help me to develop Christ-centred, Kingdom-focused reasons to begin dating, that are worthy of the greatness that you have called me to. Open my eyes to see and believe just how fruitful I can be when walking according to your will. I commit this season into your hands, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Scriptures: Ephesians 5:1-7, Genesis 2:18, Galatians 5:22-26

Am I sure of what I’m looking for?

Now that you’ve decided that you know why you’re dating, the next question is: what are you looking for in your ‘other half’?

Would you like the ‘bone of your bone’ and ‘flesh of your flesh’ (Genesis 1:23) to be tall or petite, athletic or cuddly, creative or a logician or somewhere in between? What does your checklist (or prayer list) look like? If you don’t have one it would be a great idea to pause and jot one down.

The list matters, but the origins of your list matter even more. First things first; what inspired your list? Having preferences about appearances is natural, we all want to be attracted to our partners, but you may want to consider what else matters.

How about a character-based approach?

So what then should your list of desirables be based on? The world will give lots of different suggestions: looks, job, talents, intellect, wealth and more. But Christ is the perfect standard.

Ephesians 5:1-7 gives a nice brief of what to look for and what to avoid. In summary, you’re looking for love and sacrifice and you are looking out for all types of worldliness.

Let us pray. . . Dear Lord, help me to turn away from the world’s standards and to look into the Word for your guidance on who you have already prepared for me.

Scriptures: Ephesians 4:7-13, 1 Timothy 4:14, 2 Peter 1:5-8

Am I sure of what I bring to the table?

When you sit down and you think about dating, talk about dating and pray about dating, do you find that a lot of your desires are somehow linked to your needs being met?

• I need to be with someone who can pray for me
• I need to be with someone who will encourage me
• I need to be with someone that I can do ministry with

I’m sure all the sayings above sound familiar. Perhaps if you haven’t said them yourself then maybe you’ve heard them – but wait, what about you: what do you bring to the table? Are you able to look at yourself and see how you can be all of the above and more?

I admit, I find it a harder thing to do – that is, to look at what I have to offer as opposed to what I lack, but being balanced is important. Knowing your value and your worth through what you have to offer is not pompous or proud, it’s just an acknowledgement of the good gifts that the Father has put in you.

Today’s reading in Ephesians 4:7-13 shows us that God has given us specific gifts and carved out a space for us to use them and that space is not just within the church! God wants us to use these special gifts in every area of life, even in our relationships.

In 1 Timothy 4:14 we see Paul reminding Timothy not to neglect the gifts that he had. Sometimes we need that reminder too. While dating, don’t be so modest that you aren’t able to share and express just how uniquely endowed you are with God’s blessings.

The last thing I’d say to you is that, even in knowing how special and valuable your characteristics are, don’t stop looking for more ways to be a blessing. We can see in 2 Peter 1:5-8, that we can always add and bring more.

Let’s pray. . . Heavenly Father, thank you for ascending and leaving me with gifts to share with those around me. I pray that, as I date, you will help me to always bring goodness, self-control and love into all my interactions. Holy Spirit, help me not to neglect the good and precious gifts that you have given to me, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Scriptures: Ephesians 2:10, Jeremiah 31:3

Am I able to handle rejection?

Have you ever experienced the fear of a person getting to know you and then deciding that, actually, they’re just not that interested? Or how about the fear of meeting someone in person for the first time after being introduced through a friend or online? Friend, dating is harder when the rejection factor hasn’t been handled, but thank God for His word.

Rejection is never easy; whether it’s being dumped, being ignored or being ghosted, there’s always a painful sting that needs soothing. The most perfect healing balm that I have found is in Ephesians 2:10 where the NLT says,

“For we are God’s masterpiece.”

Just meditating on that verse alone is so encouraging if you think about what a masterpiece is: it’s a piece of art that the artist deems most valuable. Now if a masterpiece is hung in an exhibition, some who view it may not appreciate it. Perhaps they don’t understand the excellence or the skill that went into creating it, but there will be countless others who are able to see it for its true value – priceless. This Truth is your weapon to silence the voice of rejection.

God loves you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3) so you don’t need to be afraid of being rejected by another human. God loves you and His love is what sustains us.

So, even if things haven’t worked out yet, be encouraged. Anchor yourself in these truths and don’t let rejection define you.

You are God’s masterpiece.

Let’s pray. . . Creator God, thank you that you made me a masterpiece. Thank you for paying attention to and loving every detail that you added as you formed me in my mother’s womb. Help me not to fear rejection, but to be secure in the fact that you have loved me with an everlasting love. Remind me, when negative thoughts come, that you delight in me. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Scriptures: Ephesians 6:13-19, Ephesians 4:15, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Am I ready to have difficult conversations?

