One of the most damaging messages coming out of the purity culture movement is that our sexual histories determine our worth. Those who have sinned sexually, or have been sinned against, were compared to used cars, crumpled roses, and chewed-up sticks of gum. How do we tackle these lies and face sexual shame with hope and gospel truth? This five-day study is meant to help start the process.
InterVarsity Press
Day 1
Scriptures: Mark 7:20-23, Psalms 139:14
Where Does Sexuality Come From?
I think it’s important to recognize that there is a difference between sexuality and sexual sin. We are all guilty of sin, in one form or another. If we take Jesus’ words during his Sermon on the Mount to heart, we realize that we are all sexual sinners as well. Jesus said that just looking at another person with lust in our hearts is like committing adultery. This means that not one of us can claim to be wholly pure.
But there is a difference between sexual sin and sexuality.
Sex existed before the fall. It was not the original sin and, despite centuries of artistic depictions of Eve as a seductress, neither was sex the first temptation. Sex, as an expression of union in marriage, was part of God’s plan from the very beginning. In the same way, our sexuality—the desire to experience that union—is part of God’s good creation. While we often use our sexuality in sinful ways, it is not sexuality itself that is sinful.
Why is it important to recognize this?
In demonizing sexuality, we point the finger of blame at God and his creation instead of at the true source of our sin. Mark 7:20-23 says, “It is what comes from inside that defiles you. For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts [and all sorts of sin, including sexual sin]; they are what defile you” (NLT).
So it’s what we do with our sexuality that matters.
Sexuality itself is part of God’s creation that he deemed “good” in Genesis, which means that you don’t need to feel guilty for the fact that you are a sexual being.
In Psalm 139:14 we can see what the psalmist, David, believes about himself and God: that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. This includes our sexuality! Romans 6:6 tells us that, in Christ, we are no longer “enslaved to sin” (ESV). We have the ability, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to resist sin—including sexual sin.
If we fail, and we will, we receive forgiveness through Jesus Christ. The finger of shame should not be pointed at God for creating us as sexual beings, but neither should it remain pointed at ourselves. After we repent of our sins, we find full and complete redemption in Christ. We can stop pointing fingers altogether and instead lift up holy hands, thanking God for his good work in creating us and for giving us the Holy Spirit to guide us.
Day 2
Scriptures: Genesis 1:27, Ephesians 2:10
Where Does Our Worth Come From?
“I was abused at the age of twelve,” Amber told me, “by someone in authority over me. That’s right about the time I was being introduced to purity culture. We watched a video of a woman holding up a paper heart then tearing it in half. Then she took a hammer to a beautiful vase.”
One of the most devastating aspects of purity culture is that it convinced young Christians that their worth was determined by their sexual histories. In youth group, roses were passed around rooms full of teenagers, only to be left crumpled and with fewer petals by the time they reached the last person. The idea was that our wholeness and value as humans, and as potential future spouses, was based on our success or failure to maintain sexual purity. Those who sinned sexually, or were sinned against (like Amber), were left to view themselves as crumpled roses, broken vases, and a paper heart torn in half.
What does the Bible say about our worth?
We need to revisit the truths of Scripture to recover from these lies. Genesis 1:27 introduces us to the imago Dei—the theology that all people are created in the image of God. We are born with worth. It is not our achievements, our abilities, or our contributions to society that give us value but God himself.
Ephesians 2:10 reinforces this truth, calling us God’s “workmanship.” We were created to walk in “good works” to image Christ (ESV). We have a purpose—a destiny—to honor God, our King. And although we don’t do this perfectly, our status as God’s workmanship is glorious and unchanging.
Compare these truths to that crinkled rose. In the same way that our worth is not determined by our achievements, neither is it diminished by our failings. Our value comes from God and cannot be splintered, torn apart, or unraveled. No matter what you have done sexually, or what has been done to you, you are a precious image bearer of God and you have eternal value.
Take out a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On one side, list some of the things you believe about yourself in moments of insecurity or shame. You can list here, too, images or messages from purity culture that have haunted you. On the other side, list some of these biblical truths that we looked at today, about your worth and your value in Christ. Keep this list. There will be times when you need to look back at it to remind yourself of what is true.
Day 3
Scriptures: 1 John 1:9, Hebrews 13:8
Where Does Our Purity Come From?
The Christian pursuit of sexual purity is biblical, but it must flow out of a recognition that it is Jesus who makes us pure.
During the purity movement, the message of abstinence took on a life of its own. Instead of merely teaching God’s sexual ethic, sexual purity became a badge of honor, and it was presented as a way to secure future blessings, such as a great marriage, a great sex life, and lots of children. If you failed to remain pure, the message was that this would damage your reputation and jeopardize your future happiness.
