Are You Really Ok?

Scriptures: 2 Corinthians 12:9-11, John 16:33, Psalms 46:1, John 5:8

It breaks my heart to hear the myths and lies that Christians believe about depression and mental illness in general, and the shame that can be felt surrounding this topic. As I’ve interacted with more and more people on this topic, I’ve noticed that there are a few false ideas that continue to be perpetuated among believers. 

First and foremost is the false notion that you must be “weak” if you struggle with mental illness, as though your struggle is a reflection of your strength. Second, and one that I hear most often, is that a struggle with mental illness signifies a lack of faith or a problem in your walk with the Lord. Third, a false statement that tends to circulate among Christians is that the only thing you need to get through the struggle is prayer and God’s Word. These statements couldn’t be farther from the truth and cause so much damage inside people who are struggling. If you’ve ever heard or said any of the false statements above, here’s what you really need to understand: 

1. Your Struggle Is Not a Reflection of Your Strength

Your struggle does not indicate a weakness; in fact, those who struggle with mental health issues are usually the strongest. If life is a journey, those who are living with the hardships of mental health issues are the ones who are living life with an extra 50-pounds of burden on their shoulders, yet still taking the same steps as the person next door. Steps that reflect faithfulness, steps that reflect hope, and steps that reflect remarkable and courageous strength. 

Strength doesn’t mean a lack of struggle; strength means getting through each day. Strength means asking for help. Strength means understanding your limitations and resetting your expectations during times of struggle. Strength means hearing the words of discouragement yet choosing not to believe them. Strength means clinging to the truth. Strength means believing there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even when you can’t see it. And ultimately, strength means recognizing that when we are feeling weak, there is One who makes us strong (2 Corinthians 12:9-11). When God is our strength, nothing and no one can stop us.

2. Your Struggle Is Not a Reflection of Your Faith 

Not only is it false to believe that struggling with mental health issues is a reflection of your faith, but it’s the antithesis of the entire message of Christ. As believers, we are never promised a pain-free, disease-free, struggle-free life. In fact, Jesus reminds us that in this world we will struggle (John 16:33). But in our struggle, we’re promised a Savior, a Comforter, and a Friend. I look back at the hardest moments I have faced with depression and anxiety, and I see Jesus right by my side. My ever-present help in time of need (Psalm 46:1). 

I remember crying out one night and feeling all alone, and just then God’s presence overwhelmed me. Just when I needed it the most. Mental health struggles have nothing to do with lack of faith; in fact, for me and for so many others, the struggle has been the catalyst for even deeper faith. Because some days, in the hardest moments, faith was the only thing I had to hold on to. 

3. Your Struggle Can Be Alleviated 

Through my journey of depression and anxiety, I’ve learned that faith and action go hand in hand. When we have faith, we move. When Jesus healed the paralytic at the pool of Bethesda, He told him to “get up… and walk” (John 5:8). Walking while paralyzed doesn’t seem possible—just as impossible as it often seems to be able to “live” while struggling with mental illness. But Jesus reaches out His hand and tells us to get up and walk. Take the next step. Move the part of your body that you believe to be dead and dying. Take action. And trust God to give you the strength you need to take that next step. Taking action in this area of our life means understanding the role that counseling and medication play in alleviating our struggles. They’re the primary means of taking initiative toward mental health, and they’re effective!

Just as we would never shame a cancer patient or a diabetic for their hurting bodies, we need to shift our perspective to see mental illness as a struggle of the brain and body. Only then will we be able to treat it in a proper way. There are many causes of mental illness, and whether it’s rooted in trauma, hormones, chemical imbalance, or stress, it seeps into every part of our life. Our perspective of mental health illness needs to change so that we can learn to embrace and support those in it, pushing them toward healing instead of pushing them away. 

Don’t let cynicism, fear, or apprehension stop you from giving yourself the gift of healing. My deepest prayer is that, as a body of believers, our attitudes would shift and our hearts would change as we face this important issue—that we would create an environment where we embrace and encourage those who are struggling with mental illness and in pain, rather than pushing them away. 

Scriptures: Psalms 4:1, Psalms 4:8, Psalms 6:2-3, Psalms 6:6-7, Psalms 9:1-2, Psalms 13:2, Psalms 13:5, Psalms 16:9-11, Psalms 18:1, Psalms 28:7, Psalms 30:6, Psalms 43:5, Acts 13:22

How can we keep our feelings in check and in balance? Well, let’s start with what we shouldn’t do and talk through the things that will give your feelings power over you instead of the other way around. 