One of the exciting things when dating and in the early stages of a relationship is that you have so many firsts – the first time you felt you clicked, the first time you opened up and the first time you had to have a difficult conversation. As daunting as it may seem, difficult doesn’t necessarily mean bad.

Before being ready to have a difficult conversation, respect for the other person is paramount. Each one of us is fearfully and wonderfully made and we must start from a place of love. God knew us and loved us before we were even born and His love accepts us as we are, but doesn’t leave us there.

So how do we ready ourselves to make difficult conversations a little easier? Well, Ephesians 6 gives us the perfect recipe. The “evil day” mentioned by Paul can be likened to that first day of broaching a hard topic. Let’s allow the principles in the passage to shape our thinking and our words:

1. Verse 14 – Be truthful. Why do you feel the way you do? Are you speaking the truth in love?
2. Verse 14 – Be righteous. Do your words and approach please God?
3. Verse 15 – Pursue peace. Are you eager to find a respectful way to navigate any difference or conflict?
4. Verse 16 – Have faith. Love believes the best in people.
5. Verse 17 – Have the Word. Can you find counsel or guidance on the topic in the Bible?
6. Verse 18 – Pray. Pray for a meek and humble heart.

If you do these things, you’ll find that you’re speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). The most amazing thing about that is that through speaking in love, you are brought into the fellowship and the unity of the faith. Love truly does conquer all, and even in the hardest of conversations, with God, you will come out victorious.

Let’s pray… Dear God. Thank you for giving me the wisdom to have hard conversations. I pray for boldness to speak the truth in love, and humility to walk in the way of peace. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Scriptures: Ephesians 5:8-14, James 5:16

Am I able to be authentic?

Did you ever hear the children’s song that goes:

This little light of mine

I’m gonna let it shine…

The beautiful thing about watching kids sing that song is that in most cases they don’t care whether they’ve got the tune right, the words right or even the rhythm right. They’re just happy to be singing something that is true – they have a light and they are going to let it shine.

You are a light and you’re asked to walk as a child of light (Ephesians 5:8-14). The word ‘child’ tells us that losing your inhibitions and not thinking too deeply about how you come across are a part of mature Christian living. Nerves, uncertainties and insecurities that arise in dating can often rob us of that child-like freedom, but thank God for the Word that brings us back to the truth.

Over the course of your relationship there will be moments that bring joy – respond joyfully. There will be moments that you find challenging; face these head-on and be honest about things that have made you angry or caused complaints to bubble up from your heart.

The Bible says that we should confess our faults one to another so that we can be supported in prayer (James 5:16). Being authentic is not just about embracing your quirks, it’s also about acknowledging where your weaknesses are and committing them to the process of transformation through Jesus Christ.

Friend, be free and be authentic. You are loved and worthy of more love.

Let’s pray. . . Thank you for placing your light in me and enabling me to shine that light to those around me. Help me not to hide your light through comparison and insecurity. Whenever I notice that there’s a part of me that needs to conform, help me to bring it to you in prayer, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Scriptures: Ephesians 5:17, Isaiah 30:18, 2 Peter 3:8, Psalms 27:14

Am I willing to wait?

“I’m waiting on God,” says the Christian, but what does that mean?

Waiting on God means taking your time to understand what the will of the Lord is (Ephesians 5:17) instead of rushing into things based on what you feel is right. We have to keep communing with Him despite the world teaching not to wait for anything.

What if you feel like you’ve been waiting forever? Friend, I know the feeling! There are some scriptures that can help you wait patiently and expectantly.

The first is Isaiah 30:18 which says:

“Blessed are all who wait for Him!”

This tells us that God hasn’t forgotten you while you wait. In fact, he is eagerly waiting to show you just how much He loves you and blesses you as you wait on Him. It is also a reminder that he is a God of Justice and isn’t being unfair towards you.

Another helpful passage is found in 2 Peter 3:8 which says:

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.

It just shows how small and insignificant a thing time is. God operates outside of time because He is eternal. Leaning into the Eternal One and dwelling in His presence will help your waiting be fruitful as you rely on God’s perfect timing.

Some days or seasons may be harder than others. Perhaps you feel like your relationship status has been the same for too long and discouragement has crept in? God’s word to encourage you on this matter is in Psalm 27:14 where it says:

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

In a nutshell, when waiting is hard, keep waiting and drawing strength from Him.

Let’s pray. . . Dear God, thank you for the wisdom that I have found in your word. Help me not to rush into commitments. Teach me to be diligent in my waiting. Grant me patience and peace, in Jesus’ name. Amen.