Broken Pieces: Repairing the Damage of Infidelity

Scriptures: Proverbs 3:5-7, Matthew 11:28, John 8:36

“What am I doing?” “How did I get here?” “What was I thinking?” “How will I ever recover from this?” These were some of the questions that came to mind the day I finally came to myself and realized I had drifted so far away from the man God called me to be. Along with feeling the guilt and shame of my infidelity, I was also embarrassed, afraid and paranoid. All of these emotions were a result of my careless decision to cheat on my wife and my decision to break the covenant not only in my marriage but also my covenant with God. Words can’t begin to describe the deep hurt I caused my wife and the way my heart sank when I realized how crushed she was because of my poor choices and selfishness. Knowing that I was the reason for the tears falling from her face and I was the one who ripped her heart to shreds, obliterating her trust and confidence in me, caused me to sink deep into the abyss of despair and depression. But what right did I have to sulk and have a pity party for myself since I was the one who made this mess in the first place? There was no one else to blame but myself. This was the lowest point in my life. I hit rock bottom. No amount of money, success or notoriety could ever get me out of the hole I dug for myself. It was at this critical point in my life that I realized I needed to surrender to Jesus and let Him truly become Lord of my life. Doing it my way was not working at all. In my own logic, I thought I could get away with the lies, cheating, the secrets and the double-life I was living but it was only a matter of time before it would catch up to me and I would be brought to the place of total surrender. By the power of the Holy Spirit and through the saving grace of Jesus Christ, I laid it all at the foot of the cross and gave my heavy burden of sin and shame to Him. He began a new work in my life and transformation started taking place.

God gave me a second chance that I didn’t deserve. He surrounded me with mentors who helped me set boundaries and held me accountable. I began reading God’s word and applying it to my daily life. Prayer became my lifeline and as a result, there was a shift in my marriage. God renewed my covenant with my wife and healed a lot of deep wounds in our relationship. So I made a deal with God and that’s why you’re reading this devotional plan today. I promised God that if He gave me a second chance, I would be a witness for Him and unashamedly tell others about how I was drowning in a lifestyle of infidelity, deception and iniquity and how God saved my life and my marriage as well as the practical steps it took to create healthy habits of being faithful to my wife, living a guilt-free lifestyle, daily devotion to God through prayer, applying His word and surrounding myself with other men of God who have a desire to do the same.

You may be a man who knows exactly what it feels like to harbor secrets because you’ve been unfaithful to your wife. You might be someone who’s not yet married but needs advice on how to avoid the pitfalls of infidelity and adultery. Regardless of what side of the tracks you’re on, my prayer is that this reading plan would be a roadmap to recovery for you or a preventative means to keep you from making the same mistakes countless men worldwide have made that destroyed not only their reputation but also their marriage and their family.

NEXT STEPS: Set aside intentional time during the day to seek God in prayer as you begin this journey. I assure you there will be spiritual warfare and distractions because the devil knows once you allow God to fully have your heart, he will no longer have residency in your life. Be encouraged. The best is yet to come.

Scriptures: Romans 10:9-10, Ephesians 5:25, James 5:16, Psalms 32:3-5

The very first step to finding a solution to any problem is to first recognize that there is a problem. Oftentimes, men who cheat on their wives ignore the warning signs that they are beginning to veer off into the wrong lane of traffic in their marriage. We disregard the red flags and suppress all the signals and indicators that we are headed down the path of destruction. Similar to how the “check engine” indicator lights up next to the speedometer in your vehicle but you tell yourself everything will be fine and delay getting it checked out for months if not years and before you know it, your engine finally goes out and now you’re stuck with no transportation and thousands of dollars worth of damages and repairs. What could have been prevented if only you had pulled over to a service station to get the warning signs checked out and addressed the issue in the early stages, is now beyond repair and you’re on the verge of losing it all.

For a lot of men, infidelity happens due to brokenness in our lives. Whether that is brokenness stemming from trauma in our childhood, past relationships, or self-imposed brokenness from pornography, substance abuse, drugs, etc. Regardless of what the root cause is, you will never get free from it until you first admit you are broken. Say this with me, “I AM BROKEN.” Let that linger for a moment. Don’t scurry past this. Society and mainstream culture consider it a sign of weakness for men to admit they are broken or need help. But I will be the first to admit that it wasn’t until I realized my brokenness that I was able to begin the process of recovery and restoration in my marriage with my wife. The bible says in James 5:16 “Confess your faults one to another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” Although this is a painful and scary thing to do because of all the shame that comes along with confessing our faults, it is a very necessary step if you want to begin the healing journey.

