Tired of dating disasters, disappointments, and train wrecks? This five-day devotional will cut straight to the chase and lay out a practical plan that will help promote a healthy and enjoyable dating experience by sharing proven principles and tips that can be applied throughout the journey of exploring the relationship.
Adonis Lenzy & Heather Lenzy
Day 1
Scriptures: Hebrews 13:17, Proverbs 11:14
Never Date Alone
Dating can be one of the most adventurous and scariest things you ever do. You’re hanging out with someone you like and who, hopefully, likes you in return. You begin to talk about the future and what it would feel and look like.
It’s fun, exciting, and can send you on an emotional high for days. The problem is that when you are so caught up in the emotional high, you can no longer see the caution signs or deal breakers that have come up in your dating journey.
A good accountability partner can help you see the danger when you are too head-over-heels in love to see it, and they can see the good when you’re too scared to admit it. When there is no accountability, there’s a greater chance for relational failure that can leave your emotions damaged, your heart broken, and your spirit crushed.
Having accountability is a must, if you are going to date in a healthy way. Now, remember that in order for this to be effective, you will need to do two things correctly. You will need to #1 find the right accountability partner or partners, and #2 you will need to be honest with them at all times. If you have to lie to your accountability partner about your relationship, that’s a good indicator that your relationship has gone out of bounds in some area and you’re feeling the need to hide it.
Choosing A Good Accountability Partner
It’s very important that you choose your accountability partner wisely. It needs to be someone who has the same beliefs as you, loves you, and wants the best for you. It also needs to be someone who can be honest with you. It has to be someone you can receive from and submit to, even when you don’t like what they have to say.
Your accountability partner needs to be someone you can go to when you’re having struggles in your relationship, and who can help you navigate through those struggles.
It’s probably not a good idea for your accountability partner to be someone who hasn’t had a successful relationship or someone who is still carrying around baggage from past relationships.
Examples of Good Accountability Partners
· Someone who has a successful marriage
· Someone who is committed to seeing God’s will done in your life
· Someone who has your best interest at heart
Day 2
Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, Psalms 119:11
Sex is Better with Boundaries
Always remember, they are your date, not your soul mate.
Sex was created by God and can be enjoyed without the guilt, shame, or consequences when it’s done within the marriage covenant. When the act of sex takes place outside of the marriage covenant, it opens up the door for a snowball effect of emotions, problems, and feelings of guilt and shame.
God is a forgiving God and, yes, there is forgiveness of sexual sin. The big problem is that sometimes it takes weeks, months, or even years to get free from the soul ties and baggage that came along with it. That’s why God forewarns us in His Word to run from sexual sin.
Put some practical safeguards in place to protect both of you. If the other person is against these safeguards, then they may not care about you as much as you hope they would.
1. Keep your clothes on no matter what.
Trust me, nothing good can happen with your clothes off unless you are married. If you want to keep it clean, keep your clothes on. My Sunday school teacher used to say, “No skin, no sin.” Seriously, this is an area that we often underestimate. Once you cross that line, it’s like firing up the engines on a 747 jumbo jet.
2. Avoid make-out sessions.
Make-out sessions can turn into a sexual obsession. Know your limit and then stay about a mile away from it. Seriously, Christian or non-Christian, your flesh, when out of control, can become unstoppable. Have a list of prerequisites if you are going to kiss. Kissing standing up in a well-lit area is a lot different from kissing on your bed or sofa in the dark. It’s so easy for a situation to get out of hand in a matter of seconds.
3. No sleepovers.
Sleepovers are for children. You are an adult and your hormones are further advanced. Don’t try to prove to each other or anyone else that you are strong and can abstain from sex outside of marriage.
4. Communicate with your accountability partner.
We discussed the importance of accountability early on. That person is there to help guide you in your relationship. When you are feeling strong urges or desires, they can help reinforce the boundaries and offer wisdom and sound coaching. When you can’t see the obvious because you are too emotionally involved, they are able to bring sound counsel in the midst of your feelings.
Day 3
Scriptures: Proverbs 25:28, James 4:17, Matthew 5:37
Don’t Ditch Your Deal Breakers
It is important to establish deal breakers in your dating relationships. These are set in place to keep you from moving forward in your relationship if there is an issue that would eventually make you miserable in the future and could potentially ruin a marriage. It’s also important to know which areas or issues you can compromise without resentment.