Aside from the fact that these promises are not biblical—not all of us are promised marriage, great sex, and children—they also present a works-based righteousness. If we talk about sexual purity apart from the gospel, we create chaste pharisees instead of imperfect disciples. We convince people that their “purity” depends on their own performance. This contradicts the gospel, which says that our righteousness comes from Christ alone. He is the one who makes us pure by cleansing us from all our sins. If our purity depended on us, not one of us could stand before God.
Thankfully, we are not the source of our purity.
In 1 John 1:9 we see what Jesus does for those who repent.
When we repent, Christ forgives us and purifies us from all unrighteousness. He makes us pure. And not only that, but our purity through Christ cannot be stolen, ruined, or tarnished. Hebrews 13:8 says that Jesus does not change. He is “the same yesterday and today and forever” (ESV). This means that, even when we stumble and fall, for those of us in Christ, our purity is permanent.
How do these truths impact the way you view yourself?
How do they impact the way you view God?
Take a moment to write down a prayer of response.
Day 4
Scriptures: Psalms 34:4-5, Psalms 103:10-14
Where Does Forgiveness Come From?
When it comes to sexual shame, we all carry one burden or another. For some, it is the weight of our own sexual sin and selfishness. Others carry the memory of sexual abuse—of being sinned against. This shame is often complicated by purity culture rhetoric that wrongly places responsibility on victims for things they could not stop or control. For every form of sin and shame, we need healing—the kind that comes from outside ourselves.
It was not only Jesus’ soul pain on the cross that hurt God but the way his flesh was torn by thorns and nails, the way he was stripped, humiliated by public nakedness, and whipped almost to the point of death. Our bodies matter to God. What we do in our bodies matters to God. What others do to our bodies matters to God. And our shame is not invisible to him.
What is something you are ashamed of?
What do you tend to do with that shame? How do you respond when it bubbles up and troubles your soul?
Psalm 34:4-5 says that God’s children will never be put to shame. It’s hard to imagine, but for those in Christ, it is our future hope. No matter how many sins we have committed or how many times we have been sinned against, there is coming a day when we will look to God and be unashamed because of the forgiveness and wholeness we have received in Christ.
Even with this future hope, it can be difficult to deal with the memories of our sexual failings and the failings of others. Many of us live with very tangible consequences that act as regular reminders of the power of sexual sin and abuse. The concept of forgiveness can be hard to truly grasp. Psalm 103:10 acknowledges this, describing God as someone who refuses to give us what we really deserve. Our sins deserve punishment. But instead of us having to pay the price, God looks to his son, Jesus, who paid it for us on the cross. Psalm 103 continues by reminding us that we are not only forgiven but loved, steadfastly, by God himself.
Reflect on what else Psalm 103:10-14 teaches us about how God sees us and treats us.
Make a list and keep it for those moments when shame rears its ugly head.
Day 5
Scriptures: Revelation 21:4, Romans 5:5, 1 Corinthians 2:9
Where Does Our Hope Come From?
In order to make sexual abstinence attractive, purity culture placed a huge emphasis on the future reward of marriage and sex for those who stayed pure. Without realizing it, I began pursuing purity more to secure those blessings than to obey God, believing that those were the things I was waiting for, the things that would fulfill all my longings. Then, five years into my marriage, my husband left me.
I was left to grapple with the reality that sexual obedience does not guarantee specific earthly blessings. Rather, the pursuit of sexual purity is about loving God and obeying him as worship. When the earthly gifts began to crumble around me, I had to take a deeper look at the source of my hope.
Instead of reading all those books about dating and waiting for marriage, I wish I had focused more on the extraordinary worth of Christ—how we can live with hope and joy every day, regardless of our relationship status or sexual histories. The hope of eternity with Jesus is a sturdy tree when everything else in life begins to sway and break.
While purity culture fixed my eyes on this life, God’s Word fixes my eyes on my future with Jesus. Revelation 21:4 says that we have everything to look forward to—a reality where there will be no more pain, no more death, and no more tears. Romans 5:5 tells us that this hope “does not disappoint,” because God loves us (NRSV). No matter what you have endured in this life—disappointments, mistakes, and abuse—there is joy ahead. Eternal joy.
“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined the things that God has prepared for those who love him.” (1 Corinthians 2:9 NLT)
Take a moment to imagine the things that God has prepared for you.
Turn to God in prayer, asking him to fix your eyes on your future hope and life with him.