You’ve just experienced a tough break up. You sacrificed so much and now you feel like you’ve lost a part of your identity. You feel like God has forgotten about you and you know He has a plan but you’re tired of waiting. What do you do? This 7 day devotional will guide you through the healing process as you break free and make room for God’s promises for you.
David & Ella
Day 1
Scriptures: Isaiah 43:18-21, John 14:27
How Do I Overcome the Disappointment?
When you first get out of a relationship, the last thing you want to hear is, “God has better plans for you”. While healing from a break-up, it’s hard to understand why things didn’t go your way. You believe that if that relationship worked out, you’d truly be happy. Even if the relationship wasn’t the best, it was good enough for you to invest in, but now you have…nothing. You fed the relationship as if it was your child and invested so much time, just to have…nothing.
It’s hard to believe that your broken heart is a part of your loving Father’s plan for you. Why is He allowing this to happen to you? Isaiah 43: 18-19 says “Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be Alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?” (MSG) In order for God’s plan to come through, something has to break. Trust that God’s plan for your life is breaking through the walls of everything that was restricting your potential from being released. Do you not “see” what God is doing? He said He is doing a new thing in your life but the old has to go, to make room for the new to come. You may have thought that the old was the best you’ll ever get, but God knows your life from beginning to end. Therefore, He knows if you’re settling or if now is not the right time.
A piñata, when broken, explodes with treats. Likewise you, broken hearted, can explode with a depth of power unfamiliar to this world. Of course its difficult to see the new thing that God is doing! With the disappointment you are feeling, why wouldn’t it be? To you, this break up feels like the end of the road for your love life. You might think that no one will ever love you, that you’ll be alone forever, or that you’re not good enough for a lasting relationship. Meanwhile, God sees this as the beginning of true love for you; a time when you learn to receive His love, to truly love yourself, and to then love those around you as you ought to.
Day 2
Scriptures: Hebrews 12:11-12, Romans 8:18, James 1:6-7
Recovering From the Pain.
Despite feeling tough sometimes, this breakup is still painful. It’s like cutting away part of your body and you feel like you’re expected to heal immediately. But God doesn’t want you to dismiss your pain, or for you to pretend like you feel no pain. Instead, He wants you to be honest with Him as He helps you through it..
Surgical removal procedures are done to remove things that are considered life threatening to the body. After a surgery, you’re not expected to jump back into your usual routine like everything is perfect. You have to go through a healing process, and prayer is an essential part of this. Prayer is like your medication. Believe that something is truly happening when you pray, but just like any other medication, you have to consistently take it and follow instructions. Don’t be double minded or undecided in your prayers. Pray with belief that God will come through.
James 1:6-7 tells us that a double minded person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. When we go before God to ask for anything, we must ask with faith that He is our healer and has declared us “whole.” Live with Romans 8:18 in your heart in this season and remain hopeful about the glory to come. Believe it or not, one day you will thank God for this pain, and the lessons you learned. After investing so much into this relationship, your body needs to recover, so please don’t rush the process. The pain goes even deeper than just our human bodies and we can feel spiritually wounded also… Fear not, Dr. Jesus is more than ready to operate on your heart and guide you through rehab.
Day 3
Scriptures: Matthew 11:30, Psalms 55:22, Joshua 1:9
Carrying the Baggage.
The pain of a break up can sometimes leave us feeling insecure, unattractive, and unwanted. We sometimes don’t realize it but without healing from the damage of a breakup, we end up carrying the burden of guilt and shame; and it weighs down on so much in our lives, including our self-concept, our standards, and our values.
With your self-concept diminished, you are more likely to also lower your standards to self-medicate the negative feelings. So now, you begin to tolerate and accept some of the things you swore you never would. Then, to accommodate your lowered standards, you end up compromising your values.
The baggage that weighs you down after breakups is not for you to carry. In Matthew 11:30, Jesus says “My yoke is easy, my burden is light”. Therefore, if you ever feel like you’re being weighed down to the point of compromising values and moving into relationships with a defeated mindset, you should consider whether or not you’ve held on to dead weight that doesn’t belong to you. Shame has a way of convincing you that your baggage is yours to carry and that your problem is yours to fix. Meanwhile, God is edging you to surrender all to Him so that He can bring you the simplicity and lightness that comes from walking with Him.
Day 4
Scriptures: Jeremiah 29:11, 1 John 5:14-15, Revelation 21:4
Letting It All Go.