Truth be told, the reason why many of us are stuck in a cycle of recklessness and brokenness is that we are unwilling to confess we have a problem and we need help. Now, let me make something very clear in no uncertain terms. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR CHEATING ON YOUR WIFE! So before we go any further, let’s go ahead and nip that in the bud right now. Your wife is a gift from God and just like you, she has flaws, makes mistakes and sometimes misses the mark, but that’s not justification to get your needs met elsewhere by having an affair. Furthermore, contrary to popular opinion, an emotional affair is still an affair! The devil is cunning and will try to deceive you into thinking that an affair is only physical, but that is far from the truth. Don’t think that just because you haven’t slept with another woman while you’re married that you’re in the clear. Think again.

This devotional is intended specifically for men who really want change. Let me inform you up front, this devotion is not filled with pie in the sky acronyms or three-to-five-step strategies for success. It is a raw, unfiltered and scripture-based reading plan for men who are tired of living a lie and are ready to get real with God and want to rebuild their marriage. If you’re not ready to leave the side-chick or if you’re not serious about being faithful to your wife and being a man of integrity, then I suggest you not waste your time going through the motions of this reading plan just to check the boxes. But if you are sick and tired of the devil having the final say in your life and in your marriage, then tighten up your bootstraps and let’s dig deeper into what God has for you.

NEXT STEPS: Write a list of the names of the people you’ve cheated on your wife with, the ones you’ve had inappropriate conversations with whether in person or via social media. Even the ones you’ve looked at with your eyes and desired to be intimate with. DO NOT SKIP THIS PROCESS! Once your list is completed, read Romans 10:9-10. Confess it to God. With a heart of repentance, take your list and burn it as an act of faith that you are forgiven.

Scriptures: Galatians 5:24, Philippians 2:12, Colossians 3:9, 1 Peter 3:7, 1 Corinthians 6:20

It’s the third day and that means a lot. First of all, thank you for staying with it so far. I can only imagine the tricks and schemes the devil has tried to use these past couple of days to distract you and entice you to give up. Secondly, the third day is symbolic because Jesus Christ rose on the third day, giving us the victory over sin and death through His resurrection. Since we were bought with a price, we now have access to the rights and benefits of the gift of salvation and eternal life through the finished work of Jesus on the cross. Hallelujah! There is nothing we could have done to earn this free gift of salvation. By grace, we can only receive it by faith. But there is still more work to be done as we work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. (Philippians 2:12)

Day three is going to get a little uncomfortable. Today I want you to look at your marriage from your wife’s point of view. Walk in her shoes for a moment. Imagine the pain, agony, embarrassment, resentment, bitterness, disgust, low self-esteem or lack of self-worth she may be dealing with because of the choice you made to be unfaithful to her. Sit there for a moment. Feel her pain. Fathom her struggle with the decision to leave or to stay. This won’t be easy so don’t be selfish and dismiss her feelings or expect her to just get over it because you asked God to forgive you. Yes, God is merciful and He is faithful and just to forgive us of our sin when we repent but the repercussions and consequences of our sinful actions still have lasting effects on our wives. Take some time to view your marriage from her vantage point. Her heart is broken. There was a lot of damage done. She probably feels inadequate, unattractive and confused to say the least. She has a lot of unanswered questions. So many things to process, analyze and address before there could ever be a sense of reconciliation or renewal between you two and that is something you have to accept and ask God for the patience to prepare for.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of men whose wives choose to call it quits and walk away from the marriage because of the infidelity and I sympathize with those men. There are others whose spouses were willing to stay in the marriage because they have hope that things can turn around for the better. I could’ve easily been in the first group but only by the grace of God, my wife chose to stay in the fight and I am eternally grateful. For those of you like me who were given a second chance, consider it a blessing and a gift from God. Now it’s time to rebuild trust with your bride. Over the next few days, I will give you some practical tips and recommendations on how to do just that: rebuild.

NEXT STEPS: Give your wife full access to your cell phone, tablet, laptop, computer, everything. Give her the passwords to your email, social media and bank accounts. Cut off all access from your past affairs and previous lovers. Burn all boats and bridges, getting rid of memorabilia such as text messages, emails, photos, videos, gifts, etc. Block them on social media, block their phone numbers, email addresses and other contact info. This should be done intentionally and without hesitation. You owe it to your wife and your marriage!

