Dealing With Your Inner Critic

Scripture: 1 John 3:19-20

I am not naturally handy, but when I saw the price to replace my flooring, I decided to install it myself. I researched and watched YouTube videos and asked some friends. I let the hardwood acclimate in the house, spent almost 3 hours measuring for the first plank, because once you lay the first plank, the rest of the planks line up true to the wall. My house had a tricky layout where I had to lay plank from both ends of a hallway to meet in the middle. The final plank gap was a beautiful rhombus instead of a rectangle. I custom cut the final plank and one end was a full half inch narrower than the other. The whole floor was perfect except this one rhombus shaped plank in the middle of the hallway. In my defense, I still don’t know if my project was off or the house wasn’t properly square. Still, when people came over they spoke effusively about our beautiful hardwood flooring. What do you think is the first thing I did? That’s right, I walked them over to the rhombus to show them my mistake.

I pointed out my mistake to pre empt them noticing it first. I would be mortified if they saw it, never said anything and then later told their friends, ‘Steve obviously doesn’t know what he is doing.’

That is what your inner critic does. Life can be vulnerable, especially when your mistakes are on display for your friends to see. Imagine standing in God’s presence, fully seen, like John describes in this passage. It can be unsettling initially, which is why ‘our hearts condemn us.’ Our inner critic is seeing us vulnerable before God and condemning us in a misguided form of protection. If we can condemn ourselves first, maybe God won’t.

Of course, it is misguided because ‘God is greater than our hearts.’ He has no plan to condemn us, but to love us. But first, we need to learn to quieten and contain the voice of our inner critic

What message of condemnation does your inner critic send you? Over the next 5 days we will look at some tools to wrangle it. For now, you can receive John’s invitation to relax into God’s presence by quieting your inner critic with God’s truth. Tomorrow we will begin to dig in deeper.

Scripture: 1 John 3:19-20

In this series we are learning to bring our inner critic into keen awareness so we can compare its message to the message of Jesus. The problem with the inner critic is how we let it have its way with us. It speaks and acts without permission and without constraint. The first step is bringing it to the surface to clearly look at it. What message does your inner critic say to you? Mine tells me 3 things, each one more harsh and condemning than the last:

1) You should know better by now.

2) You are stupid and everyone knows it.

3) You are not worth loving. You are not worth anyone’s time.

When you look at this list, it is quite stark, isn’t it? Take a few moments and list the messages your inner critic sends you. It can be a brave practice, but can also be liberating to write it out and see it so plain. If you’re feeling especially brave, you could compare your list to a friend’s. Sharing the inner critic’s message with someone else is a powerful way to contain it. Hearing your friend’s and then affirming their goodness is also a way to help them. Your inner critic wants to keep you isolated, so writing it out or sharing with another can be a powerful wrangling tool.

I have spent much of my life simply allowing my inner critic to speak, but John’s invitation gives me pause to realize that ‘God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.’

Your inner critic is misguided and misinformed. It doesn’t know what God knows. God knows you are loved and accepted and God’s view of you supersedes your inner critic’s view. Take some time to talk to God about your inner critic’s message. Pause and receive God’s goodness and love in return.

Scripture: Romans 8:1-2

I am a citizen of Australia which is part of the British commonwealth so King Charles is technically my human king, This affects my life almost not at all, but if he were to ever summon me to Buckingham Palace, it would be a great honor for me to have an audience with him.

When you meet a king or queen, there is a protocol. The sovereign speaks first. You don’t waltz into the palace and start gabbing your mouth. You enter and wait. The sovereign speaks first, then you are permitted to speak. It has always been this way. The sovereign also decides when the meeting is over. She or he gets the last word. And you would never correct your sovereign. Can you imagine mansplaining to a queen, for example?

I think the problem with our inner critic is we give it the first and last word. We just let it gab on and on like it is on auto pilot. We need to learn to contain it. Fortunately, we have a King who has the first and last word. God speaks, then we get to speak, then God speaks again.

Could it be that we struggle to relax into God’s love because our inner critic gets the first and last word? Some people are confused about this, they think it is a posture of humility to allow our inner critic to put us down. Actually it is quite arrogant to stand in the presence of your King who says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, who says that his love and care for you is so particular that he knows the number of hairs on your head. God says there is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. But your inner critic says, ‘I know better than you. I will condemn myself.’

That isn’t humble. Correcting your king is arrogant. But God is greater, isn’t he? And he knows everything.

It is difficult to stand in God’s presence and let him love us, isn’t it? It is quite vulnerable.

What might your life look like if you paused and contained your inner critic with the words of God? You may not be able to stop your inner critic from speaking, but you don’t have to let it go on and on. Today, begin your day by relaxing into God’s first word. If your inner critic has words with you, that’s fine, you can give it some room. But after it has said its piece, make sure to invite God’s last word.

Scripture: Romans 8:14-17

What is the difference between the voice of your inner critic and the voice of the Holy Spirit? This is a very important question as some people never pause to check. 

The Holy Spirit addresses your behavior, your inner critic addresses your identity. The Holy Spirit says, ‘that way you treated Peter, that is not good.’ Your inner critic simply says, ‘you’re not good.’ The Holy Spirit convicts and your inner critic condemns. What is the difference between those? The Holy Spirit always gives you a path of repentance and repair, and after you have walked that path, you get peace which is what the gospel of Jesus offers. Have you noticed that your inner critic never really gives you anything to do? It just keeps you stuck and spinning, and it never offers peace. 

