Healthy Practices Of Ministry Couples

Scripture: Ezekiel 36:26

Talk It Out
by Jud and Lori Wilhite of Central Christian Church

Communication is vital in our relationships. We need time to download the day, share the highs and lows of work, home, and school. But there is a temptation for some to hold back—to not communicate our feelings or struggles with our spouses.

A few years ago we hit a major speed bump in our marriage. It seemed there was an unending list of things Jud needed to do. He worked hard, long hours. And, to put it bluntly, I (Lori) felt abandoned. I had a two year old and newborn at home. I spent my days with diapers, dolls, and Dora the Explorer. I felt like I rarely saw my husband. I didn’t feel like I was sharing him with the church; it felt more as if they had taken him hostage and I was going to be hard pressed to get him back.

The record that played in the back of my mind stated over and over that if Jud was called by God to this work, then I was going to have to suck it up and take one for the team. So I did. I took a deep breath, put my head down, and went to work. But over that year, bitterness took root, and I was silent about what was going on in my heart and life.

Then our marriage saving moment arrived. On the phone with a friend late one night, I confessed that I felt much like a single mom. As God would have it, Jud walked by at just the right moment. He was upset to learn that I felt so incredibly alone and abandoned. He was shocked; he’d had no idea I felt that way! We sat down, and for the first time, I laid out all that I had been feeling. Shockingly, he hadn’t been able to read my mind. Can you imagine?

No more silence. No more taking one for the team. It was time to address our emotional, spiritual, and relational health. We needed to do the hard work to get our marriage back to a healthy place.

We don’t know what is blocking you from sharing the struggles and conflicts going on in your heart and life, but please don’t cover them in silence any longer. Have the hard conversations, so you can begin moving forward as a couple, on the same team, toward a healthier marriage.

1. Do you feel the freedom and safety to share your heart with your spouse? Why or why not?

2. What steps do you need to take today to begin an honest future with your spouse?

Scripture: Matthew 18:19-20

We Got To Pray
by Chris and Cindy Beall of LifeChurch.tv

We have been at LifeChurch.tv since 2002 and love being a part of it! We also love being led by our senior pastor, Craig Groeschel. In 2012, he did a five-part marriage series called From This Day Forward. It was outstanding and simple all wrapped into one nicely delivered package. You will be inspired, challenged and encouraged if you watch this series. If you are unable to, here are what the five weeks are about: Seek God, Fight Fair, Have Fun, Stay Pure and Never Give Up.

Simple and to the point, right?

As we started the series, we were feeling very proud of ourselves. We are seeking God, we fight fair, we have fun, we are fighting to maintain our purity in a polluted world and we will never give up. But then, we were thrown a curve ball by Pastor Craig’s one and only piece of advice during his “Seek God” message. This is what he said:

Pray together daily.

What? Gulp. We were not that faithful at praying together as a couple. We’re not proud of that fact but that was our reality. We prayed when times were tough and we certainly prayed for other people, but sometimes we went weeks without praying as a couple. So it shouldn’t have surprised us to feel completely smothered in a gravy of conviction from the Spirit of God as well as a nice helping of guilt from our spiritual enemy.

We chose not to wallow in that unhealthy place and that Saturday evening after church, we said that no more days would pass without praying together. Since August 2012, we have missed just a handful of days. And friend, we can totally tell the difference.

We don’t have to tell you how hard marriage is or can be because you are married! You know! Praying together won’t eliminate all struggle and strain in our marriages, but it will most certainly help us stay connected to the One with the power to help you through those troublesome times.