Scriptures: Genesis 2:18, Proverbs 11:14, Proverbs 17:17, 1 John 4:4

I want to begin today’s devotion by telling you how proud I am of you. It takes a lot of courage to resist the urge to give up and ignore the voices in your head telling you that you’re not strong enough to fight for your marriage because of your past failures and mistakes but I want to remind you that “greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world.” 1 John 4:4.

Today, we are going to discuss the power and necessity of accountability and community. This is a very important part of the process of rebuilding trust and confidence in your marriage. But I have to be honest with you. If you’re not willing to do the work, then chances are, it probably won’t work. One of the many tricks the devil uses to draw men away from God is isolation. Because he knows if he can isolate you, it’s much easier for him to convince you that you’re all alone and nobody cares about your struggles. It’s a good old game of divide and conquer. It’s the oldest trick in the book.

Did you know that God never designed for man to be alone? Genesis 2:18 says, “And the Lord said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone.” Not only did God create a helper (Eve) for Adam in the beginning, He has also created mankind for one another to live in community as we navigate through life’s many ups and downs. T.D. Jakes said it this way, “It is not good for man to be all one.” No man is an island and you are not meant to do life on your own, all alone. That is why it is essential to your daily faith walk to surround yourself with other men of God who can be a system of accountability and encouragement for you. Let me ask you a question and I want you to keep it 100 with me. Is there another man in your life right now that you can honestly say knows your secret struggles, weaknesses or tendencies? Is there someone right now that your wife can call and let them know you are out of line and in need of an intervention? Who is in your circle of influence that you respect, admire and trust enough to be honest with you to correct you when you are wrong and you are not offended? Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, but a brother is born for adversity.” I don’t care how strong you think you are, you cannot win this fight on your own. It’s not possible. And no disrespect but if you could do it on your own, you wouldn’t be in the mess that you’re in right now. Right?

I am an advocate for discipleship, mentorship and accountability. It has been a game-changer for me in my marriage. After so many years of secret affairs and deception, I got tired of being paranoid, covering my tracks, and just the everyday stress and anxiety of living a lie. I submitted myself to accountability first of all to my wife and secondly to wise counsel from men that I trusted enough to give me godly wisdom, encouragement and advice. Connecting with other brothers who were not just “yes men” but men who would shoot straight with me and give me scripture-based counsel and not just their opinions made a huge difference in my life. This was one of the best decisions I could’ve ever made. Any time I feel a sense of weakness or feel like I’m falling back into my old patterns, I can reach out to any of them and know with confidence they are going to pray for me and provide a safe place for me to open up and talk it through with them honestly and transparently. Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” God is not going to bring you this far for you to go back to business as usual. You were made for more and you deserve God’s best for your life and your marriage so keep fighting the good fight of faith my brother. You got this!

NEXT STEPS: Ask God for help to find other men who can hold you accountable. If you haven’t yet, consider getting therapy or counseling to help you navigate through the trauma of infidelity or any other sexual temptation you may be dealing with. Separate yourself from friends who encourage you to be unfaithful and compromise your integrity. Surround yourself with other godly men who esteem marriage and hold it in high regard. Don’t put it off any longer. Your marriage depends on it.

Scriptures: Psalms 119:11, Isaiah 1:18, Luke 4:4, Psalms 119:105, 2 Timothy 3:16

I enjoy watching action-packed movies. Especially the ones with plot twists and suspense. But even more exciting for me are the ones when the bad guys seem to have the upper hand, then out of nowhere the good guy comes to save the day. Imagine a feature film that involves a shootout between the bad guys and law enforcement. It’s the part in the movie where the drama is at its peak and the bad guys are cornered. They’ve used all their ammo and have run out of options with no place to hide. As the cops and task force are closing in with weapons drawn, you hear over the megaphone, “We have you surrounded! Come out with your hands up! I repeat, we have you surrounded. Come out with your hands up!” The bad guys are left with no other choice but to surrender or suffer dire consequences. So they come out with their hands up and, without resistance, they surrender.

Now I’m sure you’re asking, “What in the world does this have to do with anything we’ve been discussing over the past few days?” I’m glad you asked. Follow me. Let’s go back to the time when I got caught in the affair. I remember trying everything to keep it a secret and under wraps but I was exposed and there was no place to hide. I was at the end of the road. Conviction set in and I heard the Holy Spirit calling out to me, saying, “Enough is enough. It’s over. Come out with your hands up!” It was at that moment I knew I had to surrender and let God take over from there. It was one of the lowest times of my life but I knew I couldn’t keep living like this. It was only a matter of time before everything came crashing down and it finally did. And believe it or not, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. When God brought me out of that dark place of infidelity, it was at that point in my life that I turned it all over to Him. And when I say all of it, I literally mean all of it. All my bad habits, lustful desires, selfish tendencies and manipulative ways. I gave the Holy Spirit full reign over my life and God gave me instruction, guidance and direction through His word. The scriptures became a lifeline for me. I submitted myself to God’s word daily. It was not easy at first because I was conditioned to my old way of thinking but with the help of the Holy Spirit and through assembling together with other believers, God began to renew my mind, revive my soul and ultimately helped restore my marriage.

