Ctrl – Alt – Del

Scriptures: Luke 18:29, Psalms 51:7-10, Romans 12:2, Jude 1:24-25

Reboot and Force Quit Porn

Twenty years ago, when my desktop PC stopped working, I’d often see a little spinning hourglass on the screen. This moment is what techies call a “delay in system responsiveness,” and I call “the reason I need a new computer”. 

In that moment you’d press 3 keys – Ctrl-Alt-Del – which would close down whatever was stuck or even reboot the computer. If you’re a mac user, you’ll be more familiar with the ‘force quit’ command, but it’s the same thing. With computers, there’s action to take if things get stuck or need to be restarted. 

Maybe you chose this bible plan because you recognise that’s what you need when it comes to your porn use. If you’re honest, you feel stuck and you want to Ctrl-Alt-Del this part of your life. You want to reboot, to ‘force quit’, to see change.

Over the next 4 days, we’ll focus on things that anyone who wants to ‘force quit’ porn needs to know:     

• Know what’s being stolen     
• Know yourself     
• Know who has got your back     
• Know your God

You’ve taken an important step today, because you’re not just staring at the spinning hourglass; you’ve decided to take action. You’re being intentional and choosing change for your life. That’s massive – don’t underestimate that!

Sometimes though, it can feel like change is impossible. Our mess, our mistakes, our flawed and failed attempts to ‘just do better’ overwhelm us, and we wonder if we’ll ever be free. 

So, as you read the truth in today’s verses, remember this: God hasn’t given up on you.  He isn’t overwhelmed by your sin. He overcame it! No sin, no weakness, no brokenness is too great for His love. He longs for us to experience forgiveness, freedom, and formation, in order for our hearts, minds, and behaviour to be transformed, becoming more and more like Christ.

This plan will point you towards important reflections and actions you can take, but it will also point you to the One who makes change a reality.

To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy – to the only God our Saviour be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and for evermore!  Amen.  Jude 1:24-25

Scriptures: John 10:10, Haggai 1:5-7, Romans 5:5

Know What’s Been Stolen

Have you ever had a house robbery, or a smash and grab from your car? Maybe you felt embarrassed that you weren’t more vigilant, asking: “Why did I leave that so visible on the back seat? Why didn’t I bother setting the alarm? How could I have been so stupid?” Maybe embarrassment isn’t what you experienced, but instead you felt violated and vulnerable.

If you have a house break-in, your insurance company will ask you to take an inventory. As painful as it can be, you are required to go from room to room and make a list of things that have been stolen from you.

Let’s be clear, porn robs people: 

• It robs people of good physical and mental health 
• It robs people of healthy and fulfilled relationships 
• It robs people of their rights, dignity, and future 
• It robs people of a fruitful walk with God 

Jesus reminds us that we have an enemy that seeks to steal from us. Porn use is just one of the ways that can happen.

I know that porn use can be awkward and embarrassing to think about, particularly when we know we have made mistakes that have led to regrettable outcomes. Because of this embarrassment and vulnerability, it can feel easier to just avoid making an inventory, never facing up to the full impact that porn use has had on our life, and the lives of others.

Be brave today. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you make that honest assessment.

Being honest with yourself and God about what porn use has taken from you isn’t easy, but it is the pathway to change.

Right now, pause. Ask God to reveal the answers to these questions: 

1. How has your mental and physical health been affected by porn use? 
2. How have you seen your ability to have healthy friendships impacted? 
3. If you are in a committed or romantic relationship, how has your porn use affected this? 
4. Do you recognise the ways those on the other side of the screen may be exploited, coerced, or manipulated? 
5. How has your faith and relationship with God been affected by your porn use?

Giving “careful thought to our ways” can be painful and takes courage, humility and trust.  Why trust? Because to come out of hiding, to face the truth, to consider the implications of our actions and the reality of our situation, we are required to trust in God’s faithful love, His power to restore, and His desire for our deepest happiness.

Romans 5:5 says, “Hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit.” So, as you ask the Holy Spirit to help you consider what you have lost, allow Him also to fill you with hope as He reveals God’s love, and path of transformation.

Scriptures: Lamentations 3:40, Jeremiah 17:9, Psalms 139:24, Romans 2:4

Know Yourself

People who have had any exposure to the 12-step movement will be familiar with the phrase, “rigorous honesty is the first rule of recovery.” At the Naked Truth Project, we say: “get real to get rid.” 

What does rigorous honesty look like when you’re trying to quit porn?  What does it mean to “get real and get rid”? 

One element of it is asking yourself this question: “When I am vulnerable?”

Think about a typical week and the times and places when you are most vulnerable. Is it after 10pm, when you’re tired and alone? Is it when you scroll through certain social media accounts? Are you more vulnerable when you’ve had a few drinks, or spent time with a particular group of friends who joke about sex?

In the next few weeks, start to pay attention when you feel that pull towards porn. It will be different for different people. Some people can’t have an unrestricted smart phone – they need restrictions, or a phone without internet. Others can deal with a smartphone, but give them a remote control and cable TV, and they’ve got problems. What are your weak spots?  When have you made mistakes in the past? 

The Message translation of Lamentations 3:40 puts it like this: “Let’s take a good look at the way we’re living and reorder our lives under God.” It’s important to take a good look at your week to know when you are weak, and then take steps to avoid what you can, ‘reordering your life’ under God. 

There’s a famous saying, “Why fight a battle tomorrow that you have the power to eliminate today?”

Let me restate this, because it’s important. “Figure your trigger,” so that you can understand when you’re vulnerable. Then, reorder your life: plan to avoid, mitigate or deal with that vulnerability. Whatever it is, you need to get real to get rid. Be honest about the fact that what may not be an issue for someone else has become a vulnerability for you.