1. Do you pray with your spouse daily? If not, will you commit to doing that beginning today? Start now!

Scripture: Proverbs 6:6-8

Be Like the Ant
by Raul & Heather Palacios, Church by the Glades

We have been married for almost fifteen years and we have been polar opposite with our perception of finances for just as long. Without further ado, here is our “his” and “her” financial two-cents. (pun intended)

I (Heather) like to spend and I think budgets are overrated. I think saving money takes away from livin’ la vida loca! My husband, Raul, on the other hand, is pretty incredible in handling finances. He is a tither, a saver, and generous with what is left over. He is a super steward with the resources God gives our family. Now that we’ve established the inherent tension in our marriage, you may be asking how we handle it. It’s actually quite simple. I do my job and submit to Raul as his wife and Raul does his job and leads our family’s finances. Because Raul has the freedom to do his job and lead our finances, we have been able to tithe, save, spend and give all the years of our marriage. I learned quickly that if I meddled in our family’s finances, we would have nothing to tithe, save, spend or give away.

I (Raul) like to apply Proverbs 6:6-8 to our personal finances and also use these verses to help other couples. First, this text directs us to work hard! Ants don’t need anyone to tell them to get started. They just work. They also don’t gobble up everything they gather but instead save for the future. Practically speaking I have found the single, most important thing you can do in your finances is to live below your means. This has worked well for Heather and me. A formula I have always maintained is the 10-10-80 rule. Bring at least 10% to my church since it’s all God’s anyway, save at least 10% just like the ant did and then have a blast with rest! If you follow this principle, you will reduce the financial stress in your life. So let’s be as smart as the ant & prepare for the plans God has for us.

1. Would you classify yourself as a saver or spender? When you think about investing, do you feel confident or cautious?

2. What is your greatest financial fear? How do you think that fear impacts and influences how you spend your money?

3. What is the biggest financial adjustment that needs to take place in this marriage?

Scripture: Matthew 22:37-40

Love God, Love Your Spouse
By Chris and Liz Sarno of Relevant Church

In the book of Matthew, Jesus gave two commandments: (1) Love God with all your heart, mind and soul and (2) love others as you love yourself. The Message version says these are the “pegs” upon which every other commandment and law hang. These principles can also be applied to marriage. Loving God with everything in you and loving your spouse like you love yourself are two keys to a strong, healthy marriage.

Loving God with all of your heart, mind and soul is easier said than done. The Bible tells us that if we really love God we will obey His Word even when we don’t want to. Jesus Himself gave us the best example of this when He prayed, “Not my will, but yours be done.” In the ultimate sacrifice of obedience and love He laid down His life in order to do His Father’s will. Conforming your will to God’s Word may at times mean laying down your life and sacrificing what you want to think say and do.

After God, the most important person in your life is your spouse and according to Jesus you need to love them like you love yourself. Think you don’t love yourself? Think again! There are so many things you do daily without even realizing it that are just for you. Every morning you wake up and fix a cup of coffee, wash your hair, put on your clothes, workout (or not), drive the route you want to work, watch the shows you want to, read your choice of books, do what makes you happy. Many decisions are based upon what you want. That’s fine but what would happen if you were as concerned about making your spouse happy as you were about pleasing yourself? What if your first thought when you woke up each morning was, “How can I best love God today, and how can I best love my spouse?” Even better, what if you maintained that awareness throughout the day?

Stay conscious of how you can best show love today. Loving God and your spouse intentionally may not always be easy, but it is worth it.

1. What areas of your life do you need to adjust in order to truly love God with all your heart, mind and soul?

2. What is one thing you can start implementing today to intentionally love your spouse more than you love yourself?

Today is a day to catch up and reflect on what God is showing you in regards to your marriage.

Today is a day to catch up and reflect on what God is showing you in regards to your marriage.

Scripture: Proverbs 10:19

Learn To Be Quiet
By Chuck & Tamera Ford of Relate Church

Ever been in a situation with your spouse where your mouth has taken over? You started talking then like a runaway train, words came out faster than you could think and you both ended up feeling wrecked. Yeah, us too. Communication is vital in a healthy relationship but learning the art of shutting your mouth is equally important. I (Tamera) would be considered the “talker” in our marriage. My husband, Chuck, is skilled at being quiet. It has driven me to the edge of insanity a few times but the longer we walk together the more I appreciate his ability to zip his lip.

