Ah, the wedding day, the dreamy home, and the picture-perfect family. But then, the first argument hits, the first storm comes, and reality kicks in. Suddenly, you’re faced with the undeniable truth—your marriage isn’t perfect. Sound familiar? You’re not alone. Discovering that your marriage isn’t a fairytale can be a bit disheartening and frustrating. Let’s turn to God for hope and guidance during these rough marital moments.
Chloe M. Gooden Ministries
Day 1
Scriptures: Romans 8:18, 2 Corinthians 5:7, 2 Corinthians 4:8, Matthew 11:28
For Better, For Worse…
The excitement and anticipation leading up to the wedding day are truly special moments. The prospect of joining your life with your true love fills you with joy and expectation. I still vividly recall the day I married my husband—it was a blend of happiness and tranquility. Closing my eyes, I soaked in the sounds of my bridesmaids and family chatting, the makeup artist’s laughter as she worked on my mother, and the gentle breeze outside. The venue was perfect, the colors just right, and everyone I cherished was there to witness our journey toward restoration. It was a day filled with bliss.
I remember my hairstylist posing the question, “How do you feel?” That day was so meaningful for me. I truly felt the words when I expressed, “I feel healed and loved by God.”
Then came the next day—the reality check.
My husband, dealing with lingering anxiety, felt its weight intensify after the wedding. Pressures from family and social anxieties flared up, and he wasn’t exactly in high spirits when we returned home. Instead of basking in bliss and peace, I found myself worried with anxiety, frustration, and disappointment. While I never expected a perfect Disney fairytale marriage, I did hope for a honeymoon phase. Well, that got completely overhauled. It hit me hard because it made me wonder, “If the first day of our marriage is like this, what does the rest of our life hold?” The vows mentioned “…for better or worse.” but I didn’t anticipate the “worse” showing up so soon.
Reflection:
We all have those unexpected twists in our marriages—the areas we didn’t see coming, the situations we’re constantly praying about, hoping for a divine change. These unexpected storms can be disheartening, tough, and frustrating, whether they hit you right from the start of your marriage or sneak up on you later down the road. It’s like a daily struggle, isn’t it? So, how do you regain the strength to face each new day?
1. Take a moment to jot down those frustrations you’re wrestling with regarding your spouse and your marriage. Pour it out on paper, be completely transparent with yourself, and, most importantly, with God.
2. After you’ve laid it all out, ask God to help you see the situation from His perspective. Invite Him to share a scripture or a song that can become your anthem of hope and strength each day.
3. Write down the scripture and song in a place you’ll see often, making it a consistent reminder of the hope you can find in God.
Trust me, He meets you in those moments. You’re not alone in your struggles; there’s support in your journey.
Day 2
Scriptures: Isaiah 49:23, Isaiah 40:31, Psalms 30:3-12, Mark 1:35
A Moment of Relief
After the first week of struggling with a rough patch in my marriage, a wave of worry hit me. Doubts crept in, fueled by the echoes of a previous marriage that ended with its own set of anxieties. In the midst of this emotional whirlwind, I found myself on the verge of a breakdown. It’s a familiar story—when life throws challenges at us, it’s easy to hyper-focus on the present turmoil, feeling as if the future holds no promise. In those moments, decisions are often made impulsively, assumptions cloud our judgment, and the temptation to escape becomes overwhelming. I’ve been down that road before, mistakenly thinking that immediate action would resolve everything, only to realize later that it was just a prolonged detour from true healing.
Over the years, I’ve come to understand the value of taking a break, not from the marriage itself, but from the emotional, mental, and spiritual weight that builds up. What does that entail? When the intensity of the situation became too much, I allowed myself moments of solitude—a day alone, a stay with a relative (with a tactful sharing of information), or a brief vacation. These breaks offered a chance to catch my breath, find moments of peace, and engage in introspective conversations with myself and with God. They became crucial intervals that fortified me to face the challenges of another day, week, and beyond.
Reflecting on the idea of taking breaks, I’m reminded of moments when even God retreated for solitude. This happened after prolonged periods of divine work, providing Him the opportunity to distance Himself from distractions and frustrations and reconnect with a sense of peace and purpose. If even Jesus took breaks to rejuvenate, why wouldn’t we?
Mark 1:35: “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.”
Reflection:
We all crave those moments of rejuvenation, whether it’s gearing up for the day ahead or navigating through challenging times. Even in the low points, there’s a need to hit pause, recalibrate, take a seat, and then rise to push forward.
