Scriptures: Psalms 55:12-14, 2 Timothy 3:2, 2 Timothy 2:24-26

The Secret Trap 

As I travel across the United States ministering, I have observed one of the enemy’s most deadly and deceptive traps. It imprisons countless Christians, severs relationships, and widens our existing breaches. It is the trap of offense. 

Many are unable to function properly in their calling because of the wounds and hurts that offenses have caused in their lives. They are handicapped and hindered from fulfilling their full potential. Most often, it is a fellow believer who has hurt them. This causes the offense to feel like a betrayal. 

In Psalm 55:12–14, David laments, “For it is not an enemy who reproaches me; then I could bear it. Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me; then I could hide from him. But it was you, a man my equal, my companion and my acquaintance. We took sweet counsel together, and walked to the house of God in the throng.” 

The home, meant to be a shelter of protection, provision, and growth where we learn to give and receive love, is often the very root of our pain. History shows that the bloodiest wars are civil—brother against brother, son against father, or father against son. 

The possibilities for offense are as endless as the list of relationships, no matter how complex or simple. This truth remains: Only those you care about can hurt you. You expect more from them—after all, you’ve given more of yourself to them. The higher the expectations, the greater the fall. 

Selfishness reigns in our society. Men and women today look out for themselves to the neglect and hurt of those around them. This should not surprise us. The Bible is very clear that in the last days, men will be “lovers of themselves” (2 Tim. 3:2). We expect this in unbelievers, but Paul was not referring to those outside the church. He was talking about those within it. Many are wounded, hurt, and bitter. They are offended! But they do not realize that they have fallen into Satan’s trap. 

Is it our fault? Jesus made it very clear that it is impossible to live in this world and not have the opportunity to become offended. Yet most believers are shocked, bewildered, and amazed when it happens. We believe we are the only ones who have been wronged. This response leaves us vulnerable to a root of bitterness. Therefore we must be prepared and armed for offenses because our response determines our future. 

And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare [entrapment] of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will. —2 Timothy 2:24–26.

Scriptures: 2 Timothy 2:24-26, Revelation 3:14-20, Revelation 3:18, Hebrews 3:13, Isaiah 48:10

The Problem With Human Pride 

Pride keeps you from dealing with truth. It distorts your vision. You never change when you think everything is fine. Pride hardens your heart and dims the eyes of your understanding. It keeps you from the change of heart—repentance—that will set you free. (See 2 Timothy 2:24–26.) 

Pride causes you to view yourself as a victim. Your attitude becomes, “I was mistreated and misjudged; therefore, I am justified in my behavior.” You hold back forgiveness because you believe you are innocent and falsely accused. Though your true heart condition is hidden from you, it is not hidden from God. Just because you were mistreated, you do not have permission to hold on to an offense. Two wrongs do not make a right! 

In the Book of Revelation, Jesus addressed the church of Laodicea by first telling them how they saw themselves as rich, wealthy, and needing nothing, then by exposing their true condition—“wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked” (Rev. 3:14–20). They had mistaken their financial strength for spiritual strength. Pride hid their true condition. 

Jesus’ first instruction for breaking free from deception was to “buy from Me gold refined in the fire” (Rev. 3:18). 

Refined gold is soft and pliable, free from corrosion or other substances. When gold is mixed with other metals (copper, iron, nickel, and so on), it becomes hard, less pliable, and more corrosive. This mixture is called an alloy. The higher the percentage of foreign metals, the harder the gold becomes. Conversely, the lower the percentage of alloy, the softer and more flexible the gold is. 

Immediately we see the parallel: A pure heart is like pure gold— soft, tender, and pliable. Hebrews 3:13 states that hearts are hardened through the deceitfulness of sin! If we do not deal with an offense, it will produce more fruit of sin, such as bitterness, anger, and resentment. This added substance hardens our hearts just as alloys harden gold. This reduces or removes tenderness, creating a loss of sensitivity. We are hindered in our ability to hear God’s voice. Our accuracy to see is darkened. This is a perfect setting for deception. 

