Experiencing a miscarriage is one of the most difficult and heart-wrenching losses a woman can go through. It’s often accompanied by anger, doubt, grief, loneliness, and shame, just to name a few. This plan will help bring healing to your weary soul and guidance to the thoughts of doubt, showing you how to find hope and God in your loss.
Brittany Rust
Day 1
Scripture: John 16:33
Day 1 – Reeling from the Loss
I share with you from a place of loss and heartache, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I share about miscarriage; a loss experienced by so many. Recently—in the middle of Baby Loss Awareness Month—I lost my precious baby. A life I had the honor and joy to carry within me for nine wonderful weeks before he or she passed on to be with the Father.
Our baby was coming unexpectedly during one of the hardest seasons for my husband and me, and it was such a blessing of hope in discouraging times. I went into a hospital room for a dating ultrasound and sat in silence while the tech took measurements. She said nothing, shut off the machine, and told me I was good to go. This couldn’t be it, I thought. So, I asked how far along my baby was and she said I measured at 8 weeks and 6 days. Then, the next day, I received that dreaded phone call from my midwife that there was no heartbeat. I was in the car, on my way to work, and I let out a sob never uttered before.
As I sat on the couch after hearing the news, I spent a lot of time grieving and talking to my belly. Sure, I knew he or she couldn’t hear me but I just had to speak words of endearment over my little love. I had to tell my baby all the things I would ever want to say to a child of mine.
Then, anger set in. Doubt in His goodness came crashing in like a tidal wave. How could this happen? As if this season wasn’t already the hardest season I’ve ever been through—when I thought it couldn’t get worse—I lost a child. Why?
I yelled, I questioned, I called into doubt His goodness. I struggled to see how this could be good. I began thinking about the announcement photo session we had planned; the list of baby items I’d already started compiling; the maternity bin I had pulled out; the pregnancy journal I had just received in the mail and was eager to fill out; they were now empty memories of hope deferred.
If you’ve experienced a miscarriage, you likely know how I feel and have asked the same questions. Had the same doubts. Wondered how to find God’s goodness in the darkness. We aren’t promised a life without trouble but we are promised that God has overcome all our troubles and that there is hope. Over the next few days, I want to encourage you with what I have found in Scripture and what’s helped encourage me. But before we go there, let me just say–I’m so sorry for your loss, mama. Please know you don’t have to go through this alone.
Day 2
Scripture: Romans 8:26-28
Day 2 – God is Still Good
Sister, I’m going to be ugly transparent with you but I do so in case you’ve been here; know you’re not alone. One of the first thoughts to run through my mind, once the anger set in, questioned how a good God could do this.
A dear friend of mine told me, as I shared my grief with her, that God doesn’t speak in negative terms. That all the hardship I’m going through, and the loss of this baby, isn’t His will or doing. It’s the consequence of original sin and works of the enemy but it’s not God pulling these strings of destruction. However, He is there, in the good. He is watching, moving, and waiting with arms wide open, ready to comfort. Although in dark times we often want to pull away from Him, it’s in these trying times we must press in even harder. Pressing in is where we find Him and hear His voice. His goodness. Because God is good and does work all things for good, even if we can’t see it.
The Message beautifully illustrates this point in Romans 8:26-28,
“Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”
Mama, believe me, I know it’s hard to see how good can come from your loss. Who knows why your baby passed on but God? Perhaps there was something wrong; some part of the body didn’t form correctly. Whatever the case may be, you still get to be the mom to that beautiful child. And there is good to be found somewhere—your child’s life brought joy to this world.
Day 3
Scripture: John 11:35
Day 3 – Jesus Mourns with You
The first verse I thought of as I mourned was John 11:35,
“Jesus wept.”
All my mind could recall in the grief was that he wept. That he weeps with me. It’s the shortest verse in the Bible but within its two words are some of the most compassionate filled words you’ll read in Scripture. Jesus knew Lazarus was gone but he also knew his dear friend was about to be brought back to life. So why weep?
Perhaps it was the grief he saw those he loved experiencing. Many mourned the loss of Lazarus and Jesus knew the depths of those wells of grief they were experiencing. He felt the loss that those around him were feeling—he was feeling all the pain. Every ounce. He himself loved Lazarus and although life was ahead, the cost of death was still very real. Which brings the second thought as to why he may have been weeping—the cost of sin. Sin brings death and almost everyone Jesus loves had or would experience death. No one knows grief more than him because he feels it all. He feels yours and feels it very personally.
In our grief, we are not alone. In our mourning, we share in it with another. Jesus wept for Lazarus but he also weeps along with us in our grief. He mourns with those who mourn because although he knows hope is ahead and death has been conquered, grief is still part of our journey on earth. That death is real, even if temporary. And that in the journey we go through depths of anguish and loss that rip at the soul. But he feels it too. Every ounce of pain is taken in and felt by him.
Mama, know you are not alone. Tap into your tribe, yes, but first and foremost tap into Jesus. He truly bears your loss with you and only he truly understands what you are going through. Lean on him.
Day 4
Scripture: Job 42:1-6
Day 4 – Asking the Right Question
Job suffered incredible loss; he, too, grieved his children’s passing. In his grief, he questioned and wondered, like many of us do. But he asked the wrong questions and repented when God called him out for it. Essentially, God asked him where he was when the Universe was created. Did he order everything to be? God alone understands all the intricacies of this vast creation and why things happen. So, who is Job to call into question what the Creator does.
Let me say this, before going on: it’s okay to express your doubt and proclaim your frustration. God is not surprised by your heart thoughts and is big enough to take them all. However, at some point, you have to let go of all the wrong questions and shift your mind to proceed with the right questions.
We want to ask, “Why, God?” in the hardship. We want to question Him and His goodness. This is normal when loss strikes but this is the wrong question—the one that leads us astray. Instead, a better question to ask is:
“God, what can I learn about You, about myself, and about life as a result of this season?”
There is so much treasure to be found in our trials and tribulations. It’s the storms that forge a more authentic and mature version of ourselves, and where we find God most intimately. Instead of pulling away and doubting, press in and ask the hard question. Uncover the value that can only be found right here, right now.
- What can you learn about His character?
- What can you learn about yourself?
- What nugget of wisdom regarding a flourishing life can be found in this loss?
Don’t waste your anguish—use it to forge a closer relationship with God, a better you, and a more fruitful life. And trust that God has everything worked out for a good purpose.
Day 5
Scripture: Revelation 21:3-4
Day 5 – Comfort in Knowing
The only real comfort I have found in this grief is knowing that my baby is with Jesus. That he or she will never have to know loss, pain, cold, grief, disappointment, or sorrow. That all their soul will ever know is joy and the presence of God. What a beautiful gift for them! They’ll never have to struggle and ache for their eternal home because they are already there, with the Father.
In addition, although I won’t be able to embrace this beautiful soul now, one day I will. Our meeting is only delayed; not robbed. And if you are a believer, neither is yours robbed. One day, mama, you’ll get to throw your arms around your precious baby and snuggle him or her in close.
If you have experienced the loss of a child, dear friend, let me say I’m so sorry. I know how it feels to lose a part of yourself with that precious one. How grief penetrates within your soul to a depth never reached before. How you feel you might never be the same. How you’ve questioned and doubted.
Please know, although the darkness is overwhelming, there is light. There is goodness and hope to be found. There is a beautiful and loving God Who wants to scoop you up into His strong arms and hold you close. And in this crazy, unforgiving world, you still get to be the mama to that beautiful soul.