A lot of people misunderstand what deal breakers are and how they are meant to help you and not harm you. A deal breaker is something you establish as an individual before you get too emotionally connected to someone you’re dating, before you’re head-over-heels in love. All too often, people get involved so quickly they forget to pay attention to the signs and issues or red flags that could potentially destroy the relationship. Or worse, they see them but ignore them altogether.
A deal-breaker is black and white; it leaves no room for compromise. It is the one thing (or multiple things) that you will not allow into your relationship. Deal breakers can consist of both spiritual and practical matters, and they must be established while you are in a sober state of mind, before you become too emotionally connected to another person.
Those who have a tendency to ignore deal breakers have what we call “emotional blinders.” They are willing to compromise in an area that has the potential to ruin something in their future. This is also another good reason to have accountability partners while dating; they’re not prone to the emotional blinders that you are.
Take some time today to write down your deal breakers so you can use them as a reference in your dating relationships. It’s important to determine what your deal breakers are, as your deal breakers are going to be unique to you.
You also need to know that if you encounter a deal breaker, you have the strength to walk away from the relationship and not settle. Don’t let the fear of never finding someone cause you to settle for the wrong one.
Yes, it can be an upsetting and difficult choice to make, but you will be much happier in the long-run when you can stand up for yourself.
If you are single, take some time right now and list the things that are very important to you that you will not compromise in a relationship.
If you are already dating someone, evaluate your relationship and make sure you aren’t making allowances for any deal breakers.
Day 4
Scriptures: Psalms 147:3, Proverbs 3:5-6, Psalms 73:26
When Loving Them is Hurting You—Finding Strength to Let Go
There is nothing you can do to make the wrong person become the right person for you. Remember that we discussed deal breakers in day three of this devotion.
Many times individuals find it hard, difficult, and painful to let go of someone that they know is not good for them or their future. Often times, it’s because of the emotional tie between the two of them. It could also be because of physical lines that were crossed in the relationship, including pre-marital sex resulting in soul ties.
Whatever the cause, this is when you will have to reach out to your accountability partner for help, guidance, and prayer. Everything in you will say, “Let go,” but for someone reason, you will try to hang on and wait for the other person to change.
This will eventually become a repeated cycle in your relationship that will only leave you hurt and wounded on a continual basis. You need someone in your corner to help you make this difficult decision.
You must give this situation to God and trust that He will guide you in this painful process of letting go and heal your hurting heart and also comfort the other person involved.
Day 5
Scriptures: Amos 3:3, Philippians 4:6
God, Is This The One?
How do I know if this is the right person for me?
When will I know it?
What is knowing suppose to feel like?
We always tell people, “Whoever you marry, then that’s the ‘right one’ for you.” You might say, “But what if I married the wrong person?” Then our response to you would be, “Then why did you date the wrong person?”
Hopefully this Dating In Black & White devotional will help you stay clear of that situation.
Dating should no doubt increase your prayer life. You will find yourself talking to God a lot about the person you are dating and looking for answers and signs to point you in the right direction.
Over the years of talking to singles, here are some memorable and quite hilarious signs that singles were seeking from God.
1. God, if this is the right one for me, then let them wear a blue shirt to church today.
2. God, if I’m supposed to be with them, then let my mom call me out of nowhere and say, “I just made a cherry pie.”
3. God, if this is the wrong person for me then let my dog speak to me and tell me. (That’s usually when they don’t want to chance God telling them it’s the wrong person for them.)
No matter who you are in relationship with, you’ll want to know whether or not this is a good person for you.
In the beginning of a dating relationship, you’re fine just knowing that you are not with a serial killer or a stalker. When the relationship begins to make progress, you will want to know more. Keep in mind that you may never be one hundred percent sure of anything. That’s the thing about relationships—there is no guarantee when it comes to dating.
However, you don’t want to spend years of your life investing into the wrong person. This is why it’s so important follow a healthy strategy and plan that allows the two of you to safely explore the opportunity of what the relationship could turn into. It could lead to marriage, or it could lead to the two of you coming to a peaceful agreement that it’s time to end the relationship and move on with your lives.
Whatever the end result, you will be so glad and thankful that you had a plan in place for dating.