Now look at what God says: 

Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. —Isaiah 48:10 

God refines with afflictions, trials, and tribulations, the heat of which separates impurities such as unforgiveness, strife, bitterness, anger, envy, and so forth from the character of God in our lives.

Scriptures: Revelation 3:18, Galatians 6:8-9, Proverbs 18:19

Offense is taken down when we see the world clearly 

Jesus said our ability to see correctly is another key to freedom from deception. When we are offended, we often see ourselves as victims and blame those who have hurt us. We justify our bitterness, unforgiveness, anger, envy, and resentment as they surface. Sometimes we even resent those who remind us of others who have hurt us. For this reason, Jesus counseled, “Anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see” (Rev. 3:18). See what? Your true condition! That’s the only way we can “be zealous and repent,” as Jesus commanded next. You will only repent when you stop blaming other people. 

When we blame others and defend our own position, we are blind. We struggle to remove the speck from our brother’s eye while there is a log in ours. It is the revelation of truth that brings freedom to us. When the Spirit of God shows us our sin, He always does it so that it seems separate from us. This brings conviction, not condemnation. 

Without God, we can only love with a selfish love—one that cannot be given if it is not received and returned. However, agape loves regardless of the response. This agape is the love Jesus shed when He forgave from the cross. So “the many” Jesus refers to are Christians whose agape has grown cold. 

You need to realize that when you sow the love of God, you will reap the love of God. You need to develop faith in this spiritual law— even though you may not harvest it from the field in which you sowed or as quickly as you would like. 

“He who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption,” He explained, “but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” (See Galatians 6:8–9.) 

If more Christians recognized this, they wouldn’t give up and become offended. Usually, this is not the type of love we walk in. We walk in a selfish love that is easily disappointed when our expectations are unmet. 

A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle. —Proverbs 18:19 

We construct walls when we are hurt to safeguard our hearts and prevent any future wounds. We become selective, denying entry to all we fear will hurt us. We filter out anyone we think owes us something. We withhold access until these people have paid their debts in full. We open our lives only to those we believe are on our side. 

The focus of offended Christians is inward and introspective. We guard our rights and personal relationships carefully. Our energy is consumed with making sure no future injuries will occur. If we don’t risk being hurt, we cannot give unconditional love. Unconditional love gives others the right to hurt us. 

Love does not seek its own, but hurt people become more and more self-seeking and self-contained.

Scriptures: Numbers 23:19, Isaiah 55:8-9, 1 Corinthians 8:1-3, Matthew 24:11, Matthew 24:12, Matthew 7:15, 2 Timothy 3:1-5, 2 Timothy 4:3-4, Matthew 24:10,

Where Are You Getting Your Worldview From? 

When we filter everything through past hurts, rejections, and experiences, we find it impossible to believe God. We cannot believe He means what He says. We doubt His goodness and faithfulness since we judge Him by the standards set by man in our lives. But God is not a man! He cannot lie (Num. 23:19). His ways are not like ours, and His thoughts are not ours (Isa. 55:8–9). 

Offended people can find Scripture passages to back their position, but it is not the correct division of God’s Word. The knowledge of God’s Word without love is destructive because it puffs us up with pride and legalism (1 Cor. 8:1–3). This causes us to justify ourselves rather than repent of our unforgiveness. 

This creates an atmosphere in which we can be deceived because knowledge without the love of God will lead to deception. Jesus warns of false prophets immediately after His statement of many being offended: “Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive many” (Matt. 24:11). Who are the many they will deceive? The answer: the offended whose love has grown cold (Matt. 24:12). 

