Song of Songs gives us a picture of God’s way leading up to the wedding and afterward. It shows us the beauty of a marriage covenant lived God’s way. Let’s teach the next generation God’s way and embrace it in our own lives.
Gregg Matte, the senior pastor of Houston’s First Baptist Church, and El Centro Network
Day 1
Scriptures: 2 Timothy 3:16-17, Psalms 32:8, Psalms 25:12
Right Expectations
Do you remember a time when your expectations weren’t met? When you thought it would turn out one way, but it didn’t measure up after you experienced it, saw it, or received it? Because the world has influenced our views of sex and marriage, many have felt cheated or robbed of this fantastic thing called marriage or this amazing thing called sex. You hear all these grand stories, but are left asking, “Is there more?”
I invite you to dive deeper into the story of King Solomon and his wife on their wedding day and their first night married. The Bible is clear on God’s plan for sex. He created it and wants us to enjoy it for His glory and satisfaction. Sex is not the goal of marriage. We can’t all be like Solomon and his wife on their wedding night. But. we can learn from how they talk to each other, see each other, and value one another.
If you are married, I hope to give you information to apply to your marriage. If sex is your goal in marriage, then I hope that through these devotionals, you see that much more is to be desired. Sex is a benefit of marriage, but the relational intimacy built by Solomon and his wife should be the main point.
If you are single and reading these, I hope you find knowledge and insight to store up for later. We can be grateful that God didn’t leave us hanging on our own but has given us wisdom and insight for every area of our lives. He gave us a whole book of the Bible to talk about love and relationships. Wherever you are in your relationship status, I want you to see that there is also a deeper story of God’s pursuit, care, and love for His church that you can see through the story of Solomon chasing, wooing, and caring for his wife.
In your life, where have you learned most about sex? Has the Lord had the final say in your perspective and desired outcome? What are you most excited about when you think about your marriage or future marriage? If you correct your expectations and prioritize what Solomon and the Lord want you to prioritize, then you will never feel cheated or lacking in your marriage. You will feel satisfied and pleased that the Lord has given you everything you need.
Day 2
Scriptures: Song of Songs 3:6-10, Deuteronomy 7:9
No More Contracts
Do you enjoy weddings? Is it the dancing, the food, or the fact that your friend, best friend, or family member is making one of the most significant decisions of their life? One of the greatest things about a wedding is that all the friends and family are there to celebrate. It is a day to celebrate this man and woman’s covenant publicly.
Imagine you get to the vows of this wedding and hear the husband say, “If you do the dishes, I will mow the lawn.” Then it’s the wife’s turn, and she says, ”If you help with the kids, I will wash your clothes.” You would be shocked! This is because wedding vows are supposed to be covenantal and not contractual. It is not a mere exchange of promises but an agreement where the bride and groom give their very selves.
A marriage covenant must be protected. All the people supporting the bride and groom should be there to help protect their marriage. In the passage you just read, you see that King Solomon had sixty men as his groomsmen, and all of them were skilled with swords and trained in warfare. This symbol reminds us that we must protect our marriages at all costs. We must hold this covenant we made above all else. We must surround ourselves with people who value our marriage so we can be shielded against anything or anyone who might want to harm it. Do you have people around you who care about your marriage and the covenant you made? We need to protect each other’s marriages and our own marriages.
If you are a married man, are you a protective husband? Are you protecting your wife and her heart in your marriage? Are you providing? Are you doing the things you need to do to make sure that your wife is safe and cared for? If you are a married woman, do you feel cared for, secure, and protected in your marriage? I implore you to have an honest conversation about this with yourself and with your spouse. The marriage covenant is to imitate the covenant that Jesus made with us, the one that says when we are faithless, He remains faithful. We must fight contractual tendencies in our marriages, or future marriages, and see them as an agreement to give of ourselves wholeheartedly for our partners’ sake. We must always do this, knowing how hard our Lord fights for us, cares for us, and loves us.