The worst thing we can do for our emotions is to simply ignore them. When we ignore or repress our emotions, the pressure begins to build underneath the surface, which eventually leads to an emotional rupture. At this point, your emotions are controlling you and not the other way around. 

The second thing we can do to let our emotions control us is to never question our emotions and simply respond to them as though they’re infallible. To trust your emotions too much is just as unhealthy as ignoring them altogether. Emotions are just a signal. So, if we shouldn’t totally ignore them, and we shouldn’t accept them without question, what’s the best response? As with most things in life, the best response comes with balance. 

The first two steps to taking control of our emotions would be the exact opposite of the things we do to allow our emotions to control us. First and foremost, in order to take control of our emotions, we need to acknowledge our emotions. We’ve got to know what’s going on inside in order to be able to deal with it. We have to learn to pay attention to our emotional world. 

One man who did a remarkable job of paying attention to his emotional life was King David. He was so in tune with how he was feeling, and the Psalms are full of emotional colors to prove it. David understood, felt, and expressed emotions from distress and sorrow all the way to gratitude and adoration. Take a moment to read through some of these verses from Psalms (emphasis added), looking for the emotion expressed and noting the deep awareness: 

• “Answer me when I call to you, my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; have mercy on me and hear my prayer” (Psalm 4:1). 

• “In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety” (Psalm 4:8).

• “Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint; heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long?” (Psalm 6:2-3). 

• “I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes” (Psalm 6:6-7). 

• “I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all of my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and rejoice in you” (Psalm 9:1-2). 

• “How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have agony in my heart?” (Psalm 13:2). 

• “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation” (Psalm 13:5). 

• “Therefore, my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body will also rest secure… You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence” (Psalm 16:9,11). 

• “I love you, Lord, my strength” (Psalm 18:1). 

• “My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him” (Psalm 28:7).

• “When I felt secure, I said, ‘I will never be shaken’ ” (Psalm 30:6). 

• “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” (Psalm 43:5). 

Isn’t it interesting that such an emotional and passionate man would be titled as a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22)? His heart was reflective of God’s heart: a God of passion and emotion—yet, a God with complete control of those passions and emotions. There’s something remarkably hopeful about knowing that my God knows, understands, and feels what I feel, yet that these emotions are not meant to control me, I’m meant to be controlled by His Spirit. 

This leads us to the second thing we need to do in order to take control of our emotions: We need to question our emotions. We have to line our emotions up to the measuring stick of truth, rather than the measuring stick of experience. Because what we feel experientially isn’t always based on truth. Sometimes, it’s based on our past, or on lies we’ve believed, or on the hurts we’ve experienced; yet sometimes, it’s based on truth. We have to question what we’re feeling and make sure it lines up to the reality of what we know to be true based on God’s Word.

Your emotions are real, but they aren’t always true. What’s true is God’s Word declared over your life. What’s true is your identity in Christ. What’s true is that in your weakness, Christ’s strength is made perfect. What’s true is the Holy Spirit at work in your life and in your situation. What’s true is that God promises to take every detail and work it together for your good. His truth supersedes what we feel. 

Scriptures: Matthew 3:16-17, 1 John 4:16, Galatians 3:5, Psalms 139:1, 1 John 3:20, 2 Corinthians 1:3, Isaiah 63:1, Isaiah 9:6, Revelation 19:11, Romans 8:31, Isaiah 53:5, Psalms 136, Psalms 145:13

There was a time in my life where I took the “do more” value statements of my childhood and transferred that onto my view of God. In my mind, God was proud of me when I accomplished something. The more I did, the more He loved me. But what happens when you can’t “do more”? What happens during those times in my life where I had to hit the pause button due to illness, depression, or heck, even a migraine? I remember believing that God must be disappointed in me when I had to stop my “doing.” 

Until one day when God replaced my view of Him with His truth. He challenged me to stop transferring my false beliefs onto Him and instead see Him for how He has revealed Himself through His Word. I was in my early twenties when I had this life-changing revelation. I was reading the story of Jesus’s baptism. I had read this story so many times before, but this time something stood out to me that never had before. 

As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:16-17). 

For the first time in my life, I saw it: God was pleased with Jesus before He had done anything significant. In fact, He hadn’t really done anything yet. The baptism of Jesus was the absolute start of His ministry journey. Before that, Jesus was just like any other young adult man with regard to His successes. He was a carpenter who made a living by building things, spent time with His family and friends and lay low in the world of accomplishments. Yet, God looked down on His Son and was well pleased. He was pleased because of who Jesus was to Him, not because of what Jesus did for Him. 

