Navigating life as a newly married wife is a new and beautiful season, but it’s sometimes pretty challenging. You’ve given up your right to make unilateral decisions and all of it can leave you asking the question, “What is my purpose?” In our 5-day devotional plan, you’ll see God is at work in your marriage and everything you’re feeling, it’s normal.
Brooke Wilson and FamilyLife
Day 1
Scriptures: Luke 1:45, John 4:10-14
God Gives Good Gifts
The day my soon-to-be husband and I had been planning for eight months had finally arrived.
Nerves and excitement swirled as I curled up in bed, reading a letter from Perry.
I’m easily anxious about big life changes. But as I read the letter, I knew as long as we kept God at the center of our marriage, marrying him was the right decision. I knew Perry was a good gift from Him.
I was still anxious as my hair and makeup were done. I was just a few hours away from one of the biggest moments in my life. Was this really happening? Was today the day I would become a wife?
The rest of the day was a dream. The things that didn’t go as planned went unnoticed. And in the blink of an eye, I heard, “Perry, you may kiss your bride.” We were married!
In our early days of marriage, a recurring fear of vulnerability with Perry held me captive to the enemy often. Not just the physical side of it, but spiritual and emotional vulnerability also felt difficult. The lie that I wasn’t safe with Perry (though he is the safest person I know), kept weaving into my mind.
Perry and I both felt stuck. Everything he did made me shrivel up or want to run in fear. I didn’t walk confidently in the Lord to give me peace, comfort, and safety in those moments. I didn’t see Perry as a God-given gift I could trust fully.
In everyday life, we can struggle to see our husband as a good gift from God, especially when we are bothered by something they’ve done (or even fear that they’ll let us down).
To view our husbands as good gifts from God, we must remember the battle we face between our flesh and the Holy Spirit that dwells inside of us. While the Holy Spirit helps us see our husband as a good gift from God, our easily annoyed or impatient flesh distracts us from seeing the same perspective. When I fail to invite the Holy Spirit in frequently, I am often led by my fears and selfish desires.
But there is hope for me (and you), as Luke 1:45 says, “And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.”
When you actively believe God will fulfill everything in your life according to His will, you can rest assured He is trustworthy and has good gifts in store for you. When God clarified that marrying Perry was the best choice for me, I walked in obedience. With trembling hands and shaking legs, standing in front of our family and friends, we declared to one another that this marriage was God’s good gift.
Today, tell your husband he is a good gift from God. Remember that because of Jesus’ death on the cross, your sins are forgiven, your imperfections are made beautiful, and you have the greatest gift available–an eternal relationship with God.
Day 2
Scriptures: Psalms 28:7, Isaiah 40:31
God’s Strength, Not Ours
One September day a few months after getting married, a hurricane plowed through Orlando, Florida, where we lived at the time. With our dog, Willow, Perry and I squeezed into the small hallway of our house (the only spot without a window) as the wind roared outside, branch after branch hitting our metal roof.
Little did we know, our first year of marriage would be nothing short of unexpected moment after moment.
Maybe your first few months of marriage have been a sweet experience, and with that, you’re looking forward to what the rest of this first year will bring. For others, you may look at your marriage and wonder if something is wrong because it’s just been so hard.
To both, hear me say, it’s normal.
In moments of fear or worry (the metaphorical storm), I would often try to solve arguments relying on my own strength to bring resolution versus looking to the Father. Picture the hurricane I mentioned above: it started out as just a tropical storm, and as time passed, conditions got worse, and it moved into a category 3 hurricane in minutes. In marriage, conflict or storms between you and your spouse can often look like this. What starts out small can keep getting more and more intense. It’s in those moments that we have to make a choice: God’s strength or our own?
Perry and I have learned to pray in the midst of conflict, which usually involves a step back or “timeout” so we have a clearer vision of what the conflict is really about. When we do, the Holy Spirit often points out areas we were both blind to in the middle of the storm.
Psalm 28:7 says, “The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.”
The Lord is the One who holds you together when facing hardships, the same way He holds your spouse. He gives rest to your soul, peace for your heart, and help for your circumstances.
Today, send an encouraging message to your spouse, reminding them you’re proud of who they are. Remind them that their strength to get through the day comes from the Lord. For your soul, journal a prayer to God, thanking Him that He is your strength and shield.
