Single Shouldn’t Suck

Scriptures: Psalms 84:11, Psalms 27:13-14

That’s me and my best friend, Sierra, on the cover of this devo. Yep, we were living our best life, stoked out of our minds as we prepped to hike that giant rock behind us called Half Dome– a 15-mile journey that took us an entire day and a near-death encounter with a bear to complete it! But that’s a story for another time! My point is, we were in our mid-twenties and decided last minute to pack our bags and head up to Yosemite National park to cross hiking Half Dome off our bucket list. We were single as single gets, and joked we’d be president of the “Bachelor to the rapture” club for life. Though we had days when it seemed like every male on the face of the planet was either a total nerd, Christian F-boy, or simply uninterested, we lived our single-hood to the fullest and knew one day we’d look back on that season and say, “Those were the days.”

I wonder if you feel the same or if you’re walking through life wishing you were with someone? If you don’t totally love being single, believe me, I get it! It’s been 6 years since that photo was taken and guess what? I’m STILL single. While I live an incredibly adventurous life, there’s still a longing in my heart to be married, one day. I share that to encourage you to not diminish the desire in your heart to be in a relationship, nor overlook the joy of being single. The purpose of this devo isn’t to quench or suppress your desire for marriage, but rather to open your eyes to what’s right in front of you.

There have been times when I over-glorified being single and other times when I was ready to throw in the towel and go full-on arranged marriage! To quote Charlotte from the great Pride and Prejudice, “I’ve no money and no prospects. I’m already a burden to my parents and I’m frightened!” You get the point. Now here I am, 30, flirty, and thriving and still learning each day how to trust God with my desire while living the adventure of being single. Psalm 27:13 reminds me He can be trusted, “Yet I am confident I will see the LORD’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living,” (NLT). His goodness begins now, not after I find a partner.

If you’re bored in singleness, this devo is for you! Through the next few days, we will tackle four different myths about being single and how to break free from the mundane hamster wheel of wishing you were in a relationship so you can fully embrace the life right in front of you. My prayer for you is that you would catch your breath and see your world of relationships through new eyes. I pray God would give you an aerial view as you learn to zoom out and stop focusing on what you don’t have. If you’re walking through heartbreak, I pray you would find comfort and peace knowing the goodness of God is waiting for you as you trust His perfect plan.

Scriptures: Genesis 2:18-20, Psalms 37:3-4

Myth #1: Being single is just a stepping stone to marriage.

*Cue eye twitch*

I cringe every time someone says this line. In fact, I’d rather pluck all my eyebrows out than listen to catchphrases from well-meaning individuals who are attempting to comfort lonely singles. While I appreciate the sentiment, I have to admit this statement idolizes marriage and while it attempts to give our singleness a valid purpose, it reduces the quality and power of the season of life. It also makes the assumption that everyone will get married, which is simply not the case. So if singleness isn’t a stepping stone to getting married, what is it? I’m so glad you asked. In Genesis chapter 2, after God created Adam, He says it’s not good for man to be alone. He promises to make a suitable helper for him, but instead of creating the helper immediately, God gives Adam a job. I can just imagine God saying, “Hey Adam, I know you’re feeling a little lonely, but don’t worry, I’m about to create this being called “woman”, and believe me, you will not be disappointed! But in the meantime, there are about 100,000+ animals roaming through the garden I haven’t had the chance to name. Could you get on that?”

While I’d like to think Adam was just as impatient as us, I imagine he found peace in what God said. Though he may have still felt a void (because that’s how God made him) I imagine he was excited to get to work and fulfill his assignment. I’m not sure how long it was until God made Eve, but I highly doubt Adam was counting down the days. He was living his best life, climbing trees, hanging with the lions and tigers, cultivating the garden, and discovering more about himself and God. The byproduct of living his purpose naturally prepared him for marriage.