My eyes were opened to the reality of how I had transferred so much of my view of God from my childhood. The “work hard” mentality was coming more from what I had experienced and seen rather than from Scripture. I realized then and there that God was pleased with me because of who I was to Him, not because of what I did for Him. I allowed God’s Word to replace the false view I had transferred onto God—the view that had turned Him into something that reflected more of my history than His story. 

I wonder what—or who—has shaped your view of God. If I asked you to give me a list of words to describe God, what would you say? The average Christian will likely jump to the first good Christian, cookie-cutter answers that come to mind: that God is loving, good, strong, and mighty. But dig a little deeper than that. What do you really believe about God? For most of us, if we’re honest with ourselves, other words will end up making it onto the list. Ask yourself if you hold on to any of these beliefs about who God is: 

• Controlling

• Judging

• Vindictive

• Success driven

• Angry

• Ashamed of you

• Fed up

• Distant

• Demanding

• Unfair

• Unforgiving

• Apathetic

Your beliefs about God shape your relationship with Him and, ultimately, your spiritual health. You’ve got to take inventory of the things that you’ve transferred onto God over the years and allow the truth of His Word to overcome the template of your experiences. God wants us to stop seeing Him through the eyes of what others have told us, or through the things that have been done to us. He wants us to see Him for who He says He is and take Him at His Word. 

According to the truth of His Word, God is… 

• Love (1 John 4:16)

• Miracle working (Galatians 3:5)

• Ever present (Psalm 139:1)

• All-knowing (1 John 3:20)

• Father of mercies (2 Corinthians 1:3)

• Mighty to save (Isaiah 63:1)

• The Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6)

• Wonderful Counselor (Isaiah 9:6)

• Faithful and True (Revelation 19:11)

• For us (Romans 8:31)

• Our Healer (Isaiah 53:5)

• Rich in mercy (Psalm 136)

• Promise keeper (Psalm 145:13)

My friends, that is just a small glimpse of how God reveals Himself through His Word. Imagine if we could embrace the truth of who He is, rather than the false things we’ve believed Him to be. How could it impact our life? How would it impact our relationship with Him? 

Scriptures: John 8:32, 2 Corinthians 5:17, 1 Peter 2:9-10, Psalms 139, Colossians 2:14, 1 John 3:1, Colossians 2:10, Philippians 4:13, Philippians 4:19, Romans 8:2, Ephesians 1:7, Psalms 139:14, Isaiah 43:4, Genesis 1:27, Deuteronomy 31:6

Our identity is not only crucial to our emotional health, but it’s vital for our spiritual health because a large part of being a spiritually healthy person is found in being able to see ourselves the way that God sees us. Because how we see ourselves influences everything, including how we relate to God. Seeing ourselves how God sees us means seeing ourselves through the lens of truth—a lens that hasn’t been tainted by the sin and struggle of this world. And it’s only by seeing the truth that we can really be set free (John 8:32). 

Jesus came to begin something new. If we define ourselves by false labels, our God doesn’t just come to scribble pretty next to our ugly labels—He comes to obliterate the old labels. He comes to give us a brand-new identity by wiping the slate away and starting from scratch, beginning all over again. The apostle Paul reminds us, “Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” (2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT). Starting from scratch with our identity can be a difficult process, especially when we’ve believed lies about ourselves for so long. That’s why this process cannot be accomplished outside of God’s Word. 

Years ago, long before I met my husband, I went through a difficult breakup. I had wrapped up so much of my identity in trying to find the right person that, after the relationship was over, I felt like I had lost myself. I spent a lot of time unpacking who I was during that season of my life. 

God’s Word was such a crucial part in the process of beginning to download the truth of who I was standing alone. My eyes began to open to the reality of who I was in Christ, and what it meant for me to live out of truth. I can say with confidence that this time in my life was another layer of healing that God was bringing to my spirit and soul, moving me closer to becoming healthy and whole. This was the season that God was longing to bring healing into my beliefs about myself. But in order to heal from those beliefs, I had to come face-to-face with them.

I knew that the one and only thing I could look to for a solid understanding of my identity was what God was saying about me. His view of me is always the same—no matter what. He sees me through the lens of truth, and that’s exactly how I needed to begin seeing myself. I opened His Word and began to download His truth into my mind and allow it to make its way into my spirit. God’s Word spoke over my blank slate and told me exactly what I needed to hear: 

• That I have a purpose: “You are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling” (1 Peter 2:9 msg).

• That I am accepted: “You are… to tell others of the… difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted” (1 Peter 2:9-10 msg). 