The Bible tells us that “too much talk leads to sin” and that we are to “be sensible and keep our mouths shut.” Plain and simple, we can get ourselves in a mess of trouble by not controlling our tongue. It takes self control to not say everything you are feeling or thinking. You might be tempted to defend the fiery little trouble maker in your mouth that is untamable (James 3:8). Or, maybe you are thinking, “If no man can tame it, then I might as well forget it.” But don’t throw in the towel just yet.

We have found that learning to be quiet starts in the heart. Our hearts fill up with what we meditate on, look at and spend time with. What is in our heart dictates what we speak. We have control over our thoughts. We can choose to think on things that are right, lovely, excellent and praiseworthy. When we focus our attention on the positive, we make the sometimes very difficult decision to see the best in the other person and stop fixating on the problem. Our heart fills with words that will bless and not curse. When we purposely fill our heart with what God has to say about our spouse and the situations we face, then our mouth is more inclined to bless and not curse. We become more aware of the power of our words.

1. Have you been looking, thinking and talking about a your relationship in a negative way?

2. Have you been letting your mouth take over and create messes?

3. What is one aspect of your marriage that you can choose to think about differently by finding out what God says and then filling your heart with his words?

Scripture: Exodus 20:11

The Need for Rest
By Brian and Jenni Clayville of Paseo Church

It’s important to observe and partake in rest…a Sabbath. It’s even MORE important to rest together as a couple. This practice is not always encouraged. God recommended it from the beginning of Creation so we would be wise to follow it.

From personal experience, I (Brian) don’t do as well with any area of my life if I’m spiritually, emotionally, and physically exhausted. Honoring the Sabbath provides better clarity of purpose and more intimacy in our relationships. Part of the Sabbath practice should be family vacations and couples vacations away from all chores and weekly routines.

We have not always been consistent in keeping a Sabbath. In fact, I would say the most unhealthy part of our marriage was when we weren’t practicing a Sabbath at all. Jenni is the Worship & Creative Arts Pastor at our church which makes me the “Pastor’s Husband.” As a ministry couple, you know it’s difficult because church lands on everyone else’s “sabbath” but for your family, it’s the longest and hardest work day. I work a more typical work week while Jenni leads most of what happens on weekends at church. It’s impossible for Sunday to be her Sabbath so we have to be creative.

Because the weekend is my (Jenni’s) busiest time, I have made Monday my set Sabbath. As a family, we protect our Friday evenings as our Sabbath. This allows us to play games, watch a movie or read together. We do our best to guard full days, half days, and evenings that can be spent in recreation and enjoyment together as a family. Those guarded moments are not for scheduling meetings, taking out the laptop to finish up work, sending emails or answering phone calls. It takes commitment and communication about what is refreshing and life-giving for each other. As we see more and more marriages falling apart, the more we see the importance in keeping the Sabbath.

If you can’t keep the actual “Sabbath”, what day of the week do you set aside for rest? If you don’t have a set day, consider choosing one with your spouse now.

1. What are some guidelines you should set for your Sabbath? (i.e., limited emails, no social media, dinners out, family nights, etc.)

Scripture: Jeremiah 29:11

Dreaming With Your Spouse
by Justin & Trisha Davis of CrossPoint.tv

Do you remember your first date with your spouse? Whether it was 20 years ago or last year, the first date seems to leave a lasting impression. Isn’t it interesting how the days of dating seem to give us permission to talk about our hopes and dreams?

Our first date lead to many more dates with the anticipation that one of them would begin with a “Will you?” and end with an “I do.” With those words, the future now holds countless opportunities for you to chase after dreams together.

You stood before family and gave them a small glimpse of your dreams as you shared your vows with one another. A party was thrown and a honeymoon was taken. Although the months leading up to your wedding were exhausting, they were equally exhilarating.

But the honeymoon ended and life began. After sharing life together for a few months, his socks next to the hamper and her nail polish spread across the table are no longer cute. His tendency to be late and her propensity to spend money strain your relationship.

Our story as a couple is no different than yours. We loved dating and our engagement was a dream come true! We dreamed for an epic wedding and honeymoon. But like most of couples, dreaming together surprisingly became harder after we got married.