When it comes to finding rest from the strains of marriage, consider taking intentional steps.
1. Identify what triggers your emotional turmoil. Once you’re aware, craft a plan to regain your calm and find inner peace.
2. Allocate dedicated time to release pent-up emotions. Pour your thoughts onto paper in a letter to God, or let your feelings flow through the melody of a song. Perhaps, immerse yourself in music that resonates with your soul.
Whatever it is that sparks a glimmer of hope and helps you face another day in faith that your marriage holds the promise of improvement—make it a priority.
Day 3
Scriptures: Proverbs 31:11, Proverbs 22:1-6, Proverbs 19:20-21, James 5:16, Galatians 6:2
Release but Respect
Marriage can throw some heavy stuff our way, and having someone to lean on can make all the difference. I bet you feel the same way – that need for a confidant, someone who gets it, who you can vent to without judgment. We all need our people, whether it’s a best friend, a family member, or someone else who’s got our back.
Who’s your go-to for your frustrations? Have you got someone wise in your corner? Maybe someone who’s walked the marriage path—ever thought about giving counseling a shot? And, who’s praying for you?
Having a supportive community is like having a lifeline during tough times, but let’s also remember what God says about seeking wise counsel. As you navigate through the twists and turns, be mindful of who you confide in when it comes to your marriage.
When deciding to confide in someone, consider these thoughts. Is this person going to give wisdom, and are they trustworthy enough to keep your private matters private? Are you seeking genuine help, or is it veering into gossip territory? Do you feel better or worse after spilling your heart out to them?
What about your family? Well, they are here for us no matter what and have been our backbone in so many situations. But sometimes, they struggle to move forward even after you’ve patched things up with your spouse. Of course, in emergencies, they’re the cavalry, but oversharing might paint your spouse in ways you didn’t intend. Keep this in mind when you go to them for support. Ask God to give you wisdom on what to divulge and what are taboo areas.
Consider this: counseling. It’s a safe space where you can pour out your feelings, get some advice, and find solutions. It’s about helping your marriage, not unintentionally hurting it. Let’s face it; God’s big on us honoring our marriages and spouses.
Before you pour out your soul to someone, ask yourself this: “Am I giving my marriage a boost or toss into decline? Am I opening up for comfort or stirring up a gossip storm?”
Also, don’t forget the power of prayer. A trusted prayer partner can work wonders. As you seek guidance, make sure they’re not just offering a listening ear but also sending prayers up for you and your marriage. I love submitting prayers to our church prayer list. They have a neat app that you can use to submit prayers. There’s something about knowing multiple people are praying for you. It truly gives you hope and makes you feel as if someone is carrying the weight with you.
Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. We’re all figuring it out together.
Reflection:
Who do you currently go to about your frustrations? Do you have someone wise? Are they married? Could you potentially consider counseling? Who can pray for your marriage?
Day 4
Scriptures: 1 Samuel 16:7, Ephesians 4:2-3, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, Proverbs 11:12
Expectations Debunked
“When we have children, I want to stop working and be an at-home mom.” “When I get married, I want my spouse to cook for us three times a week.” “I hate feeling alone. I want my partner and I to always be together after work and on weekends.”
Do any of these sound familiar? If not, what did you have in mind for your marriage beforehand? Was it a lifestyle you expected? Or, maybe you expected your spouse to do certain things for and with you. I wanted my spouse with me all the time after I left work. I expected us to spend time together after work and on the weekends. Realistically, that didn’t work for our schedule or work life. It caused significant issues in the beginning. We started counseling and made a plan that fit his needs and mine. It was hard for me not to get all I wanted, but it wasn’t just about me, but him and us.
Expectations can cause significant issues in a marriage. It’s important to voice what you desire rather than to demand it. Did you tell your spouse these desires before you got married? Have you voiced how you feel now and what you would like? Talk. There is a theory called the Expectancy Violations Theory. This theory explains that anytime something is done or not done to us that is expected or unanticipated that violates social norms or our expectations, we have an emotional response that is more extreme than usual (Littlejohn & Foss, 2009). Why? Because we expected it. However, if you didn’t expect it, you may have a response, but it won’t be so intense to cause conflict or disappointment.
Let the expectations go. Can you express your needs? Of course! But don’t expect it. This puts a lot of pressure on your partner. Discuss your needs, see where you can accommodate each other, and give it time to change.