I wonder if you view singleness through the lens of this myth, spending all your energy on preparing yourself for marriage. Maybe, even resentfully coveting your friend’s relationships wishing your season away. But let me just tell you, this season isn’t wasted space in your life! It isn’t a stepping stone. It’s a foundational time, the main course, a wild experience of wonder and a straight-up adventure all its own! God’s desire is that you would enjoy this time as you are becoming more like Him. Psalm 37:3 says, “Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” As you trust in the Lord and delight yourself in Him, your desires will follow His leading.

So how do you break free from this myth? Take inventory of your life. Are you hyper-focused on bettering yourself as a future wife/husband? Do you obsessively write letters to your future spouse or is your wedding Pinterest-board maxed out? Do you have an unrealistic fantasy about the type of person you will marry and won’t give anyone who doesn’t ‘measure up’ the time of day? Not that any of these things are wrong, but they can easily become an idol when we place too much trust in them and not in God. Are you living out your purpose? Are you discovering more about yourself and God? Take some time to reflect on where your focus has been and shift it onto learning to trust God’s word and enjoy what’s right in front of you.

Scriptures: Matthew 7:9-11, Philippians 1:6, Philippians 2:13

Myth number #2: You will finally meet the person of your dreams when you become totally content in your relationship with God.

I can just imagine God sitting in heaven looking at a live screen that resembles something like the New York Stock Exchange; the names of single individuals popping up across the screen and each one turning green as the ‘contentment’ bar reaches max capacity. “Ok Gabrielle, let’s advance Justin to the next level of romantic relationship and let him jailbreak the singleness level. He read his Bible 346 times in the last 18 months and you know what that means: SPOUSE JACKPOT!” Ok, obviously I kid, but this is a real visual I get!

Oftentimes, we use phrases like this to lift someone’s spirits and help redirect their attention back to God as the center of their satisfaction for life. While I understand the pure motive in an attempt to encourage, I’m wary of what statements like this also infer to our subconscious. We may walk away from conversations like this and conclude there’s a lack in our faith or we’re not doing enough to please God. We then begin to contrive ideas about how we can find this ‘total contentment’, shutting down our desire for a relationship, perhaps suppressing our feelings for someone, or thinking of ways we can earn God’s approval to bring a spouse into our lives. But this idea is not congruent with the loving heart of God.

God is not a reluctant father nor does He manipulate, torment, or put a deadline on our desires based on our fulfillment of Him. Matthew 7:11 says, “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Not to say God rewards disobedience, but He truly loves to bless His kids.

The truth is, experiencing contentment in our relationship with God will be a lifetime journey. We will never be so content that it unlocks bonus blessings. This isn’t Mario Cart. This is life and it’s full of wildly unpredictable twists and turns. We learn to cling to God through it all—in singleness, dating, marriage, and parenting. Philippians 1:6 says, “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” We don’t have to strive for contentment. We can rest in knowing what God began in us He is watching over, giving us both the will and desire to please Him.

WHEN we meet the person of our dreams is not contingent on the contentment we find in our relationship with God, but I will say our happiness and fulfillment of life sure as heck is. So I encourage you: pursue contentment, but don’t stop there. Seek adventure in the beautiful life in front of you. Run after God and surround yourself with like-minded people. Chase your enthusiasm and master your craft. Chances are, you’ll meet someone really special along the way.

Scriptures: Romans 12:9-12, 1 John 3:18

Myth #3: You should only date the person you’re going to marry.

Now, this myth might seem a little old-school, but the belief lingers amidst Christian single culture today. Hear me out. By no means am I encouraging reckless dating, careless relationships, or condoning hook-up culture. Rather, what I’d like to bring to your attention is a fear that seems to hover over our social dynamics, inhibiting natural friendships or romantic connections to form. This fear holds us back from engaging with a person of interest because we’re not certain it will lead to a serious relationship. Instead of asking the girl to coffee, we sit on the sidelines and wait until the cows jump over a full crescent moon and rainbows pour down skittles as a sign that SHE IS THE ONE!!! Or maybe you’re a girl and you’ve been stalking your crush’s Instagram profile until his pictures are permanently burned behind your eyelids.

