Cole & Sav: Put God In The Center Of Relationships

Scripture: 2 Corinthians 5:17

A Relationship with God Changes Everything

Cole

During my growing-up years, my mom and dad were serious about God. They took us to church. I went along, and I probably called myself a Christian, but God was always just kind of there. I didn’t long to know Him more, and I didn’t want to live for Him. Thankfully, I got plugged into a great church youth ministry. 

At some point, we all doubt God. I was out to see if this God is real. If He is who the Bible says He is, my life would change and be better as a result of following Him. I learned that I can love Jesus while being myself; I could smile and laugh and be goofy and still follow Jesus. After surrendering my all to God, I quickly experienced His peace and joy. It didn’t make sense, but I felt content knowing He is in control and that He is who He says He is. When I’m closest to God, joy and peace overwhelm me. When I forget to spend time with God and let the world consume me, I become more easily agitated, angry, and less joyful.

Before I met Savannah, I had posted a video about my expectations for the girl I wanted to fall in love with someday. First, she had to love Jesus and want to live for Him. I also wanted someone fun and funny and everything else that I later found in Savannah. Her fire for God makes me want more of Him too. I can see how good and perfect and loving God truly is by seeing the love of my life transformed right before my eyes. We know our relationship won’t be perfect, but we are putting everything in the hands of the One who is perfect and trusting that.

Savannah

I had thought I had a great Christian family; we went to church together nearly every Sunday. My dad had seemed like such a godly man. But then I found out he cheated on my mom and they were getting divorced. My whole childhood felt like a lie. Later, I met this “great guy”—someone I really loved and had given myself to. So when I found out he was cheating on me, I felt doubly betrayed. I started to give up on guys—and God. By the time I met Tommy, the wrong guy at the wrong time, I hardly ever went to church anymore. We slept together, and within months we broke up. Then I found out I was pregnant. Tommy and I never had a healthy relationship after Everleigh was born. I began to feel ugly and worse than worthless, like no one else would ever want to be with me because I had a kid. I begged God to bring me a guy who’d love and respect me and love Everleigh like his own. 

When I first met Cole, I realized that he wasn’t like other guys I knew. He would just be himself. He talked about God, not in a forced or preachy way, and when he prayed it was like talking to a friend. When I told Cole that I had Everleigh, his response told me I could be myself with him—he brought out the best in me. And that’s how a relationship should be. This was the beginning of a fresh work that God was doing in my life to bring me back to Him. He used Cole to draw me back, but God was just getting started.

Respond

What church experiences did you have growing up?

Who in your life encourages you the most in your relationship with God?

What kind of relationship do you want to have with God? Who can help you learn about growing closer to God?

Scripture: Psalms 92:1-3

Worship Brings You into God’s Presence 

Cole

In high school I first experienced dynamic worship music. The songs actually brought me into the presence of God. This was something I’d never experienced before, and it made me hungry for more of God. I wanted to worship Him; I wanted to get closer to Him. 

More than anything I wanted my relationship with Savannah to be God-centered. Even though we talked about God constantly, we’d never actually worshipped together. That was a really big thing for me. I thought the two of us might be in different places in terms of how we worship and maybe where we were with God. 

I believe spiritual compatibility is the most important part of any lasting relationship. I knew it would be hard for me to worship and sing with my eyes closed and just totally lose myself in God with someone who thought all of that was weird. That didn’t mean Savannah wasn’t the one, but it did tell me I should not take things so fast until we were in the same place.

When we spent several days together, including times in worship, I watched her come to a point where she was really into it. She closed her eyes, raised her hands, and seemed to just be right in the presence of God. Savannah talked openly about the changes God was making in her life, and her story showed the power of God, not only to forgive our pasts but also to give us a brand-new life. I found that God had given me a woman who desired Him and had a burning passion for Him. She loves to worship God with all her heart, and I love that in her.

Savannah 

Fear of what people might think had kept me from going to church. Near the beginning of our relationship, I met up with Cole at a Christian conference in Alabama. At first, when the worship band was playing, it seemed like everyone else had their eyes closed or was looking up to God, while I was just trying to figure out what to sing and when. Later, I met some girls and we all talked honestly about our lives. They were so supportive of me as I shared from my heart, and no one judged me. Instead, they seemed to be inspired by what God had done in me. When worship started again, I was just myself. I told Cole that raising my hands and truly worshipping was something I’d never done before. When I got to know the songs after the first couple of days, I could stop thinking about reading the lyrics and just surrender completely to God. 