But what we have learned over the past eighteen years is that no matter what your marriage has been through, it is NEVER too late to start dreaming together! Throughout the Bible we read story after story of God redeeming broken relationships and broken dreams. God longs to not only redeem those dreams for your marriage but also give you NEW ones.

To begin dreaming you will need to take time to REST because it gives us space to dream again. Take time to REFLECT because it helps us look back and remember the good and the bad. Take time to REGROUP instead of doing the same things you did last year expecting different results.

1. Take time to discuss your experiences from this past year with your spouse.

2. Write out goals and dreams you have for this next year and share it with your spouse.

3. Invite God into the process by praying for each other and with each other and allow Him to give you His roadmap for your future.

Scripture: Philippians 2:3-4

Help Your Spouse Win
By Bil and Jessica Cornelius of Bay Area Fellowship

As pastors, it can be difficult to carve out family time in our schedules. School schedules and church schedules often do not go well together. For example, my day off (Bil) is on Fridays, yet the kids are in school. Then of course, the kids are off Saturdays and Sundays, the two biggest work days for me (we have Saturday service too). As a father and pastor, sometimes I felt like I just couldn’t win.

When the kids were little, Jessica would often go home during the last service I was preaching on Sundays, load the SUV with surfboards and gear, and get all the kids changed into their swimwear. When I would get home, she would hand me my trunks, have me change and nap in the car as she drove us out to the beach. Then I would wake up and spend the afternoon with our family on the beach until sunset. These are some of our favorite memories to this day. Jessica arranged everything. All I had to do was go along. She helped me get the win.

We have to make the most of our relationships. Our marriage is vital to having a healthy ministry. We encourage you to look for ways to make your spouse successful.

1. Is there something your spouse struggles with that you can make a difference in?

2. How can you help your spouse get the win?

Today is a day to catch up and reflect on what God is showing you in regards to your marriage.

Today is a day to catch up and reflect on what God is showing you in regards to your marriage.

Scripture: Ecclesiastes 4:12

Find Your Porch
by Chris & Cindy Beall of LifeChurch.tv

We had just become Mr. & Mrs. Chris Beall when we moved into a little duplex on Mill Street in San Marcos, Texas, in 1993. Chris and I loved this little abode that cost us a mere $400 a month in rent. It was our first place together and even had a second bedroom for guests. But the best part about it was the front porch.

Sometime during that year we instigated something called “Tea Time” and many times during each week, we would plant ourselves on some lawn chairs on that porch and sip some sweet tea. If it was in the evening, we would turn on our stranded owl lights that hung every so gently from the ceiling of the porch. Oh yes we did.

Somewhere along the road, we renamed “Tea Time” to “Porch Time”. Chris and I absolutely love sitting outside on the porch. During the colder months, our study becomes our “porch”. Regardless of the weather, we have a porch.

Nothing is off limits during Porch Time. We talk, remain silent, laugh, cry, share our excitement and our frustrations, pray with and for each other, have fights and apologize. Porch Time is an absolute necessity for us to stay connected in our marriage. Even if we only have 10 minutes on a given day, we go to our porch.

We still like each other after all these years of marriage and ministry. Our marriage is healthier than ever and we are truly for each other. I don’t believe we would have what we have today without making sure that we have this time together.

Your porch could be a sitting room, your study, any room in your home or even a walk around your neighborhood. Your porch is unique to you and your spouse. Whatever it is, you need it.

We don’t have to tell you that marriage can be stressful. You already know that. But you can maintain a strong union with your spouse by keeping the lines of communication and the doors of your heart open to one another.

Find your porch.

1. Do you feel that your connection and friendship with your spouse is healthy? Share with each other the ways you connect well and the ways you need to improve.

Scripture: Mark 10:9

God is the Attraction
by Raul & Heather Palacios of Church by the Glades

Over the years, we have been a misunderstood couple, and we get that. There is nothing normal about us. Actually, I (Heather) am the one who is not normal. I am not sure exactly what triggered it, but when I was eight years old I wrote a suicide note and mailed it to my grandma. And thus my lifelong journey with mental affliction began.

