Scripture: Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Intro

November 2016, the day before Thanksgiving, my husband and I were sitting in our living room watching a show when I doubled-over in pain, my stomach contracting. I played it off as normal and tried to ignore it [because I knew exactly what was happening, and I didn’t want to accept it], until my husband noticed I was unable to breathe and made the executive decision that it was time to go to the emergency room. 

There, it was confirmed; I was in the process of losing my baby. My body was betraying me. The clothes I had purchased were not going to be worn any time soon. I would not yet need to decorate a nursery. No need to continue lovingly running my hands along my stomach, grateful for the home it had been made into. 

If you’re reading this, that probably means my story is one you can resonate with, and for that, I am so sorry. I’m sorry you are swimming in this private sea of grief where every negative emotion imaginable is swirling around you – not to mention the immense physical pain. But take heart in knowing that you are not alone. 

Sweet mama, we must make daily decisions to work through the grief, and in no way does this mean you are moving on from your baby. By God’s grace, we are simply able to get to a place where sadness and peace coexist. Where we can acknowledge the life of our babies, come to terms with the loss, and rejoice in the fact that we will see them again. I know you are feeling robbed, but surely we can rest in knowing that our babies were born in the hands of Christ Himself. What better place to be?

Scripture: James 1:2-4

Adjust Your Heart

During the peaks and high points of life, it’s easy to see God’s blessings everywhere. In the midst of trauma, however, it’s almost impossible not to feel utterly betrayed by God. Forgotten. Left to fend for yourself in circumstances you don’t even know how to navigate through. 

When we are introduced to Job in the Old Testament we see a story of incredible suffering unravel. He, as well, grieved the passing of his children, as well as the loss of his home. With one devastation after another, we see Job wonder, like most of us do when the painfully unexpected occurs, what on earth God was doing. One thing we didn’t see, however, was Job lose faith in his Creator. 

It’s okay to show your sadness, proclaim frustration, and even express your doubts. God is not surprised by any of our emotions. Not only is He big enough to handle your anger, but He is big enough to take it all on and help you in your brokenness. 

However, at some point, you have to shift your focus and go on to ask the right questions, instead of continuing to allow the heaviness in your heart to take control of your mind and mouth. 

Naturally, we want to ask “Why, God?” We want to question our worth, question His goodness, and everything in between. Which is normal when trauma strikes. But the ongoingness of these thoughts can lead to destruction. The better thing for us to ask is, 

“Father, what can I learn about You in this season?”

There is incredible value to our trials and tribulations. Seek God today and ask Him to help you see past the storm you are currently enduring, and for a heart that is filled with hope, patiently awaiting the fruit from this waiting period.

Scriptures: Romans 8:28, Genesis 50:20

God Is Still Good

On days that seem as though they’re dragging on, when all of the everyday chaos is draining what seems to be every ounce of life out of us, my husband and I always share one simple reminder with each other: “God is good.” I know it may be hard to see right now, but friend, He is still good.

Hardships have a funny way of making us forget that God is always on our side. They sometimes make us want to question, “How could God do this to me?” But the truth is, God is not a Creator of destruction. He is the complete opposite; God is a Fixer of broken things and broken humans. 

The trials we face and hardships we endure in this life are consequences of The Fall–the original sin and the initial works of the enemy. However, God meets us where we are, wherever that may be, with arms wide open, ready, and waiting to comfort us. Even when we can’t see it, He is constantly working behind the scenes on our behalf. 

Maybe there was something wrong with that sweet baby, and God spared you both a different kind of heartache. Maybe your story was meant to help someone heal through a loss of their own. Regardless of the reasoning, I encourage you to press into Him today, ask Him for peace despite the unknown and believe that there is still good to be found in this trying situation you’ve been placed in.

Scripture: John 11:35-37

Jesus Weeps With Us

One of the most profound examples of Christ’s heart for us can be found in the story of Lazarus, in verse John 11:35; “Jesus wept.”

Jesus knew that Lazarus was soon going to be brought back to life, but the pain of death was still very real, and He wept because of it. The Son of God who chose to give His life for ours, who knew our ins and outs before we were even formed, and who holds our futures in the palm of His Hand, shed tears at the temporary loss of His friend and experienced the immense grief felt by Lazarus’ loved ones. 

In our mourning, we are not alone. Jesus weeps alongside us in our sadness. Although He knows that hope and renewed joy are up ahead, He is well aware that pain, loss, and grief are all a part of our time here on earth, and He is there in the midst of it all. 

You will find your “tribe” of women who can resonate with what you are going through, but no one knows grief more deeply than Jesus, because He feels it all. Seek His comfort today.

Scriptures: 2 Corinthians 12:9, Lamentations 3:22-24

New Morning, New Mercies

After my first miscarriage, I was sad. Heartbroken. I felt weak, and angry at my body. After my second just a few short months later, I was angry. At God. I was downright bitter that He wasn’t fulfilling His promise to me in my timing. Bitter that He would allow me such pain a second time around. Thank God for grace.

