When you lose someone you love, life returns to normal in about 14 days — for everybody but you! If you’re feeling stuck in sorrow, you are not alone. Grief Survivor author, Beth Marshall understands. After losing close family members, she realized grief is hard work! The Grief Survivor study will encourage you to write, and trust the Lord to do what only He can do — restore joy-filled life!
We would like to thank Beth Marshall, author of “Grief Survivor- 28 Steps toward Hope and Healing” and “A Time to Heal, a grief journal.
Day 1
Scripture: John 11:35
“You’re The Boss”
You’re the only one who can determine how this season of grief will look. There’s no formula for the right way to grieve. As you begin the Grief Survivor journey, you may want to get a blank journal to write what comes to mind.
As you take your first steps toward healing, remember:
● When you feel like crying, cry.
● You may feel more relief than sadness right now. That’s OK, too.
● If reminiscing and sharing stories about your loved one makes you laugh, by all means, do it.
● Steer clear of people and events that leave you anxious and exhausted. Choosing your activities and company wisely can prevent unnecessary stress.
● It’s OK to say yes to the best, and no to the rest.
● There’s no need to apologize. You are the boss of your schedule.
John 11:35 paints the picture of Jesus and his reaction after the death of his dear friend, Lazarus. Jesus was not above crushing human emotion. Jesus wept. So can we.
Day 2
Scripture: Philippians 1:3
“The Perfect Gift”
What can someone do to make a difference as you begin to heal? You probably have plenty of food, volumes of cards and a house full of flowers, but what kind of gift would genuinely touch your heart?
When you’ve loved and lost, memories are priceless treasures. What if there are stories about your loved one you’ve never heard? The next time a trusted friend wants to help, ask them to write a favorite memory and send it to you via mail or email. Can you imagine going to your computer or mailbox and discovering a cherished memory or picture you’ve never seen before?
As your treasures arrive, put them together in a scrapbook, memory box, or journal. You’ll be reminded of the difference your loved one made in people’s lives. Who might have a priceless story to share?
Day 3
Scripture: Matthew 11:28
“Help Yourself First”
Every time you step on a plane the flight crew reminds you to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others. Grief survival is a lot like in-flight safety. The only way to stay strong and emotionally available for the people in your life is to take care of yourself first.
Rest is not a four-letter word. Technically it is, but not the bad kind. Rest doesn’t have to mean doing nothing. During this challenging season, some creative ways for you to refresh might be:
● watching a funny movie or play,
● going to a favorite lake, to the beach or to the mountains,
● painting, singing or drawing,
● taking a break from 24-hour news channels,
● meet a friend for coffee or dinner.
Even if you don’t have a cruise on the calendar this month, consider doing something kind for yourself every day.
Day 4
Scripture: John 16:31-33
“Am I OK?”
Have you ever walked into a room and turned around because you have no idea why you were there? Grief can do that to you. Unfamiliar emotions can make you think you’re losing your mind and can make important decisions seem close to impossible. If you’re experiencing mental fogginess, take heart. The clouds will lift.
Grief-related sleeplessness, appetite changes, mood swings and mental cloudiness will diminish and eventually subside over time. The good news is, you are not going crazy.
John 16:33 is a powerful reminder when troubles come: “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth, you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”
Day 5
Scripture: James 1:19
“Words”
Well-meaning people often try to come up with something to say, when there are no words that can help. Saying too much can make the situation worse. Maybe you’ve heard some of these words that don’t help:
● God must have needed another angel in heaven.
● You’re young. You can marry again.
● You can always have more children.
● They’re in a better place.
Insensitive remarks often come from people who have no idea what you’re feeling right now. If you’re tempted to strike back and set the record straight, it might be wise to take a deep breath and count to 10. Hopefully, the well-meaning person will learn from your silence!
Some words that can help are:
● I’m so sorry.
● I can’t imagine how you must be feeling.
● I’d love to bring you a meal.
We can’t control others’ words. But in James 1:19, Jesus’ brother gives us three tips to manage our words in any situation: Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry.
Day 6
Scripture: Psalms 34:17-20
“Is it Time to Call for Help?”
As the world becomes increasingly connected through social media, face-to-face conversations are becoming few and far between. Relying on “likes” and “favorites” won’t fill the place in your heart designed for community, especially during an intense time of grief.
Sometimes the hardest step to take is the first one — telling someone you’re struggling. In “Overwhelmed”, author and Pastor Perry Noble puts it this way, “…whatever is tearing you up inside, stop hiding it. The sooner you ask for help and admit you need other people, the sooner you will find relief.”
Here are three ways to get the help you need:
● Ask a trusted friend to pray specifically for your heart to begin to heal.
● Tell the truth when someone asks how you’re coping.
● Connect with a pastor, hospice provider or professional grief counselor.
Reaching out to other people and inviting the Lord into the pain will strengthen you through a season of mourning. Remember, the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Day 7
Scripture: Philippians 4:6
“Tell the Story”
What do you want people to know about your loved one?
If you’re worried you won’t remember everything, try these practical tips to keep memories fresh:
● Say their name and encourage others to do the same.
● On holidays or other special days, tell and retell stories about the person you’re missing.
● Look through old photos to stir up memories of vacations and events that may have slipped your mind.
● Collect stories from friends and family. Keep them in a designated place or scrapbook.
When you have a little unhurried time, find a quiet place and start to write. What did you admire about your loved one? What made you laugh? Does a particular day or season stand out as fun or memorable? Write, draw or save photos of everything you can recall. Do whatever it takes to tell the story of the person you are missing!
Day 8
Scripture: Revelation 21:4
“Are We There Yet?”
When children travel they love to ask, “Are we there yet?” As you navigate life after loss, you may wonder the same thing. Some frequently asked questions are:
How long does grief take?
As long as it takes. Each person has their own timeline and unique way of coping with loss.
Will I always miss my loved one?
Probably so. But over time, the time of deep ache will become more bearable, and memories of the person you’re missing will become gentle reminders of the impact they made in your life. Embrace it. It’s OK to always miss them.
Why are people rushing me?
People, especially those who have never lost someone close, may make insensitive comments about how long your mourning lasts. If someone is in a hurry for you to “be yourself again,” remember they did not experience your relationship with the person you’re missing. Take as long as you need.
What about closure?
Have you ever heard the saying, “Closure is for bank accounts not for love accounts”? The last thing you want to do is to try to “get over” someone you love! Grief and mourning help you process the emotions of sorrow, remember the person you’re missing, and take steps toward healing and a joy-filled life.