Today, you can pause and listen. Is God’s spirit convicting you to repent or repair with someone? Is your inner critic attacking your identity, questioning if you are worthy of love? 

Your inner critic tends to flood you with shame and humans cannot sit in shame long before we need to either repent or, more commonly, hide and blame. Dr Curt Thompson teaches that it takes 3 seconds for a message of shame to flood our body, but it takes 30 – 90 seconds for a message of love to flood us. 

Today, before you get on with what is next, consider pausing long enough to relax into the flooding good news of Jesus’ love.

Scripture: Galatians 5:1

If you think about it, every belief we hold and every belief that has hold of us is a form of a gospel. When we think of the word ‘gospel’ we think, ‘Jesus’ or Christianity, but actually the very harsh Roman Empire also proclaimed a gospel, so as Jesus’ followers were proclaiming a gospel of Jesus, Rome was proclaiming its own Gospel. What is fascinating is that most gospels offer the same promise: peace. Jesus promises peace and Rome also offered peace. Their gospel, and yes, they called it a gospel was the Pax Romana which is Latin for the peace of Rome. 

Every gospel has a path. You have to do something to get it. To get Roman peace, you had to allow Rome to conquer your village, kill your husbands, brothers and sons, and then throw a huge party in your town square once they had conquered you, celebrating their victory. Part of this celebration, or ‘triumphal procession’ was some of your village mates chained up, dragged at the back of the procession to their crucifixion or slavery or possibly to the gladiator games. 

That is a gospel that is too expensive. It costs too much to get that peace and protection. 

Every gospel has a price. Someone pays and someone benefits. In the Roman gospel, the majority of the people paid severely. Caesar and his cronies and some elites got all the benefit. Roman peace was elusive for 97% of the empire. 

Your inner critic is more like the Roman gospel than it is like the Christian gospel. Your inner critic offers peace and protection, but it makes you pay and it doesn’t ever give the peace it promised. Your inner critic doesn’t make you walk a path, it keeps you stuck and trapped, condemned. No hope. No mercy. 

Jesus’ gospel is utterly different from any other gospel in history. It is different from Rome and Greece before it, it is different from the Egyptian gospel that Moses and the Jews labored under. Jesus’ gospel is utterly different than the gospel of our inner critic. 

Jesus walks the path, so we don’t have to. He walked the path all the way to Calvary, the tomb and ultimately back to the Father. And in Jesus’ gospel, we don’t pay, Jesus pays. In Jesus’ gospel, the God pays and the human gets the benefit. It can be difficult to believe because everything else in our world makes us pay for its benefit. Today, consider the promise your inner critic offers and if it is good for its promise. Consider who pays. Relax into the goodness of Jesus.

Scripture: Luke 22:59-62

I’m sure you’re familiar with a Rorschach test, the weird ink blot picture used by psychologists to learn about your inner world and assumptions. 

My attempts at making latte art have become Rorschach tests for people lately. Because I cannot successfully pour a heart or a pine tree, I end up just posting the images on social media and people have enjoyed seeing what they see in my cafe failures. 

I think some Bible stories serve as effective Rorschach tests. There are many times in scripture when we see what Jesus did and we are left to wonder what he was thinking in that moment. Our story for today is one such test. We see what Jesus did, but we put our own meaning onto it. It is sort of a Rorschach test.

In our story above, Jesus was on trial at Caiaphas’ house right before he was crucified. The situation was escalating rapidly. Peter was in full denial and after Peter denied Jesus for the third time, the infamous rooster crowed. Then Jesus walked into the courtyard where Peter was standing. 

Luke records that, ‘The Lord turned and looked at Peter.’ (Luke 22:61.) 

That is all we have to go on. “The Lord turned and looked at Peter.” 

What do you think the look on Jesus’ face was? What was Jesus’ countenance? Your answer says more about your view of God than it does of God. We are prone to ‘read onto the text’ our own assumption and core belief about God. 

What does Jesus look like when one of his followers lets him down? 

I have asked over one thousand people this question. The most common answers are: disappointment, hurt, betrayal, and versions of ‘I told you so.’ What do you think? In our next reading, we will actually look at the likely correct response, but for now, consider how you think God sees you when you let God down.

Scripture: John 21:15-17

Yesterday we did a sort of Rorschach test with Peter’s denial of Jesus. Imagine your last conversation with Jesus is letting him down! This encounter above is the nextrecorded conversation we have between Jesus and Peter and it is no coincidence that just as Peter denied Jesus three times, so Jesus asks Peter about love three times. Jesus wasn’t asking because he wasn’t sure or didn’t believe Peter, he was wiping away the denials and the shame. 

When we let God down, we get love in return. What happens to most of us, however, is that when we let God down, our inner critic speaks louder than the voice of God. We sit in the shame and condemnation of our inner critic than we do in the forgiveness and goodness of God. 

This is why it is vital to learn to relax into God’s presence because we are so often too present to our self and not present enough to God. These seven days have been all about noticing, wrangling and quietening our inner critic so that we can open our souls more to God’s good news. You might pause and open back to 1 John 3:19 and 20 to relax into God’s presence and goodness. 

God is love. Even when we let God down, God is love. God does not become the judge and accuser based on our behavior. God is love all the way to the bone.