We’ve heard it a million times, “let go, and let God”. If only this was as easy to do, as it is to say! As difficult as this process is, it is needed for healing to take place. Letting go can look differently depending on the situation. It can be letting go of the hope of rekindling a fire that God was not a part of starting, it can be letting go of the weight of disappointment by forgiving the person who hurt you, or it can be letting go of the mindset that convinces you that you don’t deserve love and should just settle if you plan on ever being in a relationship again.
Letting go is painful because it causes you to step into the unknown again, leaving behind what was familiar and comfortable. But, if you want God to breathe life into your love life, you have to let go of the pen that you’re holding and allow God to write your Love Story. Let go of the plans that you two made together, the plans for your future, plans for your wedding. Write them all down, and tell God you’re letting them go and trading them in for His best. When God interrupts your life, He’s not ruining your life, He’s actually stopping you from ruining it for yourself. But He won’t force you into anything. You can choose to go back and dwell in a dead relationship or you can let go and be still.
To let go sounds dreadful, but tis a privilege to be able to do so. Have faith that when God created you, He had a plan for your entire life, including your love life. Don’t forget that relationship and marriage are God’s ideas. He knows the desires of your heart, and if He did not forget to create you then He won’t forget about His plans for your life. That’s your Dad, and He wants you to be happy.
Day 5
Scriptures: Psalms 9:10, Exodus 34:14, Romans 8:28
God Wants Your Undivided Attention.
What if this heartbreaking experience was divinely orchestrated by God? It’s not that He’s cruel or mean, but maybe He just loves you so much, in a strange kind of way. Would you believe that God might have been jealous of all that you were pouring into your partner and/or relationship?
Scripture teaches us that God is a jealous God, and He despises the idea of us having idols (anything that we put before Him). Unlike the selfish jealousy that we’re accustomed to in this world, God is jealous FOR us, not OF us. In other words, He’s jealous when we put anything before Him, not because He’s hungry for our attention, but because He’s aware of our God-given hunger for Him. Because He does not want us to be deprived of our sole Life Source, Himself, He becomes jealous when we put anything before Him.
So rather than spending time reminiscing and worrying, ask God to help you see His intentionality in allowing the breakup to occur. That way, you can maximize the time you have to give Him your undivided attention.
How does it feel to know that God might not have simply allowed the breakup to happen, but might have orchestrated it? If you believe that God has your best interest at heart, can you believe that this break up was for your best interest?
Day 6
Scriptures: Matthew 18:9, Proverbs 4:23, Matthew 10:29-30
Breaking Off Ties.
The most necessary steps in dealing with a tough break up are the most difficult ones. While there’s a strong desire to hold on to those things that remind you of your ex or the good times in the relationship, it’s important that you become proactive in guarding yourself from things that will cause you to go back mentally and ruminate about a relationship that you know God Himself has already declared “finished.”
The RnB star, Ne-Yo, had to change his “answering machine.” You might have to unfollow or unfriend this person on a social media platform, you might have to delete photos of the two of you from your phone, or you might have to block the person’s number. You, more than anyone, know what steps need to be taken to break off ties from your previous partner.
Don’t worry about appearing mean or rude, but understand that to bring closure, you actually need to close some doors. You may want to continue the friendship with this person and God may very well be calling you to do that. If so, be conscious of your emotions and be honest with yourself about the pace that you can handle. Maybe you are able to walk right into a friendship with the individual, but chances are, you will need time in separation for God to operate on your heart.
Day 7
Scriptures: Isaiah 55:9, Psalms 37:4, Psalms 139:14-17
WAIT.
Despite the pain, hurt, and damage that your ex caused you, you still miss the relationship and the sense of security and comfort it provided. Despite the abuse you might have experienced, you miss the sense of belonging to someone. Because you became so accustomed to the relationship, suddenly being single can make you feel like a fish out of water. Although being single can feel uncomfortable now, your patience is important during this season.
Fight the urge to suddenly jump into a relationship for the sake of convenience and comfort. Finding a rebound, someone to temporarily fill the void left by your ex-partner, presents a momentary reward, but can leave you with long term regret and pain. This attempt at self-medicating your pain only prolongs the healing process.
It’s important to recognize that singleness is not loneliness and it should not bring you any fear or embarrassment. Singleness is actually very sacred and God wants you to honor this time by giving it completely to Him. God cares about your love life. He gave us the greatest love story ever, by giving us Jesus. Today make a declaration that you will not allow the voices within you or the voices around you to lead you astray from God’s plan for your life. From this day forward you are Breaking free from the old, with your arms wide open to receive God’s very best.
