Have you ever wondered why you get anxious? Our false needs can disguise themselves as worthy pursuits, but our freedom comes from recognizing reality—the truth of who we are and who God is. This five-day plan will help you locate the false needs you chase and the truth that brings freedom and peace.
CapableLife
Day 1
Scripture: Ephesians 4:22-24
The Big 5
As humans, we all have real needs—like our health and safety. When those needs are threatened, acute anxiety shows up, along with its good friend, adrenaline, to get us moving! Chronic anxiety, however, is more insidious. It’s a perceived threat generated by false needs. It’s when we think we need something that we don’t actually need, and when we don’t get it, we become reactive. Learning to notice and name those false needs can help set us free from chronic anxiety’s grip. We can then more clearly see the truth of who God is and relax more fully into His presence.
Every human has false needs, which can be found in the Big Five. These five broad categories represent the false needs we pursue in order to be okay, and most of us can relate to at least two. They are control, perfection, always knowing the answer, always being there for people and approval.
Control: Some people are incredibly controlling. They need everything and everyone to behave in a certain way so they can relax. When this false need is not met, they get reactive.
Perfection: Perfectionists believe they must get everything right every time—even if it’s the first time they’ve ever performed the task. They are never satisfied with their work. Instead, they incessantly critique, wondering how they could have done it better.
Knowing the Answer: Some of us need to always be the one with the right answer. If we know something, we need everyone else to know that we know.
Being There for People: Some people feel that they must always be there for others who are hurting. When someone is suffering, they can’t sit by—even if they’re overcommitted to helping others. Often, those who feel like they must always be there for others struggle to ask for help themselves.
Approval: Some of us crave other’s approval. If we disappoint someone, let someone down, or even perceive that someone doesn’t like us, we can get quite anxious. We need consistent validation and can anger pretty easily when triggered by disrespect.
The goal of managing anxiety is not simply for relief; it is to connect more fully with God. Anxiety shrinks the power of the gospel because it presents a false gospel, convincing us that we must rely on ourselves instead of our Creator. But we do not have to listen to anxiety’s gospel. We do not have to be slaves to the Big 5. When we locate our false needs, we can throw them off and be made new in the attitude of our minds as we connect more fully with the truth of who God is and who we are in Him.
Which of the Big 5 are you most prone to?
Can you recall a time when you succumbed to one of the Big 5? What happened?
Day 2
Scriptures: Colossians 1:16-17, 2 Corinthians 5:21
God and The Big 5
The Big 5—the five broad categories of false needs that any human has. They’re each like a giant carrot dangling forever out of reach; they are impossible goals. We will never be in complete control, do everything perfectly, have all the answers, always be there for others, or consistently impress everyone we meet. But—there is someone who can and does. The Big 5 are not only the five core false needs of every human; they are the five core character traits of God.
God is in control. From nature (Psalm 135:6-7) to nations (2 Chronicles 20:6), His plans never fail.
God is perfect, and His ways are perfect (Psalm 18:30).
God is omniscient, knowing everything. His understanding is far beyond our own (Psalm 147:5).
God is omnipresent—there for everyone all the time (Psalm 139).
God gives us approval through His work, not our striving (Ephesians 2:8-9).
The Big 5 are the reasons we worship God! When I am no longer striving for them, I am correctly oriented as a human before an almighty God who is uniquely defined by these characteristics.
Chronic anxiety is generated in us when we try to take on the character traits of God that are His alone. It pushes us towards something we can never attain. The point is—anxiety becomes a marker that something other than my identity in Christ is at work: a false self that depends on me, not Jesus. A false self that puts us on a path to death, not life. When we are able to notice when anxiety shows up, we can use that as an indicator to ‘right-size’ ourselves before an amazing and Almighty God. Our freedom is found not by trying harder to attain these false needs but by resting in the truth that God is already carrying them all!
God is God; we are human. Understanding the Big 5, not just as our broad false needs but also as the unique attributes of God, helps us recognize the futility of trying to attain the qualities that are His.
Our freedom is found not by trying but by dying—dying to these false needs and surrendering ourselves to the transforming power of Christ. When we get off the anxiety treadmill, pause, and reflect on who God is and who we are in Him, our hearts are filled with gratitude, and worship becomes the natural response.
Why does trying harder generate anxiety?
What does it mean to be human-sized? Do you find relief or frustration in being exactly human-sized?
What attribute of God do you want to worship today?
Day 3
Scripture: Genesis 3:1-4
In the Garden
“You can be like God.”
The first temptation offered to humans is the same one we’ve been falling for ever since. It’s difficult to notice God when we are trying to be like Him. The Accuser convinced us of a lie that placed us on an endless pursuit of something we were never meant to attain. God is God; we are human. Whenever we carry more than we were designed to carry, we’re filled with chronic anxiety.
And that anxiety can start small. When we don’t get what we believe we need to be okay, we can get reactive. Unchecked, that reactivity can rapidly expand and take over every nook and cranny of our soul, pushing out our awareness of God. When we’re trying to shoulder a God-sized task, our awareness of God is displaced by our own attempts at being superhuman.
If we pay even closer attention, we may notice something even more alarming: When we pick up a God-sized job, it’s because we believe that God isn’t up for the task or maybe that He doesn’t even care. Somewhere along the way, we decided God wasn’t enough and that in order to be okay, we needed to depend on ourselves.