Day 3
Scriptures: Song of Songs 3:11, Ephesians 5:1-2, Psalms 32:1-2
Do You See Me?
Have you ever wanted someone’s approval? You try everything possible to find their satisfaction in what you do and choose but to no avail. This happens when we find someone we love and want to spend the rest of our lives with. Why is that person’s approval so important? We want to know that we’re headed in the right direction and to be confident in our actions.
In the story of Solomon, we see that his mother placed the crown on him at his wedding. Hearts are rejoicing in this marriage. We see that his mom, Bathsheba, was genuinely saying, “I am for this. You have my blessing.” Imagine the way Solomon must have felt. This should be the goal of all our relationships.
If you’re single, it’s not that your friends’ and family’s opinions are the final deciding factor, but if they are not so sure about your new relationship, you must be humble enough to ask, “Why?” Why are they hesitant about it? Is there any truth or validity to what they have to say? If you’re not careful, you may say, ”I don’t care what anybody else thinks. I’m in love.” But then a few years later, your loved one’s true character emerges, and you care what everybody thinks, and you see what they saw. So then, if you are humble, you could save yourself from heartache by listening to wisdom, not just emotions.
What if you find yourself married and realize something needs to change? This is where you get to say, ”I see your flaws, but I am here to stay.” You can do this because we have found approval with God in Jesus Christ, and this should motivate us to love others as we have been loved. God’s approval changes the game and allows us to display the gospel in our marriages. It also causes us to rely on the Holy Spirit to change our spouse’s heart. You must ask yourself, ”Why do I love this person?” Where does your motivation in marriage come from? Does it come from knowing that Christ has already caused you to be approved, or are you trying to please people around you? When you are rooted in Christ and loving your spouse, despite their flaws, because of how you have been desired and loved by Jesus, this changes the game. You don’t need to look for anyone’s approval; you have God’s, and that’s all you need.
Day 4
Scriptures: Song of Songs 4:1-7, Colossians 4:6
The Elephant In The Room
Have you ever felt weird talking about certain subjects with certain people? You know that it is not that big of a deal, but something within you feels awkward bringing it up. This is, unfortunately, how the topic of sex is seen in the Christian world. There seems to be a disconnect between God’s invention of physical intimacy and how it was meant for our good and His glory. God invented marriage. He knows exactly how it’s supposed to be. It was created to be under the blessing of God, but what you see in the world, on social media, and in movies isn’t under His blessing and intention for it. Because of this, we also have lost the fact that the goal of marriage isn’t sex, but intimacy.
In this story, we see that Solomon, on their wedding night, starts by praising his wife. He calls her beautiful. He calls her his ”darling” nine times. ”Darling” means lover and friend. He begins to take her guard over and protect his wife by delighting in the parts of her that only a husband, who cares more about her than sex, would.
He protects her insecurities. Solomon talks about her hair, her eyes, and her neck. You see that he goes from head to toe. What he is doing is showing her a place in their bedroom, in private, where she can let her guard down. He does not command her. He calls her. He does not demand, but rather invites her to be embraced in his love. Solomon will care for and protect her, and we see that this sensual anticipation must be clothed with words, safety, and security if one expects a warm reception.
The bedroom should be the safest place on earth in a marriage. It’s where all walls of emotion, physical exhaustion, spiritual struggles, breakthroughs, and relational issues can be addressed and done lovingly. God wants sex and intimacy under marriage because He wants people to learn how to talk to each other first. Words of affirmation precede true intimacy.
Solomon invites his wife to come to a place where they can talk first and then have sex. The world wants no relationship and all sex. In a godly marriage, in contrast, sex is a benefit of the intimacy that exists because of affirmation and relationship. Sex is meant for enjoyment and God’s glory. God wants us to be under His blessing and for us to care more for each other than what we can give each other. Do you have this relational intimacy? Have you been under the Lord’s blessing? Know that there is forgiveness in Jesus. Let today be the day that sex doesn’t become the end-all in your marriage or future marriage. Seek true intimacy instead.