At another conference we attended, I thought about the string of impossible coincidences that was really the amazing hand of God at work. As I closed my eyes and worshipped Him, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is real. I’d seen Him in action. Standing there with all those people, all of us singing to Him, I felt so close to Him, closer than I had ever felt before. He is so good and so amazing and so patient. Before I met Cole, I had a broken notion of who God is. Cole helped me see the truth about how God loves me. Once I started trusting God again, He did all this amazing stuff in my life.

Respond

What does it mean to you to be on the same page spiritually with someone else? Why is this important in a serious relationship?

What does it mean to worship God? How does your relationship with God affect your experience of worshipping Him?

How does confessing your sin help you surrender to God in worship?

Scripture: Colossians 4:2

Knowing God by Reading the Bible and Prayer

Cole

I had feelings for Savannah that I’d never allowed myself to have for any girl before. I’d prayed, trusting God that whenever I met the girl, He would let me know. I felt in my heart that He had. If she was the one, I knew God would confirm that over time. One way God did this was through the open communication we had when we were in a long-distance relationship. We didn’t keep any secrets from each other, and we shared the details of our lives constantly. This is crucial for any relationship to work. We could have easily kept things from each other, but if we had, we would not have the relationship we have today.

We talked about God and the Bible a lot. I was pretty familiar with the Bible, but wow! Some of Sav’s questions really challenged me, and it wasn’t just the questions. God used her excitement about Him to help me not take my relationship with Him for granted and to reawaken my faith. I had to step up my game, dig deep, and really think about what I believed and why I believed it. I loved our times talking about God’s Word and what Jesus was doing in our lives. I still do. We grew so close through those conversations.

Eventually, we realized that a long-distance relationship was not sustainable. Savannah and I prayed a lot about me moving out to California, and I became convinced that, yeah, I should do it. And as we prepared to get married and I thought about becoming a full-time dad, I prayed about those changes, opening my life up to Jesus and asking Him to give me peace and patience in every situation. Our experiences together showed me that God listened to and answered our prayers.

Savannah

One of the first gifts Cole gave me was a Bible. He went through and circled all his favorite verses and labeled them with Post-it Notes. Cole’s timing was perfect. After our first conference experience, I had a real hunger for God. I wanted to read the Bible. I wanted to pray. I wanted to go to church and worship. I’d never read the Bible that much, and now I couldn’t get enough of it. Cole and I talked about the Bible together on the phone and when we were together. I had a lot of questions, and he was always so patient and answered them the best he could.

During our engagement, reading the Bible and praying together were two of the most important things we did to prepare ourselves for marriage. Even though we both loved Jesus and loved to worship openly in church, I found that you connect on a much deeper, spiritual level when you walk together with Jesus. When problems came up or when we needed to make a decision, we prayed together about it. Praying together helped move us away from focusing on what Cole or I wanted; instead, we asked, What do You want, God? 

The Bible says that if we need wisdom, God will give it to us when we ask Him (James 1:5). There are times when I definitely needed God’s wisdom, and I asked Him what I should do. I didn’t hear a voice from heaven, but I sensed God telling me what I needed to do. When God has asked me to share difficult things with Cole, his response has shown me that this was the man for whom I had prayed. This was the man I wanted to marry. If I’d ever had any doubts, those doubts were gone. I saw Cole’s best come out. I loved him even more for it.

Respond

How would you describe your conversations with God? How do you listen to Him? Prayer isn’t just about talking; it’s about listening too.

How can you use the Bible and prayer to help you put God in the center of your life?

How would praying together and spending time in God’s Word together deepen your relationships with others?

Scripture: James 1:5

God Helps You Live for Him

Cole

After I committed my life to Jesus, I made the big decision to wait until after I got married to have sex. Sex was the ultimate experience I wanted to share only with the one God had chosen for me. But I also realized I’d made sex the be-all and end-all, as if it were the most important part of marriage. I discovered that you can have an unhealthy view of sex even with a commitment to wait until marriage.

I realized that God didn’t look at me and think I was any better for waiting than someone who hadn’t. He loved us both deeply and equally. He forgives us of all wrongs and redeems any and all situations. I also realized that remaining a virgin until my wedding night wasn’t the real goal. The Bible calls us to purity: trusting that God’s ways are higher than our ways, even if we don’t like or understand them. I had to make the decision to pursue purity daily. I failed often, but God took my struggle and pursuit and turned it into something beautiful. I’m extremely happy I did wait, and after Savannah and I met, we both waited together. 