That habit—of depending on ourselves instead of God—is self-righteousness. In the Bible, when a person is righteous, they are well—well with God, well with themselves, and well with others. We all want to be well, but when we rely on ourselves to achieve this, we are stuck in a perpetual cycle of striving, and we stop noticing God.
God, however, presents us with an extraordinary invitation. He invites us to relax into His presence, His righteousness, giving us permission to be exactly human-sized. We can become well by relying on Him for our righteousness rather than ourselves. What an amazing offer!
This doesn’t mean we can act carelessly. It doesn’t give us a pass to hurt others and then act as if we bear no responsibility. The truth is, when we are genuinely connected with the gospel, when our identity is firmly anchored in Christ rather than our false selves, we gain the ability to accept greater responsibility for our actions. We gain the freedom to stand before others and openly acknowledge and take ownership of our mistakes.
The first temptation birthed a desire in us to sit on the throne of our own lives, to take control. Yet, we were never meant to bear that responsibility. We’re not designed to be all-knowing or always perfect. It’s too much pressure. We simply can’t manage it. And when we fall short, which we will, that’s when we have the chance to truly rest in the gospel.
By allowing ourselves to embrace our humanity, which is all God ever expects from us, and rest in His perfect presence, we can experience profound peace and worship.
What are some signs that alert you to the times when you stopped noticing God?
Day 4
Scripture: Romans 6:1-23
Jesus died, so I don’t have to ________ anymore.
Romans 6 presents us with a powerful contrast between sin and God’s love. It’s the fork in the road of our faith, and the path we choose matters. Paul is letting us know that whatever we give ourselves to, that’s what we’re in the grip of, and once we’ve handed ourselves over to that thing, it’s going to take us down a path.
God’s love will always lead to freedom and peace. Sin is always a path to death, and like sin, chronic anxiety tries to drag us down a path of doom. Sin, shame, and anxiety are all bred from being a slave to the wrong thing. But there is a greater power than the power of sin—a new path that was purchased through the blood of our Savior. Through Christ’s sacrificial death on the cross, we are no longer a slave to sin; we no longer have to pursue our own righteousness.
If we can learn to name the things that are making us anxious, we can do what Paul invites us to do in the New Testament: We can die to them, and this simple prayer can help us do that:
Jesus died, so I don’t have to ________ anymore.
Jesus died, so I no longer have to control the situation.
Jesus died, so I am freed from having to do everything perfectly all the time.
Jesus died, so I don’t have to have all the answers all the time.
We do not have to be slaves to control, perfection, approval, having all the answers, or being there for others. Our identity, our need to be okay, is found in Christ. We do not have to hunt for our worth outside of Him. Now that we are in Christ, sin no longer has power over us.
Romans 6 is a fork in the road, and every day, we get to choose which path we will walk. By grace, Christ invites us down a better, more life-giving path. Jesus is where the gospel and chronic anxiety intersect.
What might fill the blank for you?
It’s both brave and empowering when we name the things that have us in their grip and offer this prayer to God. The anxiety we face often arises from our own striving rather than a simple surrender to divine love. We can take our false needs and lay them down at the feet of Jesus. We can choose the path of grace that invites us to rest in His transformative power and love.
Consider a situation in which you are trying harder instead of resting in the freedom and peace of Christ. Can you identify your unique sources of anxiety?
Considering the simple prayer, what’s the blank for you?
Day 5
Scriptures: Philippians 2:13, Philippians 4:13, Matthew 11:28-30
God’s Job / Our Job
The Big 5 represents the broad categories of our false needs as well as the core characteristics of God. When we attempt to shoulder these God-sized qualities, we experience chronic anxiety. But there is one more aspect to the Big 5—each false need has a healthy, human-sized equivalent. God has wired each of us with unique gifts, talents, and abilities to contribute to His kingdom. Those who struggle with control often excel at hospitality and are attentive to detail. Perfectionists have a knack for improvement. Those who feel they must always have the answer can be gifted teachers. Approval seekers are kind and courteous, and the people who feel they must always be there for others are caring and thoughtful.
The problem is that we take our God-given gifts and twist them into an unattainable false need. ‘Improvement’ can easily slip into ‘perfection’ if we are not cautious. Those gifted in hospitality who think through every detail to ensure people feel welcome are wired by God to create memorable experiences, but when they sit and worry if people are having fun, they have crossed into control. When we operate within our gifts, we feel energized and make meaningful contributions to the Kingdom, but when we pursue exaggerated extremes, we’re chasing the God-sized versions of our human-sized gifts, and that leads straight to anxiety.
The amazing thing is that we can relax into God’s presence every day by giving ourselves permission to be exactly human-sized. This doesn’t mean that we become apathetic to the suffering around us. When a human-sized human and a God-sized God engage in a broken and evil world, we have a greater capacity to do difficult things because we are actively joining God in His work—not striving to do it on our own.
Every day, we will face the temptation to “be like God”—to chase a false need fueled by our own efforts. But we no longer have to rely on our own strength. We do not have to be more than God made us to be. We can stay connected with God, allowing His power to work in and through us. The more we accept our humanity, the more we see the wonder of His power and presence.
When we attempt to be like God, we will inevitably fall short. However, by focusing on dying to self and remembering that God has woven our lives into the righteousness of Christ, we can find peace. It’s God’s job to be God; our job is to follow Jesus, surrender ourselves to Him, and worship God. When we get clear on this division of labor, we can see that His yoke is truly easy, and His burden is light.
What is the human-sized equivalent that fits your wiring and gifting?
Consider a situation that you’re anxious about. What is God’s part to carry? What is your part to carry?
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