This struggle I’ve faced has not been easy on me or my husband. But over the years, I have learned to thrive with it because of my faith in Christ, Christian counseling and psychiatry. But to be married to it, to me is an entirely different story. So how have we made it fourteen years? Unlike the old’ adage, it’s actually not opposites that attract that keeps us together. It’s our one similarity. God.

You see, Heather and I (Raul) don’t have the luxury of having a plethora of similarities. We don’t have the same childhood experiences, same strengths or same weaknesses. We don’t handle conflict the same. We don’t always love each other with the same intensity. We don’t lead the same and we don’t follow the same. And as established earlier, we don’t have the same mental stability. So when all of these differences are challenged, we HAVE to have SOMETHING that holds us together. We would be a mess without God.

God is the attraction between us. We both love God and seek to do His will. Without our similar foundation in God, our differences would rip us apart. Circumstances can divide and humans can repel, but God attracts. So what will keep us under one roof for years to come? One God!

1. What are the similarities and differences that attracted you to your spouse? Share some ways that you can benefit from each other’s differences.

Scripture: Matthew 7:3-5

Just Fix Yourself
By Chris and Liz Sarno of Relevant Church

Our marriage has had challenges. We’ve had some interesting years due to our two strong personalities and the pressures of ministry. One day we had an epiphany that altered the dynamic of our relationship in a significant way. We realized that we spent most of our time trying to change each other to be what the other needed. One of us said, “You know what? Just fix yourself. Stop trying to change me.” Needless to say, that did not go over well in the moment. But it was an important truth that once completely grasped, helped us tremendously. “Just fix yourself” became a common phrase around our house.

So many people spend a lot of energy trying to alter the behavior of their spouses. However, it is not possible to change someone else. No matter how clearly you communicate your desire for change, how well you lay out the blueprint of what you want them to be, or how often you voice your opinion on how they should speak or act, the other person must decide to change. The only person you can change is yourself.

Once you begin to evaluate your heart and behavior, you will find that you have a lot more fixing to do than you thought! One way to start changing yourself is to use I Corinthians 13 and ask yourself if you are doing what love would do. According to this passage in the Message Bible, love never gives up! Love cares more for others than self, it doesn’t strut, it doesn’t force itself, it isn’t always “me first,” it doesn’t fly off the handle, it doesn’t keep score of the sins, it takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, it puts up with anything, it trusts God always, it always looks for the best, it never looks back, but keeps going to the end.

Could you use repair in any of these areas? If so, get to work on yourself! When you shift your focus to changing you, you will begin to see change in your marriage!

1. Are there areas of your marriage where you have tried to change your spouse? What has the result been?

2. Evaluate yourself for a moment. What is one thing about you that you need to fix?

3. How can you begin to focus less on changing your spouse and more on changing yourself?

Scripture: Romans 15:5

Let’s Get Physical
by Jeff and Laryssa Toomer of the Transit

Mentors of ours once told us an interesting secret to their 40 plus years of marital love and happiness. They said, “Find a hobby that you can both do together.” That wasn’t too hard for us. While we have very different personalities, we share a lot of things in common. One of those is our love of personal fitness.

At the beginning of our marriage, we began running three to five miles together through our neighborhood on weekends. Those runs were great opportunities to talk, laugh, and enjoy each other’s company. As children were added, so were baby joggers. Then there was a phase when we tried the Billy Blanks Tae Bo routines, and then moved on to learning to jump rope for thirty minutes. Both were harder than they appeared! After I (Jeff) retired from the Army six years ago, we turned up our fitness craze a couple notches by exploring the triathlon world and long distance running, which forced to us really depend on one another.