God enabled us to keep this commitment by accountability to others and by His grace and the power He gives. That’s how God works. It’s awesome when you get to experience it. I know God has blessed our marriage in a powerful way because of it. As we go through life together, we want to show that our relationship is rooted in Jesus, and we both believe in the fruit that will be produced because of us choosing Him first.

Savannah

Cole let me know he’d made a commitment to God to wait until marriage to have sex. In the beginning I felt that way, too—because that’s how Cole felt. As my relationship with God grew, my commitment to sexual purity came out of my commitment to Christ, not to Cole. I surrendered those things I did that separated me from God—having sex, drinking, partying—and I gave them all to God. 

I wanted to live like Jesus, not just give things up. I felt a desire to know God and get close to Him and live for Him. When I share my testimony today, I make it clear that Cole did not save me, but God used him to show me what was possible and then to open my heart up to God with nothing held back.

This also meant holding nothing back from Cole as we grew closer together. This was really tough, because I knew there was a past relationship that would hurt Cole that I hadn’t told him about yet. We had to work it out face-to-face. We cried a lot, and he held me, and when it was over, it was over. I felt a huge weight had been lifted off me. Secrets in a relationship can eat you up and tear you apart. Now that everything was out in the open, my past truly was completely in the past. Cole forgave me for not telling him before, but he also never held my past against me. And I know that God doesn’t either. He has redeemed my past and helps me move closer to Him as I try to live His way.

Respond

What regrets do you have from the past? How have you dealt with their influence on your relationships with others and God?

Where do you need God’s help today to live His way? 

Who can hold you accountable to do this?

Scripture: Jeremiah 29:11-13

God Has Great Plans for Your Life

Cole

Shortly after meeting Savannah and Everleigh, I sat on the beach alone, just trying to take it all in. Looking out at the waves rolling in, I felt incredibly blessed. I praised God and told Him how good He is. I couldn’t help but wonder if there was maybe some bigger purpose in God’s plan in bringing us to this place. “I’m listening, God,” I said. “Please show me.” 

I don’t know how long I sat there, but there was no giant wave or shooting star or dancing dolphin or any other sign from God. Seeking a sign from God and drawing close to Him was nothing out of the ordinary for me. God has always been a part of my life. But after that, God started to use circumstances to show me He had a plan for me, Savannah, and Everleigh. Was it possible that God might have bigger plans than anything we could ever come up with?

As our relationship progressed and we announced we were officially dating, we continued our social media adventures by posting YouTube videos each week. I never thought anyone would care to watch my life, but I believe people watch because they genuinely want to see a good, wholesome, unique family. I don’t know why God picked us to have our little family get noticed, but since He did, I figured we should see how far it might go. We don’t just want to show people our family; we want them to see Jesus in our family. We want them to see what God is doing.

Savannah

For the longest time, I had prayed for a guy who would love and respect me and treat Everleigh as his own. By the time Cole and I had known each other only a couple of days, he was already being that guy. After he talked about being a virgin and making a commitment to God not to have sex until after marriage, I worried about what he might think of my past. But Cole made it so easy for me to share. He never made me feel guilty or like he was judging me. Instead he was supportive, and I felt better after I told him everything. 

I felt like God was showing me, through Cole’s example, what I deserve—a sneak peek at what I had prayed for and what I was waiting for. I also saw that God could send me a godly guy who would not only love and respect me but who’d also treat Everleigh as his own and keep his promises. When Cole and I agreed to begin an exclusive relationship, I told my mom everything that had happened. I explained why I liked Cole, how he loved the Lord so much, and how I could see him completely changing my life. She started crying, and she reminded me that she’d been praying I’d meet a guy just like this and that I’d give him a chance. 

Today when I tell my story, a lot of girls come up to me and tell me how my sharing helped them confess their pasts to God and receive His forgiveness. Do I wish I’d walked with God my whole life and not messed up? Of course. But God was able to take my mistakes and turn them into something beautiful. He gave me my incredible daughter, who helped me meet Cole. God loves us so much, and He is so amazing. He can take the things that we are ashamed of and use them for our good. Only God can do that!

Respond

What are you passionate about? 

Who can pray with you as you ask God to use your passions for His plan for your life?

How can God use your story to help someone else see Jesus in you?