Some days you may feel strong and encouraged knowing that death has no hold on you or your family. On other days, however, you may strongly feel the weight of loss and fear you might crumble beneath the weight of an empty crib. No matter what the specifics and no matter where you are on your journey with grief, there is one powerful constant upon which you can rely: God’s amazing grace. 

You may be thinking to yourself, “But you don’t know the way I’ve spoken to Him.”Friend, if you knew the things I’ve said to God out of my frustration, you’d know that I understand a lot more about this than you probably think I do. Or maybe you’ve not spent a lot of time speaking to Him at all lately, and fear He’s given up on you. This is the unfair beauty of grace. 

Grace is unmerited favor. If you had done anything to deserve it, it wouldn’t be grace. God’s heart is overflowing with love for His children, and He delights in extending grace upon grace upon grace. His grace will be there to carry you through the day that was supposed to have been your due date. It will be there to carry you through every cluelessly insensitive comment, through every birth announcement and baby shower invitation, and every traumatic flashback. There is no struggle or hardship you could ever endure where grace cannot sustain you. There is nothing that grace cannot touch. 

God’s grace for you is all-sufficient. Rest in His unending mercy, and remember to give grace to yourself today as well. This pain may be strong, but God is stronger.

Scripture: Isaiah 61:1-4

Beauty From Ashes

The sound of my sonographer telling me “I can’t find a heartbeat,” not just once but twice, both within less than half a year, were words that unceasingly fought to consume me for months on end and still try to creep in to this day. Twice, my dream of having a child was set to flames right before me. There are some parts of life on earth we will never understand. Some parts will, quite frankly, bring us to our knees in anguish. Thankfully for us, God’s goodness is not dependent on our strength. 

When disaster strikes, sometimes it can be difficult for us to admit and be honest with ourselves and our loved ones about what’s going on. Acknowledging our suffering, however, does not mean we become defined by it. Rather, the humility of acknowledging our deep, everlasting need for a Savior frees us to receive His deep, everlasting grace. It’s a life-altering and glorious exchange of our ashes for His beauty. All it takes is the smallest breath of yes, and He draws us near to Him. 

God’s goodness shines through the cracks of broken things, and not only does God create beautiful works in us from our ashes, but He can also use our circumstances to create a palpable work of beauty for others, often to help them navigate through a similar situation or help them feel comforted in their time of loneliness. God never intended us to stay stuck in our suffering. He calls us forward in life, He brings us to healing, and He reminds us that in Him we have a purpose. No matter how He does it, or in how many ways, God never wastes our pain. 

The God of all miracles fights for you today and every day. There will never be anything so bleak that He cannot create a wondrous work from it. Rest in this promise today.

Scripture: Romans 15:13

Hope

There’s no doubt that the life we live here on earth is messy, and sometimes it deals harshly. Sometimes it’s unfair, and we may wonder where God is. However, His Word reminds us of this truth: He is always there. Though we may not always see it, feel it, or understand His processes, He is here. Even now. This promise is called hope. 

We become hopeless when we accept a worldly view of how our circumstances should cause us to think, but Jeremiah helps us remember that we need to focus on what God has to say about who we are and what His plans are for our lives [29:11]. Even in the midst of brokenness, you still hold victory in the palm of your hands because of the One who holds you in His. Even in your darkest places, you never walk alone. God is interwoven throughout every circumstance you may endure, and because of that, there is always a reason to hope. 

If there is anything we can firmly hold onto while it seems as though everything else is uncontrollable, it is the promise of a Savior. No matter how dark things may seem, God is always there, waiting to shine a light on what the enemy intended to destroy us. God calls us to not only hope but to rejoice in it. When Christ conquered death, He gave us abundant hope for a better life through Him. And hope becomes faith when we accept Christ’s truths and allow Him to mold the endings to our circumstances even when we can’t see the final draft of His work. 

The sufferings that we go through are the best reminders that life can throw more at us than we can handle, which is exactly why we need Jesus. Today, allow your suffering to be a call into the deep. Seek and read aloud the affirmations given to us in God’s Word about hope, and speak them into your life. Rejoice in the eternal power of a Savior who will, in His time and His ways, make everything right and good again.

Scripture: John 16:22

Joy

Right now you may be fearing that you will never again feel joy to its full extent, or you have finally felt the seed of happiness blossoming within you and felt guilty as a result. This is where it’s especially important to remember that joy is not defined by how we feel or what we experience, but solely by God’s character and unending faithfulness. 

Often in our misery, we simply want out. We want to take the exit ramp off of that dark, painful road as quickly as possible and never look back. But it’s in these moments that God strongly desires us to pull Him close. He thoughtfully and deliberately uses our trials to refine us, strengthen our faith, build our trust in Him, make us wiser, and ultimately, bring glory to His kingdom. 