Training together not only helped us think about ways to make our bodies endure, but it also helped us in our view of marital perseverance. We’ve discovered several important parallels along the way:

* Fitness requires an active (not passive) participation in order to benefit
* There’s mutual accountability from “togetherness”
* Some days are flat-out hard
* It’s important to extend grace and cheer on each other often
* Allow the time, patience and care to ensure that injuries heal properly
* Most challenges and obstacles require assistance and/or must be worked through together
* Rest and time-off are critical to rebuilding and strengthening
* There’s unspeakable joy in celebrating new victories together

Like our fitness activities, marriage is an endurance activity. God covenants a man and woman together and He intends it to be encouraging, sanctifying, and most importantly, enduring.

1. What are some shared activities that you share together as a couple? How has this been a benefit to your marriage?

2. If you don’t have any, make a list of a few that you can begin together.

Today is a day to catch up and reflect on what God is showing you in regards to your marriage.

Today is a day to catch up and reflect on what God is showing you in regards to your marriage.

Scripture: Matthew 19:8-9

Minimize the Options
By Chuck & Tamera Ford of Relate Church

When I (Tamera) was a kid, my favorite ice cream store offered 31 flavors. The idea that I had 31 options to choose from made me a very happy little girl. Mint Chocolate Chip, Mocha Almond Fudge the list goes on and on. Options are good right? It has been proven that too many options hinders our ability to make good decisions. Put Orange Sherbet on top of Butter Pecan and tell me how you like it. Just because it’s an option doesn’t make it good. A few great options can make decision making easy and enjoyable. Throw a bad one in the bunch and the results might not be as sweet.

In marriage, what we allow as options can make a great difference. We decided from the start that we would only have a few options when it came to our marriage. And divorce would not be one of them. That’s a big statement for a couple of wide-eyed, inexperienced, young loves. Another decision we made was never to manipulate each other with the Word of God. Proverbs 18:21 tells us, “the power of the tongue is life and death—those who love to talk will eat what it produces.” We didn’t want to produce divorce, so we had to make sure it never rolled off our tongues.

During the 20 years Tamera and I (Chuck) have been married, we have most definitely experienced anger, hurt and disappointment. But, because divorce is not an option for us, we have had to seek God and get help to fix the hurt.

While sexual immorality allows for divorce, Jesus did not say it was the only option. When divorce becomes an option it’s an indication that hearts have become hard. God is masterful at taking out a stony heart and replacing it with a tender, responsive one (Ezekiel 36:26). It will take humility and trust. But rest assured, He is trustworthy.

1. Has the option of divorce been used as manipulation in your marriage?

2. Can you make the decision to remove divorce as an option and choose to find help through the word of God and wise counsel?

Scripture: Ephesians 4:29

Speak From Love
By Brian and Jenni Clayville of Paseo Church

When you feel hurt or disconnected from your spouse, do you shut down? Or do you create a conflict in the situation? Most people fall into one of these two camps.

Men, God calls you and me (Brian) to love our wives as He loves us. This means we must sacrifice our pride. No matter how right we think we are, we need to embrace the person that we committed our life to and seek to understand her. We need to show her love in the ways we know she experiences love. This will soften her heart and open the channels of communication. It will take time and much effort but this is our duty.

The first way to improve communication during difficult times is to learn how to truly hear what is being said. Most of the time when we aren’t communicating well, one or both of us is hearing something very different than what is being said. Consider clarifying by saying, “what I hear you saying is…” and then allow her time to clarify to ensure you are both on the same page (or at least in the same book). Sometimes, all she wants is to know you HEARD her.

If communication continues to be difficult, call a “timeout” before responding. I like to take a moment to reflect on why I (Jenni) love my husband. Remember the good things from our times together. Before responding, remind yourself that your spouse is not your enemy. Speak with the understanding that you have each others best interest in mind. If you get to the point of feeling you need to “win” the disagreement, check yourself. If you’re the winner, it means your spouse lost. And since you are one in God’s eyes, that means the marriage didn’t win.

Create a new practice. Take a moment each day to say something to your spouse that you are thankful for in them. Be specific. This will help ease tensions and take your focus off of the things that might be bothering you. Once new communication habits are formed, it will be much easier to discuss the more challenging topics. Most importantly… always speak from love.

