Sex. It can be tempting to “clutch our pearls” when we hear the word, but we can’t avoid this topic. Our silence has allowed sex to be an issue in our marriages for too long. God has much to say about sex, and in this plan, we will allow His Word to shape our views and actions so that we can have the healthy marriages that He intended.
Entrusted Women
Day 1
Scripture: Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh – Genesis 2:24
SEX IS GOOD.
Does that statement elicit a response from you? Do you wholeheartedly agree, or do you think you could take it or leave it? However, this proclamation makes us feel we must settle that it is indeed a fact.
Sex is good. It doesn’t just FEEL good. It IS good.
It’s good because God created it. He created it not just for physical pleasure but for intimacy and emotional connection between a husband and wife.
God truly wants us to become one. We often think of the concept of becoming “one flesh” as something that happens at an altar as we exchange vows, but that isn’t a complete picture. We become one over time based on daily choices, and we physically represent our “oneness” as we engage in sexual intercourse.
This level of intimacy does not happen in any other relationship. No matter how great our relationships are with our parents, siblings, or best friends, sex is only honored by God within the confines of marriage. It strengthens the bonds of our covenant and reflects the level of closeness God wants us to have with Him.
In the Old Testament, when the writers referred to sexual intercourse, they often wrote that a husband “knew” his wife. I think that is a beautiful way to describe intimacy in marriage. Our transparency, even in sexual relations, creates room for us to learn more about each other as we grow.
Reflection:
Have you had a negative view of sex? Why or why not?
What reasons can you give to support the truth that sex is good?
Day 2
We Should Think About Sex
Scripture: And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed – Genesis 2:25
Do you think about sex? Honestly, do you? I’m asking you this question because it’s the very question my husband asked me about 20 years ago. I remember it vividly because he genuinely wanted to know.
Without hesitation, I looked him directly in the eyes and said nonchalantly, “Not really.”
I thought something was wrong with him because he thought about it a lot, and I’m sure he thought something was wrong with me because I didn’t think about it at all.
Well, that’s not entirely true. I did have some thoughts about sex.
I thought that it was something that we didn’t need to discuss. I’d grown up being taught that sex was something “bad girls” did. It had been drilled into my mind that sex was dirty and shameful, and I couldn’t shake the shame attached to sex even though I was married. My distorted views regarding sex caused me to minimize this vital aspect of our marriage.
The Bible says that Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed, and I believe that is to be the pattern for every husband and wife. To do this, we must be honest about our feelings regarding sex.
And we have to talk about it.
Our silence around marital sex is creating space for the enemy to destroy our marriages. Often one partner feels that their needs are being ignored while the other partner has shame or trauma that impacts their desire for sex. And because communication is lacking, the result is simply frustration for both partners.
Being naked and unashamed isn’t about not having on clothes. It’s about being honest and transparent without fear, judgment, and, yes, shame. We must build relationships within our marriages to share our hesitations, fears, wants, and needs about sex.
Reflection:
Is there a traumatic experience or long-held belief that hinders your ability to communicate transparently about sex with your spouse? How can you share it safely (journal, spouse, trusted friend, counselor)? *Please consider professional counseling to address significant issues impacting your life and marriage, such as trauma, abuse, and pornography*
What is one step you could take to be naked and unashamed?
Day 3
We Need Sex Too
Scripture: Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does – 1 Corinthians 7:3-4
There is a popular thought that sex is just for men, but nothing could be further from the truth. God designed sex to benefit both the husband and the wife.
If we begin to think that sex is something we are doing for our husbands, it is easy to start treating it as a chore. We won’t approach it with joy or excitement, and our lack of enthusiasm can become offensive to our husbands.
If we aren’t careful, our attitude that we are doing this for our husbands can lead us to use sex as a manipulation tool. If there is something we want, or if we want to put our husbands in a good mood, we can begin to use sex to get the outcome we prefer.