If Instagram is your gateway to porn, delete it. If staying downstairs when your spouse has gone to bed is a vulnerable time for you, go to bed when they do. Why fight a battle in 30 minutes that you have the power to totally eliminate by going to bed right now?

Another important way to get real is to be honest about the excuses that enable your porn use.  What are the things that go through your head when you are considering using porn? 

• “I deserve this.” 
• “At least I’m just looking at porn, it could be worse.” 
• “There is no point in trying anymore, I’ve already messed up this week.” 
• “This is the only thing that can meet my needs.”

Any of those statements sound familiar?  Now let me ask you this: can these things we tell ourselves be trusted? 

Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful.”  That’s a strong statement, isn’t it? After all, how many times have you heard the opposite sentiment in culture, in the encouragement, “just follow your heart?” We are often led to believe that our heart is a faithful friend who knows us better than anyone else. And yet, we’ve all experienced times when our heart has been more like a dishonest salesperson than a trustworthy friend!

So what’s the sales pitch that your heart uses to justify being tempted by porn? Learning to recognise the lies we tell ourselves is an important way to “get real and get rid.”

Once again today, pause, be brave, and ask the Holy Spirit to examine and test your ways, your heart, your words, and your weaknesses. Allow Him to “lead you in the way everlasting,” reordering your life under God.

Scriptures: Proverbs 27:17, 2 Timothy 2:22, James 5:16

Know Who Has Got Your Back

So far, we’ve examined our habits and our hearts to better understand our weaknesses and how to mitigate them. Today, we’re going to think beyond ourselves, because this isn’t a journey to be walking alone. 

Who are the people who have got your back? Who are the people cheering you on, but also have permission to correct you? Does anyone even know that you are struggling with porn?

When you are dealing with an issue like porn use, which has so much internal shame and self-hate shouting at us, it is vital to know who is on your side. You need people in your life that can help you do 3 things: stop hiding, know where you are heading, and keep hoping.

1. Stop hiding

You need someone, or a few people, in your life who will ask you the difficult questions – the ones you wish they didn’t ask! Some people even say one of the best questions friends can ask is, “What were you hoping I wouldn’t ask today?”  

A good starting point is the question, “When did you last look at porn?” or “How often have you used porn since we last spoke?” If the answer to that question is “I haven’t,” then great!  But encourage someone to ask you a direct and quantifiable question, rather than just, “How are you doing?” This helps you to be more honest and stop hiding. 

2. Know where you’re heading

The next part is to have someone who knows where you’re heading. In other words, you want someone who has a good idea of what your vulnerabilities are and the plans you’ve made to mitigate them, but also who knows what matters more to you, and what you don’t want to risk losing.

If you have figured the triggers in your life, and your friends know them too, they can help you stay on track. For example, if they know your plan is to avoid social media, or switch off screens after 10pm, they can help you by reminding you not just what you’ve said you’ll do but also why. You want someone who knows where you are heading, and what your plan is to get there.

3. Keep hoping

You already know how easily shame can knock you down; you might have been through that cycle many times. So you need someone on your side who can keep you hoping.  Someone who can encourage you, reminding you that porn use is something you do, not who you are, and that it’s not part of your future. Someone who sees the good in you and believes in you, particularly in those times when you are struggling to believe in yourself.

Turning to and telling someone about your porn problem might feel almost impossible. You may have even picked this plan because you are hoping you can overcome this on your own, without anyone else needing to know! But quitting porn is significantly easier if you have people walking alongside you.

Pause, be brave, and ask the Holy Spirit to give you the names of the people in your life who have got your back. Have you talked to them in the past but have been avoiding this topic recently? Is God leading you to speak to someone for the first time? Before you close this plan, send them a message and ask to meet up.

Scriptures: Romans 5:8, 1 John 1:9, Psalms 34:4-5, Psalms 103:12, 2 Corinthians 9:8, Psalms 23:1, Ephesians 3:18, Luke 4:17-18

St Augustine famously prayed, “Our heart is restless until it finds rest in you.” 

That rings true, doesn’t it? Advertisers profit from this restlessness, this deep and unarticulated hunger for something. They point out the longing, and sell a lifestyle or product to satisfy it. The porn industry has mastered this! But as you know, the video, the phone, the house, the relationship, the philosophy, can all be distracting, even satisfying for a while… but our hearts are soon restless again. 

Today’s focus is the truth that God is enough. He is enough because your heart will always be restless until it finds rest in God. 

It’s all too easy to focus on material and tangible things to self-soothe, to satisfy, to give us direction or purpose. But our story as humans is that the mess and mistakes we make often come from our losing sight of the heavenly father who loves us. 

You don’t need more than Him. 

G K Chesterton said, “Every man who knocks on the door of the brothel is looking for God.”  I wonder, is your porn use rooted in your restlessness? Are you looking for something that porn can never satisfy?

He is enough because He has done everything to set you free. 

It’s been said that the entire story of the bible, a narrative told over generations, all points to one person – Jesus. Jesus’s manifesto was this: to bring good news, to bind up the broken hearted, to set captives free, to give sight to those lost in darkness, to bring hope, light and life.

Do you need any of those things? In Jesus, all of them and more are available to us!  He has done everything! We can’t and shouldn’t try to earn freedom, forgiveness, or wholeness.  

He is enough for all our mess, mistakes, and brokenness.

The way of Jesus is knowing we are loved, owning up to our mistakes without letting them own us, accepting forgiveness, and learning to live in freedom. As a friend of mine says, “It’s never too late and your sin is never too great.”

Today, pause, be brave and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal once again how deep and wide the love of God is for you. Spend 5 minutes simply repeating this phrase in the quiet: “Jesus, you are enough.”