1. Is it hard for you to speak kind or loving words to your spouse? Why or why not?

2. Take a minute right now and tell your spouse why you are thankful for him/her.

Scripture: 1 Corinthians 7:2-5

Let’s Get Busy
By Justin and Trisha Davis of CrossPoint.tv

There aren’t many topics that cause more arguments in a marriage than sex. Growing up, most of us weren’t given permission to experience God’s vision of sex. If we are honest, we didn’t grow up thinking God had a vision for sex.

Most couples that struggle in the area of sexual intimacy don’t just struggle with the physical aspect of sex. That is how it appears to one another, but that isn’t the whole story. Most couples, that are on different pages in the area of sexual intimacy, have not developed intimacy with one another either emotionally, spiritually, or both. The physical aspect to your marriage is an overflow of the emotional and spiritual intimacy you are experiencing as a couple.

Paul knew one thing to be true: Sexual drives are strong. But he says that the marriage bed is stronger. He says this in 1 Corinthians “the marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband.” It goes beyond the world’s definition of “sex” and gives a beautiful definition of what extraordinary physical intimacy looks like.

Although physical intimacy is not always mutually desired, when it is mutually offered it goes beyond the obvious physical pleasure and becomes a sacred sharing of being fully known physically, emotionally and spiritually. Pornography, lust and masturbation may meet one of these needs for a short period of time but always come back void of fully satisfying what physical intimacy was created for.

Wives, isn’t it comforting to know that sex is so much more than just a physical act used to satisfy our husbands? Husbands, isn’t it equally affirming that your strong desire to be intimate with your wife goes beyond just the physical? Sex is something to look forward to, not something that is dirty, wrong or sinful. It is a gift that God gives to a husband and wife when they mutually and sacrificially give their bodies to one another in order to be fully known.

Becoming fully known physically will require you to choose a path that may not be easy but it’s always worth it! It will require prayer, patience and grace.

1. What is the biggest hurdle you have in the area of sexual intimacy?

2. Do you feel like sexual intimacy should be mutually offered when not mutually desired?

Scripture: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Whatever The Cost
By Herbert & Tiffany Cooper of People’s Church

Several years ago I (Tiffany) was shopping for a new dining room table. After narrowing it down to two options, I selected what I thought was the perfect fit. The table looked beautiful and appeared well-made. Sadly, within a year the phrase “you get what you pay for” echoed in my head as the chairs fell apart and the table warped down the middle. If only I had paid a higher price for the table with the greater value, I would have saved myself time, frustration, and money.

The same is true in marriage. If you desire a strong marriage, it will come at a high price. Great marriages don’t just happen; they are a product of two people who are willing to pay whatever the price to invest their best. It’s easy to dress up a marriage to look good on the outside but just like my first table, it will eventually fall apart. Since the day we said “I do” we have paid a high price in our marriage. It’s not what’s best for “me” but instead, what’s best for “we”.

We have shared goals for our marriage, our family, and our lives. In order for these goals to be achieved, we set specific, non-negotiable priorities. For instance, we have an end goal to grow old together and watch our grandkids play in the backyard as we hold hands drinking coffee. If we’re going to reach our end goal, we must be intentional not to let the endless activities of life sidetrack us. If we don’t give our best to one another daily, we will begin to live two separate lives and our marriage will become an afterthought.

You have two choices. You can cover a broken marriage to look good and pay a high price of pain, disappointment, and heartbreak. Or, you can pay a high price of doing whatever the cost to have a thriving marriage. Either way, you will pay a price. We have a beautiful marriage but it came at a high price. We had to kill selfishness, heal from past hurts, set boundaries, disappoint people, and allow God to work in our lives. Because of the price we were willing to pay first, we now experience deep love, commitment, incredible happiness, and constant support with each other.

1. On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate the overall health of your marriage? What areas do you need to focus on to see that number raised?

2. Are you both willing to have hard conversations about things that are causing your marriage to be less than what you desire?