My brother, if you expect to have any hope of restoration or renewal, it is imperative that you surrender to God’s word and make it your daily supplement for survival. The psalmist said in Psalms 119:11 “Your word I have hid in my heart that I might not sin against You.” It is vitally important to not only read God’s word but to memorize it and apply it to your daily life. When you make God’s word the governing factor of your words, actions and mindset, the devil has no choice but to flee. There is power in the word of God!

NEXT STEPS: Set aside some time in your day to read God’s word. I suggest you do it during a time when you can minimize distractions and focus. Make it a goal to memorize at least one verse weekly. Let God’s word be your daily bread and allow the Holy Spirit to lead you. I’m praying for you.

Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 10:12-13, James 1:14, Romans 12:1, 1 Peter 5:8

About a year ago, I made a visit to my doctor for my annual physical exam. I knew I hadn’t been eating as healthy as I should have been but I go to the gym weekly so I was pretty confident everything would be fine as usual. After doing the standard observations and examination, my doctor asked me all the usual questions. If there have been any changes in my health habits, like if I’m a smoker, do I consume alcohol, etc. He also asked about family history. If there were things that are common in my family, such as heart disease, cancer, diabetes, etc. He then looked at his laptop and revealed some shocking results that had me shook. He said, “Lonnie, the results of your blood work came back and there are a few things that I’m concerned about. It looks like your levels are abnormal than usual and you’re going to have to make some drastic changes in your overall physical health.” My heart sank and I started thinking the worst. I immediately thought about my mother, who passed away at age 49 and my father who died of colon cancer at 51 and my paternal grandmother who had a stroke a year before she passed away and my maternal grandmother who also died of colon cancer. I thought about other family members who dealt with issues of high blood pressure, diabetes and high cholesterol. I knew that I had to make some drastic changes immediately. If not, there would be major consequences. Fortunately, the lab results of my blood work showed I was only at a borderline risk of hypertension and pre-diabetes which all could be remedied by losing a few pounds, healthy eating habits and better sleep. This was the impetus I needed to get it together and make some necessary changes in my overall physical well-being.

Maybe you’re a man who hasn’t cheated on your wife or had inappropriate interactions with another woman. Maybe you haven’t had an affair at all but you show all the signs of potentially crossing that line. It’s time to make some drastic changes to prevent the inevitable. Throughout this reading plan, I have been strategic in addressing men who have committed adultery or have had some type of extramarital affair whether emotional or physical. I realize not all men reading this devotional plan are unfaithful in their marriage. I believe you can learn from the mistakes of others instead of making those same mistakes on your own. But here’s a fact that a lot of men ignore: EVERY MAN is at risk of temptation and has the potential to fall. Never say what you will never do because you never know. A lot of men said they would never cheat on their wives or their taxes but they did. So before you get all puffed up and prideful thinking it can’t happen to you, think again and humble yourself lest you fall prey to satan’s deception and attacks. But here’s a ray of hope and encouragement. Although every man experiences temptation, God always provides a way out of it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

NEXT STEPS: It’s time for a soul check-up. Take an inventory of all the inappropriate apps on your smartphone or inappropriate websites, photos, videos, etc. that could potentially open the door for lust and sin to creep in and spread like wildfire in your marriage. Remove them immediately! Also, reevaluate the friendships, acquaintances or colleagues you work with that distract you from being a faithful husband.

Scriptures: Psalms 51:4, Isaiah 43:25, Acts 13:22, 2 Peter 3:9

Do you ever wonder why King David was considered a man after God’s own heart? Maybe it’s just me but when I really think about David, he was just a shepherd boy from the backside of the Judaean hills of Bethlehem who was later anointed king but abused his power, committed adultery and was a murderer. Yet he was still considered a man after God’s heart. Now I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed but I am quite aware that if a king who is also a warrior stays home instead of going to war with the other soldiers and engages in a rendezvous with another man’s wife, gets her pregnant and then has her husband killed in battle, is not a man who is seeking the heart of God. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the one to judge but how could David be considered a man after God’s own heart, considering his many transgressions? Make it make sense because something doesn’t add up here.