Day 5
Scriptures: Song of Songs 4:8-14, Colossians 2:13, Ephesians 2:1-5
Keep The Fire Going
Have you ever seen a couple on their honeymoon? There are smiles, giddiness, laughter, and just so much joy. These two lovebirds made the covenant, and you see their delight in each other. But what usually happens many years later? The joy, laughter, smiles, and giddiness sometimes disappear. Why is this?
One reason is that our responsibilities in life steal our romance. For both men and women, work and home are difficult. Nobody has the energy to be spontaneous or to write poems anymore. The energy to do anything romantic disappears. Our desire should never be to let that happen. If you want your romance and intimacy to be better in your marriage, here’s what you work on: you don’t work on intimacy. You work on tenderness.
When tenderness is the goal, a husband receives respect, and a wife is shown love. Intimacy and romance grow. They will come because your aim is more than just physical pleasure. Intimacy and romance come with intentionality. If you lived in a log cabin, you would make sure to cut down more than enough trees now to have plenty of wood to throw logs on the fire later, in the winter. In the same way, we must see the intimacy and romance in our marriage as a fire that needs logs to continue burning. Solomon and his wife had plenty of logs to throw on the fire because they protected this garden of love, care, and intimacy. You see, there is work to be done on both sides, not to get back to a fleeting honeymoon stage but to being in a stage where you truly know one another.
You know the tender spots and you avoid them. You know which places to shield and which places to encourage. We must not allow responsibility to rob our spouses of the love and sacrifice they deserve. We do this because when we look at our relationship with God, we see He is always throwing logs on the fire. But this time, His intentional care for us is called grace. In our weakness, His grace is enough. When we were dead in our sins, His grace made us alive. His grace never left us when we felt like we could not go on. He constantly throws grace upon grace on our hearts to keep us going.
Is the romance dead in your marriage? Do you feel like all is lost? Seek the Lord so that He can show you where to show grace, where to get the logs needed, and where to be tender toward one another. Then trust that He will draw near to you when you draw near to Him.
Day 6
Scriptures: Song of Songs 4:15-16, Song of Songs 5:1, Philippians 2:4
We Must Die To Ourselves
There is one thing that can truly ruin a marriage. If it isn’t dealt with, you can find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place. It doesn’t appear at first, but when it shows up, if it isn’t dealt with, it causes havoc. This one thing is selfishness.
We just read that Solomon had protected his bride and invited her to a safe place. She responded by inviting Solomon to have all of her. We see that there is selflessness when she gives herself away. She says, “Come. My garden is your garden. My body is your body.” Here’s what this means: selflessness produces true satisfaction.
Solomon comes verbally, emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. He is gentle. Then she says, “Yes. Let’s also come physically.” She is free to do so because she is in the safest place of selflessness. Her hair is down, her guard is down, her beauty is secure, and Solomon embraces her. This is her guy, and he will take care of her. The Bible tells us that the man’s body belongs to the wife, and the wife’s body belongs to her husband (1 Corinthians 7:4). They don’t have to have control. They can die to their selfishness because this place of intimacy has been created and nourished between them.
There’s trust built up to let each other in because there’s no selfishness in sexual relationships that God has His blessing on. There shouldn’t be. Pornography is selfish. Sex outside of marriage is selfish; it’s all about what one can get from the other person without first having to give oneself away. A true marriage, a selfless marriage, is built on trust, confidence, and in knowing you can trust the other person.
Our relationship with God works the same way. When we are saved, we are no longer our own. Our bodies were for our glory and were dead in their sins, but now God made us alive in Christ, and we are no longer slaves to sin but slaves to righteousness (Romans 6:18). This is because we trust that what God has for our lives is the best thing for us. We only know this because God has shown Himself trustworthy and faithful even when we’re not.
Do you trust your spouse? Is there any selfish way in you that must die and be redeemed by the cross? Surrender to the Lord your selfish ways and trust that He is good.