In this devotional, we will review a familiar text in the book of 1 Samuel, chapter one. Most times, when these verses are taught or preached, it zeroes in on Hannah’s barrenness. Let’s review this text in a different light. What do you do when you are faced with a hard reality? How do you handle your adversity and the adversary that provokes you? Over the next three days, we will glean and apply three Biblical principles to help you cope with your divorce.
Bettye Nicole
Day 1
Scriptures: 1 Samuel 1:1-6, Job 3:25, James 5:16
Acknowledging the Hurt
In 2014, I learned of another adulterous affair, but this time I was pregnant. I was driving on the road when I pulled over with this agonizing cry, Lord, please help me. I knew that I was not prepared to leave my marriage mentally or emotionally, but I also knew that the pain of what was occurring was too excruciating to stay another ten years. As I dried my eyes, I decided I would trust God. I wouldn’t make any hasty decisions, but I knew I could no longer continue in this state.
That pregnancy was challenging because I felt so alone, but nothing could have prepared me for the death of my sweet baby girl in February 2015. It was as if the walls were caving in on me. I was attending church, but I was perplexed as to why God had allowed such trouble. Inevitably, two years later, I filed and proceeded with the divorce. I still loved my husband very much, but I was filled with anger, resentment, and confusion about what I did to deserve this.
One word comes to mind when I reflect on that season: darkness. Throughout our relationship, I had learned of his adulterous affairs with various women, but it felt different this time. This cloud of terror seemed to hover over my life and our home. The sadness from our grieving hearts and the reality of the soon-to-be significant changes could be felt between the walls. Some days I would fall to my knees and weep, no words, just gut-wrenching wailing in secret. I felt like a shell of a woman, provoked to despair.
In 1 Samuel, we are introduced to a woman named Hannah, Elkanah’s wife. Though Elkanah loved her, she was barren because the Lord had shut her womb. Penninah, Elkanah’s other wife, provoked Hannah yearly because of her barren state. Though Hannah was perplexed by the emptiness she felt, she didn’t deal with her circumstances in an ungodly fashion. In the text, it appears she coped by acknowledging her heartache with tears. She understood that if she could plead her case before God, He would step in. Sure, she could have responded to the provoking and or even told her husband all that Peneninah was doing, but she didn’t; she fought strategically.
Over the next few days, we will review how Hannah chose to cope with her circumstances, and we will practically apply the principles to how we must manage and cope during a difficult divorce.
God won’t always remove the complex parts of our journey, but He will give us the grace to endure. Today I want to encourage you with this; you may not be provoked because of barrenness. Still, the reality of your divorce, betrayal, physical and emotional abuse, or abandonment of you and your children could irritate you to despair.
The first step in healthy coping is acknowledging your reality. Divorce sucks and is one of the most painful realities one must face. Whether you are in love or not, it’s still tearing apart two lives. Your experience is unique, but you still must process it by acknowledging the disappointments you have tucked away inside you. Sometimes the emotional turmoil lays dormant. Though it may be unnoticeable to us, others may experience the effects because of anger, isolation, and other symptoms connected to what you choose not to deal with.
If this is you, don’t worry, God knows, and I believe this plan will help you identify and work through the hidden things.
Don’t lose hope; God’s strength is made perfect in your weakness. Surrender your hurt, fears, anxious thoughts, questions, and prayers for clarity unto God. In time, He will renew your strength.
Be Encouraged.
Day 2
Scriptures: 1 Samuel 1:1-7, Psalms 34:18, Matthew 11:28-30, James 4:7
Power of Prayer
During the divorce process, a few of the mistresses began to antagonize me on social media. I tried to avoid seeing posts, but that didn’t help much. I quickly learned that God would save me, but I had to make some decisions to protect my mental state. I believe God, in His good grace, gives us all the capacity to endure our trials. Still, sometimes, we add more to our lives by watching social media posts, engaging in slanderous conversations, and attempting to keep tabs on our spouses. The latter was my biggest struggle. My ex-husband and I lived together until after our divorce was final, so we were cordial for the most part. There were difficult days when we would argue for long periods, but we both saw that arguing was not fruitful. Plus, it added stress to our children’s lives.
I started coping early on with the reality of our divorce by not coping. Both of us hid our divorce from most of those whom we loved. I would spend hours on end scrolling social media, immersing myself in church and religious activities, and sleeping. I was so heartbroken as I was grieving my daughter and divorce simultaneously. I understand now why some choose other vices to numb their pain because it’s harrowing when you walk through difficult seasons as a Christian; I couldn’t imagine this weight of pain on someone who doesn’t know Jesus Christ as Savior. He truly is our burden bearer. It was taxing, enduring the bold taunts of the other women, but I wanted so desperately to honor God.
