Managing Your Anger

Scriptures: 1 Timothy 2:8, James 1:19-20

It Matters to God

If I were to ask you what the Christian life is all about, what would you say? 

You might say something like loving God, following Jesus, or living by the Spirit. 

You probably wouldn’t respond with “Don’t lose your temper.” 

As valid as that answer may be, the Christian life isn’t primarily about avoiding ungodly behavior. Rather, it’s about turning to Jesus and following Him in everything. 

So, where does this week’s devotional theme of managing our anger fit into all this? If trying not to be angry is peripheral to the Christian faith, as I suggest, why bother exploring this topic? 

Well, we’re exploring this topic because God seems interested in it. 

There are well-known Bible verses: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires” (James 1:19-20 NIV). God specifically mentions how anger sabotages the righteous Christian life. 

If you’re given to yelling at your girlfriend or wife, shouting at your kids, or raging against drivers literally left and right, can you see yourself as a righteous man of God? 

Although James 1:19-20 is such an apt passage for warning us about the dangers of anger, I also listed a lesser-known verse, 1 Timothy 2:8, in order to be novel and fresh. 

In this verse, the apostle Paul specifically exhorted the men of the church “to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or disputing.” It’s interesting that Paul could have simply exhorted the men to pray and lift up holy hands and stopped there. That alone would’ve made the point that the men should pray to God, worshipping Him in a holy posture. 

However, the verse goes on to mention that this prayer and worship should happen without “anger or disputing.” 

It’s as if this were a potential problem for the men amongst themselves. 

Men, let’s focus on worshipping God, loving Jesus, and living a righteous life. But as men, let us simultaneously be on guard against the unique threat we face in our anger. 

Prayer: Lord, I worship You. Show me where my anger may be sabotaging my relationship with You. Help me be slow to anger so I might live a righteous life as You desire. Help me be free from anger and disputes so I might worship You with an upright conscience. Amen. 

Reflection: When you’re in an angry conflict with someone or furious about some situation, are you able to worship God freely? If not, why do you think this is?

Scripture: 1 Peter 3:7-9

It Matters to Your Wife 

In an Impactus article called The Gift of Anger, Nate Larkin wrote that though he was even-tempered, he was surprised when his wife stated she was always afraid he might hit her! She sensed his repressed anger and was scared he would lash out one day. 

It’s a low bar, but I’ve never hit my wife, either. I asked her just now if she ever feared this possibility, but thankfully, she said no! She explained that even while we were dating, I didn’t seem like that type of guy, as she saw me as a kind and sensitive man. 

I’ll come down from my pedestal now and carry on. 

Men are called to love their wives and to make them feel secure in this love, never worried we’ll hit them some dark day (please think of your girlfriend or fiancée, or other significant women in your life, like a sister or friend, as the case may apply, as I recognize not everyone is married). 

1 Peter 3:7 teaches that husbands have two responsibilities when it comes to their wives: be considerate and respect them. In those days, men had all the power, so it was countercultural to be considerate and show respect to your wife, but this is God’s way for how husbands should treat their wives for all time. 

Some Bible translations use “be understanding” instead of “considerate.” The original Greek term refers to “knowledge.” This implies that you can’t just go through the motions in your marriage, such as coming home from work and watching TV alone. We need to exhibit some understanding and consider our wives’ needs and perspectives. When we start making married life about ourselves, it’s no wonder men get angry unjustifiably when our wives want more understanding from us. 

In addition, we are to respect our wives. Some Bible translations use “honor” instead, but both respect and honor convey a benevolent attitude towards our spouse. Note that where the verse says wives are “weaker,” this only refers to physical strength. We need to rise above this physical difference and not be callous with our wives because we think we can get away with it. 

This beautiful teaching from 1 Peter 3:7 has no room for anger. Obviously, arguments will arise even in the best of marriages. But if husbands focus on our God-given charge to love our wives intentionally, with consideration and respect, we can trust that God will help us manage our anger in our marriages. 

Prayer: Lord, thank You for the special woman in my life. May I walk in peace with You, allowing this peace to overflow into my marriage so that my wife feels secure in my love for her. Please give me the grace to love my wife with consideration and respect each day, from the mundane to the special moments found in married life. Amen. 

Reflection: Do you think your wife feels that you treat her well, with consideration and respect? Why or why not? Has your temper ever given her reason to be afraid of you? In what areas of your relationship with your wife do you need God’s help with any anger issues?

Scriptures: 1 Thessalonians 2:10-12, Psalms 103:8

It Matters to Your Children 

Most dads know the joy of accidentally stepping on a Lego piece barefoot. 

After the sudden jolt of pain—and perhaps some choice words—you probably start looking around for a child to blame. 

This is just one example of men navigating fatherhood and, more specifically, our tempers, as we raise our children. 

I highlight “temper” in particular because of this week’s devotional theme, and because how we manage our tempers can greatly impact our sons and daughters. 

In today’s Scripture, the apostle Paul fondly recounts his previous visit to the Thessalonian believers. Though not a father himself, Paul outlines how he had tried to behave as an ideal Christian father to them: “encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God” (1 Thessalonians 2:12 NIV). 

