Somewhat recently I had an experience at my work; for context I work at a popular retail warehouse store, I don’t work for them but I do work in that warehouse, along with vendors of other companies who operate in the same space. A lot of people from different companies all operate within the same space, and naturally we interact with one another on a regular basis. As such I’ve built up friendly relationships with a lot of people who I interact with regularly.
Over several months I have interacted with a certain individual, it’s always casual always friendly, but they work for a different company than I do. However several weeks ago this individual gave me a card, it had a pretty picture of sunflowers on it, and I didn’t think much of it, I smiled, thanked them, made a comment about needing more sunshine in my life, that sort of thing. I slipped the card away and didn’t really take a look at it until after work. Well, it was a Gospel tract disguised as a card.
Receiving religious material isn’t the weirdest thing that’s happened to me at my job, but usually it’s customers leaving things on a cart, or slipped between food items to be found by a random passerby.
But this particular experience gave me pause and a thought: Has this individual’s actions and behavior toward me, their demeaner, their friendliness (etc) been part of an attempt at proselytizing. I mean, I’m a Christian and the card/tract was generically Christian enough that I have no idea what denomination they are part of. I wasn’t offended obviously, but it led me to wonder to what degree their interactions with me came from sincere comradery, or whether it is a kind of “missionary” tactic.
I may not have thought this except that, growing up in a particular kind of Christian environment, missionary-friendship and missionary-relationships were considered a valid “tactic” at trying to make converts. So that background does mean that I am aware that this is something that exists. It’s not part of my current religious practice, but it was in the background I was raised in.
And I guess here’s the point: When I thought about this, I felt a kind of betrayal. As though this person had been insincere in their interactions with me, I felt like a target, or an objective–not a person. And again, I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t particularly offended, but I felt dehumanized–even if just slightly.
As I was thinking about all of this again this evening, I wanted to open up this topic more broadly. Because I have a feeling many people–especially people outside of my religion–know exactly the feelings I felt, and I thought this could be a good topic of discussion. And ideally, a way for Christians like me to learn more, take feedback, and consider the ethics of religious outreach.
A secondary thought I had in all this: In some ways I feel like I would prefer a total stranger leaving a tract or pamphlet than someone who has been regularly interacting with me. There is a sense in which now I question and doubt the sincerity in friendliness of this person that I didn’t before. And that’s kind of an awful feeling to have. I’m not angry with them, or offended, but I now doubt their authenticity toward me. And I feel like this experience I had might provide me with a slight amount of insight and empathy with those who experience this more regularly.
I tend to think it’s generally rude to try to Evangelize someone who is already a Christian. When you’re trying to evangelize someone, the first few questions you ask should be to establish whether they are a believer in Christ or not. I’ve had some awkward encounters with people asking me evangelism questions only for them to find out – whoops! – I’m already a Christian!
Back when I was in college, that was how I found a college ministry to go to and hang out with for awhile – a leader of the ministry came up to me and asked me an evangelism question, and we ended up talking about which church I went to. I did a Bible study with them for awhile. At least that ended well.
When I was doing OfferUp stuff I encountered a strange lady who was giving out Gospel tracts along with her free items. This left me feeling guilty for the free items I took, but I really needed that bag and pair of shoes. I really think people trying to meet practical needs should be a bit more thoughtful, because Christians have those too.
If you have the gift of evangelism, I get it, but try to screen people first, okay? At best it’s just awkward if you’re already a Christian, and at worst you feel targeted and like someone else is questioning your salvation. Not a good deal.
That was my initial reaction. But then I did a switcheroo in my head and thought about it in a way that I could relate to. I play dungeons and dragons and am always on the look out for new players for games I run. But I don’t just ask anyone. I wouldn’t even think of it in normal conversation if my interlocutor didn’t seem like the right sort. But if they did I might invite them because they might be a good fit.And I guess here’s the point: When I thought about this, I felt a kind of betrayal. As though this person had been insincere in their interactions with me, I felt like a target, or an objective–not a person. And again, I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t particularly offended, but I felt dehumanized–even if just slightly.