King David was not just a shepherd boy, he killed a lion and a bear with his bare hands. He was also a mighty man of valor and had some tremendous victories. He slayed the Philistine giant Goliath with only a slingshot. He fought and won many battles. In fact, King David would never go to war or fight a battle without first seeking God for direction. He is the only king in the Bible who never lost a battle. However, in spite of all his success, David had some flaws and failures. David was deceitful, hypocritical and an adulterer. As we look closer into the story of King David’s life, one thing that is undeniable is he was not only a worshipper but he also mastered the art of repentance and supplication. All throughout the Psalms in the Old Testament, we see how David poured his heart out to God, holding nothing back. When he felt separated from God because of sin, he cried out to God, repented and poured out his heart through his pen and wrote some of the most heartfelt and anointed songs and prayers that still resonate to this day.

King David had an adulterous affair with Bathsheba and then had her husband Uriah killed during war, God dealt with David’s sin and as a result, the child he and Bathsheba bore together died. But through it all, the adultery, the deception and the murder of an innocent man, God restored David and here’s the shouting part, our risen King Jesus Christ the Messiah came from David’s bloodline and the rest is history!

I don’t know about you but I can relate to David’s story in a lot of ways. We have a lot in common. Both good and bad. I can’t count how many times I was deceptive, hypocritical and unfaithful. Although I seemed like a public success, I was a private failure and God was not pleased with me. It was only a matter of time before God would humble me and bring me to my knees in repentance. All of the lies, cheating and manipulation caught up with me. I compromised my integrity, my reputation, my marriage and my relationship with God. But just like God gave David a second chance, He gave me another chance to get it right with Him and He restored my marriage. I believe without a shadow of a doubt that the same God who restored King David and restored a deceiver and manipulator like me, can also restore you if you repent (to completely turn away from your sin) and allow Him to have full residency in your heart. You are still God’s man for the job. Block out the noise from outsiders and naysayers who try to discredit you and continue to bring up your past. If you’re still here, that means God is not done. Keep going!

NEXT STEPS: Look at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that you are a man of God. You might have made a lot of mistakes in your past but God has given you a second chance and He is going to finish what He started in your life. Repeat after me: “GOD STILL LOVES ME.”

Scriptures: James 1:4, Isaiah 41:10, Joel 2:13, 1 Peter 5:6, James 1:19

It’s the eighth day of our time together on this journey of recovery, renewal and restoration. It is my hope and prayer that you’ve been putting in the work and making the necessary sacrifice of denying yourself and making your wife a top priority. If that is the case and things are starting to make a turn for the better, then I want you to take a moment to celebrate the small wins. My wife and I love celebrating the small victories because those are the ones that lead up to the big ones. Sadly enough, in a lot of marriage,s the small wins often go unnoticed or overlooked. Celebrating the small wins also gives you an opportunity to reflect on the day-to-day grind of doing the small things that make a big difference in the overall healing and restoration journey in your marriage, especially after a traumatic event like infidelity and heartbreak. And let’s be honest, navigating through the pain and sorrow of adultery is not easy at all. There are days when things seem to be going well. You both are smiling together, holding hands while walking through the grocery market or cuddling up on the sofa watching movies, enjoying quality time together and all of a sudden, out of nowhere her tears begin to flow and she’s an emotional wreck. This is when you resist the urge to be “Mr. Fix It” and you embrace her (if she allows you to) and reassure her that you’re here for her and you love her. Hold her tight. I would even suggest going a step further and letting her hear you say how much it hurts you that you put your marriage in this predicament. And really mean it. It won’t immediately stop the pain, but it will at least let her know you’re no longer running from the issue but embracing the process to heal from it. Furthermore, if she wants to talk about it, be ready to listen with an open heart and be willing to answer her tough questions without becoming defensive or short-tempered. You owe her that. And if you expect to rebuild her trust, this is a good starting point.

Can I share an honest moment with you? There were times earlier in my marriage, after I was unfaithful to my wife and we were in the process of healing, that I felt like she should be over certain things by now. I got so irritated with her because it seemed like she would question my every move or make resentful remarks when we would go to certain places together. It was very frustrating. And even though I was the cause of it all, in my mind I would think to myself, “How long is it going to take for her to just get over it?” It took all the strength I had in me to stop myself from blurting those words out of my mouth because I knew if I did, she would explode! It would be equivalent to a live volcano erupting and her wrath would be unleashed without constraint. I didn’t want the smoke, so I kept my mouth shut.