• That I am noticed: “You have searched me, Lord, and you know me” (Psalm 139). 

• That I am forgiven: “He has taken [your sin] away, nailing it to the cross” (Colossians 2:14). 

• That I am loved: “What great love the Father has lavished on us” (1 John 3:1). 

These are the labels I needed to place over my life and heart. These are the truths I needed to begin believing to counteract the lies. 

I don’t know what labels you have been carrying, but I do know God’s Word can speak truth and love onto those labels—no matter how awful or real they may feel. Though we can’t change our past experiences, we can change what we allow ourselves to believe as a result of those experiences. This is where we can take back power and control over the false things that have been spoken over us, or maybe even the false things we end up speaking over ourselves. 

For those of us who are currently walking with Jesus, we must be intentional about regularly replacing the lies with truth. It’s not a once and done process; we’re constantly being bombarded with lies—lies that can quietly begin to make their home in our hearts if we’re not evicting them with the truth. Because human experiences are so different and unique, each of us needs to find the truth that speaks over our unique lies. Let’s look at some of God’s truths found in Scripture. Ask yourself which of these truths you need to use to counteract the labels and lies you have believed: 

• I am complete (Colossians 2:10). 

• I am capable through Christ (Philippians 4:13). 

• I am taken care of (Philippians 4:19). 

• I am free (Romans 8:2).

• I am redeemed (Ephesians 1:7).

• I am wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). 

• I am precious (Isaiah 43:4). 

• I am created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). 

• I am protected (Deuteronomy 31:6).

I challenge you to dig into God’s Word and come face-to-face with what you believe about yourself—and whether or not it lines up with the truth. We need to become people who believe truth over lies because what we believe about ourselves determines the level of our spiritual health. And what we believe about ourselves determines the kind of life we live. 

Scriptures: Exodus 20:5-6, Deuteronomy 30:19, Psalms 139:14, Genesis 1:27, Ephesians 1:4

You are a creature of habit. You come to the table with patterns in what you feel, how you think, and what you do. In fact, research shows us that it’s not necessarily what you want that makes you do the things you do; it’s the strength of your habits. The more you do something, the more likely you are to do it again. Even your intentions take a backseat to your patterns. Even if you want to do something differently, what ends up winning, in the end, is what you practice regularly. Patterns have a tendency to trump intentions. 

Take, for instance, how you fold your hands together. Take a second to fold your hands. Which thumb is on top? Your right thumb, or left thumb? For me, it’s my left thumb that finds its way to the top (even though I’m right-handed). It is what it is: a pattern. You’ll see what I mean in just a moment because now I want you to put the book down again, and this time, I want you to try your hardest to quickly fold your hands together again but this time trying to let the thumb of the opposite hand rest on top. Ready? One… two… three.

How did you do? If you’re anything like me or the majority of people who do this exercise, it took you a second to get it right! You had to really think about it this time. And maybe you couldn’t even do it! Your body has been doing the same thing for so long that it eventually becomes the default way of how you do things. It’s automatic, a pattern you practice that eventually turns into a process. The same goes for so many other areas in your life. The more you feel, do, think, or experience something, the more it becomes part of your process. 

The human brain is malleable, meaning it can be influenced. When your brain—the supercomputer that controls your emotions, thoughts, and body—is exposed to the same or a similar thing over and over again, it naturally begins repeating those things without your permission. 

One of the ways I teach this concept to clients is by having them picture water trickling down a mountain. Eventually, the water will come down to the point of least resistance, creating a path. More water will trickle down that same path, and eventually, a groove will form in the rock, allowing for more water to pass through. Before you know it, you have a river that’s getting deeper and deeper with each pass through. Our brains work much the same way. The more we implement patterns into our life, the more set in our ways we become. And this is why it’s crucial to begin recognizing our patterns. Because patterns lead to our process, and process leads to the way we do life. 

When it comes to emotional health, it’s extremely important to understand that there is a certain set of patterns that you engage in as well as patterns that have been passed down to you. Patterns in what you feel, influence how you think, which in turn impact what you do. Patterns that have been passed down from your parents, that they learned from their parents, that they learned from their parents. And if you don’t recognize those patterns and adjust those patterns as needed, they will eventually become your process. 

In the book of Exodus, we’re introduced to a passage of Scripture that theologians often refer to as the “generational curse,” wherein God says to the Israelites, “I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments” (20:5-6). 