Jesus calls false prophets “wolves in sheep’s clothing” (Matt. 7:15). They are self-seeking men who give the appearance of being Christians (sheep’s clothing) but have the inward nature of a wolf. Wolves like to hang around sheep. They can be found in the congregation as well as in the pulpit. The enemy sends them to infiltrate and deceive. They must be identified by their fruits, not by their teachings or prophecies. Often the teaching can appear sound, whereas the fruit in their lives and ministries is not. A minister or a Christian is what he lives, not what he preaches. 

But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be . . .unforgiving . . . having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!…For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; and they will turn their ears away from the truth. —2 Timothy 3:1–5; 4:3–4 

Notice that they will have a form of godliness or “Christianity,” but they will deny its power. How will they deny its power? They deny that Christianity can change them from being unforgiving to forgiving. They will boast of being followers of Jesus and proclaim their “new birth” experience, but what they boast of has not been allowed to pierce their hearts and bring forth the character of Christ. 

And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another. —Matthew 24:10

Scriptures: Matthew 24:10, 1 John 3:15, 1 Corinthians 6:7, Philippians 2:3, 1 Peter 2:21-23, 1 Peter 4:8

Betrayal Leads to a Dark Path 

And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another. —Matthew 24:10 

Let’s examine this statement. If we look closely, we can see a progression. An offense leads to betrayal, and betrayal leads to hatred. Offended people build walls for protection. Our focus becomes self-preservation. We must be protected and safe at all costs. This makes us capable of betrayal. When we betray, we seek our own protection or benefit at the expense of someone else—usually someone with whom we are in relationship. 

Thus, a betrayal in the kingdom of God comes when a believer seeks his own benefit or protection at the expense of another believer. The closer the relationship, the more severe the betrayal. To betray someone is the ultimate abandonment of covenant. When betrayal occurs, the relationship cannot be restored unless genuine repentance follows. 

Betrayal then leads to hatred with serious consequences. The Bible states clearly that anyone who hates his brother is a murderer and that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him (1 John 3:15). 

How sad that we can find example after example of offense, betrayal, and hatred among believers today. It is so rampant in our homes and churches that it is considered normal behavior. We are too numb to grieve when we see minister taking minister to court. It no longer surprises us when Christian couples sue one another for divorce. Church splits are common and predictable. Ministry politics are played at an all-time high. It is disguised as being in the best interest of the kingdom or the church. 

“Christians” are protecting their rights, making sure they are not mistreated or taken advantage of by other Christians. Have we forgotten the exhortation of the new covenant? 

Why do you not rather accept wrong? Why do you not rather let yourselves be cheated? —1 Corinthians 6:7 

Have we forgotten the words of Jesus? 

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. —Philippians 2:3 

Why don’t we live by these laws of love? Why are we so quick to betray rather than lay down our lives for one another, even at the risk of being cheated? The reason: Our love is cold, which results in our still seeking to protect ourselves. We can no longer confidently commit our care to God when trying to care for ourselves. 

When Jesus was wronged, He did not wrong in return but committed His soul to God, who would judge righteously. We are admonished to follow His steps. 

For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: “Who committed no sin, nor was deceit found in His mouth”; who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously. —1 Peter 2:21–23 

By now, you see how serious the sin of offense is. If it is not dealt with, offense will eventually lead to death. But when you resist the temptation to be offended, God brings great victory. 

Declarations Against Offense 

Holy Spirit, when an offense comes to me that is more challenging than those for which I have already been spiritually trained, I will allow Your power to bring freedom and healing for any wounds or injuries I have experienced from the offense. 

Father, keep me from trying to do things in the strength of my own soul, which will only make me more susceptible to falling. I will admit my true condition, seek Your strength, and be open to Your correction. 

Holy Spirit, infuse my prayer with life, not death. Bless the one who has wounded me, and reveal Yourself to him [or her] in a greater way. Fill their life with Your presence, and lead them into greater intimacy with You. 

Teach me to have a genuine love for those who have wronged me, for godly, mature love will cover a multitude of sins (1 Pet. 4:8).