I can assure you that if you haven’t experienced it yet, there will be times when you are going to be tempted to ask her: “How long will it take for you to get over it?” So before you make the drastic mistake and ask, let me give you the answer to the question. Are you ready for it? Here it is: As long as it takes. That’s it. I wish I had a more eloquent answer for you bro but truth be told, everybody’s situation is uniquely different and there is no cookie-cutter answer for how long the healing process takes. That’s why you have to be willing to let the Lord lead you as you pray for wisdom and patience to walk with her step by step through the process while the Holy Spirit works on both of you from the inside out to strengthen the bond that was broken. And believe me when I tell you, it is definitely worth the wait.

NEXT STEPS: Write a handwritten love letter to your wife. Express your gratitude and appreciation for her willingness to stay in the fight for your marriage. Let her know how much she means to you and how she makes you want to be a better husband, father and man of God. Remind her of what drew you to her in the beginning and tell her how beautiful she is inside and outside. Let her know you are committed to her and your marriage. Once you’ve written the letter, place it on her pillow and let God do the rest.

Scriptures: Psalms 103:2, John 6:37, Romans 5:20, 2 Corinthians 5:17, 1 Peter 5:10

During my time as a communications consultant over the past 20 years, God has afforded me the privilege of working with some of the world’s largest telecommunications companies. I’ve been blessed to have a seat at the table with some of the most brilliant minds in the telecom industry. One of the cool things that came with my role was being privy to new technology and having hands-on experience with previewing the latest and greatest smartphones and tech gadgets in the industry. One of the things I found most intriguing about my experience was no matter how mind-blowing or amazing some of these devices were or how intuitive and cutting-edge they seemed to be, they were still susceptible to viruses, spyware or malfunctioning and oftentimes required a factory reset and regular software updates in order to perform at its maximum capacity. I know I sound like a geek but stay with me, I’m going somewhere with this.

Throughout our lifetime as human beings living in a sinful world, we are often exposed to images, thoughts and experiences that impair our spiritual perception and we are eventually drawn away by our own lust and sinful desires. We lose sight of the fact that we were fearfully and wonderfully made in the image and likeness of God our Creator. Our appetite for the things of the world stifles our hunger for the things of God and His word and before we know it, we are susceptible to carnal thoughts, worldly living and sin is the result of our straying away and lack of discipline. We begin to malfunction and perform at our lowest capabilities and if we don’t get help, we are soon to self-destruct. That’s why every once in a while we need a factory reset and firmware update. A time of repentance and renewal. Allowing the Holy Spirit to rid us of our old way of thinking, our old way of living and restore us back to our default settings. Back to the place where we had communion with God. Back to the place of seeking His face and daily devotion in His word. The bible says in 2 Corinthians 5:17 “If any man be in Christ, he is a new creation. Old things have passed away and behold, all things have become new.” When we repent of our sin and give our lives to Jesus, He restores us the joy of our salvation, renews our minds and gives us a new life. The old is gone and the new has come. But for many of us, we find it very difficult to accept this truth. We continue to carry the weight of our past and never really allow ourselves to accept the fact that we are forgiven and we are now a free man. No longer bound by the chains and shackles of our past. Psalms 103:2 says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far God has removed our transgressions from us.” I don’t know about you but for me, this is worth shouting about!

The devil will try his best to remind you of your past failures or your past mistakes. He continues to tell you that you really haven’t changed and the mistakes you made in your past are too bad for God to forgive or that you will never be a faithful husband or a good father because it’s not in your bloodline. He whispers things like, “Your father was also unfaithful and promiscuous and your grandfather was a womanizer. Your whole family is dysfunctional so what makes you any different?” These are all the lies he tries to tell you. That’s why it is so important for you to refer back to the manual and find in Romans 5:20 where it says, “where sin abounds, grace much more abounds.” Or turn over to John 6:37 where we find Jesus saying, “All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will by no means cast out.” Man of God, when you give your life to Jesus, He has the power to do exceedingly and abundantly far above anything you could ever ask, think or imagine. There is nothing you’ve done in your past that is not washed under the blood He shed for you. And as the old adage goes, “When the devil tries to remind you of your past, you remind him of his future.”

NEXT STEPS: Forgive yourself. You are not your past. YOU ARE FORGIVEN. What Jesus did on the cross was enough and if you have sincerely repented from your sins and turned from your old ways, God will restore you back to Himself with open arms.