Most importantly, allow God to unfold your marriage’s purpose and create a harmonious marriage. When we ask God to see our spouse through His eyes, it will enable us to see their heart and intentions. Helping us realize that often, what they are or are not doing isn’t intentional. They are just learning who you are, just as you are learning who they are. Be patient with each other and allow your love and marriage to develop into all God destined it to be.
Reflection:
What expectations do you need to let go of? What pressures has your spouse placed on you in the marriage? Was it frustrating for you? How can you view your spouse from God’s perspective to be more patient with them?
Day 5
Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 10:13, 1 Peter 5:8, James 1:14, Genesis 39:12, Psalms 37:7
Temptation in Trials
In the intricate dance of matrimony, stress can waltz in uninvited, creating gaps that temptations try to sneak through. I’ve danced this dance, and I bet you have too. When our marriages yearn for something more, we might be enticed to fill that void in unconventional ways. It could be the allure of an outside partner, the seduction of perpetual busyness, or the fleeting comfort found in material indulgence.
During my own marital journey, I faced the lure of satisfying unmet desires through avenues that would only bring temporary relief. But here’s the truth I discovered – the enemy may dangle temptations in front of us, but often, the desire is already lingering within our hearts. He can’t lure us into something that doesn’t have a foothold within us. Is it a walk in the park? Certainly not. Is it possible to resist? Absolutely.
I had to learn not to open the door to temptation. How so? If I knew I would be tempted to seek out an outside partner, I closed that communication so it couldn’t creep through a cracked door. I tried to flee or avoid the temptation before I made a decision that could have eternal consequences for my marriage and myself.
Consider the tale of Joseph – a man of integrity who, when faced with seduction from Pharoh’s wife, fled so swiftly that he left his coat behind. Admirable, right? Yet, the lingering question always tugs at my thoughts: Why was he there in the first place? It may have all been avoided hadn’t he not met her in the palace alone. One small decision that altered his life. Thank God; He was able to use it for Joseph’s good despite his mistake.
You know where you are tempted. You know where you are struggling within your marriage. Trust me. I’ve been there. It wasn’t easy. However, I dearly loved my husband and didn’t want to lose my marriage. So, I moved on. The key is to realize it doesn’t stop there. Have a consistent plan for when you feel that temptation creeping into your mind and soul. Eradicate it as quickly as you can. Remember your commitment. Remember your spouse. Remember what God desires for you. A loving, God-filled, pure, and fulfilling marriage. Give your marriage a chance. Be patient and wait on the Lord.
Reflection:
Here’s a challenge for you: What tempts you? What’s your go-to for temporary relief that might not be the healthiest choice? Take a moment to ponder. You cherish your spouse, right? You hold your marriage dear, don’t you? Now, imagine the unthinkable – losing it all. Is the fleeting pleasure worth the risk to your sacred bond?
Day 6
Scriptures: Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, Romans 12:12, Romans 12:18
Hope & Patience
Marriage is hard, and it’s okay to feel that way. You’re not alone in this journey. We all face struggles, and it’s important to remember that every couple has a unique story. There will be seasons of joy and seasons of trial. But through it all, there is hope.
I know that sometimes, no matter what we do or how long we wait, marriages sometimes end in divorce. I’ve been there myself. I was devastated when my previous marriage ended, but I knew I had done my best. And God restored me with a wonderful husband who loves and values me in ways I never thought possible. But even in this marriage, there are challenges. No marriage is perfect. None.
If you know in your heart that you’ve done all you can, then trust that the rest is in God’s hands. You are not a failure. You are loved and valued by God, and He can use you through any situation. Not only will He see you through the outcome, but He will even use it for your good and His glory. I’ve seen it for myself.
Stay in faith. Give it time. God will work it all out for your good. Remember, you are only accountable for your actions, not your spouse’s. So do the best you can. Stay prayerful. Have accountability partners. Seek wise counsel. Take things day by day. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Focus on today and trust that God will give you the strength you need.
What strength do you need from God today? What does “good” look like for you at the end of this journey? Can you give things time to see what God does? What can help you on this journey to continue in hope and perseverance?
Remember, you are not alone. God is with you, loves you, and Sees what’s happening in your life.
Reflection:
What is your happy ending with your struggles? What do you think God desires? How can you seek God to get clear direction from Him as well as be at peace with knowing He holds your future?