Not only can we rejoice because we know that God already has a plan for our trials, but also because we were given full security, transparency, and intimacy in our relationship with Christ. In our darkness, He will always be there because He is the same yesterday, today, tomorrow, and will be the same for the rest of eternity. He will never leave us nor forsake us. 

Something that has helped me, personally, and still does when I’m feeling weak (also, anyone who knows me personally will know that I just love making lists, no matter the reason!), is making a list of what I’m grateful for. I encourage you today to do just that. I guarantee when you start, it’ll be easy to keep going when you remind yourself of the wonderful, gracious blessings God has placed in your life, despite your current sorrow. Rejoice, friend. With Christ, there is always a reason to.

Scripture: John 10:10

Combating Negative Thoughts + Emotions

Trials can have a way of pressing in on all sides and sometimes, eventually, strangling us spiritually. In these moments, the enemy takes advantage of our weakness and uses it to assault our thoughts with feelings of brokenness, to a point from which we feel we will never recover. This is a lie from the ultimate liar, and king of darkness himself. 

The only way to diffuse an attack from the enemy is to declare God’s Word against him. We are called to put on the armor of God in times of battle. Our Bible is our sword, and the absolute best weapon we could equip in any of life’s circumstances, but especially in attacks. It not only deflects the lies of the enemy, but it completely shatters every destructive mindset he tries to plant in our minds and hearts and rebuilds us with faith-based truths about ourselves and our life, straight from God our Father — this is the firmest and most honest foundation on which we could ever stand. 

What the enemy desires most is to hold you down and keep you from living fully in Christ, but Jesus won your freedom when He gave Himself up on the cross. You are not a slave to guilt, fear, shame, brokenness, or sorrow. Stand firmly in the victory you were freely and graciously given, today and every day.

Scripture: 2 Timothy 3:16-17

Mental Health Matters

When we think of trauma-related mental stress, we don’t often consider mothers who have endured loss. Society has nudged us to believe that miscarriage is taboo and that there are “worse” things out there, so we shouldn’t feel justified in believing we have the right to discuss our pain if that’s what we need to do. Just because it may not be real for someone else does not mean you shouldn’t respect and acknowledge your loss to your fullest ability, if that’s what you desire. 

I hadn’t fully discovered the depths of the devastation until I had a miscarriage, let alone two. I was paralyzed by sorrow and grief. At the time of my losses, I was working at a local café, and I had days where I saw mothers and their babies walk in and had to excuse myself to the backroom so as to not ugly cry in front of them. I was angry at every friend who announced their pregnancy [which at the time, seemed to be every two seconds]. The simplest of things would set me into an utter emotional breakdown. In reality, the psychological effects of losing a child are very real, very strong, and can lead to things such as anxiety, depression, and even PTSD [Post Traumatic Stress Disorder]. Despite these psychological effects being very real and very strong, acknowledging the potential of mental illness after a miscarriage is seldom considered. 

We have a God who is capable of complete restoration, and I whole-heartedly believe that will be the end result in your story, but there are several roads He has given us to get there and it is important that we take whatever unique and appropriate steps toward healing we may need to. If the unknownness of God’s timing is something you can handle right now, by all means, friend, press on. If you need to seek more immediate help at this point in your journey, there is no shame in it. In the same way God has given us foods and herbs that miraculously heal us and build up our bodies, He has also equipped people to help guide us mentally and talk us through traumatic experiences. 

During this season in which you’ve been placed, act in wisdom, press heavily into Christ and embrace the merciful and loving character that God promises in His Word. God is never too busy to care for your heart and mind, and He longs to be present in your pain. Remember that this is your story and that your healing is unique to you. The steps you take may be different than someone else’s but the endgame is always the same – healing, and I can assure you there are more people out there who would be willing to listen and walk with you than you may realize.

Scripture: 1 Peter 5:10

Acceptance

Acceptance is a vital step toward allowing God to heal us. It does not mean we become defined by our heartache, nor does it mean forgetting our baby. Acceptance simply means we are consciously letting God use our circumstances for His purpose. It allows us to move forward with our lives fully, without the hands of grief wrapped around our necks. For this to happen, we need to look up from our sadness long enough to see what God might want to accomplish with it – both in our own minds, hearts, and lives and also as a gift to others so they may be able to see and experience God’s glory in their own lives as well. 

No matter if you were 5 weeks or 39 weeks, the bond between a mother and her child(ren) is deep, strong, and unforgettable. This is the perfect time to remember the relationship we have with God our Father, and that nothing will ever come between His love for you. Giving your situation to Him does not mean you are rendering yourself helpless [although, let’s be honest, without God we are all helpless in this world], it simply means you are strong enough to allow your loss to be made into something eternally meaningful through Christ. How powerful is that? 

Accepting the seasons of life we get placed in is a choice we have to make daily, especially after a loss. It may not always be easy, but as we wrap up this devotional, I pray that you continue pressing into the Father and allowing Him to hold you and shape your situation. 

Mama, you are loved, valued, and special, and you are never, ever alone. 

Go in faith.