Even further, we can begin to reward our punish our husbands with sex. If we are offended or angry, we withhold sex to let them know how unhappy we are. We put barriers in place so that they know not even to suggest romance, and by doing so, we are creating distance between us.
God never designed sex to be a weapon. It was His idea for sex to be a tool for drawing a married couple closer together and never something in our arsenal to cause destruction. So, we have to remember that it is for our mutual benefit.
Wives need and should desire sex too. God equipped us emotionally and physically to engage in and enjoy sex. 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 reminds us that both parties have needs that their spouse should meet. When we deny our need for sex or minimize its importance to our lives and marriage, we also ignore and dismiss God’s word to us in this area.
There are valid instances in which one’s sex drive may be lessened due to trauma, stress, or physical ailments. Still, if there is a pattern of not desiring or engaging in sex from sheer neglect of its importance, we can seek help and support from God’s word and trusted professionals.
Sex isn’t just for the husband. God wants us as wives to enjoy sex, desire sex, and prioritize sex in our marriages.
Reflection:
In what circumstances do you find that you are neglecting sex or just not thinking about it?
What parameters can you put into place to prioritize your sexual health?
Day 4
We Should Have Sex Often
Scripture: Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control – 1 Corinthians 7:5
Most of us know that sex should frequently happen in marriage, but we may wonder what that means. Is it enough to have sex once a week? A few times a month? Every day?
There is no designated number for the frequency of sex, but God does guide us in His word. In 1 Corinthians 7:5, God uses Paul to give us two important pieces of advice:
- The husband and wife need to be in agreement. Note that Paul says, “do not deprive one another except with consent.” This isn’t a case of one spouse’s needs being neglected. This is two partners agreeing – having a discussion and coming to a consensus – about our sex life.
- The husband and wife need to limit their time without sex. Paul says that if we agree that we aren’t having sex, it is only “for a time.” This isn’t indefinite. This means a specified period has been agreed on, and he says, “come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” Even as a single man, Paul knew that danger lurked ahead for married couples who did not prioritize sex. He knew the enemy would use that deprivation to wreak havoc.
Individual couples must determine the frequency of sex. There are seasons of life where frequent could mean several times each week, and there are seasons of life where frequent could mean several times each month. The key is that both partners agree upon that frequency and neither spouse feels deprived, neglected, or unimportant.
The goal is to have a healthy, God-honoring sex life, not to check sex off a list like we do errands or groceries. As we keep the lines of communication open with our spouses, we will find that keeping track of the number of times we engage in sex becomes much less important.
Reflection:
How would you describe your satisfaction with the frequency of your sex life? How would you describe your spouse’s satisfaction?
In what way do you feel God is asking you to align with Him about limiting the times when you don’t engage in sex with your spouse?
Day 5
We Can Pray About Sex
Scripture: Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God – Philippians 4:6
Our society has done significant damage to the topic of sex. It’s been perverted, exploited, and portrayed as unimportant, but sex was God’s idea – created by Him and for us.
Sex is important to God. It isn’t just a physical activity that doesn’t mean anything. It is also a spiritual activity that God cares about.
Maybe you have never considered that? God cares about sex. He wants you to have a healthy, thriving sex life with your spouse. And He welcomes your prayers about it.
Yes, you can pray about your sex life. You can invite Him into this area and turn to His word for answers, instructions, and clarity.
The issue with our silence about sex is all-inclusive. We don’t talk about it within our marriages, friendships, or religious circles, but we also aren’t talking to God about it.
But we should.
When we have malfunctions with our cars or electronic devices, we have no issue consulting the manuals. After all, who knows how the product works more than the manufacturer? The same is true for our marriages and sex. Who knows the solutions for our sexual issues better than the One who created it in the first place?
Friend, we can talk to God about sex. We can ask Him our questions and pour our concerns out to Him in prayer. He invites us to bring our every request to Him, and He promises to answer.
Reflection:
What issue regarding sex can you turn into a prayer?
What scripture can you find that speaks to a sexual concern that you have right now?