There is surely plenty of variety in our parenting styles. Some dads may prefer a soft approach, while others may lean toward being more like drill sergeants. We probably adjust our approach depending on the child, their age, the circumstances—and who is watching us! 

However, today’s passage’s descriptors of being “encouraging” and “comforting” are fitting for all dads. 

We were all children once, and though there’s certainly a time and place for “drill sergeant” parenting, we all know the power of encouragement. How devastating it is when a child looks for their father’s supportive “You can do it!” but all they see and hear is anger and disapproval! 

The same goes for a child’s need for comfort. It’s not just the mother’s job because she’s supposed to be maternal. We can emulate the love of our Heavenly Father and console our kids, even if they’re aloof teenagers or grown-ups today. When we offer up our short temper when our children are hurting, it’s difficult for our child to forget that experience, especially if it becomes repetitive. 

In the past, I’ve lost it many times with my children. Sure, a man should confront a child’s disrespect, but too many times, my temper won the day needlessly. Hopefully, I’ve shown my children enough love and kindness over the years to outweigh the times I lost my temper. 

We want to prepare our children to be healthy and godly adults. Dads need to manage their ungodly anger so that our children can truly appreciate the times we encourage and comfort them as we should. 

Prayer: Father God, thank You for being compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in love. May I be slow to anger with my children, encouraging and comforting them well in Jesus’ Name. Amen. 

Reflection: What are some of your best moments of being patient with your children? When were you an encourager and comforter to them? What incidents do you regret, when you lost your temper with them? What have you learned from all these experiences?

Scripture: Matthew 5:21-24

It Matters to Your Church

A man once told me how, when he was young, his mother took him and his brother to visit a new church.

One thing led to another, and fisticuffs broke out between two men during the worship service! As his mother led her two sons out of the building to escape the melee, police cars approached the parking lot.

Maybe the men involved weren’t Christians. I don’t know. The point is that I can see it happening even with believers, because we’ve all heard about Christians behaving badly sometimes.

You may be familiar with Jesus’ famous “Sermon on the Mount,” in which He taught the crowds and emphasized the importance of one’s interior thoughts rather than merely displaying acceptable outward behavior.

In Matthew 5:21, Jesus highlighted the commandment, “You must not murder”, and how breaking it would lead to judgment. The crowds knew this commandment. They probably thought, “I’ve never murdered anyone, so I’m fine.”

However, Jesus went past the outward offense of murder and dove straight to the heart of the matter, saying, “If you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment!” (v. 22 NLT).

In effect, our Lord was explaining that anger alone was just as sinful as murder. He goes on to warn that name-calling and cursing are also right up there with anger.

We might scoff at all this, if we’re being honest, protesting that schoolyard-like name-calling, swearing, and anger are a far cry from the actual act of murder.

However, we need to pause and realize how much a holy God values a pure and loving heart. Though our focus this week is on anger, Jesus would teach about lust, generosity, greed, and many other heart issues in His Sermon on the Mount. He values pure hearts so much that He would eventually die for us sinners so that we might be forgiven of our sins and live with a new heart (2 Corinthians 5:17).

God calls men to live in peace in our churches. Unchecked anger can destroy this peace, unless we manage our anger issues with the help of the Holy Spirit, who dwells in us. The Spirit loves and champions peace.

It’s a powerful witness in our churches when men allow the Spirit to guide our masculinity to fight for each other instead of against each other.

Prayer: Holy Spirit, please fill me that I might glorify Jesus by getting along with my brothers and sisters in church. Help me to be slow to become angry. Help me to bear Your fruit of love, peace, patience, and self-control as I worship and serve with other believers. Amen.

Reflection: Are you a “problem” or “solution” at church when it comes to harmony and unity? What is a biblical way to react if someone at church offends you? If you disagree with church leaders or others, what is a biblical way to speak up?

Scripture: Titus 3:1-8

It Matters to Unbelievers

At this point, I acknowledge that I haven’t written much this week about the “how to” manage our anger. I’ve focused more on the “who” and “why”—we manage our anger for God, our wives, our children, and our church.

About the actual “how” of regulating anger, our Impactus website has many helpful articles, devotionals, and other resources.

Here at Impactus, we talk about anger so much because it’s a big issue for men!

If we can allow God to tame our anger, it’d be a tremendous testimony to the reality of Jesus to unbelievers.

Today’s Bible verse speaks of the “before and after” of the Christian life. The verse, “We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another” (Titus 3:3 NIV), may be an oversimplification for believers then and now.

Yet surely there is truth in there?

Before God saved me at the age of 21, there were bullies who hated me, and I returned the favor. There were also certain bosses and coworkers, and definitely a few racists, whom I despised.

After becoming a Christian, there were still people like the ones described above. I couldn’t control their attitude towards me, but I could learn to replace hate with love for my so-called enemies by the supernatural influence of the Spirit.

You may have some difficult coworkers. Maybe your neighbor irritates you. Perhaps you have a family member you avoid.

But what if you’re the only potential Christian influence in their lives?