But a generational curse isn’t some mystical hocus-pocus. Instead, most theologians agree that it’s a pattern that has been passed down from one generation to the next. As Mark Hanegraaff, president of the Christian Research Institute puts it,

If your family line is marked by divorce, incest, poverty, anger, or other ungodly patterns, you’re likely under a generational curse. The Bible says that these curses are tied to choices. Deuteronomy 30:19 says we can either choose life and blessing or death and cursing… Our families have the greatest influence on our development, including the development of our patterns of sin.

Our emotional health is impacted by the generations before us, and it’s important for us to recognize the patterns so that we can begin changing the process. 

The Bible tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made inside the womb—before we’ve even had a chance to do anything (Psalm 139:14)—and created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27) and chosen by God before the foundations of the world (Ephesians 1:4). There’s so much less do and so much more be throughout the pages of Scripture. It took a while for me to begin to understand the patterns I had been carrying and allow myself to exchange my patterns for God’s. In order for me to find emotional healing, I had to break the cycle of performance-based value and choose to see myself as already wonderful, already chosen, and already loved by God. 

Scriptures: Matthew 22:39, Luke 6:12-13, Mark 4:35-40, Mark 6:31-32, Luke 5:16, Mark 1:35

Many Christians tend to have an adverse reaction to the word self-care. There’s an underlying false (and, might I add, dangerous) belief that the word self-care is somehow selfish. It’s an assumption that leads to the false notion that to focus on caring for yourself means to stop focusing on God and others. But the two are not mutually exclusive. In fact, Jesus Himself modeled the principles of self-care in how He lived His life.

I always point to the scripture that reminds us to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39). Jesus chose that specific set of words for a specific reason. I wonder if it’s because He knew that loving God and loving others weren’t mutually exclusive with loving ourselves. I wonder if it’s because He knew that self-loathing and self-neglect were just as harmful as vanity and self-centeredness. When we stop caring for ourselves, we become empty. Ironically, empty people are the most self-centered and self-absorbed of all. By not caring for ourselves, we become self-focused—the very thing we were trying to avoid in the first place.

Jesus knew the importance of fueling up long before He got to empty. And He modeled that to us in three specific ways:

1. He surrounded Himself with the right people. Jesus was so good at cultivating community. He hand-selected the people who would walk by His side in the give-and-take of true friendship. They did ministry together, but they also had fun together. They went to weddings, they ate meals together, they visited friends together, and they simply enjoyed each other’s company. We can learn so much from the idea of seeing our friendships and community as a crucial part of keeping ourselves healthy and filled up. This is such a practical part of the picture of self-care. Jesus didn’t haphazardly choose His people; He prayerfully chose His people. Scripture tells us that He had spent an entire night in prayer before choosing who would be His disciples the next morning (Luke 6:12-13). What type of people are you surrounding yourself with, and are they people who help to fill you up, or do they wear you down? Taking care of yourself means being deliberate about who you allow to surround you.

2. He took time to rest. The idea of Jesus sleeping makes me feel the importance of recharging in my own life. It’s actually arrogant for me to think I don’t need it when God Himself took the time to prioritize it. Mark 4:35-40 tells of one such story when Jesus had just finished a significant day of ministry. There were still crowds, and there were still needs to be met, but even so, Jesus recognized His own needs and the need of His disciples for rest. “Let’s go over to the other side,” He told them. And they took the boat to the other side of the lake for a little peace and quiet. In fact, Jesus climbed in the boat, went down to the stern, and fell asleep on a cushion, sleeping right through a big storm until His disciples woke Him up to make it stop (Mark 4:38)! He made time to rest, and He encouraged His disciples to do the same (Mark 6:31-32). It makes me smile to think of Jesus in this way, in tune with His own needs and the needs of others.

3. He loaded up on prayer. Jesus knew that self-care wasn’t complete until He allowed Himself to be filled up by connecting with the Father. He made time for prayer, unplugging from everything and everyone else to plug into God. Luke 5:16 finds Him withdrawing to “lonely places” to pray. A few chapters later, we see Jesus committing an entire evening to prayer, spending the whole night connecting with God (Luke 6:12). Talk about a time of filling up! Another time, we see Jesus waking up while it was still dark, before the sun was even out, just to make sure to get that time alone to pray (Mark 1:35). Jesus knew the importance of prayer as His lifeline to the Father. Scripture is full of these examples! It challenges me to take inventory of my own heart and my own tendency to “fill up” on things that don’t really fill me up. 

I’m asking God to change my heart in this important area of self-care. To see His presence in my life and His filling of my heart as a desperate need, rather than just a bonus. And I wonder if maybe, just maybe, you need to ask God for the same.