Scriptures: Psalms 91:1, Luke 5:16, Romans 10:17, 2 Corinthians 10:4, Ephesians 6:11-18

If you haven’t realized it yet, the body of Christ is at war with the devil and he will stop at nothing to completely destroy everything that God created. Marriage was God’s idea. The family unit is God’s idea. That’s why the devil is after marriages and families because he knows if he can divide and conquer the family unit, he has already won half the battle. But we are here to serve notice to the devil and his demons that we are claiming our marriages back and reclaiming our families for the glory of God. The devil might have won a few battles but he will not win the war!

In day five’s devotional, we talked about the power of God’s word and how we need God’s word daily to build our faith. Romans 10:17 says, “Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.” One of the most powerful weapons we have at our disposal against Satan is God’s word. Today, we will discuss other weapons of warfare and how we can use them to not only ward off the schemes of the devil but also how we can use the arsenal of weapons God provides for us to live a life of victory and abundance through Jesus Christ. The bible says in 2 Corinthians 10:4 “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds.” Did you know many of the battles we face begin in the spirit realm and later manifest in the physical realm? I can assure you, just about any sinful act you ever committed first started in your mind from a thought that was eventually birthed through an action. That’s why it’s extremely important to guard your thoughts and put on the whole armor of God so that you will be able to stand against the wiles or schemes of the devil (Ephesians 6:11).

Prayer is also a weapon we can use to overcome the devil. In its simplest form, prayer is communicating with God. But it’s not only talking to God, it is also God talking to us. Prayer is essential for every believer. It is our direct line of access to the throne of heaven. Oftentimes, we see throughout the Bible where even Jesus got away to a solitary place to pray. If Jesus, the Son of God, saw the need for prayer, who are we not to humble ourselves and pray to God for wisdom, guidance and strength? Another weapon we have at our disposal is praise and worship. We praise God for “what He does,” but we worship God for “who He is.” Worship is adoration and intimacy with our heavenly Father. When we lose ourselves in worship, it is almost impossible to get caught up in sin. Worship is the secret place. It’s the place where we can abide under the shadow of God Almighty. (Psalms 91:1) When there is a longing for God’s presence and we seek His face, there is divine protection and peace from God. There was a time recently when I was feeling vulnerable and weak in my flesh. It seemed like everywhere I turned, there was temptation after temptation. It got so bad one day that I just stopped where I was and began to lift up my hands and worship God in the midst of feeling weak. It was the most spontaneous thing I ever did in public but I discovered the cheat code to ward off the lustful thoughts in my head and temptation from the devil and it’s been an effective go-to method ever since.

NEXT STEPS: Designate a place in your home or apartment as a place for prayer and worship. Allow this to be a meeting place for you and God to have one on one time for communion and intimacy.

Scriptures: Exodus 14:13-14, Isaiah 43:25, Hebrews 12:1, James 5:16, 1 Peter 5:8, Psalms 32:1-2

One of the most liberating feelings in the world for me was finally laying aside the weight of my past sin and secrets. I finally admitted to my wife that I was unfaithful and took responsibility for my actions. No longer making excuses or trying to justify it, I owned it and was ready to face the consequences for my actions. Coming clean and admitting your guilt is a daunting task. It comes with vulnerability, fear and apprehension. I would be lying if I said it was easy for me and any other man who has ever been in that situation would tell you the same. Nonetheless, it is emancipating. To no longer have the anxiety of possibly getting caught in a lie or the shame and embarrassment of being exposed by an ex-girlfriend or another woman I cheated with is equivalent to being freed from prison. I am no longer bound by the chains of my past failures and I now have the freedom to live a life of victory in Christ. But just because Jesus set me free, that does not exempt me from spiritual warfare or from the attacks of the devil. In fact, he typically intensifies the attacks because he realizes I can now testify to others about the redemptive work of Jesus in my life.

I’m reminded of the story of the children of Israel who were enslaved by the Egyptians for over 400 years and when God delivered them out of their bondage, they fled and were on their way to the Promised Land. But after a while, we find in Exodus chapter 14:5 that Pharaoh and his army changed their minds and thought to themselves, “What have we done? We have let the Israelites go and have lost their services!” (NIV) So Pharaoh and his troops made ready their horses and chariots and pursued the children of Israel. And just like Pharaoh, the devil won’t let you go easy. He is going to try every trick in the book to discourage you, distract you and deter you from fulfilling God’s purpose for your life and your marriage. Coincidentally, as soon as things begin to turn around for your marriage, he’ll be back. But here’s the best part of it all. In the text, we see when Pharaoh and his army were on the heels of the children of Israel, Moses told them in Exodus 14:13-14 “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” That’s a word for someone today. Although you might have encountered some of the most tumultuous storms in your marriage and it seems like there was no way out of the trouble you got yourself into. Just when the devil had you in a submission hold and you were ready to tap out, God stepped in and delivered you. The enemies you see today, you will see no more, forever!