Titus 3:4 goes on to teach us that God saved us even while we were hating people, because He is kind and loving. It has nothing to do with us but everything to do with God’s mercy.

Withhold your anger against the unsavory people in your life. Depend on the Spirit to show them mercy, just as God gave you mercy. Stand out and show them Jesus is real because of your godly temperament.

Prayer: Lord, thank You for saving me through Jesus Christ. Thank You for Your mercy, even while I was foolish and disobedient. May I be merciful to non-Christians, especially when some of them seem to make it difficult. Help me manage my anger and show them kindness and love instead, even though it sometimes seems impossible. I really can’t do it without You. Amen.

Reflection: Are you merciful to the unbelievers in your life? How can Jesus work through you to help turn these people in your life to Himself and be saved?

Scriptures: John 8:44, John 1:12-13, Ephesians 4:26-27

It Matters to the Devil

In the movie Toy Story, Mr. Potato Head is about to go on a trip. With this toy in real life, children can put different body parts on his head, whether it be eyes, nose, and even a moustache. In the movie, Mr. Potato Head’s wife packs him some extra “angry eyes,” just in case he needs them.

After seeing the movie, our family made amusing references to the angry eyes. For example, my young son might say, “A boy was mean to me at school. So I put on my angry eyes and told him to back off!”

From a biblical perspective, anger is no laughing matter. We saw earlier this week how Jesus said being angry with someone was tantamount to murder. Unrighteous anger is that awful.

I want to explore another dimension of anger today.

When the Jewish people opposed Jesus, He knew their thoughts and said, “…you are looking for a way to kill me…You are doing the works of your own father” (John 8:40-41 NIV).

What “father” is Jesus referring to?

Jesus gives the answer as He continues, “You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning” (John 8:44 NIV).

We learn here that when people become angry enough, they are walking in the footsteps of the devil, Satan. Jesus even declares that in these cases, it’s as if Satan is their father, and they are a chip off the old block.

We believers shudder at the thought of the devil being our father. That’s horror movie material. Fortunately, if we’re Christians, then God is our Father (John 1:12-13). But the point is taken—though we are God’s children, we need to be careful that we don’t rage to the point where it looks like we’re part of the devil’s family.

In Ephesians 4:26-27, we’re further warned about the following cycle: being angry, sinning, going to bed angry, and giving the devil “a foothold.” Some other Bible translations use “opportunity” or “place” instead of foothold. The imagery is of Satan wanting to take over our lives through the entranceway of anger.

Anger is a powerful opportunity for the devil to wreak havoc in our lives. He isn’t family. Resist him in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Prayer: Lord, please remind me of my place. You are my true Father. You’ve called me to be Your son to follow in Jesus’ footsteps. Help me in my anger not to sin but to live and love like Jesus. Protect me from the evil one, I pray. Amen.

Reflection: Do you think the devil has much influence on your life? Can the devil use anger to ruin you? If so, how can you resist him?

Scriptures: Proverbs 19:11, Proverbs 19:19, James 1:19

It Matters to You

Nothing will be done about your anger issues until you decide to work on them.

You have to be the one to believe that it’s worth it to work on your anger. Your wife may tell you that you have an anger problem. Perhaps your boss has even warned you about it. Maybe your children are afraid of your volatility.

But none of them can make you improve in this area.

You may even be accustomed to it and think, “Who cares? I get angry. No big deal. Every man gets angry.”

We’ve seen this week that God cares about your anger. It matters to Him because man’s anger doesn’t produce the righteous life He desires from us. Furthermore, it matters to our wives, children, church, and the non-believers in our lives. The devil also has a vested interest in our continued wrath for all the wrong reasons.

Proverbs 19:11 (NLT) states, “Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.” Ideally, we all want to be Christian men with the sensibility to manage our anger, thereby winning the respect of those around us. This will give us a greater platform to represent Jesus in our spheres of influence.

Proverbs 19:19 (NLT) further gives us a sober warning: “Hot-tempered people must pay the penalty. If you rescue them once, you will have to do it again.” To get dark for a moment, you can easily see that if you let your anger leap out of control, you can be imprisoned for hitting someone or causing a road rage incident. This proverb is another way of expressing the phrase “Learning the hard way!” or “You have to live with the consequences” when it comes to losing our temper.

When the moment of testing comes, probably unannounced, you may forget everything you’ve ever learned about anger. Instead, you may instinctively think hateful thoughts or spew aggressive words.

My best advice from personal experience is to be intentional ahead of time.

Be aware of your triggers. Find your own Christian go-to method when your temper is tested. It’ll probably involve prayer, Scripture, and relying on the Spirit in the moment. My go-to method is to pray something like, “Lord, slow my anger down because I’m getting mad real fast.”

May you and I be men who choose to be slow to anger for the glory of Jesus.

Prayer: Lord, I won’t give up. You love me and want me to live a righteous life for You. Help me to honor You in the moment my temper is tested. Please teach me how to be slow to anger. Amen.

Reflection: Do you usually have a short fuse or are you more even-tempered? What is something you were mad about in the last week? How did you respond, and what did God teach you about it?