I get it though. No one wants to act on uncertainty. It’s risky knowing you could be rejected or knowing the relationship might not work out. However, to quote the great prophet, Michael Scott, “You miss 100 of the shots you don’t take.” My man knows what he’s talking about. If you think your future spouse is going to miraculously show up at your door one day, I hope you’re ready to marry your Uber Eats driver!

In fact, God desires godly and pure action on our part to navigate many areas of our life, including dating. 1 John 3:18 says, “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” Obviously, this verse is not directly addressing how to date, but we can easily apply this verse to any area of our life. God desires us to live a life of love towards all people and we know from 1 John 4:20 there’s no fear in perfect love.

If you’re hesitant to ask a girl out/get to know a guy, I encourage you to ask God to reveal any fear in your heart. In addition, educate yourself on HOW to date well. We’ve allowed the world to stake its claim on the dating rules for far too long. It’s time the followers of Christ set a new standard for healthy relationships and redefine dating.

Singleness is a season for self-discovery and learning what you want in a partner. We should enjoy this process as we learn how to become better stewards of the heart of another. You might not marry that girl/guy, but if you honor God in the process of dating, you will come out on the other side equipped with more tools to better your future relationships. On the flip side, maybe you’re fasting dating out of a conviction—amazing, go for it! There’s a time for healthy abstaining and seeking Christ with all your energy. But don’t let this myth pressure you to have it all figured out on the first date. Enjoy your singleness, date responsibly, and trust God with the outcome.

Scripture: Jeremiah 29:11-13

Myth #4: My life will finally begin when I meet someone or get married.

Maybe you haven’t believed this myth directly, but chances are you’ve allowed disappointment to derail you from pursuing an adventurous life as a single person because you’re hyperfocused on a future desire. I mean, you wouldn’t be reading this devo if you weren’t in some way discontent with your singleness. Don’t get me wrong. Your feelings are valid, but I hope you’ve gleaned from this study that singleness is not a throw-away season. It’s an epic-once-in-a-lifetime-live-your-best-freaking-life adventure. It’s an incubator for self-discovery, self-love, and intentional community. It’s aloneness with God and focused attention on building authentic faith.

Here’s the game-changer question: will you choose to be single by default or by design? If by default, then you’ll spend your twenties kicking rocks, stumbling your way through life, making a magical list of things you want in a spouse, and hoping they discover you on TikTok one day. If by design, then you will take life by the horns, explore your dreams, travel the world, serve your community, and all the while intentionally make connections with others who share your common interests.

In Jeremiah 29:11 God says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Imagine if God said this plan would only take effect once we got married? It seems crazy to consider, but sometimes this is how we treat our singleness. I have news for you: getting married doesn’t make you more spiritual. It doesn’t make you a superhuman or bestow you with blessings you wouldn’t experience as a single individual. Your life is purposeful NOW!

What are you doing to live your life as a single person by design? Are you going after your dreams or are you more distracted by wishfully thinking about meeting someone? What if God called you to move to another country for an unknown amount of time? Would you be willing to go or would it ruin your 5-year plan? Are you choosing the life right in front of you or wishing your season away? These are all important questions to ask.

Maybe you’ve over-glorified marriage and been praying for God to send you a spouse when really He just wants you to enjoy intimacy with Him and learn how to love yourself, your family, and the people around you. Or maybe you’ve minimized marriage and have been loving your singleness, but been too afraid to pursue authentic connections. Whatever your answer is, I know God wants to bring you back to a centered perspective both on singleness and marriage. Both are good and have unique challenges. But the best thing you could do for your future marriage is ENJOY your singleness as you become more like Christ.

One day, you will look back on these years and wonder if you lived it well. If you did, you will say, “Those were the days.” Your life doesn’t begin the day you meet someone or get married (though that season, too, will be beautiful). It begins the day you say yes to Jesus and to the adventure right in front of you, God leading the way.