This went on for quite some time, and I began to realize whatever I gave attention to, the enemy would use against me. If I continued to resist the devil and all his antics, he would have to flee, and with him would go the power that the antagonist worked to have over my family and me. I would pray fervently that God would help me forgive them and that He would show mercy for their actions. The more I prayed, the more compassion I felt for everyone involved. Though I knew this situation involved their choices, I also knew that the enemy was at work too. With much prayer, I could finally forgive, but this process took years.
In Hannah’s story, one of her coping mechanisms was to turn away her plate; no, she wasn’t fasting, crying, and praying. Prayer is what I would like to focus on today.
Interestingly, most don’t pray when they are broken, but throughout scripture, we see stories of prayer being the very thing one did when faced with distress. In Jesus’ life, while in the garden of Gethsemane, the Bible says He prayed until droplets of blood fell from his forehead. That’s intense praying, right? When you are walking through a divorce, praying as if your life depends on it is crucial because it does.
First, I would advise you to pray that God would turn the heart of the unfaithful spouse to God and save the marriage. When that’s no longer an option, I encourage you to pray fervently for the wisdom to cope with grace. You must treat every moment delicately, entrusting yourself to the power of God. God is the only one who can give you the peace you need while navigating this divorce.
So often, we talk more to our friends, counselors, and even others in our community than we speak with God. I find it interesting that the disciples walked with Jesus for three years, and out of all the disciplines they saw, the miracles, His power to calm storms, and His Healing work of those who were sick or demon-possessed, the one thing they asked was “teach me to pray.”
Prayer is a strategic plan that helps you sort through your thoughts, emotions, fears, realities, and much more. Prayer is the one action that shows your dependence on God. It’s you lifting up all the broken pieces of your life in surrender and praying, “Lord, here it is, do what you will with it.” This is how you heal, by acknowledging your pain and then submitting it to God in prayer.
Practical tip. Get a journal, write out everything you are afraid of, and find Bible verses to combat the fears. There is a biblical truth for every lie the enemy will attempt to feed you.
Be Encouraged.
Day 3
Scriptures: 1 Samuel 1:8-20, Philippians 3:13-14, Psalms 107:20, Proverbs 3:5-6
Rise In Faith
After my divorce, I went into hiding. Even though I knew I had biblical reasons and the recurring adultery warranted necessary action, I still felt like a failure. I would sit in my closet for hours, hiding under the guise of seeking God. Though I did spend time in prayer, gaining greater revelation of my mental trauma, I still hid. There was something about being confined that made me feel safe and protected. Though I had a large platform on social media, I wasn’t posting. I didn’t feel I could add any value to anyone’s life since I had seemingly walked through the biggest failure of my life right after losing my daughter. It was all too much.
Hiding was a negative coping mechanism that I clung to, but I now know and understand that God wanted to use that part of my story too. So often, we want to be present and open when things are going well. We see this consistently throughout social media. Aesthetic homes, families, and perfectly portrayed lives make those suffering feel less than those who seemingly don’t have relational woes. But God is honored through the woman who feels the angst of her heartache, pain, and even shame, but chooses to believe what God says about her amidst her circumstances. God is honored when we are filled with tears and confusion, but we still choose to rise up in faith and find joy and gratitude in what’s left.
Another lesson I learned in healthy coping is that folks won’t always understand why you are still hurting after leaving a marriage that was not healthy. Sometimes the pain is rooted in disappointment and the hope that one had for change. I felt this defeat because my prayers seemingly couldn’t save my daughter or my marriage.
One day while Hannah and Elkanah were eating, he asked her, “Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons?” 1 Samuel 1:8 Elkanah couldn’t see the wounds in Hannah’s soul that housed the taunts of her adversary, the pain of her barrenness, and her desire for God to fill it.
After that dinner, Hannah rose up and went to the temple to speak with Her warrior God. Hannah bypassed Eli, the priest, but her goal was to get to God through prayers and pleas. The Bible says her soul was bitter as she wept, so much so that Eli accused her of being drunk. But she wasn’t drunk as he supposed; she was disillusioned.
Have you ever been there? Are you there now? Have you been trying to cope with this divorce in every way but the godly way? If so, I have good news for you! There is help and hope for your situation.
Hannah has given us the perfect blueprint for coping, healing, and entrusting our lives to God’s loving hand. You may feel your spouse let you down, but God didn’t. Hang on to that. If you are still breathing, God still has a plan. Who knows, He may save your marriage, or His goal may be to save you. Whatever the case, you must acknowledge, pray and then rise in faith. Your value isn’t in what you deem a failure but in the victory God has already assigned to your life through His son Jesus Christ.
Will you choose to cope with this divorce in a godly fashion, trusting that God will use the process of time to get you to the other side emotionally, physically, and mentally?
Be Encouraged