Day 3
Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 15:10, Romans 8:28, Philippians 1:6
God’s at Work In You and Your Spouse
I’ve caught myself trying to fix or change Perry countless times in our now over two years of marriage. There have been moments when I thought it was my sole responsibility to tell him things he could do better. I’d want him to act a certain way, read my mind all the time, and serve me in all the ways—all while not communicating those desires or hopes clearly.
Maybe it’s just human nature to want others to talk more like us, act more like us, or be more like us. But God did not create my husband to be like me.
God views Perry with delight and joy because He sees His workmanship, the way He uniquely created him on display for others to enjoy and celebrate too. It’s a journey–a lifelong one–to get there.
God is at work in your marriage and has been working, long before you even knew each other. As Philippians 1:6 reads, “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”
I’ve often failed to see the good work God is doing in Perry, or attempted to “play God” in growing him, but that’s not my purpose as his wife.
I’ve learned in marriage, things are meant to be different. Instead of pointing out the things wrong in your spouse, what if you pointed out the things to celebrate? And the same goes for you. What if you journaled to God the things you love about how He made you and the work He’s doing in you? I think life would be full of a lot more gratitude, love, and joy.
Today, ask God to continue working in your life and your marriage. Ask Him to remind you that He is working in the details of every aspect of your life. Trust that His plans for you are good.
Day 4
Scriptures: Luke 8:48, Psalms 147:3
God’s Healing Power in Your Life
We all come into marriage with a past: things that were done to us and things we did to others. Both areas need God’s healing power in your marriage and both take intentional time and spiritual growth.
In the past, men have belittled, taken advantage of, and made fun of me, so safety in relationships has been a delicate and tedious struggle.
Picture a garden (I imagine Boston Public Garden) with an iron gate separating it from the outside world. The garden is full of my past, present, and future; the healing (new flowers) that God is doing in my life, pretty benches resting in all seasons of life. Early in marriage, I often had that iron gate closed to Perry. I didn’t want to include him in all the hard work of healing that I was experiencing in counseling. I let my fear shut him out.
Yet when I finally did open the gate to Perry, inviting him into the garden to see what God was restoring from my past, it brought connection and trust.
As I have seen God prove to be worthy of my trust and a healer of my pain, He has also shown me I can trust my husband. Perry has proven his trustworthiness with things like finances, large purchases, home repairs, etc. But I have also seen my trust grow stronger by letting him see my emotions, failures, and doubts. All of this trust stems from me taking those steps toward trusting God with all aspects of my life.
While I still sometimes have to fight the urge to run away or “shut the gate,” I see God’s healing power in my life, reminding me of His presence and the safety found in Perry.
Psalm 147:3 reads, “He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds.” When I picture God binding up my wounds, I think of Him carefully placing a hand on every area of my life that needs compassion, gentleness, and attention. God is writing a story in your life and in your marriage too, one that might need healing, attention, and compassion.
What scares you the most when you think of letting Him into those parts of your life? Today, ask God what areas He wants to heal in your life, from your past and in your marriage. Journal down those thoughts, and if appropriate, share them with your spouse.
Day 5
Scriptures: Psalms 25:5, Jeremiah 31:3
God’s Guiding Your Life and Marriage
Psalm 25:5 reads, “Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.” In humility and obedience, David asks the Lord to guide his life.
In your newly married world, you may realize life isn’t how you expected it to be. Maybe the rose-colored glasses you could have sworn you never had on are finally getting taken off, and life looks a lot harder, full of decisions needing to be made, and fear of making the wrong one.
Maybe you’ve chosen to move, like us, away from the community you’ve built over the course of your relationship for the sake of being closer to family (or a new job); or, maybe outside pressure to start a family has brought more conflict than connection. Maybe your marriage has seen serious illness, financial burdens, and arguments that feel heavier than you ever imagined.
Life is hard sometimes! We weren’t promised it would be easy in our relationships either.
When I think of Perry being beside me each and every day, going through the hard things of life, giving advice, listening to my emotions, or pointing me to Jesus, it sustains me in the hardships. God heals in the hard moments, God strengthens us in the hard moments, God is at work in the hard moments, and God guides in the hard moments. Even better, He also does that in the beautiful moments!
Asking God daily to “lead me in your truth and teach me,” can be scary sometimes. Not because God is not in control of everything but because it means you aren’t.
The same is true in marriage. Your spouse will never do everything just as you’d like, and neither will you.
Your purpose before you got married might look different today. You may not always like your spouse, but you are called to love them as Christ loves them. As you move toward the Lord, He moves toward you.
Today, pray for God to guide your life and your marriage. Ask Him to remind you that He is going to continue to work in you and your spouse.