So chances are this guy who has a ‘club’ that they are invested in thought that you were the ‘right sort’. Chances are they wouldn’t invite you if they thought you were going to ruin the vibe of their ‘club’.
I’d take it as a complement.
This is an outcome of living and working side by side with people who think their denomination (or their pseudo-Christian cult like the JW’s) is the ONLY WAY, THE REALLY REALLY ONLY WAY.
And so, rather than getting to know you as a person, they assume you’re lost and they’ll maintain social distance with you, even through the daily smiles and hellos. Through those niceties, you’ll remain their potential “project” because you’re not a part of their in-group.
I was targeted like this by a co-worker. She seemed very kind and friendly, but kept steering every conversation towards her church. I noticed she would do this with everyone. I began to wonder how sincere she was. I gave it a chance for a while, as it was “nice” to have a fellow Christian as a friend, until I realized the friendship had never really been deep at all; it was a fishing tactic taught by her pastor to reel more people into their church (which was non-denom, but very Pentecostal (and slightly Word of Faith) in vibe).
I learned to kind of veer away from people who are overly friendly and “great listeners” the first day that they meet you. Especially if they keep trying to gently bring up religious topics. I later found a practicing Satanist (no, not kidding) to be a much better work ally and better friend. At least the guy was honest.
I think I am confused, why did you not think anything of it? Obviously it was a conversation starter and if you had taken the time to look at it you would have realized it was a Christian tract. Now would it not have been nicer to acknowledge a fellow brother in Christ right at that moment rather than feel as you do now? I’m sorry, I really don’t understand your reasoning here. I receive tracks, look at them and acknowledge that I am a fellow Christian. How beautiful is that?
Sorry for being so candid.
Blessings
Thank you for bringing this up.
My K-12 and undergraduate education was in Evangelical Protestant schools. Thus, my time in grad school was my first time in a setting where my fellow students were from a variety of faith backgrounds (Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist, and agnostic, along with a few Christians). At that time, I was still in transition from the evangelism-oriented Baptist tradition of my childhood to my current religious tradition, and the evangelism imperative from my former church was still nagging away at me. Shouldn’t I be trying to convert all the people around me? That’s what the church says…
I found, though, that this attitude had me thinking about all the people around me as targets to be conquered. For every single person, I’m supposed to evaluate whether they’re a Christian (and if they’re Christian, are they a nominal Christian or a real Christian, because if they’re only “nominal”, then they’re a target too). Then I look for openings, and steer the conversation, and — this is CF, most of you have probably been through these evangelism classes.
What I found is that this attitude is incompatible with genuine, respectful friendship. It felt deeply wrong. Looking back on my life, I can identify a handful of times when I think that God gave me a firm nudge, saying “don’t go that way; go this way instead”, and I think this was one of those times. I set aside the whole evangelism-target thing and went for honest friendships instead. No proselytization, just living side by side in a multi-faith world. There’s more integrity down this path.
Before I was saved I never questioned the motives of Christians being nice to me, and I have been given many a tract.
I never once wondered whether they were only being nice in order to give me a tract. Many tract givers aren’t actually Christian, I think many are Mormons, but some are Christians.
But maybe that’s me, I don’t suspect people who are nice to me, most people I meet are quite friendly and they come from a variety of backgrounds. Some give tracts about their faith – which never bothered me even if I didn’t read them.
A card with a couple passages of Scripture is just being friendly in my view. That always felt like the spirit anyway.
But with me it’s just because everyone is friendly, so people of Christian backgrounds giving tracts is just kind of part of who they are, and they always seem was quite nice.
I’d be more shocked if people were rude to me than if they gave me a small tract.
I have had similar interactions with some Christians. This is tame and better than some attempts to convert me (even when I believed, but I was going to the wrong church).
What the OP has gone through is shallow, but much calmer than other evangelical attempts I have experienced. I would take a card over an hour long conversation about how I am going to hell, my life is empty, etc.
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