Man of God, there is hope for your situation. And right at the point it seems like it’s the darkest hour of your life, God has a knack for turning things around. I pray that the guilt and shame you feel from all the mess you’ve made will be overshadowed by the grace and mercy of God. And that the Holy Spirit would remind you of how much God loves you and that He has a plan for your life in spite of your failures and past mistakes. God says in Isaiah 43:25, “I, even I am He who blots out your transgressions for my own sake and remembers your sins no more.” Be encouraged today, my friend. Better days are ahead for you. I promise.

NEXT STEPS: Take your wife by the hand and ask her to join you for a walk. During your walk, take a trip down memory lane and reminisce on the good times you two shared together, the milestones in your journey and rekindle the love, joy and excitement of courting each other again.

Scriptures: Joel 2:25, John 3:16, Romans 12:2, 2 Corinthians 7:9-10, Romans 10:8-10, Colossians 3:1-3, 1 John 1:9, Galatians 5:1

Congratulations brother! You made it to the last day of the devotional reading plan. As challenging and as painful as it may have been over the last couple of weeks for you, I hope this has also been a time of reconciliation, reflection and restoration for you and your marriage. The main objective of this devotional is to be a resource for countless men like you and me around the world who have made the terrible mistake of compromising the integrity of their marriage through infidelity or an extramarital affair. Too often in the world, we downplay the effects of adultery and unfaithfulness in marriage and treat it as common and acceptable, but that’s the world’s way of thinking. Paul tells us in Romans 12:2 “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Since we are men of God and followers of Jesus Christ, we must raise the standard, shift our mindset and bring honor back to the covenant and institution of marriage.

I was an athlete all throughout high school and college. I prided myself on being a fierce competitor and having a champion mindset. Although I was fortunate to experience success in the sport of wrestling at a high level, there was a time in my wrestling career that I suffered an injury that caused me to miss out on some major opportunities. My injury required rehab and physical therapy in order for me to get back to a condition where I could compete again. It was a major setback. I was inactive for a season and frustrated because I couldn’t compete nor was I an asset to the team. Eventually, I was able to get back on the mat and compete but I was never the same because of my injury and even to this day, I sometimes feel some of the residual effects of my injury from years ago. It’s the same way when there’s infidelity committed in your marriage. Even though you may go through a healing process, whether it’s through marriage counseling, recovery therapy or surrounding yourself with a community of believers, there is still residual pain and damage that lingers and you have to accept the fact that your marriage will never be the same. It’s a wound only God can heal. But I can assure you from experience, that if you submit to the healing process and allow God to take the driver’s seat of your marriage, He will not only heal your marriage but He can make it whole again. My wife and I are happy to be celebrating over three decades of marriage. Yes we went through some tumultuous storms, endured hardships but just like the three Hebrew boys who were thrown in the fiery furnace (read Daniel chapter 3), Jesus stepped in the fire with us and brought us out unsigned, refined with no residue of smoke. To God be the glory!

Brother, I want to sincerely thank you for joining me along with other men from all walks of life over the past couple of weeks in this reading plan. Let’s be realistic, all of the pain, trauma and damage caused as a result of your infidelity will not vanish away because you did a 12-day devotional. However, at least you now have some practical tools that can serve as a good starting point to your recovery process. Ultimately, my desire is to lead you back to Jesus who is the author and finisher of our faith. If you don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and have not been born again, will you join me in saying this prayer?

“Heavenly Father, thank You for not giving up on me. I acknowledge that I am a sinner and I need a Savior. You love me in spite of my sin and selfishness and I am eternally grateful. I believe You paid the price for all my sins when you were crucified on the cross. Thank you for dying for me so that I could have eternal life. But you didn’t just die for me, you conquered the grave and rose again on the third day. And the same spirit that raised You from the dead now lives in me and I can live a life of freedom, righteousness and victory. I welcome You into my heart to be my Savior and Lord. I accept your free gift of salvation. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.”

NEXT STEPS: Recognize who you are in Christ. Your life is now hidden in Him. Cultivate your relationship with Jesus through reading His word and prayer. Trust Him to help you cultivate and renew your relationship with your wife. Your latter days shall be greater than your former days. In Jesus’ name!